Wobbegong

I would love to write an update and post a new challenge but I'm SO SLEEPY. It's only 5pm but I might just turn in.

Welcome to the Juice Bar, the Rebels home away from home! Pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable. Take a minute to introduce yourself, let us know why you're here, tell us something nerdy about yourself, and share a gif! In addition, if you feel comfortable, share something you have always wanted to do and what you think it would take for you to accomplish it. If this is your first challenge here at NF, welcome! There have been a few changes to the forums since Level Up Your Life was published. As a newcomer, please post your challenge in the Level 1 / First Time Challengers subforum. Have questions? Want some feedback? Ask away! Just want to hang out and chat? Awesome! Prefer to hide in the corner for a bit? Have a drink on us.

ZEROH!!!!! Welcome back!!!! It's going ok. On days when I eat eggs, I eat at least five eggs... but I don't eat eggs every day. 😕

I pretty much knew exactly what it would be about but was already really nervous about my contract discussion and had kind of been waiting tensely to hear it was time to discuss. So you're right, the verbiage of the message was not so much the problem. I think this is probably fine. There's stated context (the project) AND urgency (low, "some time soon"/"when you have time"). These things mitigate the dire sentiments associated with the shorter version. If you left out either of these elements (We need to talk about that project. / We need to talk sometime soon.) the stress level begins to increase, but with both there I think the sentiments would translate pretty much directly. It's not a red flag sentence. But even with those shorter versions that only have one piece, context again plays a big part. "We need to talk about that project." might mean "hey we really are gonna be coming up on the deadline soon, let's get that ball rolling" more than "there is a big problem with the project." For the record, people with native fluency also hate the connotations of "we need to talk." Sometimes it's just the case that a conversation is necessary! That's the cleanest way to express it! In practice you end up with people making all kinds of convoluted sentences or saying that and then immediately rushing in with reassurances, it can be pretty funny.

I would've realized that about pi if I had taken even a few seconds to think about how to go about converting (obviously a ratio is the answer) but I only got as far as "the area of a circle is pi*r^2" lol. Is cheesecake American? New York cheesecake is certainly American, but surely the concept of cheesecake is much older. Surely. It was delicious and completely ruined my egg eating and also fasting protocols, but whatever, cheesecake! It's not like I eat it regularly. Thanks! Since Tuesday was a holiday I won't see her again until next week, but she texted me that the cheesecake was good, so hopefully she had a nice time. That would've been smart, and I did try, but in the end I just kind of... slouched along as usual. I'm still on top of things, but I also still haven't gotten ahead with anything. Forgive my ignorance, but why wait for the queen? Is there some particularly strong loyalty there? I reflected on this and have decided you're probably right. If it's not diet-related, that means I have a new mystery ailment that happened to start around the same time as classes and fasting and eating more eggs, which just seems so unlikely. Stress is definitely part of it, but super-likely dietary issues that could cause fatigue include nutrient deficiencies (I've been meaning to start taking my multi-vitamin again, but haven't quite gotten into the swing of putting it on my computer when I go to sleep to remind myself to take it in the morning), or protein deficiency (even with the eggs I know I'm not getting nearly enough). I'll try to address those and hopefully it will help. The text was actually in Japanese, and more accurately translated said, "Something I want to talk about has come up, so when you have some time, could you come by the office? Please advise me of when you will be coming in advance." It was very polite, but also very vague, which is the crux of the issue. Last year the text she sent me did say "We have to talk, please tell me when you can come to the office" and I made it very clear that her phrasing really stressed me out. In American English (and perhaps also British English, but I can't speak to that), "We need to talk" means "something is very wrong. It's wrong enough that we have to discuss it in person and in private as soon as possible, and it probably means the end of our current relationship," whether that's a romantic or a work relationship. It's stupid and obnoxious that these words carry this implication, but they do, and people like me and Tate have a pretty visceral reaction to hearing them (or even seeing them written, or in my case, processing a translation). Where I come from, "We have to talk" is a variation that also requires in-person and private discussion, but means "There is a big problem but if you are willing to put in a lot of work the situation might be salvageable." "We need to talk" suggests that a decision has already been made, and the outcome is not one you will like, but you can't avoid hearing it; "We have to talk" indicates there's still room for decision making, but none of your options are going to be fun. It should be noted that the drama of both of these statements hinges on the lack of context provided. If you state upfront what exactly is going to be discussed, it's FAR less stressful. "We need to talk about that rug" might mean your rug is ugly, or filthy, or you're too attached to it, and I want it out of my house/life... but we're not going to break up over it. Without context, there is the implication that whatever information being conveyed in this "talk" is going to upset you, so you aren't allowed any details until the conditions (1) in-person and (2) private have been met. Over time, the phrase has basically become shorthand for "assume the worst." "We must talk" is far too stilted for an American to use in conversation. Americans typically only use "must" to extrapolate, ex: "She must take really good care of herself, to look that good at her age" or "You must be Waanie! I've heard so much about you." Again, I can't remark on British English. I think they use must when issuing invitations ("You must come to dinner!") but since most of my contact with spoken British English is through period dramas, that could be totally outdated usage. I don't know if anyone actually uses the imperative must anymore except in academic writing. We typically rely on "have to" instead; I think Brits do use must not (or probably mustn't, pronounced mussn't), but Americans use cannot/can't. "You mustn't sit there!"/"You can't sit there!" We can't use "don't have to" in those situations because "You don't have to sit there" would mean something completely different. "We should talk" is way more difficult to parse because it actually gets used in a bunch of different contexts. It can mean "you just messed up and I'm gonna set you straight" or "I see some great opportunities in our future!" or "we haven't had a conversation in a while and it would be nice to catch up." Largely depends on the context. Sorry. I hope that cleared things up a little... I got very wordy, so it's probably more confusing than helpful. But I'm always happy to dive into these sorts of questions, so if I can be of use, let me know.

