What women love about men.

[Guzzi]

But in all seriousness Machete, I can't see why you would apply that logic. From an evolutionary standpoint, anyone with diabetes is unfit to reproduce, and I highly doubt that you would apply the same reasoning to them as you are to yourself.

If you feel that you want a family there's no reason in the world why your inability to read body language should be taken into consideration. Yes, it's a useful social tool, but that's all. You have a lot to offer, and much more I'm sure than many of the people out there who are mindlessly procreating, without ever giving any thought as to how they are even going to support their families, let alone whether their genes are worthy of passing on.

The curse of intelligence is a tendency to over think, and over analyse. I'm sure you know that more than most.

[Guzzi]

Well Guzzi, don't think you are alone there.

Yeah, I'm not convinced that "everyone else" can be picking up on these things and that I'm somehow totally oblivious. I think I'm more oblivious than most, but I doubt it's uncommon.

I have a friend who I'm always amazed at. She's really tuned in to all those social cues that go straight over my head. It's amazing to me to watch her in action. But all in all, I'd rather be the way I am. I'd rather be in a relationship founded on friendship and shared interests that developed over time than one that came about as the result of some flirting in a bar.

Nope! I'm good with the way I am.

[Spark]

Heh. Reminds me of going to a restaurant with my brother and some of our friends a few months back. It was one of those theme places, where the waitresses don't wear a whole lot of anything. Very scenic. Anyway, we were one of something like three groups there and the rest of the place was deserted. Being us, we were loud and amusing, so we ended up with a lot of the waitresses hanging out with us for most of the evening.

 

After we left, my brother complimented me on my flirting skills.

 

I said, "I wasn't flirting. I was just talking."

 

He said, "That's what flirting is! You were doing great!"

 

I said, "...I wish someone would tell me these things."

 

Apparently I'm an unconscious flirter who's unable to close.

[Bearded_Dragon]

Heh. Reminds me of going to a restaurant with my brother and some of our friends a few months back. It was one of those theme places, where the waitresses don't wear a whole lot of anything. Very scenic. Anyway, we were one of something like three groups there and the rest of the place was deserted. Being us, we were loud and amusing, so we ended up with a lot of the waitresses hanging out with us for most of the evening.

 

After we left, my brother complimented me on my flirting skills.

 

I said, "I wasn't flirting. I was just talking."

 

He said, "That's what flirting is! You were doing great!"

 

I said, "...I wish someone would tell me these things."

 

Apparently I'm an unconscious flirter who's unable to close.

 

I identify with this big styley.

[Bekah]

But in all seriousness Machete, I can't see why you would apply that logic. From an evolutionary standpoint, anyone with diabetes is unfit to reproduce, and I highly doubt that you would apply the same reasoning to them as you are to yourself. If you feel that you want a family there's no reason in the world why your inability to read body language should be taken into consideration. Yes, it's a useful social tool, but that's all. You have a lot to offer, and much more I'm sure than many of the people out there who are mindlessly procreating, without ever giving any thought as to how they are even going to support their families, let alone whether their genes are worthy of passing on. The curse of intelligence is a tendency to over think, and over analyse. I'm sure you know that more than most.

 

While I agree with the emotional sentiment here, I think that there is some truth to some people being seen as less fit to reproduce, by themselves or others. I know people with illnesses like Diabetes, Autism, Schizophrenia...who feel they aren't fit to be good parents emotionally in addition to not wanting to pass on any genetic deficits to their children, so they don't have them.

i think the difference evolutionarily speaking, using the context of the article and common biology, those of our human ancestors who had such problems, usually died young, be they animal or humans...so they didn't reproduce. Now with the advent of modern medicine and technology and human rights, they are able to live to adulthood or old age, and choose to reproduce or not...rather than having life take the choice from them.

I know for me personally, as much as I love my kids...if I had a do-over, I never would have had them, because I have to struggle to be an adequate parent, that goes beyond "normal" and my kids suffer for that, and my inability to "read the signs" played a huge role in how I came to marry and have children with their father, and had I not had that difficulty, I would have been more aware of the "red flags" in his demeanor and character, and moved on...so I think there is truth to this, but that doesn't mean a relationship is impossible, it just may be a LOT more work than the average, and children increase that difficulty 100 fold, then the likelihood of those children being "different" based on any parental genetic issues....I would probably have eventually (hopefully by my mid 30's) found a good relationship minus the kids and been okay with that, but I had to do shit the hard way and get pregnant at 18. Story of my life

 

Yeah, I'm not convinced that "everyone else" can be picking up on these things and that I'm somehow totally oblivious. I think I'm more oblivious than most, but I doubt it's uncommon.

