The Taking of Surname

[Thrillho]

No.

[Guest Captain GetSwole]

No.

Why not?

[scarletleavy]

No.

I'm gonna second your No and add in a NEIN! (Everything is harsher when yelled in German)

[Guest Gemeaux]

I was so anti taking a guys name , but now I am just going to say maybe . Depends on if I meet the right guy , and my last name is something that will remind me of my dad .

But I want my children to have the same name as my husband and me . But I am not with anyone so I will think about it when it happens .

[Julie2385]

I've been married 2 1/2 years and still have not changed my name, but still have every intention in doing so. Especially since my brother got married and his wife has the exact same first name and middle initial as myself, so now are full names are the same too. Lol.

[BadWolf]

Well, I really didn't think this thread would turn into an argument. I just wanted to share how happy I was/am with everyone, so thank you to everyone who shared their congratulations or their story But to the troublemaker, that was INCREDIBLY frickin' rude. I respect the choices of others and it is certainly not your place to judge my marriage.

And thanks, my husband is a real man. I CHECKED.

He is also married, he is employed, he lifts weights, and we will be having kids in the next few years. Just to make it clear, we completely support "alternative" marriages and home-brew gender relations, and if that makes us freaks or rebels, then I daresay I came to the right place.

Now let's get back to talking about names. This isn't the place for a fight.

[LRB]

^^^^ Well said, BadWolf.

[Morrigainz]

I made my wife promise to take mine before I would agree to marry her.

I don't know if you are being facetious or not but my husband totally did this.

[Morrigainz]

Well, I really didn't think this thread would turn into an argument. I just wanted to share how happy I was/am with everyone, so thank you to everyone who shared their congratulations or their story

Okay so this is kind of funny. When I first read your post, I was like ZOMG her husband took her name w00t! And then I was like, hmm, did he really? And so I read it again and was like naw she totally took his name. I admit I must have been distracted or something. I was at work, in my defense.

So, AWESOME to you! I definitely wish sometimes that my husband had a more progressive mind-set. Although I do love him to pieces

[morethanjustamom]

I don't know if you are being facetious or not but my husband totally did this.

I think he was joking, based on his reaction to captaingetswole's comment to him later.

My hubby also wanted me to take his last name really badly. I was very young when we got married and last name was a non-issue for me at that time, so I agreed readily. When it got changed accidentally later, I was older, a little more independent minded, and I like maintaining that part of my identity and family heritage now.

[Morrigainz]

Yeah I would like to find a way to incorporate my maiden name somehow, but I like my middle name, and both of our last names are 2 syllables that end in -er so I think it would sound weird.

[Thrillho]

Years later, with the rise of Googling and Facebookery, my wife said she was doubly happy she took my name, so that no-one can find her. She had this WHOOOOOLE enormous other life and circles of friends and histories and whatnot... and I came out of nowhere, none of them knew me, and we got married. None of them know my last name. I suppose it's a weird thing to appreciate.

[morethanjustamom]

Yeah I would like to find a way to incorporate my maiden name somehow, but I like my middle name, and both of our last names are 2 syllables that end in -er so I think it would sound weird.

Hmmm, have a child and name him/her your maiden name as their first name? That's a common practice in the South.

[Arashi]

Years later, with the rise of Googling and Facebookery, my wife said she was doubly happy she took my name, so that no-one can find her. She had this WHOOOOOLE enormous other life and circles of friends and histories and whatnot... and I came out of nowhere, none of them knew me, and we got married. None of them know my last name. I suppose it's a weird thing to appreciate.

My aunt uses her maiden name on Facebook, I think the point is exactly the opposite - she wants old schoolmates to find her.

Quite frankly, I don't know if I'd add my husband's name to mine. Like I said, I use my mother's surname for everything. I started doing that in middle school, just because it flows better with my first name. And though my father is a jerk, my grandfather wasn't, and I'm proud to carry his name, even though I don't use it all the time. He is my model of how a decent man should be.

Anyway, here women usually add the husband's name to theirs without replacing anything - though they have that option too. In recent years, the share of women who don't add the husband's surname increased, as many feel that in the end it doesn't really matter, and changing your name in documents is a PAIN - and really unnecessary; my mother never changed anything and never had problems. She says the photo in her ID card is the prettiest she ever had, and no way she's going to replace that.

Just the thought of a man demanding such a thing gives me the creeps. Any man who knows me for more than five minutes knows better than to demand anything, in the first place (I tend to send these men packing); and my name means a lot to me. I worked hard for everything in my life - school, college, work - and my name is part of that. The family I have is part of that. It would feel like I'm being stripped of a part of my identity, and I like the way I am, thank you. No man who demands that I am only known as his appendage is worth a second of my time.

