I'm Terrible At This

[Torik]

Like many, I've tried this whole losing weight thing many times. For a while, I even managed to lose about 20 lbs (9 kg). And at that point, my aunt died. So everything went out the window as I tried to make myself feel better and control my depression. Since then, I've never been able to get back at it. It just ... it doesn't work. There's that part of my brain that says I can't. That says it's a useless cause.

 

And so, with both depression and my mind making me feel terrible, I turn to food. I know it's a temporary fix to a very long term problem, and only contributes to it, but it makes me feel good for those brief moments. And then I feel terrible for having done it.

 

I feel like we all know this. We've all done this. Anyone who eats emotionally knows exactly what I'm talking about.

 

I'm getting my medication tweaked this weekend. And sincerely hope that will help with the depression part, so I can combat my mind with a full and whole mind on my side. (And I might ask about surgery for the whole weight thing, but that's expensive etc.)

 

I know what I should eat. But I lack the energy to prepare everything. I look at my friend (shout out @spookyfoot) and I'm so inspired and amazed and wish I could be as proactive to do everything. I feel like my depression is a cop out. An excuse, but there's so many people who also deal with it and kick ass.

 

I don't know how I'm going to start back up. I have a great program at home to work with. But I think I need to do my runs again. I think the time alone with my music and thoughts really helped me center myself. And I'm sorry this is more of a random stream of consciousness than a respawn, but I needed to say all of it.

[namelesswonder]

I'm glad that you're looking into tackling the depression side of things. It's completely not a cop out. It's an illness. I'm in that boat with you... lately I feel repulsed by most foods except carbs so I'm just indulging in whatever I feel like I *can* eat and hoping that I'll start craving protein eventually.

 

If the music and running works well for you, then that sounds like a great place to start. The best form of exercise is one that you can stick with and/or that you like!

[Pavowski]

The motivation and the inspiration that you catch from looking at your friends and others who are successful will carry you only so far. It's great when it works, but it won't work always. Like anything else, the decision to be fit has to be a decision that is important enough to you to make the changes that it requires.

 

That said, depression isn't a copout, and you shouldn't view it as such. It's a chemical imperfection in the brain that stops you from doing the things you want to do (or even the things you know you should do). Depression isn't a thing you can just knuckle up and push through.

 

Exercise and diet can help with depression, though, along with your medication, of course. And running specifically carries a bunch of well-documented mental health benefits as well. One way or another, though, you have to find the things that you want to do.

 

Then, just do them.

 

Easy, right?

 

If only...

[shaar]

Aaaahh any friend of Spookyfoots is a friend of ours~ <3

 

Depression is literally the worst.  Being exhausted by just existing and getting through the day is hard, and sure doesn't make you feel any better.  Don't listen to your brain, it's full of lies and wants you to take the easy path of doing nothing because then it doesn't have to work and change.

 

I think, especially with depression and anxiety and such, having a solid support system is seriously crucial.  These forums have literally been a game changer for me, I'm the strongest I've probably ever been, and I've done things I never thought I'd accomplish thanks to the nerds here having my back and cheering me on.  I'd recommend starting a Battle Log or a challenge to track your progress, and reaching out to fellow nerds to comment on their journeys too so you can build a little "fellowship" and have pals that will hold you accountable, celebrate your victories, and pick you up when you fall.

 

I don't know you, but I DO know that you CAN DO IT, that you are worth it, and that you have the capability to move onwards and upwards, even if it is only one little step at a time.