Hi! I still don't know what to say. What are goals even? What is fitness even?
However I am beginning to feel less paralyzed and less glued to the livestreams, which is not helping anyone. Instead, yesterday I very publicly prodded the CTO of the billion dollar parent company which I work for with a very sharp stick about why he's not said or done anything, and where the donation matching program is. While I have no problem speaking up face to face, I'll admit that it was a bit nerve wracking, despite it being entirely risk free. But I'm happy to say that the donation program is happening now. ✊At least it's something you know, however small.
The reactions in the local office was... interesting. The CEO of the Helsinki company is extremely cautious and would clearly prefer it if I could for once shut up instead of causing trouble. 🤷♀️My friends were jokingly saying that obviously I'm bored and haven't had enough arguments throughout lockdown haha. Speaking of, I did get into a fight with Super Bigot and OMG I hate his guts so fucking much. Not that my feelings towards him have changed since earlier, I just got a refresher course on what a bag of dicks he is.
After all the drama I spontaneously went to hang out with a friend. Or rather she forced me to get my eyeballs off the livestreams. We went to a restaurant! And had wine! I felt a little like a country bumpkin who'd never been to a restaurant before haha, it was SUCH a long time ago. It felt amazingly normal to sit on the patio in the sun and chatting and destressing. (And ahemmm getting the bill, it reminded me why saving's hard during normal circumstances) I really needed that. Today I obviously still feel all the feels, but somehow this paralyzing inability to act has disappeared, instead of hitting me straight in the gut I can maybe deflect it to something more productive. Maybe. Hopefully. At least today is the first day in quite a while where I spontaneously extended my walk because I felt like it, rather than walking like a zombie.