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Nerdy ways of meeting women?


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The worst part is the entitlement - it's like they think they deserve the prettiest girl in the land because... I don't know, because the jocks made fun of them in high school, maybe. One would think that a person who was bullied/made fun of because of his appearance and tastes would have an open mind and realize that people are more than looks, but no...

The aforementioned Doctor Nerdlove has an article about male privelege apparently.

Disclaimer I've only read the first couple paragraphs and hadn't heard of him until this thread.

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Okay, this is turning into a man-bashing thread. Sorry guys! Haha. So yeah I would just suggest finding out cool stuff that's by you and doing it. Martial arts? Sure. Tabletop games? Absolutely. What about video games? We have (had?) a place around here...I COMPLETELY forget what it is/was called...but they had a bunch of consoles and huge comfy couches and that kind of stuff for games. It seemed pretty awesome.

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The worst part is the entitlement - it's like they think they deserve the prettiest girl in the land because... I don't know, because the jocks made fun of them in high school, maybe. One would think that a person who was bullied/made fun of because of his appearance and tastes would have an open mind and realize that people are more than looks, but no...
The aforementioned Doctor Nerdlove has an article about male privelege apparently.

Disclaimer I've only read the first couple paragraphs and hadn't heard of him until this thread.

Not all of us are the same now ladies :-)

Tin Man, you hit the right one.....he speaks on quite a few things that relate to this topic. Look at this one as another example:

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2011/08/mr-nice-guy/

He talks in several of his posts about entitlement issues nerd guys tend to have by being "Mr. Nice Guy", the "Shining White Knight", and many more.

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Okay, this is turning into a man-bashing thread. Sorry guys! Haha.

Should have seen that one coming for the first thread to be made in the Men's Guild....HAHAHAHAHHA!

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I had read this article once, but I had lost the bookmark.. thanks!

In my experience, there is a significant share of nerd men who suffer from the Nice Guy syndrome... for them, I recommend this little rant: http://divalion.livejournal.com/163615.html

At least the guys here don't seem to suffer from that. Thank heavens!

Edit: seems icedtrip was faster than me... but seriously, folks, the mr. nice guy syndrome exists and is damaging to both men and women - after all, we tend to have less patience after a few rounds with jerks masquerading as nice.

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I had read this article once, but I had lost the bookmark.. thanks!

In my experience, there is a significant share of nerd men who suffer from the Nice Guy syndrome... for them, I recommend this little rant: http://divalion.livejournal.com/163615.html

At least the guys here don't seem to suffer from that. Thank heavens!

Edit: seems icedtrip was faster than me... but seriously, folks, the mr. nice guy syndrome exists and is damaging to both men and women - after all, we tend to have less patience after a few rounds with jerks masquerading as nice.

Wow! Long read....it's been instapaper'ed!

Honestly, I've been the Nice Guy on too many occasions. Being a jerk is not the answer, but I did realize a long time ago that the ladies aren't just going to cave because I cater to them either. For most nerds, its the confidence issue that holds them (us) back. As an example, my confidence around women I know...through the roof!! Around women I don't know, but who know my friends.....pretty solid. But around women I want to meet or approach....big problem. Getting better thanks to becoming more fit and looking better, but still working on this one myself.

Level 6 Wizard of Beer Warrior
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Guest Gemeaux

Sometimes you meet people in totally unexpected places . You might think you will meet a nerdy girl at comic con etc but you are far more likely to meet her when you're not looking

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Guest Gemeaux
Wow! Long read....it's been instapaper'ed!

Honestly, I've been the Nice Guy on too many occasions. Being a jerk is not the answer, but I did realize a long time ago that the ladies aren't just going to cave because I cater to them either. For most nerds, its the confidence issue that holds them (us) back. As an example, my confidence around women I know...through the roof!! Around women I don't know, but who know my friends.....pretty solid. But around women I want to meet or approach....big problem. Getting better thanks to becoming more fit and looking better, but still working on this one myself.

Seriously , just be yourself around women .

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I was "the nice guy" once... and only once.

The main issue I have is actually meeting women that i share interests in that aren't already married. that, and i'm incredibly shy when it comes to asking a woman out, so....

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I was taking a look at the nice guy article from Dr. nerdlove, and I think it has a different approach from the one I linked - nerdlove's is mainly focused on showing men that just orbiting a woman doesn't do them any good. And even when the girl finally caves (been there, done that), there's not an iota of chemistry in the relationship, just pity and the knowledge that she's just with the guy because he's there and she's lonely; it's pretty obvious it won't last.