I have a friend who I'm always amazed at. She's really tuned in to all those social cues that go straight over my head. It's amazing to me to watch her in action. But all in all, I'd rather be the way I am. I'd rather be in a relationship founded on friendship and shared interests that developed over time than one that came about as the result of some flirting in a bar.

Nope! I'm good with the way I am.

Agreed

[Oramac]

Heh. Reminds me of going to a restaurant with my brother and some of our friends a few months back. It was one of those theme places, where the waitresses don't wear a whole lot of anything. Very scenic. Anyway, we were one of something like three groups there and the rest of the place was deserted. Being us, we were loud and amusing, so we ended up with a lot of the waitresses hanging out with us for most of the evening.

 

After we left, my brother complimented me on my flirting skills.

 

I said, "I wasn't flirting. I was just talking."

 

He said, "That's what flirting is! You were doing great!"

 

I said, "...I wish someone would tell me these things."

 

Apparently I'm an unconscious flirter who's unable to close.

 

Join the club man.  People tell me I do that all the time too.  I've been able to close, but probably only about 1% of the time.  This seems to be relatively common among the nerdier non-douchebag men out there.  

 

EDIT:  Of course, I'm making the assumption here that women do not actually view me as a douchebag.  

[Raev]

Nothing wrong with a little flirting.

 

I do it all the damn time, in fun.  Never anything clandestine.

 

I could flirt with a fish.  My wife thinks it's quite amusing.

[Guzzi]

Yeah Bekah, you've hit the nail on the head there. There's more to this than just I really thought about on first reading.

I've always said that "I want children" isn't necessarily enough of a justification for having them. It's the reason that, although I have always desperately wanted a family, I've reached my 30s childless. I just couldn't justify having kids when I didn't think I could provide the financially or emotional support that a young family needed - working too hard and not enough money.

I'd finally reached a point in my life where I genuinely believed things were looking up and that I'd be able to start a family and BAM! Life throws a Ford Ka in my tracks, and the doctors say "Wait at least 3 years before trying to conceive". Aaaaaand now that ain't gonna happen either. Damn you Universe!!! *shakes fist at the sky*

I can completely understand why you say would do things differently with hindsight. It must have been extremely difficult for you. I think you're amazing. Xx

[Bekah]

Yeah Bekah, you've hit the nail on the head there. There's more to this than just I really thought about on first reading. I've always said that "I want children" isn't necessarily enough of a justification for having them. It's the reason that, although I have always desperately wanted a family, I've reached my 30s childless. I just couldn't justify having kids when I didn't think I could provide the financially or emotional support that a young family needed - working too hard and not enough money. I'd finally reached a point in my life where I genuinely believed things were looking up and that I'd be able to start a family and BAM! Life throws a Ford Ka in my tracks, and the doctors say "Wait at least 3 years before trying to conceive". Aaaaaand now that ain't gonna happen either. Damn you Universe!!! *shakes fist at the sky*I can completely understand why you say would do things differently with hindsight. It must have been extremely difficult for you. I think you're amazing. Xx

Those feelings are entirely mutual. I know some of what you live with and its goddamn hard, and you do it with a beautiful spirit and optimism and its wonderful I am glad to know you

Luckily now for me, they are teenagers and I knew from day 1 that my whole life had to revolve around not emotionally destroying them from my insecurity and immaturity, and I dont know that I succeeded even though I gave it everything I had, but its a damn sight better than it would have been and I can handle the things going on now at least.

and yeah sorry for the mushy thread hijack

[SevenofSeven]

If it makes you young ladies feel better, at 18 I never wanted kids, fun killers, then 21 I was having my first and yes he was planned, now if at any stage you would have told me I would have 7, I would have called you crazy, but here I am, my children young adults to 6 years old, I have a long way to go yet.

Having no family history of Autism or Anaphylaxis or things like it, I have one on the Autistic Spectrum, one who has a DX of Aspergers and one who could drop dead from a bee sting or by touching tree nuts or any kind of nut. Although genetics can be used as an excuse not to, a lot is left to chance. Cancers and Diabetes are rampant in my side of the family but to me played no part in my decision to have children.

Each to their own, but genetics is like rolling the dice of chance.

[Thrillho]

 

Apparently I'm an unconscious flirter who's unable to close.

