Fighting my own confidence

[MaryLyss]

Hey.  So, here is the issue I am having.  I have been on a 9 month journey to lose 60 pounds.  At my last doctor's appointment, the staff didn't recognize me (literally).  I want to push the envelope and become a warrior.  I want to do things I have never been able, or scared to do before (my brother and I are planning a rafting trip to West Virginia).  Here are my issues:

 

1.  My husband has never had a weight problem in his life, and lives on Mountain Dew and Little Debbies.

2.  He has spent the last 12 years trying to convince me that I am not strong enough to do anything without him.

3.  I think it's working.

 

I know that is wrong, and pathetic, but how do I get past it?

[insanity]

Well, you did manage to lose what seems to be a good bit of weight without much help from him it sounds. So you've already blown away the idea that you're not strong enough to do something without him.

 

If I was you, I would probably start by signing up for a class, bring a friend, etc. Perhaps having people around you would help with sticking to your goals, so it's not just you versus the world.

 

I would also start off small, get some little victories under your belt and build from there.

 

"I wanna add 10 more pounds to my deadlift max"

 

"Add 5 pounds to my Bench max"

 

Little things, then you can work up towards "I want to deadlift 300 pounds"

 

As for the husband... if it was me, I'm not sure I could keep him around. Not with that kind of talk...

[swarneke]

For self-confidence, put up sticky notes in places where you would typically be the only one to see them on a regular basis. Put a short, encouraging statement from yourself to yourself on it.

 

As for the rafting, I did it several years ago, and I was (and still am) pretty pathetically out of shape. I'm guessing you'll be rafting with more than just your brother. You'll be with a group of people and a trained guide who will keep you safe and out of the dangerous parts. Unless it's the really hard-core kind of rafting, keeping it moving in the right direction is more about coordination and a bit of teamwork with the other people in the raft. Whitewater rafting is a blast and I'm almost positive you have nothing to worry about.

[fadagaski]

Sounds like he's the one with the insecurity, seeing as he has to undermine you. That can often be both because he is afraid of being the 'weaker' partner, and because he doesn't want to lose you. Only you can decide how to deal with that: ignore it, compromise, discussion, walk out, etc.

 

Are you a member of a gym? Now might be the time to do a Staci, sign up and get some advice on lifting weights. Remember the 20 second Beast Mode if you're unsure!

 

Best of luck, whatever you decide to do.

 

ETA: The hubbie's diet might not show on the outside, but there will be health side effects: visceral fat packing around the organs to name one, a slew of vitamin deficiencies, etc. It'll catch up with him eventually.

[Maledictus]

Hey.  So, here is the issue I am having.  I have been on a 9 month journey to lose 60 pounds.  At my last doctor's appointment, the staff didn't recognize me (literally).  I want to push the envelope and become a warrior.  I want to do things I have never been able, or scared to do before (my brother and I are planning a rafting trip to West Virginia).  Here are my issues:

 

1.  My husband has never had a weight problem in his life, and lives on Mountain Dew and Little Debbies.

2.  He has spent the last 12 years trying to convince me that I am not strong enough to do anything without him.

3.  I think it's working.

 

I know that is wrong, and pathetic, but how do I get past it?

 

1. your husband is a very lucky guy then but that doesn't change what YOU need to do

2. Sounds to me like it isn't working.  Plus some people get very odd when their partner makes changes in lifestyle.

3. I don't think it is or you wouldn't be posting all that now, would you.

 

Good luck with it.  Sounds to me like he needs an attitude adjustment.  Who wouldn't want a healthier, happier, hotter wife (this follows on from the other two, not a judgement on body shapes...)?

[Genni]

I found I didn't have the self confidence to just go it alone so I love structured programs because I can't "mess them up" if you don't have gym membership start with some of the bodyweight workouts on here. If you do have access to free form weights look into specific training schedules. I've heard good things about "new rules of lifting for women" and "stronglifts 5x5". Your husband will eventually come along for the ride - he's just being a bit of a baby about change. Show him you still love him and you're going to stick by him and maybe even influence him to be better. I know I was influenced to run by my fiance

[Huntress]

Hey.  So, here is the issue I am having.  I have been on a 9 month journey to lose 60 pounds.  At my last doctor's appointment, the staff didn't recognize me (literally).  I want to push the envelope and become a warrior.  I want to do things I have never been able, or scared to do before (my brother and I are planning a rafting trip to West Virginia).  Here are my issues:

 

1.  My husband has never had a weight problem in his life, and lives on Mountain Dew and Little Debbies.

2.  He has spent the last 12 years trying to convince me that I am not strong enough to do anything without him.

3.  I think it's working.

 

I know that is wrong, and pathetic, but how do I get past it?

 

1. Your husband may never have had a "weight problem", but an unhealthy diet can cause all sorts of health problems in even the skinniest of people. Do your best to look beyond the scale and remember that when you eat healthy and live an active lifestyle you improve your health, your quality of life, and maybe even how long it is.

2. You're losing weight. You're going on a rafting trip. You're planning to become a Warrior. His behaviour isn't working. It might wear you down, but you're still doing a great job despite it. You *are* strong without him. Keep on at it.

 

3. Keep on being awesome, until your husband internalises the message that being awesome and strong and confident is who you are and learns to back off. I don't know the specifics obviously, but if there are comments being made to you, feel free to bignote your awesomeness until he gets the message that you ain't gonna take that shite and backs off.

[Malfurion]

1. Your husband may never have had a "weight problem", but an unhealthy diet can cause all sorts of health problems in even the skinniest of people. Do your best to look beyond the scale and remember that when you eat healthy and live an active lifestyle you improve your health, your quality of life, and maybe even how long it is.

2. You're losing weight. You're going on a rafting trip. You're planning to become a Warrior. His behaviour isn't working. It might wear you down, but you're still doing a great job despite it. You *are* strong without him. Keep on at it.

 

3. Keep on being awesome, until your husband internalises the message that being awesome and strong and confident is who you are and learns to back off. I don't know the specifics obviously, but if there are comments being made to you, feel free to bignote your awesomeness until he gets the message that you ain't gonna take that shite and backs off.

+10 !!!

[Malfurion]

Go on ! Your husband can say whatever he wants, this person doesn't define you... youh behaviour every day, your actions, your passions, your dreams and how you realize them can define you a bit !

 

keep going and with time he will have nothing to say but... i was wrong you are a warrior !

[Guzzi]

Firstly, well done on the weight loss. That's an epic amount to lose! Congrats

All of the above is really good advice, I only wanted to add one thing. Your husbands attempts to make you believe you can't do anything without him can't have any effect if you can look at yourself and see all the things you've accomplished on your own. Keep striving to do more. Learn new skills, develop new hobbies, have fun! The more you do, the less effect his words will have (and the more fun you'll have too!). His attitude probably does stem from insecurity, but that's not healthy for either one of you and you shouldn't give in to it.

Go practice your warrior face girl. I think you're nearly ready