honestly, if you were turning into your mom, you would not be helping her do any of her shit right now. You’d be too far up your own ass to care about her. Everything Flea said is dead-on, but I just wanted to reinforce this in particular. Bean, have you ever heard the saying "Lie down with dogs, get up with fleas"? Usually it's used to warn against hanging out with the wrong sort, but in psychological circles "fleas" are sometimes used to describe the bad behaviors we pick up from the people who are treating us badly. No one is immune, we all get them and we all sometimes behave in ways that make us think, "Oh shit, I just did that thing I always hated having done to me." But know what sets those of us suffering from second-hand fleas apart from those who are a breeding ground for them: we take responsibility for our actions. We think, "I hated having that done to me, so now that I've done something that even vaguely reminds me of it to someone else, I'll take steps to fix it immediately." Just as you did. And just as Flea said, you cannot become your mother as long as you are taking responsibility for your own actions. I'm gonna drop this link here, because it's relevant and not a terribly long read (I know it looks wordy, but it's not jargon, it goes down pretty quick). You don't have to read it, but it might help. And then the last thing for today... I happened to see one of those motivational lists of Things To Keep In Mind About Why You're Way More Amazing Than You Think today, and one of the items made me think of you. It said, "We all have that one friend who seems to have it all together. That woman with the seemingly perfect life. Well, you might be that woman to someone else." You'll probably reject this outright, but you're that woman to me. You have a wonderful marriage, a house, amazing children, pets, friends, community, social engagements, goals, a successful career, hobbies, the whole shebang. Maybe you're not exactly where you want to be on all metrics, but from where I'm sitting, you look like a pillar of adult competence and fulfillment. So just... know that.

Congratulations on your newest party member!!

Spiders gonna spider. I'm not advanced enough at arachnology to even begin to ID it or tell you anything about the danger level; I only know the ones I watch out for in my own home, lol. But I definitely feel you on the conundrum: I tend to leave by spiders be, but with other bugs, a large part of my concern is "can I squish it without feeling it? how many tissues will I need to load to not feel the squish? If I miss, will it start running around? If it starts running around, and escapes to some buggy little crevice where I can't follow, will I have to give it this whole room?" But I don't squish any of the unwanted bug visitors I get in Japan, so I haven't had that problem for a while. Also that manager sounds terrible, but this in particular: reminded me of a book I read as a kid. In it, there was a scene where the noble lady main character surprised her servant by trusting her with a large sum of the noble's money. The servant asked if she wasn't worried that the money would be stolen. The noble replied, "In my experience, nobles who think their servants steal usually get servants who do." It also reminds me of the quote, "If someone does you the service of showing you their worst self, believe them." Nobody is ever going to want to do anything for this woman if she can't start giving people reasons to. At the end of the day, she can cry as much as she wants about not getting the help she needs, but the reason will still be because she drove it all away. I hope your future interactions with her are as limited and pleasant as possible!

Jumping back into my UK discussion did y'all hear Barbados is stepping out of the Commonwealth? Apparently it's the first country to do so in 30 years.

