LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[liftmeupletmefall]

I've been lurking around for awhile, but thought I might come say hi

 

I'm bi, kinky and polyamourous.  I've dipped my toe in the waters a few times over the last few years but this year I have been exploring these things more extensively and openly.  I'm lucky that I live in a country that is quite accepting which helps with this.  I spend many years lying to myself and believing what I was told.  I got into a relationship at 14, grew up, got married and then he started talking about kids.  That's when I had to stop lying to myself about how unhealthy this relationship was.  I don't want kids.  Never have - I just believed all the people that told me I'd change my mind. But I didn't.   

 

So I left.  I started over.  It's probably the hardest thing I've ever done.  I got into another relationship, which also ended badly.  But I got up and started again.  And I've never looked back.  I started to explore my bisexuality and my kinky desires.  I dated, rebuilt myself, worked out what I wanted, and what I didn't. It's been a heck of a ride so far.  

 

It's certainly not an easy path sometimes, but the rewards that come from being true to myself are well worth it.  

[BreadMage]

 

I'm coming to accept the fact that I'm queer. And I'm kinky, and mostly fine with that (though not very "out" about either).

 

 

That pretty much sums up where I am at in this particular area of my life lol.

[Artinum]

I don't want kids.  Never have - I just believed all the people that told me I'd change my mind. But I didn't.  

 

I have never wanted children either. A number of rather stupid people told me I'd change my mind when I got older. I'm now fast approaching 35 and I still don't want children. I hate the things, and I have a partner who feels exactly the same way. We have a cat. She is all we could possibly want from a child and has none of the disadvantages.

 

Mind you, those same stupid people also told young me that I'd find the right girl one day and change my mind about that. Nope, that didn't happen either...

[CentredLotus]

It's so interesting that even in a forum built to develop our own personal goals, the only way we can do that is by dividing ourselves into sections. It makes me at once more and less comfortable. I was thrilled to see this thread, but noted that also the women's only and men's only threads were interesting additions. Where is the queer thread, trans, etc. So, even though I identify as one of the allies, I'm glad someone remembered to include this -- thank you!!!

 

Meanwhile, I think it is great to look at how a multitude of quests in the nerd realm include everyone without necessary separation.  

[Birdwing]

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[Callaeidae]

Bulgaria. We do have a gay scene, but I don't really fit in it. I'm just awkward most of the time and geek-ish and far removed from what I've seen so far, but then again I am painfully shy, so socializing is a problem.

I have this same issue with feeling like I don't fit into the gay scene! I've always known I like girls, but never really wanted to join any LGBT groups when I was at university etc, and the bar/club scene is just not me at all. Yet I also sometimes feel a little bit isolated by not having all that many gay friends? I don't know!

This combined with a lack of interest in dating (in the traditional sense) also means I've only had a few relationships - but they've been with girls that have been hugely important parts of my life & who I'll always deeply care about, so I guess I have been lucky in that way. Now if I could just kick my unfortunate habit of often liking straight girls...

[liftmeupletmefall]

We have a cat. She is all we could possibly want from a child and has none of the disadvantages.

 

 

 

Cats are great! I just looove responding to people's "ooh, do you have any kids?" questions with "Yep, he's 5, and fat, and black, and furry."

 

Then I stare at them for a bit.

 

"He's a cat."

 

"OHHHH..."

 

Yep, cats are awesome!  

 

Go the fur babies  

 

It's nice to know I'm not the only person on the planet that doesn't want kids.  And yeah, about to turn 32 and I'm even more sure now that I don't want them.  But honestly, the way some people react, you'd think I just admitted to drowning puppies or something!

[Artinum]

If you change your mind, there's always adoption. And you can miss out the messy part with the nappies and all that too.

[Anduril]

Now if I could just kick my unfortunate habit of often liking straight girls...

I feel the same way. I have a knack for finding unavailable people ...

[DirtyLittleSecrets]

Holy cannoli, I'm going to take awhile to read through everything on this thread lol.

Hi everybody! I'm an out and aboot Canadian bi girl here. Was really happy to see there's a space for us on NerdFitness . It was already such a welcoming environment for me and my fitness goals ao it's nice to know that I'm accepted for everything I am.

[DirtyLittleSecrets]

Now if I could just kick my unfortunate habit of often liking straight girls...

I think that's what all of us hope lol. I frequently call my best friend my soulmate since I couldn't imagine my life without her. She drove me to my grandmothers burial (it was in my hometown where she's working for the summer). My family was happy to meet her since she's my best friend and a couple were hoping she was my girlfriend. I'm very privileged that my extended family openly accepts my bisexuality in such a manner but alas she's rather fond of her boyfriend :-P

[Birdwing]

.

[Polaris]

Now if I could just kick my unfortunate habit of often liking straight girls...

Ditto. I always get crushes on beautiful, brilliant older, married/straight women. Like, every time I spot a potentially interesting woman, it's guaranteed she has a husband and at least two kids. *sigh* I'm going to be alone forever, aren't I?

 

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who doesn't want to have children. I've had that stance since I was a little girl, and people are still questioning me. Relatives and even doctors, which is just annoying and really unprofessional, imo. Why is it so difficult to comprehend that some women just don't want to give birth and be mothers, ever? When am I old enough to be considered capable of deciding what I want in life? Okay, if I met an amazing person and s/he'd already have kids, I could become an evil stepmom (unless the kids are absolutely horrible ). I might even adopt if I had the urge for parenthood and the proper resources for it, but I don't want to go through the whole birthing process and deal with a baby.

