LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[Vella]

Social dysphoria is most definitely a thing. I'd never heard of mental, either, but actually, yeah, that makes a lot of sense...

 

(Queer All the Things challenge is up in the Assassins forum, if people want to see what I eventually went for)

[kaelvan]

I love to get even more info on mental dysphoria

[Jett]

Hmm. I guess I was vaguely aware that there were other types of dysphoria, but I don't know much about them. I should probably remedy that.

 

I like "Gender/Sexual Minority". The more letters get added to the acronym, the sillier it becomes. GSM sounds much more... official.

[Artinum]

Acronyms should be as short as possible. They just get silly otherwise.

[kaelvan]

GSM sounds so much easier to remember.

[Twilight]

I've just switched over to GSM

 

Gender and Sexual Minority. When explainint it to people, I say: It properly addresses why the groups are unified, while being inclusive, and is the proper successor to LGBT and all the acronyms after it.

 

I've found that people who are JUST accepting LGBT but would have trouble accepting any longer acronyms are usually ok with GSM. I suppose the downside is it doesn't name all the groups within GSM, but in my opinion that's also an upside as groups currently not accepted in LGBT+ can work their way in easier (say polyamorists).

 

I had a 140-character-or-less Twitter rant about people using the A in LGBTQIA to stand for Ally rather than Asexual (UGHHHHH) and a poly account replied to me "Still missing the P!" and I was like huh? I'm poly and I don't think it needs to be in there. (My current line of thinking being that this acronym is for Gender and Sexual Minorities, as you say, and poly is a relationship style, not either of those.)

 

So yeah. GSM is cool for brevity. I like the longer ones too because it gives people a chance to ask questions, and to understand just how diverse "diversity" can be.

[Suited hippy]

If we are to adopt this new "GSM" Poly people should surely fit under it. Poly is a sexual minority. 

 

Poly people are fighting for the right to marry just like rest of the GSM community... Well in Canada the poly are the only ones left without the ability to marry. 

 

I'm not Poly, but my partner and I have had discussion about considering it later in life. 

[Teirin]

I've also heard GSRM for Gender, Sexuality and Romantic Minorities. 

[kaelvan]

I've also heard GSRM for Gender, Sexuality and Romantic Minorities. 

Omfsm that's right forgot few other members might not fit into GSM

[kaelvan]

Do I really seem unhappy with me being a lesbian? Compared to few months ago, I seem way better. I think more unhappy with so many places can't visit without possibly getting killed

[Phytomancer]

Do I really seem unhappy with me being a lesbian? Compared to few months ago, I seem way better. I think more unhappy with so many places can't visit without possibly getting killed

 

Uh, I have never heard of lesbians getting killed just because of their sexuality in the past ten years... Maybe I haven't followed the news that closely.

 

Where do you live and what causes the fear?

[Vella]

GSM is also currently my favourite - mostly because I'm paranoid that I'll miss a letter in the alphabet soup version.

[kaelvan]

Uh, I have never heard of lesbians getting killed just because of their sexuality in the past ten years... Maybe I haven't followed the news that closely.

 

Where do you live and what causes the fear?

I meant travel wise as in other countries. And yes there's been quit a few lesbians that have been killed over past 10 years

[Vella]

Edit because apparently we moved on pages while I wasn't looking - I had thought that the P stood for Pan as well as Poly, but I could be misreading it.

 

And yes, GSRM! I stand corrected, and hopefully a little more inclusive in future.

[Phytomancer]

I meant travel wise as in other countries. And yes there's been quit a few lesbians that have been killed over past 10 years

 

Went fact check after this, you are right, just last year, a couple was killed in Texas by their father. I apologize not to fact check beforehand. South Africa and the Middle East is pretty adamant about this... and maybe Indiana and Texas (not sure if that's other countries.)

 

I think that depends on where you go?

 

In Chiang Mai and Bangkok, Thailand, where I worked and lived, GSRM community is really open and people are extremely accepting. Many of my students are lesbians and gays.

 

I feel the same way when I travel to Western Europe with some friends who are GSRM and they are fine. They respect tourists there. 

 

In India and China, there is not much public display of affection, so there is no way to know if a person around me is GSRM or not unless we are in the bedroom with them. Um, I feel really uncomfortable watching other people having sex regardless of gender, so... 

