♡°♡My goal is....trophy wife♡°♡

[ihaveacupcake]

A little about me. 

 

I'm cupcake and I'm a stay at home mom, happily married with 2 kids. I just discovered this awesome site! I'm a recovered anorexic who is now into fitness and good nutrition to gain muscle. I have been working out with light weights for 2 weeks and am loving every moment of it. 

 

Stats

5'3

Cw- 140

Gw- 130 but look toned

 

I come from an anorexic forum and am just tired of trying to starve myself, then I binge and it's just not good. I have a good grasp now on my nutrition. I eat 1800 cals, get 23k-25k steps a day and workout 6x a week. 3 upper body days and 3 lower body days

 

What to expect:

 

Day to day chats about my life and how my fitness and nutrition is going. I like to post 2x a day, morning and evening. I weigh once a week for my sanity and am aiming for .5 lb loss a week. 

 

I love watching bikini competitions for motivation to keep working out. 

 

That's it, wish me luck I stick with this and do not relapse!

[ihaveacupcake]

Morning

 

Waked and baked this morning, got the kiddos up and off to school. Came home, took the dog out for a walk, ate brekky, did chores and worked out my upper body. 

 

I laugh at myself bc I used to say "I strength trained" but I only use 7lb dumbbells. But last week I used 5lbs, so 7lbs is an upgrade I guess. My goal is to use 10 lbs weights.

 

Lately I've really been into fitspo and am excited to gain muscle and tone up! I've been watching bikini prep videos and I have a goal to compete one day. I've also been watching the biggest loser, it's really motivational for me.

 

 

[Elastigirl]

Welcome! That's great that you are already upping the weights. You will get to 10 lbs if you keep it up, and then surpass that.  My advice is to focus on the strength gains more than the weight. That will help  you with your goals, and keep your head in a good space.

[ihaveacupcake]

18 minutes ago, Elastigirl said:

Welcome! That's great that you are already upping the weights. You will get to 10 lbs if you keep it up, and then surpass that.  My advice is to focus on the strength gains more than the weight. That will help  you with your goals, and keep your head in a good space.

Thank u for replying and the advice!?  You're absolutely right,  I've decided to not weigh myself for a good long while. I concentrated too much on the scale with anorexia and I'm tired of it. Have a good day!

[ihaveacupcake]

Intake for the day

 

Brekky- 2 cups of loaded coffee, 1 peice raisin toast with pb, 2 eggs with hot sauce

Lunch- Yogurt and granola

Snack- 1 loaded coffee, chocolate milk 

Supper- Pork chop with bbq sauce, potato with sour cream, carrots

Snack- Fruit bar

 

Total- 1928

Protein- 74g

 

Afternoon

 

I used to always need a mid morning nap but since eating more and fueling my body properly, I haven't needed one. Which I'm glad, I have energy all day now!! ?

 

Ate yogurt and granola for lunch, it was good! Then I read on here for a while, then made muffins for my hubby. I won't be eating any, I can't justify the calories, they smell good tho!

 

So I pace a lot in my house to get lots of steps. I enjoy it, it keeps me active. So far I have 10k steps. My goal is 23k. I burn about 2300 cals a day doing this, which is why I can eat a lot. Last week I lost 2.4 pounds. But I know that was probably some water weight, so I'm hoping for .5 lbs a week loss from now on. I only want to drop 10 lbs, paired with working out, I should attain the body I want!

 

----------

 

At 1 I had a coffee and watched biggest loser. At 2 I paced to get to 21k

 

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MIL picked up my kids from school then took them to a pumpkin thing, so I got extra time to myself today! It's 5pm and I have 25k steps. Honestly, I'm tired of pacing so much, I've been doing it for so long and I want to increase my fitness level. So I've decided to start jogging on my treadmill starting tomorrow. 30 seconds running, 1 minute walking, for 20 mins. My goal is to run for the full 20 mins.

 

My sister, who is a doctor but very obese has starting running and that triggered me. I don't want her to be fitter than me, although I'm glad she's taking some measure to get her health under control, for me, it's about increasing my fitness. I know it shouldn't trigger me... but sadly, it does, that's reality.

 

I've spent a long time concentrating on the scale and I'm tired of it. I don't care what I weigh anymore, as long as I'm slim and fit. So I have decided to stop weighing myself. I will go by how my clothes fit, I have 4 pairs of pants that are snug and my goal is to get them to fit comfortably. Also a cute pj set that is a little snug.

 

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Supper tonight was a hearty meal, pork chops, potatoes and carrots. Yum! Since working out by body craves protein. I dont get a lot of protein (70g is average). But I try to have a little protein with every meal.

 

MIL left, got the kiddos in bed, hung out with my hubs a bit then bed. Nighty night!