And as children have both mother and father's surnames anyway, it's kind of a moot point.

[AKLulu]

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet."

[Arashi]

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet."

LOL! Great, in theory. Like I said, I'm not sure if I would do it, but if I did, wouldn't be because somebody demanded it.

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

I don't know if you are being facetious or not but my husband totally did this.

I am not. After we got engaged there were a few things we talked about that we really wanted in our marriage and what we did not. This was one of the things very important to me.

I think he was joking, based on his reaction to captaingetswole's comment to him later.

I was just put off by how he made it. I am open to all sorts of views, I just don't like seeing them out forth in the type of way he did.

[CalvinHobbes]

I've always thought that I would take my future (very future long off) husband's name, but if (IF) it happens to me my current boyfriend I wouldn't. He is very distant with his father's family and was thinking of changing his name, and we've kind of joked about him taking mine if we were to ever get married. Who knows what would happen, we're open to anything really and it would have to take serious consideration before making a decision.

Badwolf: I'm SO HAPPY you have decided, agreed, and acted on something and that you are happy with it!!!! This is great news

[morethanjustamom]

I am not. After we got engaged there were a few things we talked about that we really wanted in our marriage and what we did not. This was one of the things very important to me.

I was just put off by how he made it. I am open to all sorts of views, I just don't like seeing them out forth in the type of way he did.

I apologize, I shouldn't have answered for you. I posted above that me taking my husband's name was very important to him as well, so I understand completely where you're coming from in that respect. And I agree with your take on captaingetswole's "approach".

[Book]

And... just to be contrarian: My father was a pretty horrible father. So I've always felt a little weird about my name (I am a II). I should have followed through on my plan to change to my mother's maiden name when I was 18, but I let myself get convinced out of it. Plus it would have been cool because my mother's family is French, and for some reason they saddled me with a completely English name.

Anyway... I seriously thought about taking my wife's last name when we got married, but when I brought up the idea, she looked at me kinda crazy. Probably one of a thousand signals I should have taken.

[Book]

This is completely random, but I'm so excited right now and I have to share it with someone. Been married for almost two years and been meaning to get to the social security office, but it was hard without a car. Today my husband texted me a picture of a document from the Social Security office with my surname tacked onto the end of his full name. He walked there before he had work and got his name changed. Woo hoo! Jen is happy!

Could have been worse, it could have been 3 years, right?

Virtual jaffa cakes for all!

And way late, let me just say what a wonderful thing it is that your husband did for you. The fact that there are neanderthals who look down at this kind of thing just makes it that much sweeter. Enjoy this incredibly special moment, the two of you obviously deserve it.

[Rivanariko]

Years later, with the rise of Googling and Facebookery, my wife said she was doubly happy she took my name, so that no-one can find her. She had this WHOOOOOLE enormous other life and circles of friends and histories and whatnot... and I came out of nowhere, none of them knew me, and we got married. None of them know my last name. I suppose it's a weird thing to appreciate.

I never thought of that, but that does make me kind of glad I changed mine! Not that I'm ashamed of anything I did in my "previous life" (if you can call it that) but when you do a google image search for my maiden name, the first picture that comes up is from a production of Rocky Horror Picture Show I did when I was in college. Which was awesomely fun and I made amazing friends there, but not really the first impression I want an employer to see, know what I mean? Now all that comes up is pictures from our wedding and my horse.

Needless to say, I changed my name. I felt no attachment to my old last name, there are so many other things that link me to my amazing family. Changing my name was a PITA, but in so many ways it seems like life will be easier with us sharing a name, especially being in the military. My husband didn't care either way though.

[Quickdraw]

Mrs Quickdraw took my last name and moved her own into her middle name. Not having my last name could potentially cause problems for a spouse dealing with the military bureaucracy, and I'm trying to stay in for 20-30 years.

On the flip side, back when we were dating, we'd go grocery shopping and use her rewards card and I'd be paying and the cashiers would all look at the receipt and say "Have a nice day Mister [herlastname]."

[BadWolf]

Mrs Quickdraw took my last name and moved her own into her middle name. Not having my last name could potentially cause problems for a spouse dealing with the military bureaucracy, and I'm trying to stay in for 20-30 years.

On the flip side, back when we were dating, we'd go grocery shopping and use her rewards card and I'd be paying and the cashiers would all look at the receipt and say "Have a nice day Mister [herlastname]."

You're a secret grocery agent!

[Morrigainz]

Loooove iiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! That's awesome

I have a friend that, when she got married, both she and her husband took her husband's stepfather's name, because they both felt more attached to him than to his bio dad. Just another interesting tidbit.