Outrunning Demons

[DollarStoreHero]

One of my biggest obstacles to fitness would have to be my anxiety and depression.  These twin demons have hounded me most of my life.  Treatment has helped, and with counseling and medication I am coping, but the fight will probably never be won.

 

Today my anxiety was particularly flared.  So much so that I considered not going on my run today.  My anxiety wanted me to stay sequestered away in darkness while obsessively hitting F5 for hours on one of the forums I browse.  The demons don't want me to do anything constructive.  There was a time that they would at least allow me the luxury of recreation, but now I find that even that is difficult to concentrate on.  If they had their way I would just stare at a blank wall, while waiting to die.

 

I went running anyway.  I managed to convince myself that if I could run hard enough, that maybe I could tire my demons out, and they would let me have some rest.  Today I won the race.

 

But my stamina is limited, while theirs seems bottomless.  I can run, but in the end I fear that they will catch me.

 

 

Is there anyone else running this race?

[darkbeast]

Wow I love the way you thought if you run hard enough you cold tire out the demons , kudos to you for getting there, pretty sure that is going to come to my mind next time I face a headwind or try to go that extra mile, or even just get up and do something when I feel down. Thanks for sharing. I have similar problems but have never thought to look from this kind of perspective.

[calanthrophy]

Sounds like you have a Blerch.

 

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/running

[DollarStoreHero]

Wow I love the way you thought if you run hard enough you cold tire out the demons , kudos to you for getting there, pretty sure that is going to come to my mind next time I face a headwind or try to go that extra mile, or even just get up and do something when I feel down. Thanks for sharing. I have similar problems but have never thought to look from this kind of perspective.

 

Well when I got home I was too exhausted to put any energy into my anxiety.  So mission accomplished. For now at least.

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

 

I went running anyway.  I managed to convince myself that if I could run hard enough, that maybe I could tire my demons out, and they would let me have some rest.  Today I won the race.

 

Well when I got home I was too exhausted to put any energy into my anxiety.  So mission accomplished. For now at least.

 

Definitely this! There's just no room for anxiety in your mind when your lungs are on fire from running, or when you're pushing through the last rep, or when your entire body feels like it's been shoved through a meat grinder after 15 minutes of HIIT. As you collapse into a pile of exhaustion at the end of the workout, one thing will fill your mind: "I win. I did the thing today." And it's going to feel good.

 

Everyone has an anxiety/depression demon, and one person's demon can be larger than someone else's demon depending on genetics, life circumstances, etc. What matters is that the size of your demon can eventually be altered over time through your daily/weekly actions. The change might be slow to the point where it's not noticeable immediately, but after months and years you'll be looking back at this year and realizing holy shit, I feel so much better now than I did back then.

 

 

EDIT: to add this shitty stickynote comic summing up the last few years of my life.

 

 

Going to the gym is pretty much what saved me in 2014 lol

[DollarStoreHero]

Maybe I'm still just giddy from a runner's high, but a thought occurred to me during this evening's jog. Right now I'm carrying around 110lbs more than I want to be.  But I realized; It's not just fat, it's a training weight.  My demon's don't want to see what happens when I can get rid of it.

 

[Jarric]

Great attitude to have, keep on with it and see where you go losing that weight.

 

Also, what really works for me when I can't bring myself to go and do something or to keep doing something is to make it really simple and mechanical. Just think about one step at a time; left-right-left-right-left-right.

[Grifball]

I do my best work with my back against the wall. Whenever I start feeling hopeless or depressed about my progress or my situation, I usually just twist that into frustration and leverage that for a second wind. I've been able to push through a few different walls just by looking my demon in the eye and telling it, "If I stop now, I'm admitting that you're better than me. I'm not stopping."

[The Wildermoor]

I'm dealing with two powerful demons as well. Drugs/Alcohol. Only things keeping me from being my best self.

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

18 hours ago, The Wildermoor said:

I'm dealing with two powerful demons as well. Drugs/Alcohol. Only things keeping me from being my best self.

 

For the excessive alcohol use, have you looked into Moderation Management? It has similar goals as AA, but doesn't push for abstinence forever, which is great because I like to drink lol. Their web site also encourages drinkers to take their own lives in hand instead of relying on a "higher power". The only abstinence required is if you choose to do the 30-day alcohol fast (in the "Steps of Change" section/document) and that's only temporary.

 

I've done the 30-day fast two years ago, and it's great for resetting alcohol tolerance. There is also a drink accountability group in the PvP challenges section of these forums. What helped me kick the habit for 30 days the first time was incorporating it in my NF challenge, and then making accountability posts on various forums and social media groups. After the 30 days was up (33 really) and I had my first drink, the reaction was along the lines of "meh" and I didn't really have the urge to drink very much anymore. Has alcohol usage and tolerance crept back up after that? Of course it did, because I'm doing the 30-day alcohol fast again right now ;P

 

As for when to start this: you'll know.

 

I can't offer much advice where it comes to drugs except trying to figure out why you use them. Identifying the cause is usually the first step to fixing any problem. Then it's simply a matter of addressing the underlying reasons...which really isn't that simple most of the time, but you know :\

 

Talking to a professional is also an option, if nothing else works.

[Jarric]

On ‎06‎/‎04‎/‎2016 at 6:22 PM, The Wildermoor said:

On ‎06‎/‎04‎/‎2016 at 6:22 PM, The Wildermoor said:

I'm dealing with two powerful demons as well. Drugs/Alcohol. Only things keeping me from being my best self.

 

 

NA may be an option on the drug side. Or as @Naxius says looking for a route cause, be that escapism, depression, anxiety or something else entirely.

 

Talking to a professional would help, but if you're not ready for that then keep talking about it here. Hopefully you'll get some good advice and we can help you work through it.