Introverts, Social Misfits and the Terror of Talking to People

[Phytomancer]

I have to admit, I don't react well to passive-aggressiveness, so take my advice with a dash of salt.

 

Slice of lime, optional.

 

I am from Thailand... There, I think passive-aggressiveness is in the water. I don't do that, though. After a few years in America, I develop the way to say things that push what I want without offending anyone. That's still in progress. I don't really see subtle hints in things like my Thai friends do.

What's funny is: I asked this same question about my roommate in a Thai forum, and immediately people came to two conclusions: I am in love with that guy and he's afraid of my clinginess, or he's in love with me and afraid to get hurt if he gets too close. Some even mentioned Yaoi and requested me to write a romance based on our 'love' story.

 

Shifts get real fast in my country.

 

This is what I imagine a horror of clinginess is like.

 

Anyway, thanks again for advice. I am sure he has a reason for it that I don't understand... But I'll get over it.

 

Sometimes the best gift you can give to someone is your absence.

[Machete]

Have a roommates' meeting, sit them both down, and have the Chasing Amy talk. [spoilerS from an 18 year-old movie]

 

[Bekah]

I'm afraid of heights. So I signed up for Airborne duty. I was first jumper on my first jump, and as I waited for that green light, I ignored what they all told me and stared right down at the ground a quarter-mile down. '"Yep. This is totally happening." Sink or swim. I never really got over that fear.

 

Fear will be there, but ultimately you're just going to have to buck up and power through the experience. Social interaction is one of those tolls that everyone has to pay in order to exist in society. It's like eating Brussels Sprouts--although some weird deviants enjoy it, to others it may be unpleasant. But if you've committed to eating it, you're eventually going to have to just shove that shit in your mouth and wait out the unpleasantness.

and THIS is why you are amazing (to me anyways!) that is like seriously badass. And of course, I am a weird deviant, they are my favorite veggie (that and asparagus ) 

[Bekah]

and I have no roommate advice that hasn't been given...but good luck! 

[Artinum]

Mmm, sprouts...

[Schmopey]

I also find Brussels Sprouts delicious, but any mention of them reminds me of this: http://www.amazon.com/gp/review/R2QP56S5P2DEGA/ref=cm_cr_pr_rvw_ttl?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B000KKNQBK

[Artinum]

True. There's very little that's appetising about a rear-firing frozen sprout cannon.

[Phytomancer]

True. There's very little that's appetising about a rear-firing frozen sprout cannon.

Roasted Sprouts are awesome!!

 

and I have no roommate advice that hasn't been given...but good luck! 

I am okay now. Thanks all!

[Rurik Harrgath]

I'm roasting sprouts (and tilapia) as we speak.

 

In related news my girlfriend is dragging me out to her friends' games night, and I'm not looking forward to it one bit.  I don't much care for most socializing to begin with and these are of an especially annoying, petty, and unevolved sort.  Not the sharpest crayons in the kitchen drawer. if you will.  I've done this twice before and find each time more arduous than the one before.

 

Ho hum.  I'll survive, no matter how uncomfortable I may be.  She at least packed me veggies and dip so I don't need to resort to their relegated offerings of chips and jujubes (as much as I secretly want to).

 

Wish me luck!

[Phytomancer]

I'm roasting sprouts (and tilapia) as we speak.

 

In related news my girlfriend is dragging me out to her friends' games night, and I'm not looking forward to it one bit.  I don't much care for most socializing to begin with and these are of an especially annoying, petty, and unevolved sort.  Not the sharpest crayons in the kitchen drawer. if you will.  I've done this twice before and find each time more arduous than the one before.

 

Ho hum.  I'll survive, no matter how uncomfortable I may be.  She at least packed me veggies and dip so I don't need to resort to their relegated offerings of chips and jujubes (as much as I secretly want to).

 

Wish me luck!

 

I'm sure you'll do fine. If they're not the sharpest crayons, they'd be easy to manipulate into liking you even without much effort, eh?

[Artinum]

Insult them all, embarrass your girlfriend and never be forced to go there again?

[Rurik Harrgath]

They mostly complained about being bad with money and ate a ton of junk food.  I enjoyed a single adult beverage, sampled all of 6 chips and one dip, and otherwise filled up on veggies with salsa.

 

The company might have been less than ideal, but we ended up playing Cards Against Humanity which is always a step above boredom in my world!

[Machete]

I love hanging out with dumb people. It makes me feel smart. Or at least not the dumbest person in the room.

