Interesting video about shaming people into change

[shortstuff]

 

So someone posted this video on facebook the other day and I thought it was interesting and the guy made a good point.

 

In the video the guy talks about people making hurtful comments about his weight/size in order to make him feel ashamed of himself so that he would lose the weight. While those hurtful comments did make him feel ashamed of himself, instead of making him want to change, they only made the problem worse as it made him eat more.

 

I know he applied it to being overweight, but I think the part about making hurtful comments only making the problem worse can be applied to other things as well or in same cases cursing a problem where there isn't one in the first place.

 

What do you guys think of the video?

[Elastigirl]

Very good. It really disturbs and saddens me that ii our society it is ok to shame and belittle overweight people. I was skinny all my life, even though I ate like crap. In my 30's I gained weight, but not as much as some people who ate similar to me. I get tired of the attitude that some people have that somehow they are superior to fat people. 

[DirtyLittleSecrets]

Body shaming is not an effective tool in guiding people to a healthier lifestyle. It doesn't take into account what they're currently doing because you can't see the results, you just see their body as it is now. Making people feel like they should be ashamed for letting their bodies get that "bad" can lead them to believe they're powerless to change because it attacks their feelings of self-efficacy. Comments about how fat people are disgusting, gross, and eyesores creates a hostile environment. It perpetuates stereotypes, enforces discrimination and makes it more difficult for people that want help to feel like they deserve it or can change. No one should ever feel like they have less of a right to be in a gym, on the sidewalk, in a grocery store, at a restaurant or the doctors. If you feel better about your body or morally superior to someone because they're fat, you should be the one that's ashamed and start to consider why you feel that way.

 

The only person you should judge is yourself and the only person you should judge yourself against is who you were. Circumstances are everything. Something that is easy to you now can be astronomically challenging to another.

 

 

[UberTumbleweed]

Are fat people going around sitting on your firstborn child and killing it? No? Then mind your own goddamn business and stop telling fat people they're fat.  Stop telling them to change.  You've already admitted their fatness doesn't hurt you.  Just shut up about it [until/unless that specific fat person asks you your opinion].

 

The truth is, no one is obligated to make certain health choices to please you.  You're not that special.  There are plenty of people here, even on NF, that I think make some really stupid unhealthy choices.  I shut the hell up unless they ask (me personally or in a general asking-questions thread) because it's NOT MY BUSINESS.

 

You never know what the person on the other end of your fat-taunt has in their lives.  And knowing that people will refuse to treat you equally because of how you look never helps anything.

[DirtyLittleSecrets]

You never know what the person on the other end of your fat-taunt has in their lives.

^ That, that right there.

My sister is epileptic and the medication she needs to be on to control her seizures made her gain a lot of weight. When she first went on it she gained 75 pounds. She was able to lose some of it but unless she resorts to extreme dieting or exercising she'll always be in the overweight category. She's fine with the weight, she has a clean bill of health from her specialist and her family doctor, and she lives a healthy and active lifestyle. She just doesn't look the way society thinks someone healthy should look ie. thin.

[FalseAesop]

This hits home. I've been there. I know the feelings he expressed all too well. The self loathing, the depression, the shame.

It hurts, that kind of self loathing, and the powerlessness that accompanies it. When you internalize all the mocking and the shaming... It hurts so damn much.

I just want to tell this guy that I know. I understand. I've been there. But it can get better. Getting rid of the negative people is a great first step... Because the hardest part is convincing yourself you can change. I'm not saying it's easy... But you aren't powerless. It can be done.

[UltanBoyd]

I get both sides.

I'm pig headed (Ulster pride eh?) and being told I could do with loosing a few pounds is enough to make me really not want to and yet it was an Aunt saying she was shocked how large I'd become that added to me starting to change.

 

There are people that are shaming fat people into loosing weight that are being malicious or projecting their own issues. These people suck but screw them right? It's the people who do it from love that cut the deepest. They're probably in a place where they're seeing a loved one expanding and slowly causing themselves harm. There's two guys I work with, both with voluminous bellies. The older one has said to me before "I wish I could tell 30 year old me what this weight does to you, I wish I could get it through to [Our Colleague, late twenties] how ill he is making himself and what he'll suffer at my age"

It's from love (we work as shift teams, it's a different working relationship) that he says it. However he'll say it to anyone directly in front of the younger guy. He doesn't know what to do and he's trying something. It's the wrong thing but we should recognise a difference when it comes from love not hate.