[shaeon]

Last weekend I made a trip to New York City to catch a couple of shows. One of them was Fun Home. In case you are unfamiliar, it's a musical based on the Alison Bechdel graphic novel by the same name. It's based on Alison Bechdel's own experiences growing up, her path to realizing that she is a lesbian and her early experiences with coming out, and the revelation that her dad was also gay and closeted, hiding his identity in his marriage. It's an emotional show, and among other things it makes clear the pain of his closeted life vs. the openness of her life. It was a really great show, and if you have the means, I recommend you check it out.

 

There are three actresses playing Alison; as a child, as a college student (when she came out and met her first girlfriend), and as a 43 year old writing and drawing Fun Home. The young Alison sings a song called Ring of Keys, which is about her seeing a butch lesbian delivery driver at a diner, and having a moment of identifying; for the first time in her life, she was seeing someone who looked the way she felt (and of course, as an adult Alison Bechdel is a butch, and that presentation is clearly important to her identity). 

 

So I wanted to share the song with the group here, since I think it's a common experience regardless of your orientation, identity, or gender performance if you fall somewhere in the LGBTQ world. I imagine most of us have had moments where the reason we always felt different snapped into focus. Also, this song made me cry happy tears when seeing the show live, and I just want to share something good with all of you today.

 

[Viscura]

You know I read this place all the time but I never post. Hello

 

The discussion over acronyms - seems to me it's constant and ever-changing on the inside, while the outside world seemed to get stuck a ways back...

[joenet]

OH HAI fellow gays!  Nice to know there's a thread here.  Who's doing the 16-week challenge and needs a gaycountibilibuddy?  :-D

[Korra]

I have a question: for those of you who are out and open, how do you decide whether or not to come out to people who don't know? I've been playing it by ear, but I mean, if I run into someone I used to know and they ask about my relationships, do I just avoid the topic of my ex-girlfriend for simplicity's sake? I know everyone is different and each situation is different, but how do you all handle these kinds of situations? I'd like to be more open, but it's a little nerve-wracking. I don't even mind telling random strangers, it's just people who are or are likely to be a part of my life.

I'm going camping with some old friends this week, and the topic is sure to come up due to our one relationship crazy friend; I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance.

[Jett]

You should probably just be like, "I just got out of a relationship with this girl" or something, and let them freak out a little, then say, "Yeah, I'm bisexual, so?" and not make it a big deal. Most likely, if you don't make a big deal out of it, your friends won't either. But, like you said, you should play it by ear - if you think one of that group will be really upset about it, and it will cause strain in the relationships of the group, then maybe be vague. It just boils down to what you think is best.

 

Then again, I'm out to almost no one, so I may not be the best person to give advice here.

[Vella]

I have a question: for those of you who are out and open, how do you decide whether or not to come out to people who don't know? I've been playing it by ear, but I mean, if I run into someone I used to know and they ask about my relationships, do I just avoid the topic of my ex-girlfriend for simplicity's sake? I know everyone is different and each situation is different, but how do you all handle these kinds of situations? I'd like to be more open, but it's a little nerve-wracking. I don't even mind telling random strangers, it's just people who are or are likely to be a part of my life.

I'm going camping with some old friends this week, and the topic is sure to come up due to our one relationship crazy friend; I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance.

 

I'm out and pretty open (about gender, not sexuality), and I find it best to just wait until the topic comes up, answer honestly and move on. Honestly, whenever someone asks about my sexuality, I answer openly and honestly about that, too, but it comes up less.

It's come up a bit at work recently and though not everyone knows about it, I've had to go up to a few people and be like "Look, I need help getting the kids to use pronouns, do you mind using 'they' so that the kids get used to hearing it?" and everyone's been cool with that.

Honestly, if it comes up, just say it the same way as if you were saying "I just got out of a relationship with this guy". They might be surprised, but if you're chill, they'll take the cue and be chill.

If you want to sit down and come out formally, that's cool, too - I find most people (where I am) will appreciate that you trust them enough to tell them.

 

Of course, if you know one of them is going to be awful about it, keep it vague. But you may well be pleasantly surprised.

