Bachelor and bachelorette nerds, where do you meet people at?

[Zorch]

 

Look less for looking for new people- but more at expanding your life.  pick up underwater basket weaving. language lessons- swimming lessons- whatever. DO something new. 

 

Agree with this 100%.  Most of the cool people I've met since high school hasn't been from actively looking for people - it's been bumping into people from things I've decided to do (running, grad school, other random events I decided to attend), or going with friends to activities I wouldn't normally go to, and meeting new folks in the process.

 

This doesn't just apply to looking for a girl/boyfriend, but also to expanding one's circle of friends in general.

[MissMormie]

Is a horrible reason is ANY day and age. It's just a different social setting. I don't find it funny at all. I'm not a feminist by any stretch but that makes me bristle. I know it's water under the bridge and clearly it us what it is... But man does it make me blanch lol

I would never recommend anyone to do this, but this was around 1920, a very different time. The funny thing to me is that often people overthink meeting someone, finding the perfect match, getting it all right. While sometimes you just need to snap out of it and get what you want and put your standards back to a normal level. And no, that does not have to be settling.

My grandma could've said no, she was actually in control here. And they've been happily married until he died.

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Also, i'm pretty sure that for the single dads, finding a stand-in mom for their kids is somewhere in the back of their mind. There's nothing wrong with wanting a familylife for your kids, something you won't get with a nanny

[Kevin Mack]

Yeah, not to hijack, but in my eight years of marriage I've found that success is more about hard work and commitment than finding the perfect person. No matter how perfect someone may be, they'll still get on your nerves after a while. Instead of thinking you chose poorly and looking for the next one, you have to figure out how to make it work with the one you're with.

 

That being said, if you want a certain type of person, go where that type of person hangs out. If you want a really religious nerdy girl, look at church and the ren fair (true story).  

[Jittersthe.Clown]

Yeah, not to hijack, but in my eight years of marriage I've found that success is more about hard work and commitment than finding the perfect person. No matter how perfect someone may be, they'll still get on your nerves after a while. Instead of thinking you chose poorly and looking for the next one, you have to figure out how to make it work with the one you're with.

 

That being said, if you want a certain type of person, go where that type of person hangs out. If you want a really religious nerdy girl, look at church and the ren fair (true story).  

Agreed.  We come into love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.  

Relationships are hard work, but, like working out, worth it in the long run.  

[Damaramu]

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Also, i'm pretty sure that for the single dads, finding a stand-in mom for their kids is somewhere in the back of their mind. There's nothing wrong with wanting a familylife for your kids, something you won't get with a nanny

 

 

For the record this is absolutely nowhere in the back of my mind at all. My son has a mom.

I like it being just me and him right now. And if I start dating someone it would be just me and him for a long long time. I will not introduce a girl to him until I'm 100% sure it's serious and going somewhere and sure she's going to treat him right.

[Frost of the Gloaming]

Good good, also don't talk about your relationships with your kids.....

 

so we were in the car with our friends kid the other day and she came out with "Daddy thinks "N" is playing him and it's all about money" she's 9, NINE! Who the hell discusses their dating life with their kids, and she has said more before that makes me think he's actually talking to her about it and it's not just stuff she's over hearing

[AmberVon]

After I divorced my first husband, I met my second(and last) husband on Match.com.  He was my first date.  I did go on a date the next night with a guy that worked for NASA (really) but I couldn't stop thinking about the guy from dinner the night beore! 

[Thetemplarreservist]

I have used match in the past but meet up is the better of the 2 i do the gaming meetups and the hiking and backpacking group its a good way to meet people plus its kind of cool to meet chicks who like to spend time in the outdoors and you find out are geeky and workout perfect mix for me.  

[Mewtilator]

I have problems hitting on girls at places like the gym or super market. I feel like we are all there for a purpose and being approached isn't one of them.

 

This is SUCH a great way to put it!! It's like ohthanks, and move on at places like that.