 

Shut up it's not your business? It is when it's a loved one.

[Zorch]

Are fat people going around sitting on your firstborn child and killing it? No? Then mind your own goddamn business and stop telling fat people they're fat.  Stop telling them to change.  You've already admitted their fatness doesn't hurt you.  Just shut up about it [until/unless that specific fat person asks you your opinion].

 

The truth is, no one is obligated to make certain health choices to please you.  You're not that special.  There are plenty of people here, even on NF, that I think make some really stupid unhealthy choices.  I shut the hell up unless they ask (me personally or in a general asking-questions thread) because it's NOT MY BUSINESS.

 

You never know what the person on the other end of your fat-taunt has in their lives.  And knowing that people will refuse to treat you equally because of how you look never helps anything.

 

Agree 100% - ultimately if someone's not bothering me, I have no business telling them how to live their life.  That's just being a (insert adjective of choice here)

 

On a related note, as an ex-fat guy, one of my biggest obstacles to making progress was tied to social anxiety and fear of the perception of others - I didn't want to go to the gym and be seen as slow/fat/weak, so the only time I worked out at first was running after dark, in a park nearby where I lived, when pretty much no one was around.  It wasn't until I lost some weight/got in somewhat better shape by doing that, that I actually had the courage to start going to the gym.  I can't speak for everyone, but the fear of negative perception was definitely an additional, initial obstacle that had to be overcome for me to start getting in shape.

 

I think a big part of helping more people lose weight/get in better shape is removing obstacles/barriers to success - and eliminating the snide comments is definitely part of that.

[cline]

We shame all sorts of people in our society and sometimes, inadvertently, we shame here. 

 

This is a good reminder that we all have stories and life journeys and those stories and life journeys are different. 

 

This is a good reminder to all of us here to also not shame based on diet, a lack of control or other eating issues, the type of workout someone chooses to do, the goals someone chooses, etc. 

 

This is a strong reminder to live our lives more compassionately. 

[whoiwas]

Look, you can never hear "Don't be a d**k" too many times. But this guy's act seems to be based more on a desire for youtube hits than anything of meaning.

 

"Don't make fun of fat people."

 

"Okay...now what?"

[Shawry]

From my perspective the "shaming" often comes as a last resort.

The friend in that video, Matt, probably had tried subtlety for a long time to help with encouragement and advice, yet it never got through and he felt he had to "take the offensive" as it were.

No, its not the way to go, but seeing your friends waste away is awful for anyone. 

 

I have a friend who has ballooned out over the past few years. Gorgeous girl, but obviously doesn't see herself that way, and constantly tries to lose weight. She goes about it the wrong way, and subsequently hasn't lost a single kilo. 

I know that shaming her isnt going to help at all, but that leaves me absolutely powerless to help her. I want to jump in and apply everything I've learnt about slowly changing my own lifestyle and habits onto her own life - because I know I can do an effective job unlike fad diets and jumping straight into a gym membership. 

 

To me, being majorly overweight can be exactly the same as having a illegal drug addiction or being a heavy smoker. 

[Suited hippy]

This may not be a popular opinion, but in Canada, and most of the developed world it is the truth. Fat people are hurting others. Do read the whole argument before getting up in arms.

 

I say this as someone who has felt that shaming, and felt the depression, loathing, and total life effects of growing up, and being a fat guy. It is not that I no longer have sympathy, it's that I realized this before I became fit.

 

Fat people, generally can become not fat through their own efforts, if they put the effort in. There are maybe 1-5% (made up stat) of obese people that are due to real medical conditions, but the vast majority are due to poor life choices.

 

How are Fat people sitting on my first born? (Purely a metaphor, I do not have a kid)

 

Health care:

 

Fat people have increased health issues, from diabetes, heart issues, migraines, broken bones to strain, heck even reduced immunity. These health issues are costly to the health care system that can no afford to properly treat my Child who has been "sit on" by an overburdened health care system. Not only costs,  but waiting times, for procedures like MRI's or CT's delayed due to self imposed illness.

 

Resource use:

 

Climate change is pretty widely accepted. 3XL shirts require more material to make, clean, and dispose of.  My kid will not have a planet to live on due to sea level rise!

 

I am not saying shaming is right, or something that should be done, but let's not fool ourselves that fat people are not hurting anyone but themselves. 