On the other hand, divalion talks about how not nice the self-professed 'nice guys' are. They think that a girl must give him a chance just because he likes her (shouldn't her feelings matter too?), and they are only being nice to them because they want them to cave. That's not nice at all. Some guys take this approach so far that they actually demand that you go out with them because 'they want to get you know you better!' (true story bro. I attract the creeps.)

In the end, women feel that they are either a piece of meat or just a pawn in this guy's fantasy.

Shyness is easier to overcome than being a jerk. I think that being yourself around people, and trying to find a common ground is the best way to go. Talking is the best way to know people, after all (oh the irony of a shy girl giving this sort of advice).

As for where to find girls, nerdlove's tips are quite good - classes, the gym, backpacking groups... I'm single (have been for an embarrassingly long time, actually), but I found out that having a life makes it easier to handle the loneliness. I mean, if you end up finding a person you like, great, but if not, well, at least you're doing something with your life, not just waiting for prince/princess charming to drop from the sky.

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Guest Gemeaux
I was taking a look at the nice guy article from Dr. nerdlove, and I think it has a different approach from the one I linked - nerdlove's is mainly focused on showing men that just orbiting a woman doesn't do them any good. And even when the girl finally caves (been there, done that), there's not an iota of chemistry in the relationship, just pity and the knowledge that she's just with the guy because he's there and she's lonely; it's pretty obvious it won't last.

On the other hand, divalion talks about how not nice the self-professed 'nice guys' are. They think that a girl must give him a chance just because he likes her (shouldn't her feelings matter too?), and they are only being nice to them because they want them to cave. That's not nice at all. Some guys take this approach so far that they actually demand that you go out with them because 'they want to get you know you better!' (true story bro. I attract the creeps.)

In the end, women feel that they are either a piece of meat or just a pawn in this guy's fantasy.

Shyness is easier to overcome than being a jerk. I think that being yourself around people, and trying to find a common ground is the best way to go. Talking is the best way to know people, after all (oh the irony of a shy girl giving this sort of advice).

As for where to find girls, nerdlove's tips are quite good - classes, the gym, backpacking groups... I'm single (have been for an embarrassingly long time, actually), but I found out that having a life makes it easier to handle the loneliness. I mean, if you end up finding a person you like, great, but if not, well, at least you're doing something with your life, not just waiting for prince/princess charming to drop from the sky.

Agreed

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Guest Gemeaux
I was "the nice guy" once... and only once.

The main issue I have is actually meeting women that i share interests in that aren't already married. that, and i'm incredibly shy when it comes to asking a woman out, so....

I feel bad that guys are the ones who " have to " do the asking out .

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I was "the nice guy" once... and only once.

The main issue I have is actually meeting women that i share interests in that aren't already married. that, and i'm incredibly shy when it comes to asking a woman out, so....

OMG, yes. When you finally think you find someone who's nice and all... here comes their SO. Frustrating.

Glad to know you overcame the 'nice guy' thing!

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I feel bad that guys are the ones who " have to " do the asking out .

Key thing there, are your quotes.....IMO, they don't and shouldn't. I have no problems with a ladies asking me out. Hasn't happened all that often, but on the flip side, it has given me the opposite view that I'm not use to being on, and having to reject someone I'm not interested in, which is not easy either.

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I don't think guys must make the first move, but i'm a bit shy around strangers, so that's how it usually goes for me. If I already know the guy, it gets easier for me to make a move.

About online dating: I'm a bit curious. However, I attract creeps so much in RL that I'm kinda afraid to try it. Also, my cousin had a rather bad experience with that, so I'm less likely to try it.

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Make eye contact with women but for now longer than 3 seconds at a time. If you are like most people these days I would suggest putting down the cell phone and talking to the real live people around you. Also, do not read or send texts or answer phone calls while you are talking to the nice real world people. This sounds really simple but women like when nice men talk to them.

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Make eye contact with women but for now longer than 3 seconds at a time. If you are like most people these days I would suggest putting down the cell phone and talking to the real live people around you. Also, do not read or send texts or answer phone calls while you are talking to the nice real world people. This sounds really simple but women like when nice men talk to them.

THIS. So underrated, the real-life talking-to of a real person. Seriously I know it's all the rage these days, but recently my husband and I were out and we made a new friend who is somewhat younger than us. This person kept texting throughout OUR ENTIRE CONVERSATION. We were sitting in a booth, not like just at the bar or anything...it was SO RUDE. Not impressed...

Level ? Half-Dwarf/Half-Amazon Warrior

STR:21.25 STA:15 DEX: 10.95 CON: 14 WIS:15.5 CHA:17

SWOLE BUCKS: 1

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

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Guest Gemeaux

Oh and call not text or Facebook .

I agree with being with real people , I hate when I'm on a date and the guy has his mobile phone on the table , makes me feel he is not interested .

And also : playing hard to get - BIG turnoff .

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