LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[BeautifulBeast]

I don't consider myself gay, but I'm also not straight. I like to call myself bent.   I'm married to a man but enjoy the more squishy parts of a woman when I get the chance, but I could never see myself dating or whatever with another woman. I'm physically attracted to them, but not emotionally I suppose? If I ever come across a woman I am interested in as more than friendly, or more than sexy time friends, I wouldn't say no to it being more but for now I stick to forming emotion ties to men and just enjoy the body of women when I'm lucky enough to get that chance And for those of you scratching your heads at all of this...my husband and I have a different kind of relationship. Anything that is done with others is fully known by all parties! 

So, I guess classify me as an ally :-) 

[pantinaprovina]

hey there. i hate labeling myself, but i suppose i'm a bisexual leaning more towards gay but married to a man. i am physically and emotionally attracted to women, but my soul-mate happened to be a guy oddly enough, when we first started dating we were often mistaken as a lesbian couple because he looked a lot more gender neutral back then. 

our close friends know i like the ladies, but other than coming out to my closest family member when i was 15, no one else knows or really needs to know. my family is baptist/pentecostal/catholic and all believe that homosexuality is wrong along with gay marriage so i figured i'd cross that bridge when i got to it. sometimes i feel guilty that i basically got off 'easy' by falling in love with a man, but it probably gives my pro-gay marriage arguments more weight with my family since in their eyes, i'm not biased. 

[Katariana]

Its really hard to come into a thread thats been going on this long and catch up (not quite there yet ) but I just wanted to check in and say hi. Straight ally here. I actually grew up with two gay dads and a mom, kind of changed my life views early on. I'm super happy NF is so open  

[Loren Wade]

I don't know why I hadn't seen this thread before.

 

Straight ally here. 

[Anduril]

I have discovered Velvet Goldmine on Netflix.

 

This movie is fascinating on so many levels. I've watched it three times now.

[theanne]

Chiming in here. 

 

I've been in love with the same girl since I was 16 years old (I am 23 now) and after lots of self-discovery, strife and figuring out what we meant to each other, we've been monogamous for 4+ years. She still gets confused about what she wants long-term, since otherwise she identifies as straight, so there's a chance that will eventually be the end of us.  

 

I'm not really sure how I would identify once this is over. My general outlook is: Some guys are attractive, but for the most part I think that I'm straight-up lesbian.

 

I'm out to parts of my family, my good friends, and random acquaintances (because I don't care about random people's opinions).

 

I grew up in a largely Christian circle, and girls' parents have been terrified of me as a lesbian since before I knew it myself, so... whatever it is, I have some kind of ubergay vibe going on.

[chammy]

It seemed like you guys had a thing when I met you, it was super cute! I tend to never ask about that sort of thing though, because it doesn't really matter to me who you like/love/want etc.

 

Chiming in here. 

 

I've been in love with the same girl since I was 16 years old (I am 23 now) and after lots of self-discovery, strife and figuring out what we meant to each other, we've been monogamous for 4+ years. 

[jenlady]

another queer hereeeeeee!

[Tkal]

Just to share something sort of funny (or really sad, depending on your perspective).

I have recently came out to my parents. For the second time

First time was the "I like girls" thing. No, 13 years later it was the "I am a man" thing. It took me 13 years to get the courage (and the inner balance) for saying that...

Actually this time it was a triple coming out: I am trans, I've married my partner, I do not go to church anymore. In the end I think they were most bothered by me leaving the Church than me becoming a man.

Now they are digesting the news. They still have a few months before the changes start. Anyway, we all survived. Maybe a bit shaken, but overall intact. The future is bright.

[Shukar]

No real comments to make currently but identifying myself as an Ally.

[Terinatum]

Hi All

 

My partner and I are both bi women.

 

On a personal note:: I am extremely blessed, as on March 15th, we will celebrate our 16th anniversary.

 

Thank you for this thread. Good luck on the Challenge that starts, TODAY!!!!

 

Rock on, T

[Anduril]

Congratulations on your anniversary!

[nightlight]

Just to share something sort of funny (or really sad, depending on your perspective).

I have recently came out to my parents. For the second time

First time was the "I like girls" thing. No, 13 years later it was the "I am a man" thing. It took me 13 years to get the courage (and the inner balance) for saying that...

Actually this time it was a triple coming out: I am trans, I've married my partner, I do not go to church anymore. In the end I think they were most bothered by me leaving the Church than me becoming a man.

Now they are digesting the news. They still have a few months before the changes start. Anyway, we all survived. Maybe a bit shaken, but overall intact. The future is bright.

this is great. your future is BLINDINGLY BRIGHT! 

