Airing of thoughts about a Co-Worker

[Roldanis]

This will likely be a bit of ramble/rant so apologies up front.

 

So there is a particular co-worker that I constantly have a conflicting feelings for.  Nothing that is going to get me in trouble at work or with my wife, but rather with how they treat themselves.  This particular co-worker is a middle aged woman, sweet, funny and very easy to get along with.  So why the mixed feelings?  She's is a chain smoker that has the most terrible "smokers cough" I've ever heard in my life.  I should note that I'm not a judgmental person, that's a pretty crappy attitude to have.  I don't want to come off as sounding judgmental, because I think it's more of a lack of understanding.  I've never been a smoker so I don't know how hard of a grip that habit has on someone. I can only get an impression from talking with people who have tried to quit or have quit.  A previous co-worker said it was harder to drop smoking that it was to stop heroin, which really puts it into perspective. So if you're a smoker and reading this, don't misread this as me saying "you're a terrible person and deserve to get cancer," not at all why I'm posting this or how I feel.

 

So it is readily apparent she is a chain smoker. When you read all the side effects that smoking has on your appearance, she has them.  Yellow teeth, yellow finger nails, psoriasis, thin lifeless hair, poor elasticity on skin.  Her voice sounds like a smokers voice, although she has the best classic sounding "witch cackle" laugh I've ever heard.  She constantly coughs and it almost always is a awful "wet" cough or a long chain dry wheezing coughs that leaves her out of breath.  After seeing all these negative side effects from smoking I think to myself, "good Lord why would you ever that to yourself!? Why don't you just quit!?"  Then I will feel like a jerk because I have no clue what it is to be in her situation.  I've never walked a day in her shoes and I've never had to overcome that addiction. Still anytime I hear her cough carrying down the hallway at work, I just feel a sense of disappointment and anger.  She is a great person to be around, always positive, constantly laughs, and is quick to a joke, but she is literally killing herself. On top of her smoking she is obese.  My wife is an RN that works in a cardiac critical unit and 9/10 patients on her floor are overweight & are habitual smokers.  

 

I want to say something, but I know it's really not my place.  I don't know her very well beyond being a co-worker and really it's her thing to deal with.  Now if for strange reason she solicited me for help, I would gladly offer what help I could, specifically if she wanted to lose weight.  I've earned a bit of a reputation here at work after losing 40lbs this past winter.  On more than one occasion I've been asked how I did it and how I've managed to keep it off. If asked, I would help because I would want to see someone like my co-worker live a long prosperous life.  She adores her grand kids and as I parent, I know my kids LOVE their grandparents and I'm sure my co-worker's grandkids feel the same about her.  So I get angry to see someone robbing themselves of years from their life, but at the same time feel bad for being angry.

 

Okay that's enough rambling for now.  I should get some work done.

[hwrdfrnd]

I am a 25 year smoker, I started at ten years old. There is no real way to explain how this habit grabs you by the balls unless you live in it.

That being said, the negative effects of smoking creep up on you ever so slowly over the decades. And I have never met a smoker who has smoked for ten or more years who wouldn't give anything to be able to just put them down and walk away. They kill you slowly and your paying out the nose for the privilege. Hell I work with end stage COPD sufferers for a living, which btw is a horrible way to die, and still am having trouble getting away from smoking.

I think the biggest thing helping me now is that I realized it was having a very negative effect on my tendonitis, but not everyone can find a good enough reason to quit. I have met a lot of people who have end stage COPD that still smoke and some only quit because they are bed ridden.

Just food for thought from a smoker

[Roldanis]

There is no real way to explain how this habit grabs you by the balls unless you live in it.

 

Exactly.  It would be extremely presumptuous and ignorant of me to just say, "Why don't you just quit?"

[Mark D]

I know where you're coming from, this is someone you care about and you want to help her.  Still, don't think for a moment that if you DID confront her she'd say "Oh, wow, I never realized that my smoking is affecting my health, I'd be better off if I quit."  She's much more likely to tell you to perform an anatomically improbable act and to mind your own business.  She KNOWS what it's doing to her health, and she's decided that the difficulties of quitting outweigh the associated health problems.  Or maybe she just enjoys smoking, I've known people who do, and she's decided the pleasure she gets from smoking outweighs the health problems.

 

I know that seems harsh, but that's what it boils down to.  She COULD quit, but it'll be hard.  In her mind probably harder than going thru the resultant health problems.  Or she'll be giving up something she enjoys and doesn't want to do so.

 

The best you can do is to be there for her IF she decides to make a change, it has to come from her though.

[Raincloak]

Maybe you could bring her some peppermints or hard candies for her throat.  Or offer her some tea or a glass of water when she coughs.  If she's sucking on a candy or drinking tea, at least she's got ten minutes with something in her mouth that isn't a cigarette.

 

I don't think there is much you can do about her drug habit unless she brings it up first.  I know it's depressing.  I had a relative who was brilliant and generous, but was morbidly obese, diabetic, had heart disease from an early age.  He did about everything to kill himself except smoke.  His brothers tried to talk him into changing his ways, but he would have none of it, so we just tried to love him the way he was, quirks and all.  He died suddenly at age 60, not long after getting married.  His relatives told each other they'd done what they could for him, and that was that.  I still feel bad about the waste of such a guy, but I'm sure he wouldn't call his life wasted.  He did what he wanted, and he was happy sometimes, what more can you really ask for.  We all die in the end, some of us just get there faster.