 

I kind of have the same problem. I'm inclined to say "I don't have friends" because I don't regularly hang out with anyone. My two best friends live 30min and 1.5hrs away. Everyone else I just talk with online/text and see each other whenever.

 

Last night, I went to a meetup group for the first time and it went well. Made great connections for hobby projects and I hope we can stay in touch more often than once/month. So I recommend that for at least a place to get started!

 

And pick-up sports. If there are any leagues in your area for something who may need a substitute player, ask if there's a free agents list you can put your name onto. Softball is easy for me though because I'm female and play at a 10-field complex. Ladies are in high demand for co-ed teams who are missing players.

 

It seems like team-oriented focus..things are the way to go. Groceries and gyms, for me, aren't really social things, even if I may attend with others.

 

Making friends as a grown-up is difficult :/

[Cr33g]

I find it hard to meet people, honestly. During the week my life pretty much consists of work, gym, judo, eating and sleeping. When the weekends roll up I'm either at home playing video games, drawing or I'm hanging out with my friends doing stuff... so it's probably my own fault, but I find it hard to meet people. What makes it harder is I'm twenty five years old and I've never actually been in a relationship before and I'm fully aware the older I get, the harder it'll become. I'm a very unconfident person and I find it difficult to "hit on" people, let alone approach them.

 

I tried online dating for a while and sure, you will speak to people there and maybe meet people, but it's not as awesome as it sounds. I have no idea about who you might meet, but I've personally not had very good experiences.

 

One girl I met up with... she was super nice, she was cute and she was a very close and cuddly kind of person, which surprised me on a first date. Don't hear from her for a few days and when I do, she tells me she thinks I'm not ready for a "serious" relationship. She apparently determined this after one date.

 

Another girl I met up with... no idea what happened there. Went out once, seemed nice, never heard from her again.

 

I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I seem to drive girls away when I meet up with 'em. I try to be nice, polite, I don't want to make them uncomfortable and I'm not a persistent/annoying person (e.g. I'm not going to spam text messages and crap like that).

 

Anyway. Damaramu, it sounds like everyone here has given you some pretty solid advice so far. Regarding online dating, just because I've had bad experiences (and same with others) doesn't mean you will, you may have better luck. Give it a try, if you haven't already.

 

I heard MeetUp.com is a good way to meet up with people with similar interests. Could give it a go too?

 

Maybe you can try to meet new people through your current friends? Might wanna talk to them about it first I suppose.

 

Or, maybe take up a new hobby. Dancing? A mixed gender sport (like volleyball or something)?

 

Just some thoughts. Hope it helps.
 

[Jittersthe.Clown]

I find it hard to meet people, honestly. During the week my life pretty much consists of work, gym, judo, eating and sleeping. When the weekends roll up I'm either at home playing video games, drawing or I'm hanging out with my friends doing stuff... so it's probably my own fault, but I find it hard to meet people. What makes it harder is I'm twenty five years old and I've never actually been in a relationship before and I'm fully aware the older I get, the harder it'll become. I'm a very unconfident person and I find it difficult to "hit on" people, let alone approach them.

 

I tried online dating for a while and sure, you will speak to people there and maybe meet people, but it's not as awesome as it sounds. I have no idea about who you might meet, but I've personally not had very good experiences.

 

One girl I met up with... she was super nice, she was cute and she was a very close and cuddly kind of person, which surprised me on a first date. Don't hear from her for a few days and when I do, she tells me she thinks I'm not ready for a "serious" relationship. She apparently determined this after one date.

 

Another girl I met up with... no idea what happened there. Went out once, seemed nice, never heard from her again.

 

I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I seem to drive girls away when I meet up with 'em. I try to be nice, polite, I don't want to make them uncomfortable and I'm not a persistent/annoying person (e.g. I'm not going to spam text messages and crap like that).