 

Hi All

 

My partner and I are both bi women.

 

On a personal note:: I am extremely blessed, as on March 15th, we will celebrate our 16th anniversary.

 

Thank you for this thread. Good luck on the Challenge that starts, TODAY!!!!

 

Rock on, T

awww. happy anniversary!

[Terinatum]

Thanks.

It's been good, bad, hard work, easy-peasy, and very fulfilling.

[RBC]

On a personal note:: I am extremely blessed, as on March 15th, we will celebrate our 16th anniversary.

 

Yay! What a milestone! Congrats to you and your sweetie!

[Sage]

Hi, y'all! Pansexual and married to a man here, poking my head in to say "Hi". Which I already said. 

Hi.

[tee-jay]

Oh no, this thread has been inactive for a bit. Come back queers! I just joined and want frieeeeends!

 

22 year old "lebanese thespian," as my dad calls me. He thinks he's funny or something. My girlfriend of 4 years is also working on getting healthier with me. To be honest, she does not need to get "smaller" at 5'9" and 145 lbs. However, she does want to work on building muscle. It's good because we'll do weight training together, and she's all for going paleo with me because it makes her brain & body feel less crappy.

 

On a random note, am I allowed to use the word dyke? I've encountered some people who are extremely uncomfortable with it, and some people who love it. I feel like the word itself sounds hardcore/badass, so I often refer to myself as one. Moderators? Say the word and I'll ne'er type it again!

[Artinum]

Hello tee-jay. I wish I could be a dyke. It sounds cool - though I'm also vaguely aware that a dyke is a sort of dam-like thing - you don't want to be named after something little Dutch boys stick their fingers in. Ew.

[I-Jo]

lol I believe it was an earthen damn (roughly 700's) or a pair of pliers ever before it was used in connection with lesibans (and it was originally considered a derogatory term)

 

I know all my lesbian friends don't even prefer to be called lesbians- they just call themselves gay.    shrug- whatever you like to call yourself.    

 

And in completely other news welcome and YAY FOR WEIGHT TRAINING!!!!  man at 5'9" 145 I'm envious of her- I'm 5'8" and 160 and while I'm pretty fit I know I'd look beyond amazing if I could get down toward 145 (that used to be my original target goal).  But I'm not die hard about it- I just like training and getting stronger- if I lose great- if I gain great- I just want to be fitter than I was yesterday

[tee-jay]

Hello tee-jay. I wish I could be a dyke. It sounds cool - though I'm also vaguely aware that a dyke is a sort of dam-like thing - you don't want to be named after something little Dutch boys stick their fingers in. Ew.

 

I wish you could've seen my reaction to reading this. It was something along the lines of literally spitting coffee onto my keyboard, then quickly looking around to see if any of my coworkers were watching.

 

lol I believe it was an earthen damn (roughly 700's) or a pair of pliers ever before it was used in connection with lesibans (and it was originally considered a derogatory term)

 

I know all my lesbian friends don't even prefer to be called lesbians- they just call themselves gay.    shrug- whatever you like to call yourself.  

 

And in completely other news welcome and YAY FOR WEIGHT TRAINING!!!!  man at 5'9" 145 I'm envious of her- I'm 5'8" and 160 and while I'm pretty fit I know I'd look beyond amazing if I could get down toward 145 (that used to be my original target goal).  But I'm not die hard about it- I just like training and getting stronger- if I lose great- if I gain great- I just want to be fitter than I was yesterday

 

I just want to make sure I'm being respectful of everyone here. I know that, to some people, it can be considered quite offensive. If that's the case here, I'll just have to stick with my dad's nickname. It's much more colorful than gay is, anyway.

 

And yeeeah, not to brag, but she's pretty hot.   I wish she would get the "weight doesn't matter at her size" thing, but she's kind of compulsive about standing on the scale, which is really frustrating for me at times. She could probably stand to gain some (muscle) weight, honestly. I worry at times because she dealt with eating disorders back when she was in middle/high school, and I know she still has some body image issues, despite the fact that she is at a very healthy weight. Any advice?

[I-Jo]

throw out the scale and get her lifting weights.

She'll realize at some point that being strong and fit for life is WAY more important than being skinny.   That and continue (as I assume you do now) to reassure her that she looks great.  Or you could do what mine does- any time I start complaining about something- he'll tell me how super sexy fabulous I am... and if I don't give it a rest- he'll just go with it and put on his sarcastic asshole hat and make me laugh- and be like yeah- you have elephant legs for thighs- seriously- you should work on that you're an absolute cow.   The juxtaposition usually helps put life back into context. 