Replies later. I've been taking my iron every day but I'm back to feeling exhausted all the time, and now I'm actually getting worried. It might just be stress -- I got the "we need to talk" text from my supervisor (which I've been assured year after year doesn't mean the same thing in Japanese as it does in English, but freaks me out every time anyway) which I assume means it's time to discuss re-upping my contract again. I took Wednesday and Thursday afternoons off to try to get ahead on my course work this week after being totally laid low by those translations, and ended up just barely getting stuff turned in on time Wednesday night and spending all of Thursday afternoon relaxing and recharging. I played some BOTW and went to bed at 8 because I was so tired. I'm writing this post as I finish breakfast and run out the door; Friday is a busy commute day. Luckily I have a nice four day weekend with Monday and Tuesday being national holidays, but I wanted to spend it socializing online, not buried in catch-up work and naps! And to top it all off, I'm way behind on my egg-eating quotas. Ugh.

I didn't eat any eggs today but I ate some cheesecake and it was pretty freaking delicious. Much heavier than the cheesecake I've had in Japan (probably a result of neglecting a block of cream cheese while keeping the egg count the same, whoops) but also so much more like the cheesecakes I grew up with. And the crust came out really well! Hooray, hooray! I left out that extra block of cheese by miscalculating 4 x 8 (four blocks of eight oz) when trying to figure out what that would be in grams... I went with 24oz because I'm an idiot and then rounded down to 600g because that was what I had on hand. So probably explicitly calculating would've helped, since I'd've had a calculator out to handle pi and squaring and could let it cover my sorry arithmetic skills. 😓 Whatever, it's still delicious. I delivered the gift cheesecake to its intended recipient this morning and she practically exploded from happiness. She lives alone and hasn't been able to meet up with her friends or family due to the virus, so I think she might not be expecting many presents this year. In fact, she may not be planning to celebrate at all. I made sure to remind all of the students that her birthday is in two days so they should wish her well too. Hopefully. If it seems like I'm making a really big deal out of a random coworker's birthday, it's because I am. I'm just worried about her because she's lost a ton of weight (she was small to start with and has now crossed over into looking fragile) since moving out on her own, and she regularly works from 6am to 10pm just to stay on top of all her duties. Since I only see her once a week there's not much I can do to help her, but at least if it's her birthday I can give her a cheesecake and expect her to take in some calories. (By the way, this is not the same teacher as the one I'm working on UK info with. That one doesn't like cheesecake.) Speaking of relationships with coworkers, yesterday I worked with that elementary school teacher who the sixth graders were boycotting previously, and this week I tried just casually taking over a bunch of stuff without asking. We still went with her lesson plan, but I ran as much of it as I could myself, so the kids would be engaging with me instead of her. It actually worked really well! She even thanked me at the end of the day. These classes all happened to be a bit easier to do that with, though, because they were presentations. Usually we're much more textbook heavy, and I doubt I'd be able to make much difference there. But next week I won't see her because we have the day off, so I don't have to worry about it until the week after that! Yaaaay

Countries within a country is too confusing for me to wrap my head around, let alone explain to this teacher. But thank you for the clarification. Yeah, that's my concern too. I'm fuzzy on a lot of the details in that history but I know the broad strokes well enough to be concerned. But it sounds like everyone's pretty much on the same page about it? At least in terms of recognizing that border control will be a huge sticky problem? I favor independence but I hope there aren't any wars about it. Perhaps that's naive. The only game I've ever played with Templars is FFTA. But Bangaa are lit so I guess I take your point. I am definitely too lazy to fill in a weekly pill sorter. But the pillow thing works because I can put them on top of my laptop when I go to sleep, and then I can't use my laptop (something I do every day) without moving the pills somewhere, and my pillow is in reach; and I can't go to sleep without moving them again, so I remember to take them. It's good! That makes sense as a distinction, thank you! I'm not sure if the same distinction exists in Japanese, though, so I'll stick with "country" for my explanation to the teacher. Thanks again to everyone for your help with this! I really have learned so much from you and I am so happy and honored that you would take the time to educate me and be so friendly and thorough about it! If there's anything you ever want to add, please feel free.

Cookie Update: the cookies are very honey- and almond-forward (from a honey-almond cheesecake base), but somehow are simultaneously the most peanut-buttery cookies I've ever eaten. I wish I had mixed the batter in with cooked oats and baked them into bars instead of cookies. They're pretty great already, but they might be better with a touch of jam. On that note, I'm off to bed -- as I typed that I glanced over at my pillow for my iron and found it not there and sought them out (on the bedside table) and took them anyway. This technique has been working great, thanks again for that suggestion @Waanie! Of course, tonight I just had milk with my cookies, so I'm not in a great place for iron, but at least I'm taking it. That's what counts!

