LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[CajunHufflepuff]

[StarRuby]

I am hopeful that she will come around! Some people take a lot of time, but if she can accept it intellectually then the leap to knowing it in her heart will be easier. 

[StarRuby]

So this is a new one. I've recently started really being bold with my non-binary identity, insisting people use proper pronouns, etc. It's been pretty great. I feel more like myself, feel more comfortable wearing the clothes I feel best in, and so on. But recently I started taking an aerial silks class, and - this never happened to be before I came out as nb - I feel like my sense of masculinity is threatened. It's ridiculous because there's nothing inherently feminine about aerial silks, except that more women do it than men, and even if it was inherently feminine there's nothing wrong with this. I guess I'm struggling to sort out my new identity. Does anyone else have experience with this?

Sorry I can't be of any help I have had friends who have had similar experiences though. 

 

I can relate to having the problem of sorting out my identity and becoming comfortable with what that means to me. For me, the hard part of being comfortable with who I am and how I present to the world is becoming comfortable with the idea that other people might not be comfortable with it. I believe that masculinity is found in how you choose to define it. 

 

I take that back, I think I have had a similar experience? I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and, along with not having a period and the awkward weight gain, I have an excess production of androgenic hair. I've got a bit of a mustache going on, some hairs on my chin, and a happy trail that dang near reaches my sternum. Couple that with my dating primarily women and growing up in Oklahoma (which isn't too friendly to us folks in the quiltbag community) really made me evaluate what femininity and masculinity meant to me.

 

It turns out that a lot of the traits that I had considered to be primarily feminine or primarily masculine are actually a little more evenly balanced than I thought.

 

Some people think ballet is feminine, and that men who do ballet are seen as lesser males. But a professional ballet dancer works his bodies as hard as a professional basketball player does, in my opinion. There's a lot of athleticism and strength and discipline that goes into doing something that is visually elegant. 

[SaffMcCormick]

So this is a new one. I've recently started really being bold with my non-binary identity, insisting people use proper pronouns, etc. It's been pretty great. I feel more like myself, feel more comfortable wearing the clothes I feel best in, and so on. But recently I started taking an aerial silks class, and - this never happened to be before I came out as nb - I feel like my sense of masculinity is threatened. It's ridiculous because there's nothing inherently feminine about aerial silks, except that more women do it than men, and even if it was inherently feminine there's nothing wrong with this. I guess I'm struggling to sort out my new identity. Does anyone else have experience with this?

 

I experience something that is kinda similar and kinda completely different at the same time. I'll throw it out there and see if it might give you a different perspective on your situation?

 

I'm a bi-gendered female who leans heavily to his masculine side and uses male pronouns. Because I'm not getting any physical changes done to my body I look like the female I am. Society being what it is I try to be understanding and tend to not correct people's use of my pronoun unless I am going to be around them a lot (new friends, new work colleagues etc). The problem I find is when I am in a public place and surrounded by people who don't know I am mentally a man I slip from my true mind set of being a man, and go right back into the role of a masculine woman. I don't even realise I do it most of the time and that is sucky because how do you fight the unconscious?

 

It usually takes me a little bit to pull myself back out of that 'masculine woman' head space and back into my true self as a knuckle dragging, man cave dwelling grunt. I don't know if that helps you at all Pyrolysis, but I hope it does.

[shaeon]

Hello, my friends and allies. 

As many of you have no doubt heard, David Bowie has just died. Just coming here to make my own personal queer tribute to him. 

 

I first saw Labyrinth when I was 13. I am not exaggerating in the least when I say that this was a sexual awakening for me. Me and pretty much every person I knew wished Sarah had kissed Jareth in the ballroom scene. WE certainly would have. I even took the time to write what I now realize was fan fiction, wherein I did succumb to the Goblin King (1. we didn't have the internet to share this stuff on in 1986 2. yes I totally wrote myself into Labyrinth as the Lucy to Sarah's Mina - she could resist Jareth and I could not, and I was fine with the ruin that it would undoubtedly bring for the moment of bliss 3. What can I say? I was only 13). When I realized a few years later that I am a lesbian, the Bowie crush in my very early teen years didn't seem like an anomaly. It's Bowie. Even now, staunchly lesbian and able to see that Labyrinth was definitely NOT his best look, it still doesn't trouble me one bit. It's Bowie. What could be more queer than having a crush on Bowie? It wasn't until they did a video together that I realized my crush on Tilda Swinton was because she looks like Bowie. 

I recently learned to play that ballroom song (As the World Falls Down) on the ukulele, as part of a plan to do a wandering musician costume at DragonCon 2016. When telling some women I know that I had learned that song, their reaction made me suddenly realize that that scene had the same impact on a lot of people as it did on me. It also made me realize I might want to exercise caution, and carefully choose who I sing it to. Although "you have no power over me" is an important message in Labyrinth, that song clearly does have power over many. 

So here's to Bowie. Thanks for giving me my own unique intro to what has been in no way a normal sex life. 

[Artinum]

Woah. I come home from work and this has happened??

[RogueLibrarian]

Wonderful post, Shaeon. Thanks for posting it.

[Frost of the Gloaming]

I had no sexual awakening but David Bowie was one of the people that made me feel normal for being weird

 

I really don't want to say weird, because I am not weird, because really what the fuck is normal anyway?

[RogueLibrarian]

 

I recently learned to play that ballroom song (As the World Falls Down) on the ukulele, as part of a plan to do a wandering musician costume at DragonCon 2016. 