[Johnny Special]

The question remains. How do you help someone that is extremely overweight? While I don't think fat people should be shamed in any way for being fat, it's a behavior that's extremely self destructive. To me, sitting idly by and watching someone I care about kill themselves isn't the right thing to do either. Is there a right thing to do?

[FalseAesop]

Hippy, that's the trouble. I don't disagree that obesity is a problem that effects us all... The thing is 'fat shaming' doesn't help. It makes matters worse. Telling an emotional eater that they need to change will only cause them to binge.

[Suited hippy]

Oh I agree. I am not in support of shaming anyone for any reason, just making a point that being fat is bad for everyone. 

 

I work in energy efficiency and one of my main motivators was thinking about how much lower my impact will be... on the ground, and on the planet. 

[whoiwas]

The question remains. How do you help someone that is extremely overweight? While I don't think fat people should be shamed in any way for being fat, it's a behavior that's extremely self destructive. To me, sitting idly by and watching someone I care about kill themselves isn't the right thing to do either. Is there a right thing to do?

 

It seems to me that discussing this in some hypothetical or anecdotal sense is pointless, save for maybe gaining some insight about why a person you care for and are trying to help fails to respond.

 

Every message has the potential to push a person in this direction or that direction.

 

So, I say, do what you can live with. Let your conscience be your guide. Lay your head down knowing that you acted with the best of intentions on behalf of someone else.

 

Living it is the best message.

[CombatBoot]

The question remains. How do you help someone that is extremely overweight? While I don't think fat people should be shamed in any way for being fat, it's a behavior that's extremely self destructive. To me, sitting idly by and watching someone I care about kill themselves isn't the right thing to do either. Is there a right thing to do?

 

There isn't a right thing to do. People are not going to change because you want them to - even if it's better for them to change. 

The only reason why people want to change is that they're unhappy with themselves, want to change and have the drive to actually do it.

Generally, fat people are unhappy and want to change, but lack the drive or motivation to actually do something. It takes a big change in mentality to actually start, and then you need to have the luck -or knowledge- to actually do the right thing. 

A lot of fat people have tried losing weight in some form or another, but most won't succeed due to varying reasons, and come to terms with being fat. They'll still be unhappy, but don't believe they actually can change. If, at this point, they'll be told they really need to lose fat, but, as they believe they can't change nothing will get done, except for making them even unhappier...

 

For all the (ex-)fat people who are trying to lose weight/have lost weight, what was the "tipping point" for you, so to speak? When did you decide that enough was enough? 

Understanding these questions might make it easier for everyone else to help other people who want to lose weight.

[whoiwas]

There isn't a right thing to do. People are not going to change because you want them to - even if it's better for them to change. 

The only reason why people want to change is that they're unhappy with themselves, want to change and have the drive to actually do it.

Generally, fat people are unhappy and want to change, but lack the drive or motivation to actually do something. It takes a big change in mentality to actually start, and then you need to have the luck -or knowledge- to actually do the right thing. 

A lot of fat people have tried losing weight in some form or another, but most won't succeed due to varying reasons, and come to terms with being fat. They'll still be unhappy, but don't believe they actually can change. If, at this point, they'll be told they really need to lose fat, but, as they believe they can't change nothing will get done, except for making them even unhappier...

 

For all the (ex-)fat people who are trying to lose weight/have lost weight, what was the "tipping point" for you, so to speak? When did you decide that enough was enough? 

Understanding these questions might make it easier for everyone else to help other people who want to lose weight.

 

Exactly. Motivation comes from within. And the likelihood of success depends on the depth of the motivation(s).

 

Looking good and feeling good were not enough to get me started. Wanting to set an example for my kids and seeing them well into adulthood was enough, and now looking good and feeling good are part of the many motivations that keep me going.

[FalseAesop]

For me there was no rock bottom point that made me suddenly turn my life around and lose over 150 pounds. It was random, I was reading my RSS feeds at lunch and saw an article called How To Keep Better Track of What You Eat.

http://lifehacker.com/5947318/how-can-i-keep-better-track-of-what-i-eat

I read it, thought it sounded good. Downloaded the app LoseIt and used it. For some reason, out of all the times in the last two decades I've tried to lose weight...this time it stuck,this time it worked. I kept track of what I ate, I counted calories, eventually I started running, found NerdFitness, started obstacle racing, joined a gym. I lost 155 pounds, I changed my life.

There was no intervention. There was no crisis. There was no dramatic choice to take control. Just on a day like any other I downloaded an app I read about... and everything changed.