 

Anyway. Damaramu, it sounds like everyone here has given you some pretty solid advice so far. Regarding online dating, just because I've had bad experiences (and same with others) doesn't mean you will, you may have better luck. Give it a try, if you haven't already.

 

I heard MeetUp.com is a good way to meet up with people with similar interests. Could give it a go too?

 

Maybe you can try to meet new people through your current friends? Might wanna talk to them about it first I suppose.

 

Or, maybe take up a new hobby. Dancing? A mixed gender sport (like volleyball or something)?

 

Just some thoughts. Hope it helps.

 

I would think it would get easier the older you got.  I would think people would mature and not play as many games, but I've been wrong before.  I think the way to do it is being around a lot of people and just be friendly with them.  You don't always have to have an ulterior motive with them.  Building a relationship based on friendship is the way to go.  MHO

[Damaramu]

Oh I've tried online dating and had the same experiences as you where people make sweeping generalizations about you after one date. Or think the best way to tell you they don't want to date you again is to just drop off the face of the Earth. But maybe I'm a douchebag and don't realize it! Haha.

 

So can this meetup.com place be used to find a roleplaying group?

[I-Jo]

I would think it would get easier the older you got.  I would think people would mature and not play as many games, but I've been wrong before.  I think the way to do it is being around a lot of people and just be friendly with them.  You don't always have to have an ulterior motive with them.  Building a relationship based on friendship is the way to go.  MHO

yeah no.

 

That's almost completely backwards- I have found the older I get- the harder it has been to make substantial friends.

 

Geepers look at my last relationship debacle.- she un-friended in real life me for a perceived decision I hadn't even made yet.

 

We weren't even going out yet. It was the most childish thing I've ever seen in my life from a grown ass woman.

[sheltiechick]

I would think it would get easier the older you got.  I would think people would mature and not play as many games, but I've been wrong before.  I think the way to do it is being around a lot of people and just be friendly with them.  You don't always have to have an ulterior motive with them.  Building a relationship based on friendship is the way to go.  MHO

 

As a nearly 30 year old unmarried woman I think a lot of people see me as single and wonder what's wrong with me that I'm still single.  All my friends like to say things like "I don't understand why you're still single!" and "How can you still be looking for love?!" and other similar ridiculous things.  I had a co-worker about a year ago, during one conversation about our online dating experiences (she was recently divorced) remark "You look at a guy who's 32 and not married and you HAVE to wonder, what's wrong there??"  Oh.  You do?  I don't wonder that... I just assume, like me, they just haven't met the right person yet.  But is this what normal people think?  Do normal people really think if you're "that old" and have not been married yet, there's something wrong with you?  A friend of mine just recently married his fiancee and he told me he heard a lot of similar comments before he met his now-wife (he's my age.)

So apparently, when you get older, it's true that people can generally be more mature - but (some) people also get more judgmental about your singleness.

 

My aunt assumes since I'm almost 30 and not married I will be just like her and spend the rest of my life unmarried.  And has felt this way since I was 28 at least - I don't know if she's been thinking it before then and just never told me.

 

Ultimately, it's not like you want to date Judgey McJudgerson anyway (or at least I don't) - but it does bother me a bit to hear that apparently people are looking at me trying to figure out what's wrong with me.  I guess people just assume if you're cute that getting a date is super duper easy.  Okay, yes, getting a date IS easy.  But I'm almost 30.  I really don't want to be just dating for fun anymore.  And finding your soulmate or life partner or future spouse or whatever you want to call it... not so easy just because you're cute.

 

 

Oh I've tried online dating and had the same experiences as you where people make sweeping generalizations about you after one date. Or think the best way to tell you they don't want to date you again is to just drop off the face of the Earth. But maybe I'm a douchebag and don't realize it! Haha.

 

So can this meetup.com place be used to find a roleplaying group?

You can use it for all kinds of things, it just depends on what's in the area!  You can also sign up to create groups, but the last time I looked into it, it cost money to create a group.  That was probably a few years ago though, so it might be different now.  Signing up is free though, so I would sign up and see what's cooking where you are and see if there's anything fun you want to do.

