[juliebarkley]

3 hours ago, Jean said:

I'd say it does. If you do that regularly, it may establish some kind of bond with the owners, the staff and or regulars of thoses shops.

I'd not do only that and consider it enough for making connections but it could certainly be part of my global arrangement of things to do and places to go regarding local bonding.

It certainly helps, if not necessarily to form bonds to individuals, to form bonds to one's community and feel a part of it. And you are right, it could eventually lead to meeting people with similar interests too. Though that would probably still need a more conscious effort on my part to interact with the people or something.

 

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1. & 2. Not yet done. For after this post.

 

3. Today's meditation was unusual. I noticed a sadness sitting in my chest, but couldn't really identify the source. It's not the right time for hormone-related random sadness, so I am assuming this in linked to one of the several things in the last few weeks that have been sources of sadness, but I don't know which one. So I told myself it was okay to feel it, and just let it run, as pure sadness with no thoughts. It was an odd feeling.

 

4. I was trying very hard to complete a timed goal in Pokemon Go. I did not succeed, but I did get in almost an hour of walking, and more vigorous walking than I usually do too.

 

5. A friend checked in with me today, so I responded. They recently lost their job, so they needed checking in with too. We agreed to wait until next week to maybe meet up and do something, depending on how both of us are feeling.

[Jean]

3 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

So I told myself it was okay to feel it, and just let it run, as pure sadness with no thoughts.

 

Acceptance of what we can't change isn't an easy state to achieve, congrats on that. There's certainly enough emotional affects in your past weeks to warrant the general feeling, I would not worry about it. I'd say you're doing exactly what needs to be done by acknowledging it and just letting it pass.

 

3 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

Though that would probably still need a more conscious effort on my part to interact with the people or something

 

That is true but I notice there's also a lot of power in simply visibly sharing the same space, which makes it easier to interact afterwards. When I was using the bus a lot, I would consider the people I met at the stop complete strangers the first time I saw them there. The second time, without having had any actual interaction other than seeing them, I would start to consider them part of my world and smile, the smile becoming more warm as more times passed. As St.-Ex wrote in The Little Prince, befriending someone is a matter of habits. Being regularly close to the same people at the same place is a step toward that (that then needs to be followed up by engaging conversation and bringing things further if one so wishes).

[juliebarkley]

On 9/23/2024 at 2:33 AM, Jean said:

Acceptance of what we can't change isn't an easy state to achieve, congrats on that. There's certainly enough emotional affects in your past weeks to warrant the general feeling, I would not worry about it. I'd say you're doing exactly what needs to be done by acknowledging it and just letting it pass.

Thanks! It's good to get that reassurance.

 

On 9/23/2024 at 2:33 AM, Jean said:

That is true but I notice there's also a lot of power in simply visibly sharing the same space, which makes it easier to interact afterwards. When I was using the bus a lot, I would consider the people I met at the stop complete strangers the first time I saw them there. The second time, without having had any actual interaction other than seeing them, I would start to consider them part of my world and smile, the smile becoming more warm as more times passed. As St.-Ex wrote in The Little Prince, befriending someone is a matter of habits. Being regularly close to the same people at the same place is a step toward that (that then needs to be followed up by engaging conversation and bringing things further if one so wishes).

This is very true and not how I had been thinking of things. Thank you for that insight.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yesterday, I did not do 1 &2. Or 5, for that matter. But I did do a 30 minute GMB session for the first time in I don't know how long, and a guided meditation session through an app.

 

Today was a contrast to yesterday. I woke up a horrid mess of anxious thoughts, mostly work-related in some way. I have no explanation for this. I spent a good hour trying to get them under control, and in the end had to just pick a thing that I could actually do something about and then get up and do it. The anxiety lasted for several hours, again, for no obvious reason. Quick meditation moments were needed just to get by early on. I did my two journallings. I had a conversation with someone, and haven't yet answered a message I received from another. I did not take a walk though, as it started to rain shortly after I got home, and I am still kind of achey from yesterday, so I didn't want to do another session of GMB. Mostly it's the wrists. I don't want to put weight on them again so soon.

[Jean]

1 hour ago, juliebarkley said:

in the end had to just pick a thing that I could actually do something about and then get up and do it.

I'm impressed by your practicality. This is something I regularly fail to achieve. Congrats!

