Trick to find those 20 seconds of courage

[SymphonicDan]

You know when there's something scary that you rationally you know you should do, but emotionally you want to procrastinate it or avoid it:

• Maybe it's going into a new environment like a gym for the first time where you worry you'll feel out-of-place and unwelcome...
• Maybe it's sending that email or speaking to that person about something important...
• Maybe it's wearing a new outfit or style and you're apprehensive of how people will react...

 

You might have heard Steve Kamb (and others on this forum) suggesting a neat solution to this: work up 20 seconds of courage to

• walk into that new environment...
• to speak to that person...
• to put on that new outfit...

Because 20 seconds is usually all it takes, and then it's done and all the resultant opportunities will be available for you.

 

The problem is that it's often difficult to generate those 20 seconds of courage, especially if it's something that you've been procrastinating, worrying about and over-dramatizing for a long time. It's more natural to rationalize that it's not that important anyway... everything is fine even if you don't do it... another time would be better...

 

So a trick I sometimes use is to prepare everything as if I would use the 20 seconds of courage... so that when the time comes, it's as natural and easy as possible to apply those 20 seconds of courage.

 

For example, if there's an event I want to go to, but I'm apprehensive because I don't know anyone there and I don't know exactly how the event will be, I'd do some of the following:

• sort out travel plans so if I hypothetically decided to go, I'd know exactly how to do so
• eat and shower as if I was going to go, so hunger or appearance aren't factors
• tell other people about going (maybe even on these forums) so that going feels like the natural course of action
• pack my bag so that it's ready for my hypothetical trip

 

Now, even after doing all of these I can very easily decide not to go. It doesn't feel like commitment:

• Determining travel plans didn't take long
• I would have to eat and shower anyway
• I can tell people that actually I was too tired or whatever
• I can unpack my bag

But saying "yes" becomes a lot easier once you've got most things prepared before you've mentally committed. The 20 seconds of courage now involves picking up the bag, keys, phone and wallet and heading for the door.

 

If that's still not enough, you could just go for a walk/drive carrying all your stuff. And head in the direction of the place you were hypothetically going... Then the 20 seconds of courage is simply stepping into the place, and after you've gone to all that effort, your puny attempts of rationalization like "maybe next week is better" suddenly are laughable.

 

To give another real example, last Summer I decided to do something I'd wanted to do since finishing university - quit my job to travel. I knew rationally it was a good time (I'd saved up enough money, and I'd been at my job enough time to warrant a change) but actually taking the leap was harder. So I did the following:

• renewed my passport 9 months too early so that I could travel for more than a few months before its expiry would become an issue
• told various friends and family about my plans. I told people from different friendship groups, with different life goals and different opinions so that I'd know whether I was prepared for all of the downsides
• planned a couple of specific example itineraries, so I could explain what I wanted to do, and so the possibilities felt more real to me
• signed up for two events (in Germany and the USA) so that I'd have to either push my holiday quota to the max or simply quit
• investigated accommodation and flight options
• planned how each part of the logistics might work

 

I could still have changed my mind afterwards, but when the time came to quit, there was nothing stopping me.

 

Of course just don't over-plan, because future-you will probably sort out the rest of the details just fine

 

So I hope this helps someone out there who finds it difficult to take the big actions that they know would open opportunities for them Do everything you can so that the 20 seconds of courage is basically a foregone conclusion!

[Mad Hatter]

I like this!