[Presea]

Hello, fellow introverts!  I have been reading along, but of course haven't introduce myself (see re: introvert).  However, I have been trying to be friendlier lately...just simple things like saying high to people if I know their name, etc.  So tonight I was at a tennis drill and saw a guy a court over that I sort of know and tried to wave when I thought he was looking vaguely in my direction.  Of course he didn't see me, so didn't wave back.  Augggghhhh, I felt like such an idiot.  <insert a "someone shoot me in the face now, please" gif here>.   Why is this stuff so hard?

[TMedina]

Welcome!

 

Because we over-think the process and read way too much into it.

 

And I might have been reading a teen's guide to social anxiety earlier in the week.

[Bekah]

Welcome!

 

Because we over-think the process and read way too much into it.

 

And I might have been reading a teen's guide to social anxiety earlier in the week.

ooooh please share!

[Bekah]

So I signed up for Camp Nerd Fitness for this coming October...and the nightmares have begun! Last night I had a dream that I was at camp and there was a shoe store full of awesome shoes and I was trying on apair of Vivo Barefoot running shoes, and one shoe was several sizes too big and the other was fine, but while I waited for the correct size, all my bags disappeared and some people started heckling me and then Steve came in and said that everything was starting RIGHT NOW and I still only had one shoe and my bags were gone, and I knew that if I missed the introductory bit and the schedules and didnt get my Camp tshirt, that I would be lost and confused the rest of the time...so I was just freaking out! I started having a panic attack in my dream, and wokee up having one in real life.

Now based on everyone who went last year and is going this year, My rational brain thinks things will be okay, my subconscious brain clearly doesn't agree.

[WillToPower]

Hey All,

 

I was actually hoping to get some advice: In most - if not all - of my social interactions, I am always the one who initiates things.

Whenever my friends from the various social circles that I frequent and I get together, and it isn't some larger group event, it's always because I planned or organized something. Heck, even when I text people, it's always because I'm the one who sends the first text. People don't seek me out.

 

My psychologist told me that every group of friends has that one person who initiates everything, but I feel like this is a bit much.

I'm inclined to believe her, but I can't help but have my doubts, based on my personal history.

 

Sure, I get that all my friends have their own lives, their own friends, etc., and maybe I'm not really somebody that everybody wants in their life, but would it kill the ones that do to let me know that they do somehow? It makes me feel like I don't matter that much. Maybe I don't, who knows?

 

Anyways, does anybody have any advice to offer somebody who's tired of putting the ball into the other court?

 

Thanks.

[Silo]

I have no good advice on that because when it has happened to me I've just let the friendship fade away.

[Jakkals]

I've initiated visits and outings with people a lot of times in my life, and it is difficult to hear afterwards that they have done things without inviting me. 

 

The last time I complained I got the answer "But we are so busy, we don't have time to come and visit."

 

I've decided I am also busy, and I will use my valuable free time to search for people who are willing to share their lives with me.

 

I haven't found someone yet.

 

I am now 44 years old, in my entire life only 2 people has ever picked up a phone and invited me to come and visit.  I don't bother anymore. 

[Basement Cat]

Hello, fellow introverts! I'm a Panda!

 

I can totally relate to the 'nobody calls me' phenomenon. My own family does it in fact. Then they're surprised I don't want to spend money to come visit them (I live far away).

 

I love conversation, but small talk for its own sake is dull. I mean, talking about the weather? Unless you get into the science of it or its effects on people's moods, no thanks! I love learning and bouncing ideas, but when I hit a closed mind it's very frustrating.

[Machete]

Totally grabbed a handshake that was meant for someone else. #AwkwardPeopleProblems

[Bekah]

My advice: Stop calling and inviting and see what happens? You may lose them, but were they worth it if you have to force the issue? nope.

 

The last time I complained I got the answer "But we are so busy, we don't have time to come and visit."

 

I've decided I am also busy, and I will use my valuable free time to search for people who are willing to share their lives with me.

 .

 

I love this

[Rurik Harrgath]

I honestly can't relate to the "no one calls me" phenomenon.  Well, I can, because few people do, but I kind of like it that way.  I usually treat new social events on my calendar with annoyance and consternation, at least ones I didn't plan or anticipate myself.  So when a friend or family member calls me out of the blue and wants to do something, all I can think is, "But I was going to vegetate on the couch and read today!  Dammit."

 

That's just how I roll though.  I'm far more at ease doing my own thing and keeping to myself.

 

The only advice I can really suggest is finding new people to fill that social activity void or taking control of your free time with a favorite hobby or activity you've maybe been neglecting.

[Artinum]

I honestly can't relate to the "no one calls me" phenomenon.  Well, I can, because few people do, but I kind of like it that way.

 

Ah! A fellow antisocialist!

The one thing about my phone that I don't like - I love the apps, the internet access and so on - is that sometimes people call it. Not often. I think I've trained most of the people in my life out of that. Guys, just email me. I love email.