[ihaveacupcake]

My tdee from yesterday 

[ihaveacupcake]

Morning

 

Waked and baked (cbd I quit pot cuz I don't like the high feeling anymore), did chores then worked out my lower body with 5 lb weights. I was tired and 7 lbs seemed too heavy. Then I did interval training on the treadmill, 1 min walking, 30 sec jog. I almost quit a couple minutes into it cuz my legs were tired, but I stuck with it and actually enjoyed myself! I'll be doing that 5x a week. My goal is to jog 20 mins.

 

Then took my kid to the dentist for a filling, he was a champ! 

[ihaveacupcake]

Intake for the day

 

Brekky- 2 cups of loaded coffee, 1 peice raisin toast with pb, 2 eggs with hot sauce

Lunch- Yogurt and granola

Snack- 1 loaded coffee, 1/2 can tuna with hot sauce, 2 ritz crackers 

Supper- Bowl of cereal

 

Total- 1409

 

Afternoon

 

Came home from the dentist and paced for an hr, then had lunch, a yogurt bowl and a coffee.

 

So let's have a chat about body image. I do not like my body. I'm chubby and decided I want to concentrate on weight loss as well as my fitness. Hubs and I agreed for me to lose 20 pounds (140 to 120). So I'll be sticking with 5 lb dumbbells and my interval training, but will eat 1400 cals. 

 

I just want to gain confidence. I've been 140-145 most of my late teenage years and adult life, with a few times getting to 130 from yo yo dieting. I want to lose weight the right way this time, no starving, no binging as a result of starvation and working out.

 

----------

 

Pacing till I have to get my kid from school. I feel great! I thought I'd feel sluggish from working out my legs and jogging but nope! And I have energy ?

 

----------

 

Got my kid from school, did homework with both of them then chilled with them in the living room for a while, then paced.

 

I'm craving pot. I gave it up a week ago after 2.5 years on it cuz I don't like high feeling anymore. I used to vape it to help with my depression, but I realized as I get mentally stronger, it causes anxiety. 

 

3 years ago I had a mental breakdown. I heard voices that whispered and yelled at me. I was having religious delusions and thought it was God speaking to me. These hallucinations landed me in a mental hospital where I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, bipolar and major depression. I am on 3 meds to help. But this past week I have lowered the dose of my antidepressant and in 6 months, will go off of it completely! I don't know if I'll ever go off my antipsychotics but we will see. With my meds, I lead a normal life now.? This is why fitness is so important, I need those endorphins! And why I want to lose weight, to be healthy and strong mentally and physically. ☺️

 

----------

 

When hubs got home I had a hoot of pot. I don't really like it anymore but I do go through withdrawl from it still, so having a hoot in the evening helps alleviate the symptoms. I do have one right before bed to help me sleep tho. But my end goal is to just have it at night before bed.

 

For supper, I made the family hamburger helper, but bc I hate it, I get a bowl of yummy mini wheats cereal. I loooooove cereal!! So this feels like a cheat meal cuz I get a good sized portion of it that works into my calories.

 

Cleaned up and got the kids their snack of fruit then into bed. No snack for me tonight. 

 

I think I'll start weighing everyday. I like to see even a tiny loss each day (most days). It's a victory before the day begins. And if I maintain or gain, I'll remember that no matter the number, I am changing my body with working out and eating right, so I don't go into a downward spiral like I used to. And it helps keep me on track each day. I am more careful with my diet knowing I have to weigh the next day! I'll still enjoy special occasions tho, like Thanksgiving coming up, I'll enjoy a big plate of food and a peice of pie with ice cream ? 

 

Ended with 26.5k steps!

 

Alright nighty night!

 

Edit- Couldn't sleep cuz of hunger so I had a fruit bar. Maybe 1400 is too low? I'm used to 1800, maybe I should go down to 1700, then 1600 and so on?

[Elastigirl]

1400 seems super low to me. You are doing a lot of walking as well as the intervals. My two cents (internet advice) you can take or leave it as you wish: Stick at 1,800, and focus on building strength.  I think you will be  more likely to obtain the look you want when you have toned muscles.  Have you read Staci's story?  She had an amazing body transformation. It happened when she started focusing on muscle instead of weight loss.  I know,  we all grew up thinking the thing we really needed to do was just lose a little more weight. But, the truth is , we all look better toned (as well as being healthier)

How to Start Powerlifting as a Woman: Meet Staci | Nerd Fitness

[ihaveacupcake]

9 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

1400 seems super low to me. You are doing a lot of walking as well as the intervals. My two cents (internet advice) you can take or leave it as you wish: Stick at 1,800, and focus on building strength.  I think you will be  more likely to obtain the look you want when you have toned muscles.  Have you read Staci's story?  She had an amazing body transformation. It happened when she started focusing on muscle instead of weight loss.  I know,  we all grew up thinking the thing we really needed to do was just lose a little more weight. But, the truth is , we all look better toned (as well as being healthier)

How to Start Powerlifting as a Woman: Meet Staci | Nerd Fitness

Yes, you're right, as you were before. I guess I still have anorexic tendencies. I'm happy to eat 1800 cals! 

