LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[Deidara]

I started testosterone injections just a little over a month ago.

 

Last month: 1 to 2 pistol squats in a row.

 

Now: 6 to 7 pistol squats in a row.

 

This feels like cheating and it is wonderful. Onwards, to get ripped!

Testosterone is workout magic I swear. I'm almost considering starting it again JUST for that, except my acne got sooooooo bad the first time. One of the (many) reasons I stopped.

[SjardisDead]

I started testosterone injections just a little over a month ago.

 

Last month: 1 to 2 pistol squats in a row.

 

Now: 6 to 7 pistol squats in a row.

 

This feels like cheating and it is wonderful. Onwards, to get ripped!

 

Did you already feeled the sweet frenzy of roid rage, that makes you feel like the bastard child of Hulk and King Kong?

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

No roid rage yet! I'm still in the final stages of recovering from surgery, and apparently I have to take it easy with the weights because muscle growth will happen too fast, and the tendons won't have enough time to catch up. The last thing I want is another looooong recovery period :|

 

Cardio and HIIT circuits definitely benefit from the FFFFUUUUUUUU workout frenzy, though.

 

Also no acne yet. I hope it stays away 5ever D:

[SolitaryOrchid]

I started testosterone injections just a little over a month ago.

 

I'm so jealous! My financial situation has taken a massive shift and I don't know when I'll be able to start HRT. I can't wait till I can get my proper 'mones. Congrats!

[Ojuntapu]

I'm a 48 yo FTM queer trans*guy and started T a month and a half ago, too! I'm on disability and medicare pays for it, so I'm lucky. I combine cycling with bodyweights. Coming out of a three year rough patch of bad health/broken foot/non-trans related surgery. Spent the last 6 months focusing pre-conditioning work before starting T, so I'm at a beginner level for bodyweights and making good gains. Up to 25 miles on the bike and planning a two night bike camping trip next month with my spouse -- been car free for 13 years, all city riding usually under 20 miles but we want to work up to bigger tours. I think scouts or rangers may be my guild.

 

New to NF, this is my first post. Hiya all!

[Deidara]

Hi Ojuntapu, welcome, and also congrats on starting T! I know it can be harder for older (as in not teenaged) people to get started transitioning sometimes because of the overwhelming cultural narrative of "you have to have always known and always wanted to do something and start as soon as possible." That and the fact that most trans people on online spaces I see are like 16-20 discourage me and I'm not even 30 yet. I'm glad you're able to take those steps! 

[Twilight]

If I could pick and choose the effects I'd get from T, I'd seriously consider taking it. #genderqueerproblems

 

I'll be shaving my head at the end of the summer - I feel that more people will take me seriously as a gender/queer person when I don't have long femmy-hair. It's annoying. Gender neutral =/ masculine. Long hair =/ inherently feminine.

[Reluctant Amazon]

Anyone considering transition and worrying if they are too old. I'm forty, and started nothing yet. I'm not too old.

Sent from my LG-D321 using Tapatalk

[gallifreyanboy]

Hey! I've been on T for almost four years now so if anyone has any questions about it, feel free to shoot me a message

[SolitaryOrchid]

If I could pick and choose the effects I'd get from T, I'd seriously consider taking it. #genderqueerproblems

 

I'll be shaving my head at the end of the summer - I feel that more people will take me seriously as a gender/queer person when I don't have long femmy-hair. It's annoying. Gender neutral =/ masculine. Long hair =/ inherently feminine.

 

Which effects would you pick? I know of a few gq people who take finasteride with testosterone because it prevents body hair and genital growth but allows voice deepening, muscle growth, and fat redistribution.

[SjardisDead]

I'll be shaving my head at the end of the summer - I feel that more people will take me seriously as a gender/queer person when I don't have long femmy-hair. It's annoying. Gender neutral =/ masculine. Long hair =/ inherently feminine.

 

So you change your appearance to be "more accepted" by a group. The same group that's fighting for acceptance towards themself, so they don't have to act, dress or live like the majority of people think it's "normal". Sounds absolutely right, and a lot like high school where you needed this new up to date haircut and the trendy fashion to be one of the cool kids.

