Bachelor and bachelorette nerds, where do you meet people at?

[Damaramu]

So I notice there are a lot of married nerds around here. That's awesome. But, this is going out to the bachelors and bachelorettes!

 

Where do you like to meet the opposite (or same, no judgement) sex at?

 

See a little background. I was married for 3 years (with her for 6) before we got divorced. We have one child together that I have every other week. (i emphasize that because people for some reason always assume and read weekend).

 

So yeah dating has been tough for this guy, not going to lie. It's not a lack of confidence, I have no problems talking to new people. My problems have mainly centered around the fact that I have limited time. I mean I can only see the person I'm interested in for the week I don't have the child. I won't let anyone meet my son unless it's super serious.

Then on top of that I've had no clue where to meet someone. I tried online dating like OKCupid and Plentyoffish, but man those sites are a crapshoot as far as quality and actually finding anything meaningful.

 

I've been divorced almost 3 years (yeah we split when my son was less than a year old) and feel like I should be back in the saddle, I just have no clue where to take the horse to get the saddle. Wait, that's a bad analogy.

 

So where do my fellow nerds meet the opposite (or same) sex?

[Timmy M]

my mind seems to have quite a good gathering... 

[I-Jo]

on line- and motorcycle groups.

 

I meet interesting people at the gym- but I refuse REFUSE to date them- unless it's a gym I don't frequent often.  I hate gym relationships- shit just gets weird.  so no way.

 

I have met lots of people through my bike group-and lots of people I'd totally date.

 

And people on line- through groups like this.  communities. 

 

Dating this day and age is hard. I was single for 3 months (sort of) this summer- and everyone who was interested in me was complete and utter rubbish.  I feel for you :/

[Damaramu]

Yeah the problem I have with online dating is people are either:

 

A) Just looking for quick sex. Nothing wrong with that if that's what both people want but sometimes you go into it expecting more and realizing they're in it to hump and dump.

 

B ) Go the complete opposite direction and want to attach to you immediately and start planning a wedding.

 

Whatever happened to taking it slow and getting to know someone!?

[Suited hippy]

As a divorced man I feel for you. It is hard to get back into, I had a hard enough time without a kid to worry about.

 

My best advice, be direct in your online profiles, Use nerd bait (Cosplay profile pictures), and don't force it. Live the life you want to live, live is the best you possibly can, and it will attract those to you.

[ECBlank]

When the GF of four years left, I actually found the internet to be invaluable in getting back "out there." Just not via the profile-clicking/message sending grind. I tried that on OKCupid for a while and ran into the same problems you describe. I ended up meeting people who wanted to plan the wedding on the third date.

 

However, the highest quality introductions I got were from going to the OKCupid events, or from joining Meetup groups and attending the events. Not sure why, but the "in person" element to these (or perhaps the cover charge) seems to filter out the real crazies.

 

I can say I've never been to an OKCupid event without meeting someone I was genuinely excited to call the next day. (Didn't always work out for much longer, but that's a different issue, and the attempt was honest at least.) Meetup groups I hear are pretty useful for this. I've never tried to use Meetup for dating, but I've made some friends through it. So I believe it.

 

Though it may help that I'm in NYC. Crowd sourced things like that work pretty well here since there's one hell of a crowd to source.

[I-Jo]

the reason you have that problem that you described is because they're exactly that dating sites people are looking for one of two things that's a long term relationship if you're on there you're clearly looking for the same thing too so there's an automatic assumption things are going to go somewhere it's much more simple to make things go quickly if you are both under the same impression.

I actually met my current boyfriend of 3 years on the internet through another forum on a completely unrelated subject.. I. E. We met with no intention of dating.. my friend also is dating somebody from the same forum that they met on. Common interest.. Already have a feel for the person. It's just easy.

When we split up this summer I was a mess but instantlygahad a great number of douchcanoes chasing me. I feel like the quality of the dating pool shrinks exponentially the older you get. I feel for you.