 

Ditto.  Afterwards (sometimes on the order of YEARS) I found out that I had apparently been flirting with girls, and they were wondering why I never made a move, since they were (also apparently) into me.  It would have been nice to have known that. 

 

And regarding the kids... I never wanted kids.  I didn't think I would be a good parent, and there was more than enough people in the world.  The first baby was very much unplanned and quite a surprise, for various reasons that I probably don't need to go into right here, and led to a pretty catastrophic upheaval, and blah blah blah... but without that push, I probably wouldn't have gotten my degree, gotten a good job, or grown up.  Now I have three and pretty much the whole of my existence is making them happy and preparing them to conquer the globe.   Go fig.

[The Stranger]

I'm in the same boat - completely unable to read the signs.  I'm sure my youth would have been much more interesting if I were less awkward/more confident.

 

Really, this whole thread is a repository of all the things I wish I had known when I was younger, as well as a reminder of how lucky I am to have found my fiancee without knowing them.

[insanity]

Ditto.  Afterwards (sometimes on the order of YEARS) I found out that I had apparently been flirting with girls, and they were wondering why I never made a move, since they were (also apparently) into me.  It would have been nice to have known that. 

 

And regarding the kids... I never wanted kids.  I didn't think I would be a good parent, and there was more than enough people in the world.  The first baby was very much unplanned and quite a surprise, for various reasons that I probably don't need to go into right here, and led to a pretty catastrophic upheaval, and blah blah blah... but without that push, I probably wouldn't have gotten my degree, gotten a good job, or grown up.  Now I have three and pretty much the whole of my existence is making them happy and preparing them to conquer the globe.   Go fig.

LOL... speaking of not seeing the obvious. I can remember back in high school, a girl on the bus who announced to no one in particular... "I need a boyfriend" while I was, I think, the only guy on the bus... looking back, I'm not sure how I missed it, but I somehow lucked out, cuz I got her now.

[Guzzi]

Haha! Aren't we a lot! It lifts my heart just knowing you guys. (((((Group Hug!!!!!!)))))

[Thrillho]

Me: I'm a moron with no ability to plan for the future or social skills.

Guzzi: AWESOME!

 

... women are confusing.

[insanity]

Haha! Aren't we a lot! It lifts my heart just knowing you guys. (((((Group Hug!!!!!!)))))

Welcome to the Island of Misfit Toys....

 

Me: I'm a moron with no ability to plan for the future or social skills.

Guzzi: AWESOME!

 

... women are confusing.

LOL... no comment... :-)

[Barfly]

Seriously, Guzzi? I thought we'd been flirting for weeks and weeks

[Barfly]

Same here, Raev. Even my regular friendly convos come across as flirting. Wife does not find it amusing in the least, however...

[Raev]

Haha my wife is flirtier than I am!

Sent from my SGH-M919 using Tapatalk

[Thrillho]

Haha my wife is flirtier than I am!

 

I'm not sure if my wife is conscious of it, but... yeah, she totally is. It's kind of interesting to watch, though. 

[Frost of the Gloaming]

I don't need to flirt, I will seduce you with my awkwardness.

[A banana]

Looking back, I also can think of many instances of girls showing an interest in me and me doing nothing about it.

[A banana]

Being unsocial has contributed to my fitness though. I barely ever eat fastfood cause I dont like to order.

If only I lived near the ocean where it wouldnt be weird to be shirtless all the time.

[insanity]

Being unsocial has contributed to my fitness though. I barely ever eat fastfood cause I dont like to order.

If only I lived near the ocean where it wouldnt be weird to be shirtless all the time.

Just come here... it's normal to be shirtless, though to fit in completely you might have to add the sagging pants... and I'm not far from the beach.

[Bekah]

Same here, Raev. Even my regular friendly convos come across as flirting. Wife does not find it amusing in the least, however...

 

I only recently became aware that my default conversational style is flirting...I almost stopped talking to people completely IRL after that. The man is very encouraging of same sex flirting, (hah probably more of the fantasy in his head, but whatever, thats his problem ) opposite sex flirting, not so much, even online

 

I don't need to flirt, I will seduce you with my awkwardness.

I had someone say that this applied to me once, I'm not sure if that is good or bad?

  

Being unsocial has contributed to my fitness though. I barely ever eat fastfood cause I dont like to order.

If only I lived near the ocean where it wouldnt be weird to be shirtless all the time.

I live close to the beach