Back at Nerd Fitness! But I can no longer see my toes...

Hey Nerds. It's been a long time. Too long. And much has happened in the past 8 months!

For starters, I gained 50lbs, and long for the days when I could prance up 4 flights of stairs, touch my toes and stay up past 10PM. No... I didn't get sick, or depressed, or start drowning myself in cupcakes. My husband and I found out we're expecting out first baby! A little girl, due the first week of August. I'm so excited to welcome her into the world, feel so blessed to be a part of this creation, and so nervous that I don't f*** this whole mommy thing up. I will say through the nerves and the excitement and all the joy, being pregnant IS NOT my cup of tea. Mostly because it's so very VERY physically limiting.

Which brings me to my second thought, and reason for starting this thread. This crazy body transformation has done a whopper of a blow to my self-image. I used to be able to do some pretty intense yoga, running some, working on lifting heavier. I was pretty darn active and having great fun at it. Then comes the baby-brewing. My first few months were so so sick. Then I started putting on the pounds, getting winded when I walked from the car to the Kroger, not being able to sit up from bed without rolling, and praying I don't drop anything I had to bend over to pick up. I cried when I saw my first stretch mark. (Sounds shallow, but I'm trying to be transparent here... It's a difficult thing- when so much is changing so fast.) I guess you could say so much of how I saw myself was defined by doing, moving, accomplishing. That pace has changed, and it's been a difficult change. So I'm writing to get this all "out there" so when our baby girl comes, I'll have the right frame of mind to get back to my old self. Maybe get a bit of self-love on, then get my move-it on and kick it back up a notch. Drop the baby pounds, get healthier and back to my old yogi ways.

Disclaimer: probably much of this will be different than the typical "mommy speak" you'll read in mommy blogs. I've found my experience has been very different thus far. Or, rather, my perception of my experience has been. I detest mom jeans and miss wearing heels to work. I don't see why a woman has to give up sundresses for elasta-band clothing the moment she has the privilege of creating a beautiful life. I'm sorry if I offend- that isn't my intent. I'm not pointing fingers, nor saying what I'm feeling is the "right" way to feel. I do believe there are as many "right" ways as there are stars. I'm just hoping that some how I can work through these changes and be happy with myself post-baby. And not compromise what that means to me.

Caught a summer cold. I think I prefer being sick in winter.... Chicken soup and snuggling in bed to feel better just don't mix with this Tennessee humidity. On a brighter note, I had a super productive work day while working from home. Powered through half a project.

My grandma called a few days ago for the sole reason of telling me she saw a recent picture of me and wanted to let me know I'm really gaining weight. Gee, thanks. And then I find out my mom has been telling my sister-in-law; mom thinks it looks like I'm carrying twins. Apparently mom doesn't remember anyone in the family getting THIS big. Ouch. What's up with that? I thought moms and grandmas were supposed to be on their daughters side through this? I'm going to have to post a pic just for posterity... So I can mark progress when I'm able to get back to the old me. I do feel a little short-changed when it comes to women-family bonding. You read a woman will tell her mom, "I finally get it, mom. Thank you." When she gets pregnant. And then they'll drink tea and giggle and watch the baby kick. Blah. Not me. I feel hurt and irritated with my mom. I don't welcome her criticism/input. There certainly isn't giggling- she wears me out. But somehow still expects (and feels entitled) to be in the delivery room. Yeah... That ain't happenin'! That's for damn sure....

A pic from a couple weeks ago...

This evening after work my husband and I took one of our dogs into town for a walk. Town is putting on an annual street fair this weekend- a big "to do" in this little town of ours. We walked probably about a 2 miles. And now I don't feel so great. It was so nice to be out, in the fresh air, spending some time with my man... But wheeew. Now I just feel uncomfortable, totally off, not right. Looks like it's going to be an early evening for this gal. Do I have to say it again? I just can't stand how limiting being pregnant is. Soooooo ready for this little girl to be out of me!

On to more interesting topics... I've been giving some serious thought to how I'm going to get back in shape. I really want to develop some kind of plan. I own both Insanity and P90x, and have had success with both in the past. However, I think they will both be a little too much too soon. Anyone been in this position before? What worked?

Wow! I think you look beautiful!

I was a lot bigger with my 4th. I felt like I was carrying triplets!   And, I heard the same from my family. Plus, I understand where you're coming from on the mom thing, I have one just like that.

I agree with you on Insanity being a bit much. But, I'm currently doing a modified version of P90X myself. Maybe that would work for you. A home program will be just the thing with a new little one.

Also, any of the body weight programs Steve has on the blog would be awesome!

I too came to NF after gaining weight after 6 kiddos, and I think you are taking an awesome step to be here and preparing to get back to the best you possible for yourself and that little one. Being here definitely made the difference for me.  

I wish you a wonderful pregnancy and delivery!

I second Ash! You are beautiful!

I have yet to go through a pregnancy but I figured it having more people tell you that you are beautiful will help with the negative comments.

I'm also doing a self-love mission. Just finished a 28 day Love Your Body Challenge that was a lot of fun. It also helped me with a bit of the negative self-talk that I've had over the past few years. Here's the link, in case you want to look into it.

I detest mom jeans and miss wearing heels to work. I don't see why a woman has to give up sundresses for elasta-band clothing the moment she has the privilege of creating a beautiful life. 

I can see why wearing high heels could be a bad idea (tripping and falling and all that jazz). Though I agree with you on the sundress thing. You shouldn't have to cover yourself while you're creating a life. You should be proud and show it off!  

Maybe your family says negative things because you look better pregnant then they did? *shrugs* 

I wish you a wonderful rest of your pregnancy and a quick delivery. Keep us updated!