[Damaramu]

Yeah I hear all that. It's also harder when you have kids and other people have kids.

 

But you know what? I'm pretty happy with my life and where I'm at so it's no big deal. Was just wondering.

[Jittersthe.Clown]

My advise might be a bit out of date due to the fact that I've been married for a long while, I think the best option for dating is finding a meetup group that has been mentioned above.  The reason I find this to be the most helpful route is because it helps to get to know people.  My rule of dating used to be not dating them until I had hung out with them in a group setting for a long enough time to get to know them.  It gives a foundation to build on rather than having the anxiety of trying to learn everything there is to know about a person in so many dates.  But, like I said, outdated manual I'm using here, so take these words with as much salt as you need.  Good luck with your dating adventures.

[sheltiechick]

I forked over cash for Match.com.  So far (three months) I'm not really finding anything.  I should probably be on a site like ChristianMingle except ChristianMingle is surprisingly full of creepers, possibly more than on POF or OKCupid.  Full of guys who are my dad's age trying to pick me up, and that's just... no.  So I'm on a more secular site hoping it works out.  I'm putting in the work to get the "six month guarantee" though.  I figure a year at whatever I paid isn't too shabby.  Can't win the lottery if you don't buy a ticket...

 

Lots of people talk about Meetup.com and stuff and in some places it's very busy and popular.  Around here, about the only meetups are some hippie drippy stuff (I live in a college town) and... a Ron Paul supporter group.  You can check out your local meetup and see if there's anything worth while!  There's sometimes events on Craigslist too.

[MissMormie]

Slightly off topic, but I've always lived the story of how my grandparents met. My grandfather had been married but his wife died while in labor, so he needed a new wife to take care of the two kids he had then.

So he asked around if people knew a single woman of over 25. Ie. My grandmother. He simply went over knocked on the door and said "Hi, i'm looking for a wife and i hear your single, let's get married.'

Yes very likely the least romantic and worst introduction and proposal ever. But succesfull

Okey, so the tip from this, ask help from your friends. Ask them to introduce you to singles that you might have a connection with. No need to propose immediately as well. Nor need for blind dates either just meet up together with your friends for a drink, movie night or d&d game.

[I-Jo]

so he needed a new wife to take care of the two kids he had then

. My grandfather had been married but his wife died while in labor, so he needed a new wife to take care of the two kids he had then. .

Maybe he should have hired a nanny instead. Wives aren't for taking care of kids like slave labor.

That's a fucking horrible reason to get married.

[Damaramu]

 Okey, so the tip from this, ask help from your friends. Ask them to introduce you to singles that you might have a connection with. No need to propose immediately as well. Nor need for blind dates either just meet up together with your friends for a drink, movie night or d&d game.

 

 

Hahahaha. My friends are pretty hopeless when it comes to that. I have two friends that are virgins and have no interest in girls. Another that's a shameless poon hound so he has no female friends because most women hate him. And another that's married, but his wife is such a huge biatch that she has no friends.

[Frost of the Gloaming]

LMAO I-Jo it was an entire different world back then, and yes I agree with you that in todays day and age that is a horrible reason to get married

 

I know couples that met from the Running Club, few married, some long term, few flame outs; and the flames out seemed to be civil enough that they still come to the running club events

[Ghostwolf]

Similar stories. Single dad to one son. I was married 12 years. Didn't know where to meet people being out of the game for so long. I started with online dating, I liked a few but for the most part it sucked. How do you start a convo online with 30 something year olds with a headline like "Yolo" and 4 kids? Dated a lot though got me use to it kinda but nothing serious. Then the friends girls and wives all wanted to playmatchmaker. so I dated a lot more got more use to it and had a lot of fun. Even met a really cool chick and we got semi serious but she was on the marriage path and I wasn't. So we went our ways, still a good friend out of it. Now I meet chicks everywhere. Going out, at stores, working out, social settings, Starbucks, even met a cool one at a comic store but I have a really outgoing personality. I just bs with some chick and its usually called flirting or trying to hit on them, sometimes it is and sometimes its just cause I like talking to the opposite sex. But it all started very humbly and had a progession.