 

That being said, spikes of anxiety like that are probably worth being talked to with your therapist. I hope they can provide insight.

 

Take care and take heart.

[Jarric]

Sorry to hear about the anxious day; I hope that today brings you more calm and a quieter mind.

[juliebarkley]

On 9/25/2024 at 2:57 AM, Jean said:

I'm impressed by your practicality. This is something I regularly fail to achieve. Congrats!

 

That being said, spikes of anxiety like that are probably worth being talked to with your therapist. I hope they can provide insight.

I will bring it up. Thanks!

 

On 9/25/2024 at 5:37 AM, Jarric said:

Sorry to hear about the anxious day; I hope that today brings you more calm and a quieter mind.

Thank you for that as well.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, um.

 

I don't really remember what I did yesterday. I took a walk, sent someone a message that I hadn't talked to in a while. I'm assuming the other things did not happen.

 

My alarm woke me from deep sleep, which unfortunately left me drowsy all day. Then, around midnight, things happened. An existing situation involving someone I care about took a very unfortunate turn that now involves me researching lawyers. And therapists. I also learned further details that are very disturbing to me. I helped the person put together a plan of action, sought advice from a trusted source, and just tried to figure out next steps.

 

I am now waiting for further information, as what happens today is likely to give a good indication of what is to be expected in future. I have never dealt with anything like this before and so I'm still very unsure what to do and how to proceed.

 

I would really really like for awful things to stop happening please.

[Mistr]

Catching up and following.

 

 

4 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

I am now waiting for further information, as what happens today is likely to give a good indication of what is to be expected in future. I have never dealt with anything like this before and so I'm still very unsure what to do and how to proceed.

 

That sucks. I understand that you do not want to go into details about the serious problem. Chances are very good that similar bad situations have happened to other people, somewhere and sometime. The internet being what it is, you can probably read about what those people did and see if any of their experiences provide guidance. Possibly "do not do this!" examples, which are still good to know about.

 

4 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

I would really really like for awful things to stop happening please.

 

No kidding. You are getting more than your share.

 

Considering the way things have gone recently, I think it would be prudent to plan for more unexpected challenges. Kind of like packing an umbrella when you travel in England. You don't know when it will rain, but you expect it will sometime.

 

Think of things you can do that will make you feel better and make your life easier when you are having a stressful day. Maybe that means keeping a stash of protein bars in your locker at work. It could be playing music you like on your headphones when you do chores. Have some things set up so that you can be grateful to Past You when you come across them later.

[juliebarkley]

8 hours ago, Mistr said:

That sucks. I understand that you do not want to go into details about the serious problem. Chances are very good that similar bad situations have happened to other people, somewhere and sometime. The internet being what it is, you can probably read about what those people did and see if any of their experiences provide guidance. Possibly "do not do this!" examples, which are still good to know about.

Yup. One of the pieces of advice was not to talk publicly about the problem. The other advice is already part of the plan, plus a few of my own that I passed on, and a few that the person came up with themself.

 

8 hours ago, Mistr said:

Considering the way things have gone recently, I think it would be prudent to plan for more unexpected challenges. Kind of like packing an umbrella when you travel in England. You don't know when it will rain, but you expect it will sometime.

 

Think of things you can do that will make you feel better and make your life easier when you are having a stressful day. Maybe that means keeping a stash of protein bars in your locker at work. It could be playing music you like on your headphones when you do chores. Have some things set up so that you can be grateful to Past You when you come across them later.

Hmm. I shall have to think about this. I do think that a big part of the reason for the anxious days is that this is my body/brain unconsciously preparing for the next awful thing that will happen, just not in a particularly productive way. So the deal-with-emotions, process-anxiety-better parts of this challenge are in and of themselves helpful. But something more specific for a particularly bad day, I should think about.

 

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1. & 2. Are done for today.

 

3. I did not do an intentional meditation. I did however notice how I was feeling at various times, which is less a meditation itself than an effect of meditation - perhaps a good sign that it's helping?

 

4. I went on a walk to dry my hair and get some vitamin D before Mr. Sun leaves for the winter.

 

5. I got a message from someone that I ignored. I once again do not feel much like talking to people. I did drop a message to the person involved in yesterday's events to see how they were holding up.