 

Cool, I'll read it today!  Thank you for your advice ?

 

[ihaveacupcake]

Tdee from yesterday 

 

[ihaveacupcake]

So I read Stacie's article and she is definitely goals! That's the type of body I want! And she weighs more than I do now.

 

10 years ago during college, I used to hit the gym 5x a week and gained a lot of muscle. I did not concentrate on nutrition at all and everyone thought I weighed no more than 130, but I was 145. So I know I can gain muscle and look slim and toned at a higher weight.

 

When Staci said sometimes she has trouble sleeping cuz she's excited to workout, I felt that last night! I just couldn't wait to fall asleep so I could workout and do interval training the next day!

 

So I've decided to leave the scale behind and solely concentrate on fitness and strength and making sure I eat enough ?

[ihaveacupcake]

Morning 

 

Woke up at 5:45 and started pacing and listening to true crime...then hubs got up, so no pacing for me. I did weigh myself, 138.8! So what I'm doing is working. Aaaand that's enough of the scale for now. @Elastigirl is right, I need to focus on my fitness instead of the scale.

 

Got the kiddos up and off to school, took the dog (Bear) out for a walk, brekky, chores and then worked out my upper body with 7lb dumbbells and did 20 mind interval training on my treadmill. 

 

-----------

 

I struggled eating all my Brekky. I haven't had oatmeal in a long time and I needed some extra calories along with my tuna sandwich...I am FULL. But I digest food quickly and will be hungry in 3.5hrs again, especially after my workout. But it just seems like so much food.... makes my anorexic tendencies shout at me..."you're gonna get fat! Fatty fat". *sigh* But I will push through and continue on. Going to clean up a bit and let Brekky settle then workout my upper body and interval training!! 

 

----------

 

Interval training went good but I mentally struggled with my weight training. Anorexic thoughts were intruding and making me feel down. So I got changed and paced while listening to true crime and my mood got better. Then I took a nap

[ihaveacupcake]

Intake for the day

 

Brekky- 2 cups of loaded coffee, tuna sandwich, oatmeal

Lunch- Bowl of cereal

Snack- 1 loaded coffee, chocolate milk, small muffin, 2 ritz crackers 

Supper- 2 wings, 2 cups broccoli 

Snack- Fruit bar

 

Total- 1772

Steps- 24.6k

 

Afternoon 

 

Slept for an hour and woke up feeling tired, sluggish and depressed. So I ate a bowl of cereal and paced. I know I pace a lot but I find it crucial for my anxiety, it just gives me peace of mind. I used to walk a lot as a kid and never really stopped lol. 

 

I feel a little better, not so depressed since I ate. Maybe I need a post workout snack? But I eat a big breakfast before I workout, so it should be enough till lunch, but I don't know.

 

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I had a coffee at 1 and paced till 2 then took a break to paint my nails, then I smudged them which ticked me off so I took off the polish and will do gel nails tomorrow instead. I miss my gel nails, I took them off months ago and my nails are in bad shape, so I need gel nails again.

 

At 3 I had a snack of chocolate milk and a muffin. My body is still feeling sluggish. I just feel down.

 

Then MIL picked up the kids and off to swim lessons and they did great! 

 

---------- 

 

Hubs came home and I had a hoot. I felt....better? Cloudy? I still feel the fatigue both mentally and physically but it's like pot masks those negative feelings but I know they are still there. It's a weird feeling. I'm not sure how to feel about it bc pot did bring me relief. I feel better on the surface.

 

Cooked wings and broccoli for supper. Got kiddos in bed, had a fruit bar for a snack, then bed! Nighty night ? ? 

[ihaveacupcake]

Oiy I was hungry again at bed time and rather than have something healthy, I grab a mini cupcake..

[Elastigirl]

24 minutes ago, ihaveacupcake said:

Oiy I was hungry again at bed time and rather than have something healthy, I grab a mini cupcake..

I wouldn't worry about it Your food choices were healthy during the day, and a mini cupckae is not going to have you going overboard on calories

[ihaveacupcake]

Tdee from yesterday 

[TimovieMan]

10 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

I wouldn't worry about it Your food choices were healthy during the day, and a mini cupckae is not going to have you going overboard on calories

^ This.

 

Don't sweat the small stuff.

[ihaveacupcake]

Morning

 

Woke up at 6 and felt tired and kinda depressed today. Not sure why. I paced for an hr.

 

Got the kiddos off to school, dog walk, brekky and chores. I took a rest day today cuz my body just feels tired.

 

So I did my gel nails instead. It felt good to listen to my body and rest and do something else I enjoy. I'm loving this color! 