[cobaltflash]

I definitely agree with this video its wrong to be mean to people just so that they will change and be more agreeable to us. first of all it doesnt work as he stated in his video and second of all whos to say that what is agreeable to us is correct so best not to do it.

[Maledictus]

I saw that one.  Some of the comments on it ... meh, youtube comments, why would I even be surprised?  I don't agree with some of what he's saying and most of what I'd say would come across as extremely callous (so I'm not going to bother stating it, since internet drama is frankly dull compared to obstacle races).  I do think in a country where you pay your own way for health care, it's your own damn choice and everyone else can butt out (with the exception of loved ones that care about you).  It's a little different in the UK where some of the papers will simultaneously scream about the "nanny state" telling you what you can eat/drink while going on about the NHS being "the envy of the world".  I don't see how you can have one without the other, unless someone has found a money tree they haven't told me about.  

 

My tipping point (after years of assorted people nagging me) was when I picked my youngest daughter up from school (5? at the time) and she made me jog back up the hill "because you are too fat".   She followed behind screaming  "keep those knees up, I can still see your belly! run faster!" much to the amusement of everyone else walking back from the school run.  So shaming worked for me, although only from one specific person at a specific point in time.  I get the impression shaming is more of a male/macho thing (queue stampede of women diving in to put me straight) at least in the aggressive/in your face sense.  I know I've had to stop telling people to "pick up the pace fat boy" on races, mainly because I'm no longer fat (even if I still think I am, weight is easier to shift than self-image for me at least).  Trying to motivate someone with a grin on your face while being in the same boat just feels very different from having some regular sized person grinning at you while saying it.  Pretty certain old me would have punched new me's lights out if they said anything like that .

[I-Jo]

I don't feel sorry for this guy at all.

 

the sappy music- not doing it for me.

 

I agree- shaming someone into change won't work- because it's not like they don't know.... but i'm not going to feel sorry for this guy. you hate it- you change it. No one will do it for you.

 

he said NOTHING about what he was doing to positively change his life.  Nope Nope Nope.  You just cut out people from your life- and continued to do what you are doing.  But say you hate it.

 

Nope- not buying it.

 

I understand being THAT overweight often is a symptom of a larger problem... I get it- I truly get it. But don't sit there and go through ALL THAT effort- and have not a single positive thing to say- a single change- no "I'm making steps" I'm making progress- I refuse to let keep myself here.  nope- none of that.   All very negative and not forward thinking at all. 

 

not buying it.

[CombatBoot]

I don't feel sorry for this guy at all.

 

the sappy music- not doing it for me.

 

I agree- shaming someone into change won't work- because it's not like they don't know.... but i'm not going to feel sorry for this guy. you hate it- you change it. No one will do it for you.

 

he said NOTHING about what he was doing to positively change his life.  Nope Nope Nope.  You just cut out people from your life- and continued to do what you are doing.  But say you hate it.

 

Nope- not buying it.

 

I understand being THAT overweight often is a symptom of a larger problem... I get it- I truly get it. But don't sit there and go through ALL THAT effort- and have not a single positive thing to say- a single change- no "I'm making steps" I'm making progress- I refuse to let keep myself here.  nope- none of that.   All very negative and not forward thinking at all. 

 

not buying it.

 

Based on the other videos from his channel, he is actually trying a lot - although it hasn't been very effective, as he's been churning out videos for 2 years, with basically no weight loss to show for it.

[I-Jo]

I haven't watched the other ones- but baesd on this alone- i am more likely to shrug my shoudlers and say- when you want it bad enough you'll change.

Kudo's to him if he is trying.  But based on that video alone- I am more annoyed with him than sorry for him. I don't deal well with sorry for me videos.  

[Fenshire]

My experience with weight loss was very similar to FalseAesop's. 

 

I had the horrible displeasure of losing 90 lbs in my 20s only to get depressed and gain double that back.  It sucks having seen what life is like as a fit, thin person having been big all my life, only to then become even bigger.

 

I had my fair share of shaming and whatnot, but I can't say there was really any specific turning point.  I always blamed some factor or person on my weight gain, and towards the end of it I would blame time.  The first Sunday in February, it occured to me that with my 'new' job (I had been working at it for about four months already), I had significantly more free time.  I decided it was time to go back to the gym.  That's it.  It was seriously just an overnight change.

 

The following Monday, I was no longer the fat, depressed me...  I was the new me, fighting my way out of that old body.