 

I've been finding it hard to focus on things today and getting distracted a lot. So if you were to ask me what I've done today, I would have little to show you. That's probably not ideal. Maybe I could have some particular task that I could work on when these more stressful times hit. Something that keeps me just busy enough to keep me from mentally wandering off quite so much. Or maybe that keeps my hands busy so that my mind can focus better. Or be done alongside a podcast if the desire is not to think at all. Or that gives a sense of purpose and control when other things are not controllable. This might be a good start to the kind of plan that Mistr described before. Mental health through mindless tasks. ? It sounds odd but I think it could actually help.

[juliebarkley]

Yesterday I had a ttrpg game and went to bed almost straight after, so no time for anything.

 

Today:

1 & 2: done

3: done

4: done

5: It wasn't someone local, but I talked to someone I've been meaning to get back to, so I'm going to count it.

 

We had a costume exchange at the library today, and it was enough of a success that I think we will repeat it next year. Lots of the kids ended up with a costume that just seemed perfectly suited to them, from dolphin outfits to Harry Potter uniforms to cans of toxic waste. One parent found the perfect outfit for her daughter, then another that she thought would be great for her cousin. When she asked if she could take both, and then was told there was no charge, she was just overflowingly grateful, thanking us over and over and saying that it was too good to be true. It's the kind of thing that makes the job worth it.

[Jean]

18 minutes ago, juliebarkley said:

One parent found the perfect outfit for her daughter, then another that she thought would be great for her cousin.

 

Gald the event went great! Were the costumes the cans of toxic waste or some yellow and black striped kamikaze insects?

[Jarric]

On 9/27/2024 at 7:39 AM, juliebarkley said:

Mental health through mindless tasks. ? It sounds odd but I think it could actually help.

 

That sounds like a very good idea to me - if I have time to think and I'm doing nothing I find I dwell on negative things. If I have the same amount of time but I'm out for a walk, or painting, or doing the washing up, I find that my thoughts are more positive and productive. I'm never sure why that works for me, but it does.

[juliebarkley]

22 hours ago, Jean said:

Gald the event went great! Were the costumes the cans of toxic waste or some yellow and black striped kamikaze insects?

One child was a can of toxic waste. No insects of any kind made an appearance though. The only wings were part of a beautiful earth fairy costume.

 

10 hours ago, Jarric said:

That sounds like a very good idea to me - if I have time to think and I'm doing nothing I find I dwell on negative things. If I have the same amount of time but I'm out for a walk, or painting, or doing the washing up, I find that my thoughts are more positive and productive. I'm never sure why that works for me, but it does.

I've not experienced quite the same - I can absolutely go on negative thought runs while doing stuff - but it does give a small sense of accomplishment, which counters some of the negative feelings. If I'm actually thinking about the thing I'm doing though, it is much harder to have those thought spirals. But that concentration is hard if you are already in a bad place, so there's a bit of chicken-egg there.

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. & 2. I haven't. Probably should, but I think my biggest accomplishment was a large amount of Pokemon Go.

 

3. No, I did not.

 

4. This I did do (the aforementioned Pokemon Go involved 8 km of walking).

 

5. I got back to another person I've been meaning to (yay avoidance).

 

There is precious little to say about today.

[juliebarkley]

1. & 2. Done

 

3. I tried, but it was like my skin was rebelling and I just had constant itches pop up all over the place to distract me. Anyone else experienced this?

 

4. It was a lovely sunny day, and I used it to run some grocery-oriented errands.

 

5. So, there's an interesting story about this one today....

 

I finally made it to my son's dorm so that he could show it off, and he gave me a little tour of his college campus. It's really nice, and he's right around the corner from a kitchen, which is handy. Lots of little cafes and places to sit and everything just looks really fresh and new. He seems happy there and settling in really well.

 

After I got back, I decided to go out on the aforementioned grocery-oriented errand run. I was walking down the street with my shopping trolley and an SUV pulled over into the street parking and a woman got out. I assumed she lived there at first, but she seemed to want to talk to me, so I thought maybe she needed directions or something. Her English was not very good and it took me a while to figure out what she was saying. It turns out that her husband, driving the SUV, is the imam of a musallah that is running just up my street, not even a ten-minute walk from my house. (A musallah is an informal temporary prayer space that is not a mosque. In this case, it is someone's home.) They invited me to the WhatsApp group for this community that I didn't know existed, and now I have an invite to go this Friday.