[Mewtilator]

sheltiechick, being unmarried at age 30 is NOT AT ALL a bad thing and it bugs me when people pass that kind of judgement! Especially if you're happier than if you were in a relationship you didn't really want to be in

 

Your story reminds me of an article I read about older women being single BY CHOICE.. Being certain that the person and you are right for each others' lives, as well as just being successfully happy on your own. We live in times that are moving away from the whole needing a man to do shit for you. So go us! My take on that is that if it feels right, coupled with some good logical thought, then why not? Otherwise, I'm content being me by myself. Mostly I like regular-friends and probably do need more haha.

 

 

Cr33g, I've uhh.. dated a lot. I'll leave it in those loose terms, haha. For me, which could most definitely be different than others (!): I've found that attempting to have a relationship with someone who has much less dating exp than myself can take a lot of patience and it's just plain easier to get along in a relationship-ical sense with someone closer to my own level. I personally don't want to have to raise a guy into my boyfriend.

 

In a game-like analogy, a more-exp PLing a less-exp can be great, but you don't really get a feel for what just happened...Just told what to do. Or sit back and watch rather than be a part of it. And doing the PL-ing is fun, and I love helping, but it feels more like a leader/guide rather than a partner in crime(fighting).

 

In my experience, running dungeons with someone closer to my own level is much more rewarding! Experiencing the same kinds of things together instead of one being like, "been there, done that already, but I'm still happy for you!" It just doesn't have the same kind of synergy.

 

I'm certain that a lot of girls (or guys) wouldn't actually say that to someone who is interested in dating them. So.. there's an honest opinion from someone who's been in a situation with someone with less relationship-exp. I'm also just super picky and blunt heh. *Hides*

 

But just keep your eyes open for friends.. Friends is the best place to start! No expectation of going further. If it does, awesome! If not, sweet, a friend!! In any case, I find some awesome people to hang out with

[Zorch]

sheltiechick, being unmarried at age 30 is NOT AT ALL a bad thing and it bugs me when people pass that kind of judgement! Especially if you're happier than if you were in a relationship you didn't really want to be in

 

Your story reminds me of an article I read about older women being single BY CHOICE.. Being certain that the person and you are right for each others' lives, as well as just being successfully happy on your own. We live in times that are moving away from the whole needing a man to do shit for you. So go us! My take on that is that if it feels right, coupled with some good logical thought, then why not? Otherwise, I'm content being me by myself. Mostly I like regular-friends and probably do need more haha.

 

 

Cr33g, I've uhh.. dated a lot. I'll leave it in those loose terms, haha. For me, which could most definitely be different than others (!): I've found that attempting to have a relationship with someone who has much less dating exp than myself can take a lot of patience and it's just plain easier to get along in a relationship-ical sense with someone closer to my own level. I personally don't want to have to raise a guy into my boyfriend.

 

 

I don't want to come across as too harsh, but on one hand saying "hey there's nothing wrong with being 30 and single", and following it up by judging someone for not having been in "enough" relationships or having dated enough comes off as slightly hypocritical.  I think misplaced expectations(or expectations that are not communicated effectively) are a big source of relationship issues.  I don't date "a lot", but my experience is that each relationship has a dynamic that is unique - this may not be be due to someone's (lack of) experience so much as just individual personalities that do not fit preconceived notions.  It's up to each one of us to decide if another individual is someone we can/want to be with.

 

 

I think what *IS* relevant is emotional maturity - someone has to be comfortable with themself before they have a prayer of having a truly good relationship with someone else - and compatibility has to be as-is - no wanting to change people from the start!  It someone lacks the emotional maturity such that they're uncomfortable with themselves and/or the responsibilities that come with dating/relationships, that's another issue entirely - there are plenty of "experienced" folks who still are not emotionally "ready" for relationships in our society.