[Callaeidae]

Ditto. I always get crushes on beautiful, brilliant older, married/straight women. Like, every time I spot a potentially interesting woman, it's guaranteed she has a husband and at least two kids. *sigh* I'm going to be alone forever, aren't I?

It's the perils of high standards & good taste Frustrating, definitely, but certainly not an automatic ticket to foreveralone-land!

Since my method thus far has been "meet girls by absolute dumb luck", I'm figuring the best plan for me is to just focus on taking control of the parts of my life I can actually influence. Even if I met the girl of my dreams today, I'm not in the position to be the same for her anyway. If/when that happens, I would like to be ready to make the most of it.  

[Polaris]

Since my method thus far has been "meet girls by absolute dumb luck", I'm figuring the best plan for me is to just focus on taking control of the parts of my life I can actually influence. Even if I met the girl of my dreams today, I'm not in the position to be the same for her anyway. If/when that happens, I would like to be ready to make the most of it.

That's one of my motives to better myself, too. I know I am very picky and demanding have high standards, but I just couldn't settle on someone who's like, okay. I want a person who takes my breath away and leaves me in absolute awe, but I know that right now, I'm not that awesome myself. So if I ever meet someone like that, I need to be equally amazing for her/him.

 

You know, in theory it should be somewhat easier for me since I'm bisexual (if we don't count all the stupid stereotypes that I'm burdened with because of that...). But since I cannot stand sexism or other crap in men at all, that leaves out about... ninety percent of them, at least. So, yeah, not helping.

[Edward Collett]

I'm going to take the time to read through this whole topic and catch up, but until then here's a bit about myself

 

Sexuality is not black and white, at least I don't think so. Nor do I think love is black and white (as we can love our family members, friends, and romantic partners all in different ways). Five years ago I came out as a gay male to all of my friends and family, and here I am now wondering if that's true or not. Over the past few months I've exposed myself to a lot more female images, and over time the idea of being with a woman has become much more appealing to me. Not to say that I'm trying to convert myself into being straight, because that will never happen. It's just weird to me how often we change as people. It really makes me ponder on the whole "born this way" idea.

[camisotro]

The beautiful and crazy thing about sexuality is that it can and does change and evolve, but typically independent of our own choices. You open your mind and sometimes it expands to fill the space. Or it doesn't, but it gets more interesting ;-)

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[TankGrrl]

I highly recommend checking out Orange is the New Black on NetFlix (or elsewhere on the Internet) if you get a chance.

It's a fantastically well written show with several lesbian characters and a transgender one and guess what, they even have layers and back stories and depth (shock horror!)

I just watched the season finale last night and I'm emotionally traumatised, I haven't been this sucked into a show in years.

5/5 from Tankgrrl's TV reviews

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[I-Jo]

not to jump in and by pass all the good stuff and thread jack- I have heard people raving about that show- and I have to be honest- it was super dull the first episode... does it get better?  surely it must???

 

 

I would also agree it's definitely not black and white- I've always considered myself straight -ish.... I've never had the moment to be involved with a woman- but I have never been opposed to it- I'm highly attracted to women- but it just was never the right one or right opportunity.  It's not about plumbing- it's about them as a person and a soul that you want to fall in love with ultimately.  

[TankGrrl]

not to jump in and by pass all the good stuff and thread jack- I have heard people raving about that show- and I have to be honest- it was super dull the first episode... does it get better?  surely it must???

 

I-Jo  Stick with it! it gets better. It is all in the slow reveal of the characters. You start out seeing the whole story from one person's viewpoint, and not to give any spoilers away... you come to find out that there is a whole lot more to the story.

Yeah the first episode is pretty fluffy and I just wanted to smack her in the face..lol

[Maters]

I appreciate this thread.  I also concur Orange Is the New Black is well worth your time.  I am lesbanese, my partner is joedog.  Glad to be in a welcoming and safe space.

 

Cheers!

[I-Jo]

I-Jo  Stick with it! it gets better. It is all in the slow reveal of the characters. You start out seeing the whole story from one person's viewpoint, and not to give any spoilers away... you come to find out that there is a whole lot more to the story.

Yeah the first episode is pretty fluffy and I just wanted to smack her in the face..lol

okay- BF and I were essentially flipping a coin for "Date night show" and it was either house of cards or Orange... Orange one- we were both disappointed. I'll press for watching another show and see how it goes since that's what we agreed upon.

 

Yeah- I definitely wanted to smack her in the face.

[BreadMage]

I haven't watched Orange is the New Black yet but I keep hearing great things so I think I'll have to check it out. I have however seen House of Cards and that show is awesome!

[AniKing]

My husband I are both queer, in an open relationship. And laaaaazy about it. SO MUCH WORK. I'm happy this thread is here. I just spent so much time reading through the posts. I don't have anything new to contribute, the sheer volume of well stated opinions is proof that humanity is absolutely not doomed.

 

 Now if I could just kick my unfortunate habit of often liking straight girls...

 

Every time. *sigh* Dear girl at the gym with the running and the pull ups...

[Jittersthe.Clown]

I am a straight ally.  Coming from one of the more recent states (MN) to allow same sex marriages, it should come as no surprise that I am all for it.  In fact, as a minister (the interwebs are great...) registered with the State, I have performed 3 same sex weddings in the past 47 days.  

I can't imagine what's it's like to grow up with either the old social stigma of being homosexual or hating someone for being so.  What on this Earth has triggered something in your brain to dislike someone for having a different life than yours?  It defies logic.  I hope that my children see their gay aunts and uncles in their lives as nothing more than happy people who love them, just like their straight aunts and uncles.