 

I was stunned. My town only has about 4000 people in it. While it's probably more diverse than the average small US town, it's not exactly overflowing with ethnic diversity. I had NO IDEA that this thing existed. And I hadn't been seeking it out, it just sort of found me. I feel like I have to give it a try. I mean, how much clearer a message from the universe can you get?

 

I'm not going to pretend I'm not nervous. I'm not exactly what you would call religiously orthodox. And based on past experience, I'm fully expecting (and very much not looking forward to) questions about my family, my lack of a husband, encouragements to find one, questions about my personal history, and so on. It's all innocent curiosity, but it's also really intrusive and makes me feel like the token white woman that's seen as some sort of trophy prize, and I hate that. The prying is also pressing on things that I can't be fully open about, but they don't know that. The language barrier could be tricky too. So I'm not really sure how this will go. I'm trying not to prejudge it and just be open, meet people, let them show me who they are. They are opening their doors to me (literally), to give me a chance. Perhaps it will be wonderful, and I will make some friends in the fullness of time. Perhaps we will be too different on a deep level, and I will be uncomfortable or rejected as time goes on. Perhaps there will be some of both. And perhaps there will be some good I can do, bridges I can build. I won't know if I don't try.

[Mistr]

Yeah, sometimes the universe is very clear about opening a path for you. I felt the same way when the zen group started meeting at my dojo on the one day of the week when I had time to attend.

 

I hope the people at the musallah are welcoming and do not ask prying questions.

[juliebarkley]

8 hours ago, Mistr said:

Yeah, sometimes the universe is very clear about opening a path for you. I felt the same way when the zen group started meeting at my dojo on the one day of the week when I had time to attend.

 

I hope the people at the musallah are welcoming and do not ask prying questions.

Oh, I have little hope of that. In the 2 minute conversation after exchanging info, the imam and his wife managed to ask me both if I had kids and where I'm really from. ? I give it five minutes tops to field every question in my list with a group of strangers. I know what I'm walking into; this is not my first rodeo. I will survive.

 

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1. & 2. Not done. Might happen, might not.

 

3. It was brief, but it was done. Practiced just being, without thinking or anything else.

 

4. Nope.

 

5. I honestly do not remember. I'm going to say a qualified yes, but it could have been last night. But it was electronic communication with a local community member that I would like to get to know better.

[juliebarkley]

1. & 2. Done.

 

3. No, not today.

 

4. I had a walk outside, and it was dark and quiet and peaceful. My phone was dying, so I was not tempted to touch it, just enjoyed the dark, the feel of the path, the smells and sounds.

 

5. I got back to several people today. I have been a terrible correspondent this week.

[juliebarkley]

For yesterday:

 

1. & 2. Yes.

 

3. I am going to count jum'a today. The khutba was in Arabic but not very long, so I just let the words flow over me and tried to relax into the feeling.

 

4. I got two walks in!

 

5. I got back to several people today as well, and now have a meetup with one on Wednesday.

 

The jum'a was smaller than I expected, perhaps a dozen people. It went about as well as I could have hoped for. I only had to tell people I wasn't married three times, and was asked where I was really from in the most respectful and non-offensive way I have ever heard. There are a few other women who are roughly the same age as me, so perhaps I will click with someone in the fullness of time.

 

Also had a really good conversation with my son that is a good reminder for myself too. He's been working on building his own community since he's in college and at the start of his own independence. He's been attending a mosque youth group and a church youth group (he likes the open spirituality, doesn't care about the doctrine), and he's at the point where he wants to drop the mosque one. He feels like he stands out too much, yet isn't wanted as himself. He cannot openly talk about his opinions or the way he lives without judgment. If he is wanted, it's as a trophy, the token white. He'll always be an outsider. And I know from personal experience that at eighteen in such groups too, you start to get people trying to hook you up and police you, so the judgment is extra strong. And it's hard for me to make a case for keeping it up when I felt the same at his age. (I was scared away from a mosque at eighteen after only two visits by people trying to marry me off to their relatives.) And I feel many of the same things too. But I think the thing to pull from that experience, and which I can pull from my own experience, is the perspective that it gives you on the struggles of others. Because this must be exactly how many black and brown people going to events where they know they will be the only one. Or how a new immigrant whose English isn't very good feels trying to meet people in their community. It's why expats and immigrants tend to stick so hard to their own when they have the chance - it's really hard to break out of that bubble. So I think it's good to know that feeling.

