I think about how I look 90% of the day

[LishAmber]

I am a 33 year old female and have fluctuated in looks dramatically for the last 15 years.

When I was 18 in 1999 I was a size 9,135 pounds, not fit really, but generally ok with how I looked.  I got married soon before turning 19 in 2000.  At the age of 20 in 2002 I found out I was pregnant with my first child and weighed in at 160.  10 months later I was still pushing 220 pounds.  3 years later in 2005 I was down to 170 pounds and found out I was pregnant with child #2.  After child 2 I was back up to 210 pounds.  2 years after this in 2007 I gave birth to my third child.  After all three children I was larger then I had been. 

In October 2008 I started this Smart Ones diet.  Special K for breakfast, A Smart Ones for lunch and dinner with a handful of baked chips with each meal.  3 months of doing this I lost 30 pounds.  For the next 2 years I constantly 'dieted'.  Cabbage Soup diet, Atkins, Vegan, etc.  

In April 2010 I was down to 167 pounds.  It was amazing.

I gained and hit 187 in January of 2013 when I started at a body shaping class.  6 days a week of half kickboxing and have strength training.  4 months later I was only down to 184 but lost 5% body fat!  Then I moved half way across the country.

Now, a year and half later I am teetering at 195-200 and I am depressed.  I don't want to have to hike my jeans up every time I get out of the car.  Or make sure I have my body shaping tank on under every outfit.  

I have a treadmill, speed bag and a heavy bag and I can not get myself to use them.  There are also trails close to my house.  Since moving here I have lost a lot of confidence.  I also have no friends here.  I am a stay home mom and I don't have a lot of options to make friends.

I think about weight all day, everywhere I go I notice the people that are fit.  I just want to be proud of me and my accomplishments, not jealous of others.

[Brawlrus]

Have you tried connecting with other mothers on craigslist or anything? I have seen quite a few mom fit groups.

Try setting up a workout, just like it were a DR. appointment, keep it. if you schedule yourself for a 10 am walk, you do a 10 am walk. There is no "I don't feel like it."

Also, try giving a fried or family member $100 to hold. Each day that you don't do your walk, you lose $5 of that money. I hope you can find additional motication here, there's plenty of it.

[Ocelot]

Welcome This sounds kind of backwards, but you can focus on having positive body image before you get to ideal weight and in a weird way it can help with getting fit and healthy... the better you feel about yourself, the better you treat yourself, at least, that's how it works for me! Try telling yourself nice things every time your brain throws up a criticism, literally squashing those thoughts. Try and not obsess about appearance. Limit mirror looking to only when necessary, or every time you see yourself say "Wow, I look fine" even if you don't believe it - your mind might start to get the message. I've had to go through some of this too and found changing my mindset incredibly helpful. Feel free to PM if you want to talk about it or vent or anything. Good luck!

[BlackTezca]

Welcome This sounds kind of backwards, but you can focus on having positive body image before you get to ideal weight and in a weird way it can help with getting fit and healthy... the better you feel about yourself, the better you treat yourself, at least, that's how it works for me! Try telling yourself nice things every time your brain throws up a criticism, literally squashing those thoughts. Try and not obsess about appearance. Limit mirror looking to only when necessary, or every time you see yourself say "Wow, I look fine" even if you don't believe it - your mind might start to get the message. I've had to go through some of this too and found changing my mindset incredibly helpful. Feel free to PM if you want to talk about it or vent or anything. Good luck!

 

 This is great advice.  When you focus on all the negatives when trying to get back into fitness or changing your diet, it can get overwhelming and when you don't see results it may only compound the negativity.  Think about all the great things about yourself and the accomplishments you made and I think it'll help make things a bit easier and less stressful .