LadyFenix Posted April 20, 2018 Report Share Posted April 20, 2018 This is a thread for people who either because of their job, or just their personality, always seem to be taking care of other people's problems. Think of this as a place to come and regroup. And remember: Anyone else find themselves expending a lot of energy to take care others? List your situation. 5 Quote Level 20 Ranger Monk Str- 18, Dex-12, Sta-10, Con-23, Wis-88, Cha-47 "Not all who wander are lost." "We Shall Not Practice Fear" Current Battlelog Link to comment
LadyFenix Posted April 20, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 20, 2018 I'm a family law attorney, and clients seem to think I have the power to make the other side become a nicer, more reasonable person. 4 Quote Level 20 Ranger Monk Str- 18, Dex-12, Sta-10, Con-23, Wis-88, Cha-47 "Not all who wander are lost." "We Shall Not Practice Fear" Current Battlelog Link to comment
farflight Posted April 20, 2018 Report Share Posted April 20, 2018 school psychologist, youngest in the family (traditional "peace maker" role), caretaker, caregiver, fixer, long ass section that I could probably fill the board with, but I"M HERE! love the idea of this 4 Quote Fitbit username: farflight (would love to have more people on there) Getting life in order is a challenge worth doing. Happiness is the journey, not the destination (took me forever to learn that) Link to comment
Kishi Posted April 20, 2018 Report Share Posted April 20, 2018 I'm a bureaucrat working for DHHS. My job is to examine the validity of disability claims. I deal with people who all believe very, very much that they are disabled, and they want me to believe it too. Problem is, no matter how much I believe them, I can't make a case beyond what the evidence supports, and very often the evidence is not on their side. It's bitter work, but it must be done. 6 Quote Work like a farmer, train like an athlete, fight like a soldier. 2 Tim. 2:3-6 BATTLE! Link to comment
Maigs Posted April 20, 2018 Report Share Posted April 20, 2018 24 minutes ago, ladylydia said: I'm a family law attorney, and clients seem to think I have the power to make the other side become a nicer, more reasonable person. Is it sad that my first thought was "maybe she can help with my family issue". Any ideas on how to make unfit parents agree to give up custody of their kids to a family member who lives 10 hours away? Mostly joking 2 Quote Maigs Resurrects From the Dead Link to comment
LadyFenix Posted April 20, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 20, 2018 2 hours ago, Maigahane said: Is it sad that my first thought was "maybe she can help with my family issue". Any ideas on how to make unfit parents agree to give up custody of their kids to a family member who lives 10 hours away? Mostly joking You could petition for guardianship. PM me, we can talk about it. Quote Level 20 Ranger Monk Str- 18, Dex-12, Sta-10, Con-23, Wis-88, Cha-47 "Not all who wander are lost." "We Shall Not Practice Fear" Current Battlelog Link to comment
ladyofthebog Posted April 20, 2018 Report Share Posted April 20, 2018 YAY!! You made our group! I love it. Part time hospice RN, mother and wife. I work weekend days doing hospice work which can often be pretty draining but also very fulfilling. I'm an on call nurse which means the vast majority of my time is making visits to patients homes who are "transitioning" (a nebulous term for when someone is likely in their last week of life) or "actively" dying which means imminently dying basically. I also make death visits, give dignity for the passed and spend time with people's families. I make crisis visits when someone is having an issue and needs a nurse to see them. Being a hospice nurse is interesting because it is a really intuitive practice. It's all about comforting people with your presence- usually that can even mean just holding someone hand, wiping their brow, or really listening. 6 Quote Daily Battle Log, Sweat like an Orc, Live like a Hobbit, and Look like an Elf “As the Wheel of Time turns, places wear many names. Men wear many names, many faces. Different faces, but always the same man. Yet no one knows the Great Pattern the Wheel weaves, or even the Pattern of an Age. We can only watch, and study, and hope.” Robert Jordan, The Eye of the World Link to comment
Tanktimus the Encourager Posted April 22, 2018 Report Share Posted April 22, 2018 Hospital chaplain here. I also volunteer as a police chaplain, and serve as a semi-official chaplain here on the boards. 5 Quote Current Challenge "By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath Link to comment
zeroh13 Posted April 23, 2018 Report Share Posted April 23, 2018 I'm one of those people that others feel like they can naturally come to with their problems. Sometimes looking for advice. Oftentimes just to get something off their chest. And I've picked up a lot of things from my own time in therapy and researching various topics so I can usually offer something helpful (or at the very least not unintentionally make the person feel worse). A lot of my emotional energy over the years has gone towards my wife who has several mental health issues. She tends to use me as her therapist, though I am quick to remind her that I'm not a professional. But she has a pretty low view of professional mental health care so that point doesn't really mean much to her. 3 Quote Current Challenge: Zeroh, stick to the routine! Link to comment