[juliebarkley]

1. & 2. Done. I've done these morning after the last few days, which isn't ideal, but at least it's happening. I haven't needed to vent feelings at night anyway, which is probably a good thing.

 

3. Ehhhh, no.

 

4. Yup, I was dragged out for Pokemon collection. It is still lovely and sunny, but I can see the wind picking up and I know it won't last much longer.

 

5. I don't think I did.

 

I'm using my weekend time to go through some of the books in my library pile, which has once again grown beyond what a sane and reasonable person should be keeping in their house. Man, I need to make more time to read.

[juliebarkley]

1. & 2. are done. Today was a day where the gratitude was a little harder to find, and the venting of feelings was needed.

 

3. I attempted a small meditation when my emotions were ramped up, but with, sadly, minimal success. I was not able to redirect my thoughts or achieve calm this way today.

 

4. I did not go for a walk today. I simply did not feel like it.

 

5. Darn.

 

I woke up with a headache that just never quite faded, which probably made me more irritable than usual and maybe just less able to handle stuff. (I had been dealing with some anxious thoughts around work again the night before, and I think there was lingering.) I did make it through more books though, got some stuff ready for tomorrow, and mostly functioned at an acceptable level. I also finished up a book I have been reading, which turned out to be a fantastic read. I don't generally go for memoirs, but this one was a gem. Very unique.

[juliebarkley]

1. & 2. are done. Gratitude was hard to find today too, not sure why.

 

3. Darn it, I meant to and forgot.

 

4. I took a walk to the post office to mail some packages.

 

5. I definitely recognize the post office crew, and I think they do me as well.

 

Feeling tired. I spent the whole day somehow not doing much of anything. Was anxious about work stuff, but didn't do anything to make that better, so that was not super helpful. I don't know. Not a terrible day, but not the greatest either.

[juliebarkley]

I missed a day. I can't remember how I did, but I have no journal notes, and it is the day when I have relatively little time between getting home and needing to go to bed, so I'm going to assume that I did nothing.

 

Yesterday:

1. & 2. Done. Well after the fact, but still done.

 

3. Nope.

 

4. Nope.

 

5. Yes. Very much so.

 

I had arrangements to meet up with a friend for board games and talk. This friend is dealing with job loss on top of a lot of other stuff, and I didn't realize how low he is in mental health until I saw him last night. I really served more of a therapist function than anything else; he needed to talk and I let him. We never did make it to board games, and by the time either of us thought to check time, it was way later than we thought. So while it wasn't "fun" in the way that I had anticipated, I think that it was worthwhile. And I hope that it helped him a little.

[juliebarkley]

The last couple of days are a bit of a blur in my head. I'm not feeling top notch, either because I'm coming down with something or because I have just barely eaten for about three days, not sure which. Perhaps both together. Time doesn't feel very real right now.

 

There really hasn't been any walking, meditating, or socializing to speak of. I did write in my journal on at least one of those days.

 

Work today involved dealing with a customer who returned to harass us multiple times, screaming that she hated us and a different customer who keeps coming behind the counter and using his very tall body in a threatening way. It was not a relaxing workday. The major bright moment was that we put in a request for chickens to visit! The local agriculture museum offers us programs for free: a visiting bunny, a chicken, a sheep-to-sweater program (no sheep, but they do learn to card wool), and a soil science program. We've had the bunny a couple of times and it's been a hit. I am, for purely selfish reasons, really hoping that we get the chicken program because I want to hold a chicken.

[Jean]

3 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

The local agriculture museum offers us programs for free: a visiting bunny, a chicken, a sheep-to-sweater program (no sheep, but they do learn to card wool), and a soil science program. We've had the bunny a couple of times and it's been a hit. I am, for purely selfish reasons, really hoping that we get the chicken program because I want to hold a chicken.

This sounds awesome! Kuddos both to you and the agriculture museum. Fingers crossed for you to hold a chicken.

This is for the rest of your day.


Keep heart.

[Mistr]

That sucks that people are harassing you at work.

 

Do you think these are people with mental health problems? I just can't imaging someone yelling at librarians because they can't find a book.

 

Please take care of yourself too. Have a good meal and a relaxing time doing something fun, like crocheting.

[Jarric]

Hipe you feel better soon, and that you get all of the chickens you deserve.

 

 

 

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