 

I still paced a lot this morning tho, and skipped my nap.

[ihaveacupcake]

I am feeling super stressed about protein. Protein supplements are just too expensive but I worry if I'm getting enough. Today I'm a total of 60g. I'm not wanting to bulk up or anything, but is that enough? Tomorrow I changed my bowl of cereal to a deli meat sandwich and will only total 67g.

[Elastigirl]

1 hour ago, ihaveacupcake said:

I am feeling super stressed about protein. Protein supplements are just too expensive but I worry if I'm getting enough. Today I'm a total of 60g. I'm not wanting to bulk up or anything, but is that enough? Tomorrow I changed my bowl of cereal to a deli meat sandwich and will only total 67g.

That sounds like a great swap.  Ideally, to build muscle the goal is to get 1 gram of protein per ideal body weight.   I think just looking for small changes , like you did, is a great way to make sustainable changes

[ihaveacupcake]

Brekky- 2 cups loaded coffee, 1 peice raisin toast with pb, 2 eggs

Lunch- Yogurt bowl

Snack- 1 loaded coffee, fruit bar, 2 ritz crackers, 125ml milk

Supper- Beef stir fry

Snack- mini cupcake 

 

Total- 2200

Protein- 80g

Steps- 29k

 

Afternoon

 

Lunch was a yogurt bowl, yum. And as always, I paced a bunch.

 

Picked up the kiddos, did homework and hung out with them for a while, then...yup, more pacing to reach 25k steps. Had a fruit bar for a snack, it was good.

 

I need more protein in my diet tho. I used to eat protein bars but they became too expensive. I average between 60-70g. I'm thinking of having a meat sandwich for lunches instead of yogurt and cereal. But we'll see.

 

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At 4:45, as I was pacing, I started to feel bad that I didn't work out. I know I needed a rest day but still, wish I would've worked out regardless. 

 

At 5 as I said, I'm stressing about protein. My anxiety shot up so I caved and had a hoot. I gotta stop this. But just a month ago I would smoke all day, so now down to 2 hoots a day? (When the hubs comes home and right before bed), so I'm doing awesome!

 

But right now I'm feeling relief from stressing about protein, so yay? 

 

----------

 

Well, I ate a little more than intended at supper. I saw the meat and craved it so much that my 1 cup portion wasn't enough. 

 

Am I eating enough? My tdee is around 2300 and I eat around 1800. I want to slim down and tone up, and not become fixated on the scale number. Am I just having normal hunger from being in a deficient? Learning to eat right is new to me, it was always about calories before, not nutrition.

 

----------

 

Got the kiddos in bed and had a mini cupcake. The hubs and I talked about supplementing protein and we are going to get a protein shake! Waaay cheaper than bars. I used to eat the pure protein brand of bars and their shakes are fairly cheap. With this I'll be around 90g on average! So yay!

 

Got my weekly back massage, then bed! Nighty nighty

[TimovieMan]

8 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

That sounds like a great swap.  Ideally, to build muscle the goal is to get 1 gram of protein per ideal body weight.   I think just looking for small changes , like you did, is a great way to make sustainable changes

It's actually per lean muscle weight, not body weight.

 

Studies have shown that 0.8g/kg is the minimum protein intake, with more being beneficial for toning and bulking. But once you go beyond 1.6g/kg of lean muscle weight, there’s no additional effect.

So the common recommendation of "1g/lbs" or "1.6-2.2g/kg" is probably driven by companies trying to sell protein supplements... ?

As long as you're getting more than 1g/kg of lean muscle weight, you're good.

 

In your case, you're going for toned, with your goal weight at 130 lbs. I'm going to assume "toned" means 15% body fat (which is *very* low). That would mean 110.5 lbs of lean muscle mass, or 50 kg.

Anything above 50g of protein is going to be enough for your goals. You're at 60+g. This is fine. I've already said: don't sweat the small stuff.

[ihaveacupcake]

1 hour ago, TimovieMan said:

It's actually per lean muscle weight, not body weight.

 

Studies have shown that 0.8g/kg is the minimum protein intake, with more being beneficial for toning and bulking. But once you go beyond 1.6g/kg of lean muscle weight, there’s no additional effect.

So the common recommendation of "1g/lbs" or "1.6-2.2g/kg" is probably driven by companies trying to sell protein supplements... ?

As long as you're getting more than 1g/kg of lean muscle weight, you're good.

 

In your case, you're going for toned, with your goal weight at 130 lbs. I'm going to assume "toned" means 15% body fat (which is *very* low). That would mean 110.5 lbs of lean muscle mass, or 50 kg.

Anything above 50g of protein is going to be enough for your goals. You're at 60+g. This is fine. I've already said: don't sweat the small stuff.

Thanks for this!! This really helped ease my mind ? 

[ihaveacupcake]

My tdee from yesterday