[SevenofSeven]

If I could pick and choose the effects I'd get from T, I'd seriously consider taking it. #genderqueerproblems

 

I'll be shaving my head at the end of the summer - I feel that more people will take me seriously as a gender/queer person when I don't have long femmy-hair. It's annoying. Gender neutral =/ masculine. Long hair =/ inherently feminine.

Straight female, I have shaved my head since I was 18. Easier when I was working in the sheds, easier when I had my babies and easier now it's almost totally grey and horrid.

I have been called butch dyke by the straight community and a try hard interloper by the Alphabet Soupers, but at the end of the day, I don't care what people think, I shave my head for me and making my life easier. Why be defined by hair or clothes or whatever? Who are these people who you think need to take you seriously?

[Deidara]

If I could pick and choose the effects I'd get from T, I'd seriously consider taking it. #genderqueerproblems

 

I'll be shaving my head at the end of the summer - I feel that more people will take me seriously as a gender/queer person when I don't have long femmy-hair. It's annoying. Gender neutral =/ masculine. Long hair =/ inherently feminine.

 

I'd go back on it if I could control it. I took it to 1. get rid of my periods 2. help with muscle/fat distribution. I got 1. acne and 2. more facial hair, and nothing else.... 8 months in I was still menstruating, which actually made my doctor very worried.

 

People MIGHT take you more seriously as a genderqueer person if you get a butcher haircut, but honestly? If you don't want to do it, if you like your hair the way it is, you shouldn't change yourself or your presentation to make other people happy. I'm very femme for a (demi)boy, but trying to tone that down and butch up my presentation to cater to people made me more unhappy than just doing me. Not only did people STILL not take me seriously and misgender me all the time, but also I was being someone I didn't want to be. Just do you, be who you want to be, and adopt a policy of just not taking shit from people who call you a woman or judge you.

 

A large number of trans people, especailly nonbinary/genderqueer, never "pass" to most people. It's something we as a group need to come to peace with and forward the idea that your appearance has nothing to do with your gender instead of upholding this notion that you can get cis people to take you seriously or stop misgendering you just by changing your presentation can catering to them.

[ColoQ]

So you change your appearance to be "more accepted" by a group. The same group that's fighting for acceptance towards themself, so they don't have to act, dress or live like the majority of people think it's "normal". Sounds absolutely right, and a lot like high school where you needed this new up to date haircut and the trendy fashion to be one of the cool kids.

That sounded rather hostile. I'm sure you didn't intend it that way.

[Latsu Swagneel]

I'd go back on it if I could control it. I took it to 1. get rid of my periods 2. help with muscle/fat distribution. I got 1. acne and 2. more facial hair, and nothing else.... 8 months in I was still menstruating, which actually made my doctor very worried.

People MIGHT take you more seriously as a genderqueer person if you get a butcher haircut, but honestly? If you don't want to do it, if you like your hair the way it is, you shouldn't change yourself or your presentation to make other people happy. I'm very femme for a (demi)boy, but trying to tone that down and butch up my presentation to cater to people made me more unhappy than just doing me. Not only did people STILL not take me seriously and misgender me all the time, but also I was being someone I didn't want to be. Just do you, be who you want to be, and adopt a policy of just not taking shit from people who call you a woman or judge you.

A large number of trans people, especailly nonbinary/genderqueer, never "pass" to most people. It's something we as a group need to come to peace with and forward the idea that your appearance has nothing to do with your gender instead of upholding this notion that you can get cis people to take you seriously or stop misgendering you just by changing your presentation can catering to them.

**WARNING: Wall of Text**

So, until now, I was just lurking and learning about some of the specific issues concerning trans*, genderqueer, and non-binary people and thought to myself, regarding your post, Deidara, that, while, not to conflate two totally different issues/problems, there seems to be an overlap between the visibility of said awesome folks and the bisexual community.

I don't have the experience of having to explain my gender to others, but I DO, however, have had to explain, repeatedly, my sexuality.

I think, the real overlap can come from the perseverance of the ideas of binary genders and sexualities. There is, in my, not very humble, opinion, a latent unease (maybe not the right word, please correct me) or phobia that comes from not falling into the "accepted" genders, whether that be a person identifying somewhere on the spectrum, at both ends, not I the spectrum at all, or completely disregarding it completely.