 

Also, just letting it come out in conversation saves you thinking and agonising too much beforehand and psyching yourself out

[shaeon]

I have a question: for those of you who are out and open, how do you decide whether or not to come out to people who don't know? I've been playing it by ear, but I mean, if I run into someone I used to know and they ask about my relationships, do I just avoid the topic of my ex-girlfriend for simplicity's sake? I know everyone is different and each situation is different, but how do you all handle these kinds of situations? I'd like to be more open, but it's a little nerve-wracking. I don't even mind telling random strangers, it's just people who are or are likely to be a part of my life.

I'm going camping with some old friends this week, and the topic is sure to come up due to our one relationship crazy friend; I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance.

 

I'm out pretty much everywhere; to my doctor, to my hairdresser, to coworkers. These days, I usually come out by failing to omit information; if I'm having a conversation and it's relevant to note that I have had girlfriends, shared my life with those girlfriends, did stuff together, then I do so. Example: if I'm talking about travel, I might say "yeah, I've been to Savannah. My ex-girlfriend and I went there a few years ago..." It's the kind of detail that a straight person would give without thinking about it. And that's the thing about being closeted; chances are, being closeted forces you to omit information. Suddenly an ex is just your "last relationship" and there's an avoidance of pronouns that a straight, cis-gendered person would never think of avoiding. I truly believe that living that way leads to shame. It makes you ashamed of your exes, and your current partner, and ultimately of yourself. It's not worth it to do yourself and people you love or have loved wrong just because you think someone might be uncomfortable.

I know it's hard at first, and nerve-wracking, as you noted. I remember when I was coming out to each of my friends, and each time it felt like a big production, and of course there was a fear of rejection. I wasn't rejected by any of my friends, though (and in fact, one of them reacted by saying "oh my god! I'm gay too!!!"). And people are way more accepting now than they were when I was young. If you are young, there's a very good chance that each of your friends already has an LGBT friend or two and is perfectly fine with it. It gets easier the more you do it, and the more you do it, being honest with the people in your life feels like the right thing to do. 

 

The only time I decide not to come out to someone is if it's a person who openly broadcasts their hatefulness. Any kind of hatefulness; if someone is racist, it's probably not the only form of bigotry they practice. Especially in a situation where you feel like it could be dangerous to be out, you can't be blamed for protecting yourself. But those situations are very rare, and of course there are all kinds of ways in which people cannot hide what they are from hateful people (you can't be closeted about being female, black, etc.). Being closeted because a rare few people out there may be extremely hateful is about as reasonable a solution as dressing like a man because a rare few people out there are sexual predators. Also, if I meet a person who is openly hateful, I am not going to be having another conversation with them ever again if I can help it. So it's not like I need to worry about what they think about me anyway. What I think about them is the far more important issue in that case.

[Viscura]

I have a question: for those of you who are out and open, how do you decide whether or not to come out to people who don't know? I've been playing it by ear, but I mean, if I run into someone I used to know and they ask about my relationships, do I just avoid the topic of my ex-girlfriend for simplicity's sake? I know everyone is different and each situation is different, but how do you all handle these kinds of situations? I'd like to be more open, but it's a little nerve-wracking. I don't even mind telling random strangers, it's just people who are or are likely to be a part of my life.

I'm going camping with some old friends this week, and the topic is sure to come up due to our one relationship crazy friend; I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance.

 

I came out as trans about 18 months ago. In some ways it was really different to coming out as lesbian (when I was still telling myself I was cis), because keeping it from anyone I already knew meant continuing to hide.

I did it quiet at first, basically built myself a backbone of support, then went "sod it all" and came out in one go to my work colleagues and on my blog. Then there was coming out to people who weren't captured by those things to do.

 

These days there are people who never knew me as anything but male, and some of them do get to know I'm trans. I tend to play it by ear, but if I start to get to know someone then they'll usually wind up knowing one way or another, because it's an important part of who I am.

 

With that comes the risk every time of being rejected, that moment of waiting to see the reaction doesn't go away, and it hurts like hell when somebody can't deal, but for every person I know that accepts me the ones that aren't able to get a little easier to deal with. I much prefer to know than wonder.

[Madam_Patella]

YES! My first binder from gc2b finally arrived today! And it doesn't feel like I'm slowly being crushed by a boa constrictor! 

 

Apparently it won't let me put this gif in the post so here's the link to how it feels right about now.

 

 

 

Why do gifs that appeal to some form of higher power work but my happy dance gif doesn't?

[Vella]

Madam_Patella

,

 

 

Always a great feeling when they fit right!