 

And you won't offend me (but I can't speak for anyone else here)... if that's what you like- then call yourself that!  Although I think lesbian thespian is kind of adorable.

 

Definitely getting fit will help her- if you can (without being naggy) post up videos or share videos of motivated women who are strong and fit and sexy looking (there is a great video of the Bar Brothers and it's all women- they looks smashing- and they are definitely FIT FIT FIT).  I always find that sort of stuff inspires me to be a better athlete- not just  "skinny"

[tee-jay]

throw out the scale and get her lifting weights.

She'll realize at some point that being strong and fit for life is WAY more important than being skinny.   That and continue (as I assume you do now) to reassure her that she looks great.  Or you could do what mine does- any time I start complaining about something- he'll tell me how super sexy fabulous I am... and if I don't give it a rest- he'll just go with it and put on his sarcastic asshole hat and make me laugh- and be like yeah- you have elephant legs for thighs- seriously- you should work on that you're an absolute cow.   The juxtaposition usually helps put life back into context. 

 

And you won't offend me (but I can't speak for anyone else here)... if that's what you like- then call yourself that!  Although I think lesbian thespian is kind of adorable.

 

Definitely getting fit will help her- if you can (without being naggy) post up videos or share videos of motivated women who are strong and fit and sexy looking (there is a great video of the Bar Brothers and it's all women- they looks smashing- and they are definitely FIT FIT FIT).  I always find that sort of stuff inspires me to be a better athlete- not just  "skinny"

 

Haha! I really oughta try the sarcastic plan of attack. "Yep, you have belly rolls the size of Andre the Giant's left thigh. Diiiiiisgusting."

 

I would toss out the scale, but I'm worried that would elicit a very negative reaction PLUS an immediate drive to the store for a new one. (Plus, I really like having it since I have so much to lose. It's good to be able to track my weekly progress.)

 

She had been weighing herself every morning and every night before bed, but after a talk she agreed to start only doing it in the mornings. Hopefully I'll be able to wean her back to once a week.

 

I definitely love watching stuff with super fit women (for multiple reasons  ), and I've been encouraging watching stuff like Haywire and Million Dollar Baby on movie nights, rather than crappy chick flicks.

 

Thanks a bunch!

[I-Jo]

it's definitely a tactic- you certainly have to know  your audience (obviously could easily back fire LOL) but I remember clearly dealing with an issue with my best friend- she had alcoholic issues- and I had weight issues.  And she was 125 lbs soaking wet and pretty fit- and she could complain about her back fat if she wasn't working out much- and finally I was like you're right- your an absolutely fucking cow and a slob- what's wrong with you- you over sized blimp.  It was literally just too much for me (at 175) to take to listen to this thin little girl complaining about her weight.   it's become a thing every since- and used sparingly can really be useful- assuming  you know your intended target.  But for me it just really hurt she was constantly fussing about that when she never realized what it said about ME.  Like if she thought SHE was fat- what did she think about me?  It hurt my feelings- so I just finally agreed with her and asked her if that's really what she was after because if she needed verification of her fat-assedness I was happy to agree.  

 

It wasn't pretty- but it's again- become a useful tool since then.

 

cutting down to once a week helps- every night before bed and in the morning is insane- that would drive me literally nuts!!!  Not sure how someone could do that!   Good luck to you kiddo- that's a difficult road to deal with- the weight obsessing (at any weight). 

[Tkal]

tee-jay, on 07 Mar 2013 - 19:46, said:

On a random note, am I allowed to use the word dyke? I've encountered some people who are extremely uncomfortable with it, and some people who love it. I feel like the word itself sounds hardcore/badass, so I often refer to myself as one. Moderators? Say the word and I'll ne'er type it again!

First of all, welcome!

Secondly, in general the rule under the rainbow is "I am the only one who label myself", with the corollary that you should not put labels to other people. Plus, labels fit better on food. Unless you need to check if the other person is paleo-compliant

I am no moderator (and I do not think this forum has one), but if you feel that "dyke" is the perfect label for you, then use it! For example, usually I wear "average geek guy", but today I picked up "tranny bitch". "Pansy" is quite comfortable, "Italian" not so much, although technically I am the latter but not the former. And most of the time I am just like gcc: "pedantic" and "verbose"

Artinum, on 07 Mar 2013 - 20:06, said:

Hello tee-jay. I wish I could be a dyke. It sounds cool - though I'm also vaguely aware that a dyke is a sort of dam-like thing - you don't want to be named after something little Dutch boys stick their fingers in. Ew.

From my experience of Dutch boys.... peanut butter? or (pick-your-favorite)berry jam? If they are little, also ice cream is an option

[Mordechaj]