That phobia, then, translates to an erasure/invisibility of an entire community of people, which sucks, and sucks hard. Due to that, to continue with the, now rambling, thought, accurate media, in all forms (news, film, and TV, to name only a few) portrayals are far and few in between.

TL;DR: Be as fucking fabulous as you want, dress the way that makes you feel amazing, and fuck the haters.

And, to leave you all with two awesome pics from my Facebook feed

Sent front phone. Any mistakes are its fault.

[Twilight]

 

Which effects would you pick? I know of a few gq people who take finasteride with testosterone because it prevents body hair and genital growth but allows voice deepening, muscle growth, and fat redistribution.

 

Reeeeaealllyyyy ... Highly intrigued, googling immediately. Thanks!

 

And in regards to the head shaving thing, I shall clarify:

 

I am shaving my head for me, because I want to. It has nothing to do with trying to fit in with any group, or be percieved by others differently, or anything like that. The second part of my comment was me musing about the side-effect of me shaving my head, in that it could lead to me being taken more seriously by certain people, but I am in no way interested in doing things to fit in with other people, or to make anyone happy but myself. I'm very comfortable with myself, my identity, and my presentation. No identity crisis here.

 

So there.

 

 

 

 

Accurate.

[SjardisDead]

That sounded rather hostile. I'm sure you didn't intend it that way.

 

How was it hostile?

[Deidara]

So, until now, I was just lurking and learning about some of the specific issues concerning trans*, genderqueer, and non-binary people and thought to myself, regarding your post, Deidara, that, while, not to conflate two totally different issues/problems, there seems to be an overlap between the visibility of said awesome folks and the bisexual community.

I don't have the experience of having to explain my gender to others, but I DO, however, have had to explain, repeatedly, my sexuality.

I think, the real overlap can come from the perseverance of the ideas of binary genders and sexualities. There is, in my, not very humble, opinion, a latent unease (maybe not the right word, please correct me) or phobia that comes from not falling into the "accepted" genders, whether that be a person identifying somewhere on the spectrum, at both ends, not I the spectrum at all, or completely disregarding it completely.

 

There is definitely an overlap. I'm also pansexual so just like with my gender, I've had to explain my sexuality to many, many people. Human beings love dichotomies - there are two opposite ends and you can only be on one end - and apply this to a lot of things. Black and white categories with no grey allowed. When applied to sexuality and gender, you end up with two special brands of homophobia and transphobia. Namely, bi/pan/multisexual erasure and nonbinary erasure. Even though they're not the same and bring different issues to the table, they totally stem from a similar place. 

 

It's to the point where if I know I'm going to have to end up explaining, and don't have the energy or feel safe doing so, I just stick with calling myself a guy (close enough really) and saying that I'm queer. 

[petefeet]

There is definitely an overlap. I'm also pansexual so just like with my gender, I've had to explain my sexuality to many, many people. Human beings love dichotomies - there are two opposite ends and you can only be on one end - and apply this to a lot of things. Black and white categories with no grey allowed. When applied to sexuality and gender, you end up with two special brands of homophobia and transphobia. Namely, bi/pan/multisexual erasure and nonbinary erasure. Even though they're not the same and bring different issues to the table, they totally stem from a similar place. 

 

It's to the point where if I know I'm going to have to end up explaining, and don't have the energy or feel safe doing so, I just stick with calling myself a guy (close enough really) and saying that I'm queer. 

 

Speaking ONLY for myself (A straight male Ally) I think/feel that it can be confusing sometimes to some of us who aren't a part of the "non-traditional" lifestyle to understand the differences and issues that the LGBTQA community faces.

 

I hope that people realize that when people like me struggle to understand (ask for a explanation), not all of us are homophobic, transphobic or looking to impose some form of erasure.

 

I realize that this WASN'T the intent of the statement, but sometimes asking a difficult question is the only way to get a important answer, which I can only hope will lead to a greater understanding of our fellow Man.

[Deidara]

I realize that this WASN'T the intent of the statement, but sometimes asking a difficult question is the only way to get a important answer, which I can only hope will lead to a greater understanding of our fellow Man.