[sheltiechick]

Uhh, well, just because somebody is single at 30 doesn't mean they haven't been in relationships, so it's not exactly hypocritical.  Those are two different things.  Hypocritical would be "it's cool to be 30 and have never dated.  Also it's annoying to date somebody who's never dated." or "it's cool to be 30 and not married.  Also it's annoying to date somebody past a certain age who hasn't been married."  I've personally had several relationships, ranging all over in level of seriousness.  Two of them potentially could have led to marriage (and if one of those guys showed up today and was like HEY LET'S GET MARRIED I might legit be like oooookay!)  They just didn't.

 

That said I don't really feel like somebody who hasn't had "enough" dating experience is necessarily a bad thing.  Everybody enters a relationship with preconcieved notions about what a relationship is or should be.  If you're lucky enough to find somebody with the EXACT SAME definiton as yours, that's great.  Otherwise there's adjusting to each other, expectations, and needs.  And sometimes your expectations are just too different and it doesn't work out.  My sister, for example, when she was dating her now-husband, they ABSOLUTELY HAD TO SEE EACH OTHER EVERY DAY... even if only for five or ten minutes.  He would truthfully drive to her house to see her for five minutes, say hi, then go back home to go to bed for work the next day.  If I were dating a guy like that I'd be like "Good Lord it's totally okay to not see you every day.  Some space.  It's okay."  I would end up feeling smothered and it would end.  I'm sure plenty of people would find that romantic, just not me.  And I don't think that makes me wrong, or them wrong, it's just different expectations and needs in a relationship.

 

The only advantage of dating "experience" so to speak is you've had time to figure out exactly what you do and don't want/need out of a relationship - but I think there's a level of emotional maturity where you can get a pretty good handle on that without having to date a bunch of people, too.

 

Everybody likes different things, too.  I personally would absolutely date a guy who'd never been in a serious relationship before.  Are you kidding?  Somebody with NO emotional baggage from past relationships?  That is not a bad thing.  That's GREAT!

[Kevin Mack]

Yeah, I have a buddy who got a vasectomy at 27 (no kids, unmarried). People give him all kinds of grief for it. My wife and I got all kinds of unsolicited (and insensitive) "advice" when we had a hard time getting pregnant. Certain subjects people just think they have a right to comment on, despite these subjects being very personal. It never occurs to them that it is a) none of their business and b ) not a subject about which they can speak intelligently. Maybe you just want to find the right person, maybe my buddy has a right to never father children and maybe our infertility problems have nothing to do with which position we're using, but everyone's apparently an expert.

[Kishia]

How I meet anyone these days is through my the groups and the organizations I join. Even though you're busy alot, try joining something and meeting people there. If anything, you'll make a friend with similar interests.

[Mewtilator]

Not harsh, Zorch. I can see where you may have understood it that way though

 

Uhh, well, just because somebody is single at 30 doesn't mean they haven't been in relationships, so it's not exactly hypocritical.  Those are two different things.  

 

^ But yeah.. that ^

 

Less dating experience, I agree, is not necessarily a bad thing. I, personally, seem to have a need for my sig other to already have the emotional maturity that you describe (with other components, too, I'm sure). And that has tended to be more present in those who have had more exp. If they haven't dated much, but have the emotional maturity, then that's cool too.

 

 

It's all based on each person's experiences and our learning processes. Just what I've noticed in my own!

[Zorch]

 

Not harsh, Zorch. I can see where you may have understood it that way though

 

 

^ But yeah.. that ^

 

Less dating experience, I agree, is not necessarily a bad thing. I, personally, seem to have a need for my sig other to already have the emotional maturity that you describe (with other components, too, I'm sure). And that has tended to be more present in those who have had more exp. If they haven't dated much, but have the emotional maturity, then that's cool too.

 

 

It's all based on each person's experiences and our learning processes. Just what I've noticed in my own!

 

 

Sounds like we're probably closer to being on the same page than our original posts may have indicated.  Cheers!