INTERESTING, I had assumed each different country would have its own representation in the UN, since... y'know... Canada and Australia are also part of the commonwealth, but separate. The only difference is geography. But I guess "the only difference is geography" is pretty much the basis of many country divisions, soooooo I also am basically expecting at least Scotland to pull out sometime in the nearish future, but it would kind of be a messy situation, wouldn't it? Not that the situation isn't already messy, of course, but historically humans haven't been great at saying "Yeah, sure, go ahead, you can have a separate country. Nbd." I'm definitely going to be handing this map to my teacher friend. It's very helpful. I DID NOT KNOW THAT. That sounds like a super big deal to not know. Thank you for telling me! So England is basically the Washington, D.C. of the UK. DC doesn't fall under any state's jurisdiction and so it's managed directly by the federal government. They do have a mayor, but Congress likes to pretend that's not the case. If Wales is a principality, is The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Norther Ireland comprised of three countries, or four? Is Wales not a country? I am absolutely going to be using this argument. Thank you. Also because if they suddenly start to control that border when Eire doesn't view the British hold on N. Ireland as legitimate, couldn't that be interpreted as a declaration of war? Obviously my grasp of the situation is underdeveloped at best but that sounds really dangerous. Do all of you call him the clown? I call him the muppet, but maybe that's insulting to Jim Henson. That's reasonable, and I didn't really mean "they'll punch you in the face" so much as "they'll be sorely offended." But that's good to know, that the portrayals are dramatized. The Irish War of Independence was fairly recent and very bloody, so it seems like the sort of thing that would leave a lasting impression on the cultural psyche. But you're absolutely right to call me out about it, because by speaking in hyperbole I'm contributing to the dramatization of the situation. Thank you! I know right, I'm learning so much. I ran out of headspace and day hours to get cheesecake baked on Sunday, so I'm just finishing up with it now. After they bake they chill for 5 hours (or overnight, which is what I"m doing, because I do not have time to be cheesecake tasting at 1:30AM), so I'll let you know when I have a piece with my coffee tomorrow! Should be good. It's been a while since I baked though and I forgot how circles work and how when I adapt normal-sized recipes for my itty bitty pans that fit in my itty bitty toaster oven I end up making a TON of stuff. There were numerous hijinks with both crust and filling and I ended up with so much extra material for crust that I decided to roll it into a quick little batch of peanut butter cookies. So now I have those too. Aside from all of this baking, I have not accomplished a single thing on my to-do list for tonight, but I think it may just have to be that way. I'm taking the afternoon off on Wednesday and Thursday because I happen to have no afternoon classes, so hopefully I'll be able to get enough on top of my shit that I can actually relax over my four day weekend.

Thanks for summoning people! The comparison to state v fed makes some sense, and perhaps even moreso if I think of England kind of like DC where it only has the fed? Maybe??? Thank you for stopping by! I was not confused that it's four different countries and I know there's significant bad blood there and a lot of tension about who exactly is part of what. That's part of why I work so hard with this teacher to make sure she understands it's not all the same thing -- as an English teacher she's uniquely positioned both to encounter a larger number of native English speakers, including British ones, than the average Japanese person and she could accidentally insult them; and also she is an "expert" on English-speaking culture (not really, but the students at least assume so) and so she can use her power for good if she chooses. But it's been like pulling teeth to get her even to acknowledge that there are four countries and they're distinct. (My first success was getting her to "more than one country" which came in the form of her saying "I know there are three countries, England, Scotland, and Ireland" NO NO NO!) So regarding the different governments, you all have your own heads of state (are they technically under the queen? Even though she's just a figurehead?) but what exactly is the nature of the union if everyone is so antsy? Is it just "we agree to not pick fights"? I guess with Brexit it seems like your international relations are kind of tied up together, is that true? Don't worry, I didn't vote for Trump either and am also super embarrassed to be in any way associated. I will give you a pass. Most of what you said was clear but I have one question: the British Isles are the one island that houses England/Scotland/Wales and the other island that houses N. Ireland and Ireland, but "British" people are people from the UK, and Irish people will fight you if you call them British... is that an accurate understanding? N. Irish people do get lumped in as British though, even though they don't live in Great Britain. Seriously thank you all for your help with this, I know I can look it up and I will do that also but it really helps to talk to people about it too.