 

Yes, true. I realize there are a lot of well-meaning people who just don't really "get" it and I personally am always happy to try to help yall understand things when I can but: having to constantly explain something is exhausting and most trans people at least do not want to or cannot deal with it. For you, it's only one time you're asking this question. For the person you're asking, it could be the thousandth time they've had to answer it. It should not be my (or anyone else's) obligation to explain my existence to people every single time they don't understand, but people seem to think it is. A lot of people actually get very upset and offended when I don't explain things... or when I do! I've had a lot of "well that doesn't make sense," "you're only doing this for attention," "you're trying to cause trouble," and "sorry but I can't respect your pronouns because I don't like them/they're incorrect." It can be difficult to suss out when it's even safe to explain things.

 

It's also a very personal thing for a lot of people, and people shouldn't have to justify or explain deep personal things that are so close to them.

 

So like yeah, I understand you want to know things and you want to be better able to understand people. And that's great! But don't get too upset if someone isn't receptive to your inquiries. Ask if it's ok to ask questions before asking them. The best way to learn may be to find people willing to talk about it, but nowadays there are also a lot of information and resources on the Internet that can help you out if you're having trouble.

[petefeet]

 

It's also a very personal thing for a lot of people, and people shouldn't have to justify or explain deep personal things that are so close to them.      I understand this COMPLETELY, this isn't restricted to the LGBTQA community. I get so tired by people asking me why I'm not married nor have children since I'm a 41 year old, not completely ugly, somewhat normal person.

 

So like yeah, I understand you want to know things and you want to be better able to understand people. And that's great! But don't get too upset if someone isn't receptive to your inquiries. Ask if it's ok to ask questions before asking them. Again, I agree with you, common curtsey should apply at all lifestyles. I guess all I was trying to convey was that not all of us "curious" people are judging lifestyles other than their own and that we're trying to be as supportive as we can be in our own limited way.

 

The best way to learn may be to find people willing to talk about it, but nowadays there are also a lot of information and resources on the Internet that can help you out if you're having trouble.  One of the reasons why I'm so glad to have found the members of the NF community, by and large some of the nicest people around.

 

Good chat, thanks for the feedback.

[Madam_Patella]

Hey guys, sorry to break in on the ongoing conversation. I just thought you'd like this (spoiler tab 'cause the image is huge and I have no idea how to resize it):

 

You know what's even better? It's a t-shirt!!! I finally have an answer to that annoying question of "So, what do you want for Xmas/b-day/ridiculous gift-giving occasion?" 

[Polaris]

I'm wondering, how do you even pass as non-binary/genderqueer? I mean, most people think there are only men and women, so they either categorize you as a(n unusual looking specimen of) dude or lady, instead of neither/in-between/somewhat-but-not-completely.

 

I don't even know how I could advertise myself as a demi-lady - except maybe wearing a shirt that says something like "75% woman, 25% dragon".

[Jett]

I'm wondering, how do you even pass as non-binary/genderqueer? I mean, most people think there are only men and women, so they either categorize you as a(n unusual looking specimen of) dude or lady, instead of neither/in-between/somewhat-but-not-completely.

Yeah, generally you'll just get misgendered all the time. You know you're getting it right when half of the people start calling you ma'am and the other half sir, or when people get awkwardly quiet and then find ways to avoid gendering you at all. Which gets frustrating (the awkwardness, I mean), so I keep things pretty toned down to the female side.

[Deidara]

I'm wondering, how do you even pass as non-binary/genderqueer? I mean, most people think there are only men and women, so they either categorize you as a(n unusual looking specimen of) dude or lady, instead of neither/in-between/somewhat-but-not-completely.

 

I don't even know how I could advertise myself as a demi-lady - except maybe wearing a shirt that says something like "75% woman, 25% dragon".

 

Long story short, you don't. There are certain visual tropes at least for afab genderqueer people, but those tropes will still get them read as lesbians most of the time instead of as genderqueer people. This is another reason why the concept of "passing" is more harmful than good. Even aside from the whole "congratulating trans people on not looking trans" part, it relies on a binary to function and when you get people who don't fit that binary they're left with no way to present adequately to be read as their gender.

 

I am strongly considering investing in snarky shirts that very explicitly advertise my nonbinary status!