Echoceanic Posted April 27, 2018 Report Share Posted April 27, 2018 I actually had to end a friendship and a close relationship over this. The person was in a pretty bad situation all their life and they wound up mostly just dumping all of their issues on me, so much that my (reluctant to call it one because I haven't been diagnosed, but it is the only way I can describe those years) depression started coming back. I finally snapped and we parted ways - though we still work together. I have been better ever since. I don't feel guilty about being good anymore and the numbness hasn't been that debilitating - I actually feel my emotions now. We can be civil to each other, mostly because not only both of us are pretty responsible individuals, but also I realised I need to stop people from dumping things on me and draining me, and that person actually apologised (right as when I was thinking it was mostly my fault oddly enough). Now we're acquaintances, and while things are good I would not ever return to that relationship in any capacity because I know we make each other worse. I tend to want to fix things, and they tend to want to wallow. Sometimes people are just not a good match. 2 Quote "... However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light." - Stanley Kubrick "Difficult for myself? Agent... I was born difficult for myself." - Clint Barton Challenges: #1 #2 (mini) #3 (mini) #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 #10 #11 #12 #13 #14 #15 #16 #17 #18 #19 #20 #21 My Fitness Pal - inactive Link to comment
LadyFenix Posted May 1, 2018 Author Report Share Posted May 1, 2018 I think compartmentalizing, and dissociating from the person is really the only way to deal with a problem person or situation. Has anyone found anything else that works? 1 Quote Level 20 Ranger Monk Str- 18, Dex-12, Sta-10, Con-23, Wis-88, Cha-47 "Not all who wander are lost." "We Shall Not Practice Fear" Current Battlelog Link to comment
Kishi Posted May 3, 2018 Report Share Posted May 3, 2018 I haven't found anything like that myself. I have a similar situation with a coworker who essentially wanted to use me as her emotional punching bag, and wanted that relationship to be a one-way street. Eventually, I asserted myself against her, and that was enough to blow up the whole thing. Now, we don't work together, but we both serve in the bureaucracy, and she works on the other side of the building. I have as little to do with her as I can, mostly because my life is so much better without her in it, and it's tricky at times as a mutual friend of ours doesn't seem to care whether she puts us in situations where we're forced to deal with one another or not. But yeah. Keeping her in a box and keeping that box at arm's length seems to be the best way to handle it. I'm not saying reconciliation is impossible - it's not - but it requires a whole lot more effort than most people are willing to give. I think that, in order for that to be viable, all parties involved have to be willing to do so, and if they aren't, then they have to be put away. 1 Quote Work like a farmer, train like an athlete, fight like a soldier. 2 Tim. 2:3-6 BATTLE! Link to comment
Tanktimus the Encourager Posted May 3, 2018 Report Share Posted May 3, 2018 1 hour ago, Kishi said: But yeah. Keeping her in a box and keeping that box at arm's length seems to be the best way to handle it. I'm not saying reconciliation is impossible - it's not - but it requires a whole lot more effort than most people are willing to give. I think that, in order for that to be viable, all parties involved have to be willing to do so, and if they aren't, then they have to be put away. Along this same line, our nature as healers makes us very attractive to people who don't actually want to be well, but want attention. There is a story of Jesus of Nazareth in the Christian Scriptures where Jesus asks a beggar "Do you want to be well?" before healing that person. It was a legitimate question. The person had been disabled and therefore a beggar all his life. He may not have wanted to be able to walk, because that would mean getting a job and working for a living rather than having people give him money all day long. The person did want to be well and was healed. That's something we need to gauge in people who come to us for help. If it becomes apparent a needy person doesn't actually want to change, it's best for us not to engage that person anymore. They will only drain us without ever doing anything for themselves. A difficult lesson for people like us to learn is it's not our job to heal everyone. 4 Quote Current Challenge "By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath Link to comment
The Battle Chef Posted May 4, 2018 Report Share Posted May 4, 2018 Nothing really comparable to you guys, but I'm just a son, helped one parent pass as comfortably as he could, supporting the other as best I can. 1 Quote The Battle Chef's Log Link to comment
Kishi Posted May 4, 2018 Report Share Posted May 4, 2018 3 minutes ago, Azukmul gro-Dragnar said: Nothing really comparable to you guys, but I'm just a son, helped one parent pass as comfortably as he could, supporting the other as best I can. Nah, buddy, I'd reckon that compares just fine. You holding up okay? 1 Quote Work like a farmer, train like an athlete, fight like a soldier. 2 Tim. 2:3-6 BATTLE! Link to comment
The Battle Chef Posted May 4, 2018 Report Share Posted May 4, 2018 1 minute ago, Kishi said: Nah, buddy, I'd reckon that compares just fine. You holding up okay? For the time being yeah, thanks. Anniversary of dad's death is coming up next month. Not sure how smoothly that'll go. I'm a pretty stoic guy, but I find the past 4 years of my life and likely the next 5 have been spent taking care of the family one way or another. It can get tiring. 2 Quote The Battle Chef's Log Link to comment
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