In truth meet them wherever you can and be prepared for dry spells. It happens. The most important thing is your child and being a great dad. Focus on that. If a chick can't handle only seeing you two weeks out of the month until serious, she's not on your level Anyway.

[I-Jo]

Is a horrible reason is ANY day and age. It's just a different social setting. I don't find it funny at all. I'm not a feminist by any stretch but that makes me bristle. I know it's water under the bridge and clearly it us what it is... But man does it make me blanch lol

[redtomato501]

meet people? *blank stare* I don't.

 

Heh, but really... my bar doesn't have people I'd date, I don't go to other bars, I'm definitely not meeting anyone through work, wouldn't date anyone at the gym... it's just not happening. And I'm okay with it (most of the time).

[JessOfAllTrades]

I'm going to second Meetup. It's a great way to find people with similar interests or life situations. I met my boyfriend at a meetup for D&D players in Houston. Had no intention of finding someone to date (was actually in a different relationship when I started going), but it was so much less pressure than online dating. Besides, met a bunch of fun nerdy people.

[Kevin Mack]

I'm married, but can I suggest that asking single people where to meet someone is like asking a virgin for sex advice? :wink:

Seriously though, I've known my wife since I was 8, so I'm probably not one to give advice on this topic.

[Damaramu]

I'm married, but can I suggest that asking single people where to meet someone is like asking a virgin for sex advice? :wink:

Seriously though, I've known my wife since I was 8, so I'm probably not one to give advice on this topic.

 

They could be single by choice and just swimming in ass!

[Kevin Mack]

Yeah, I guess. One wouldn't use the term "meet people" if that were what one was asking though. But again, being married for eight years and having known my wife for 22, it isn't a subject on which I can speak intelligently, so I'll leave it to you single people.

[Damaramu]

Nah I wasn't asking to swim in ass either. Haha.

[I-Jo]

so- find places with common interest- that have easy extraction- low risk.

 

Met ups.

 

bars are high risks.

 

book stores- or grocery stores are risky.... but possible.

 

actvities where you GO somewhere with a friend to do something- GREAT.

I've met great people I'd date from other gyms (not my own) and great people I'd love to date at motorcycle meet ups- seriously- some of my best friends I've met there.  If you have a hard time meeting new people- maybe it's time to try to figure out why your life is static enough it isn't changing scenery. 

it's REALLY hard to meet people if you go to work. get wawa for food- come home and play games (my roommate) and then later rinse repeat the next day- for YEARS.

 

seroiusly- that's how he lives. he never mets interesting people. 

 

Look less for looking for new people- but more at expanding your life.  pick up underwater basket weaving. language lessons- swimming lessons- whatever. DO something new. 

[Damaramu]

I'm pretty pleased with my life. I wasn't so much asking for advice with this thread as throwing stuff out there and generating discussion.

I'm not exactly looking for anything serious right now.

I have problems hitting on girls at places like the gym or super market. I feel like we are all there for a purpose and being approached isn't one of them.

[I-Jo]

I concure.

 

Gym and grocery stores are no no's for me- I don't mind talking to people there- but I go there often enough I don't want my schedule interrupted by creepy dudes in the parking lot (it's happened) I will absolutely pick a different store if I feel like my space is being threatened.   So yeah- no good on you (I know you mentioned that in women's only as well)

 

Nah- you asked- that's how you meet new people.   I'm super pleased with my life to- but I love doing new things- meeting new people.  I just see it as a way to add more fabulous in.    But that's a reality- if you aren't meeting people- even for fun- now- you need to expand the circle.  doens't have to be a BIG expansion- but that's just the reality of it.

Shrug- if you don't want to- you don't have to.  But it's hard to meet new people if you do the same stuff every day.