 

 

Now you have me pondering a Bowie / Assassin's Creed mashup costume for D'con 2016.

[Jett]

Sigh. Oh, Bowie. I don't have the same kind of history with him that some people do (my sexual awakening was with Sigourney Weaver in Ghostbusters, lol wtf) but his death is hitting harder than I expected. Listening to Blackstar in the light that he was making it knowing he would die around the time that it came out is really interesting, but also emotional.

 

There's a section from the lyrics of Lazarus that I can't help but think relate to his death, as well as his determination to live his own way:

 

You know, I'll be free / Just like that bluebird / Now ain't that just like me?

[RogueLibrarian]

He definitely knew he was dying while working on Blackstar. There are some good articles circulating about it. I think you're right on target.

[shaeon]

Now you have me pondering a Bowie / Assassin's Creed mashup costume for D'con 2016.

If you do this, and I see you while I'm in my musician costume, I will probably sing to you. 

 

 

 

Sigh. Oh, Bowie. I don't have the same kind of history with him that some people do (my sexual awakening was with Sigourney Weaver in Ghostbusters, lol wtf) but his death is hitting harder than I expected. Listening to Blackstar in the light that he was making it knowing he would die around the time that it came out is really interesting, but also emotional.

 

There's a section from the lyrics of Lazarus that I can't help but think relate to his death, as well as his determination to live his own way:

 

You know, I'll be free / Just like that bluebird / Now ain't that just like me?

 

 

That makes a lot of sense to me as a sexual awakening, actually. 

And I keep hearing these same things about the new album. I plan to listen to it as soon as I can manage to hold myself together for a few minutes. (And once I'm no longer at work so I don't cry at my desk).

[RogueLibrarian]

If you do this, and I see you while I'm in my musician costume, I will probably sing to you. 

 

If I do, and you don't, I will fight you.

[shaeon]

If I do, and you don't, I will fight you.

Well, now I know if I'm challenged to a battle by an assassin Bowie, it will definitely be you. 

[RogueLibrarian]

January Me has all kinds of Dragoncon plans that September Me finds hilarious every year.

[shaeon]

I know those feels. Last year I actually did start one of my costumes early and was done with it an entire month before DragonCon. But that doesn't mean I started it in January.

 

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

January Me has all kinds of Dragoncon plans that September Me finds hilarious every year.

 

^ This. For every. Single. Con.

[Frost of the Gloaming]

To the Homophobic guy that was hanging out in the Men's Locker Room why the fuck are you hanging out in the Men's locker room if you don't want to see accidental penis or men in their underwear?

 

No he was not there changing or getting anything out of his locker, he was just sitting on a bench hiding until the end of the day.

[Reluctant Amazon]

Why do you say he was homophobic? Isn't the stereotypical homophone really closet gay?

Sent from my MotoE2(4G-LTE) using Tapatalk

[Frost of the Gloaming]

IMHO yes, yes it is.

 

 

And I say homophobic because I heard fag come out of his mouth, and it's one of those things I can't prove that he said it so going to management would be a he said she said thing, so I'm just letting everyone I know know how much of an asshole he is and that he was hiding out in the locker room instead of working.

[Artinum]

Isn't the stereotypical homophone really closet gay?

 

Naah, they just sound very similar. :-P

[Shen]

It usually takes me a little bit to pull myself back out of that 'masculine woman' head space and back into my true self as a knuckle dragging, man cave dwelling grunt. I don't know if that helps you at all Pyrolysis, but I hope it does.

 

It does help. Gender is such a social thing, and whether I like it or not, at least for now, the way other people see me/treat me/address me affects my sense of self. I don't know if that's something I can fix, or just the way it is.

[SaffMcCormick]

It does help. Gender is such a social thing, and whether I like it or not, at least for now, the way other people see me/treat me/address me affects my sense of self. I don't know if that's something I can fix, or just the way it is.

 

Everyones experiences are different mate so try not to get frustrated if you cant find your footing for a while. The thing I found helps me out is remembering that for the most part people are really nice, but suffer ignorance thanks to society. I've been in a new job for a week now and I am so floored by how hard my team are working to get my pronouns down pact. They correct themselves whenever they slip, they count me as part of the boys team when we have a Battle of the Sexes, they ask questions to try and understand how I am, and they always assure me that they aren't trying to be offensive when they ask those questions.

When I forget who I am in my mind I remind myself that almost everyone around me is just like my team, and if these strangers knew that I am transgendered they would respect that. That thought follows on and I start to think that strangers will refer to me as male (if they knew) and therefore I assume off the bat they think of me as male. When they say 'she' I just shrug it off (strangers) or explain myself and reassure them (people I will have to meet again in the future).

 

Be strong Pyrolisis!! Be strong everyone for that matter!

[Tkal]

Has anyone seen the new profiles they are going to launch here sooner or later? They should be available to anybody in the academy or the yoga program.
Please tell me that I got it wrong, but if I want to be a monk there as I am here, I must choose between a definitively-male monk and a definitively-female monk. But I am so happy as a neuter(ed) monk!

 

Oh, and hi to the new and old folks after a long break from online life during which I got rid of all the (for me) annoying female bits

[fleaball]

I'm pretty sure it's public by now? If not, I found it via the google so oh well. https://www.nerdfitness.com/level-up/start-here/I haven't actually bothered with it yet.

 

Welcome back!