LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[Batwoman]

Not meant with snark.

Sent via Phone-Bot... "Phone-Bot will enslave the humans. Beep, boop, bop."

[Varelse]

Hm, just here to say hello. Another homorromantic here (for a weird reason I don't know if I am homosexual, demisexual, gray or what, but at least I'm sure that in the past I've only fallen in love with other women).

[Hit]

 

 

i couldn't really comment on the whole scene conversation because i've never been a part of it. i would rather spend my time with people i have common interests with, their sexuality (just like gender and race and everything else) doesn't matter.

I guess i missed your point then - because my rants are specifically tied to being a part of and active within the queer scene, and your post came off as kinda minimalising. 

[ColoQ]

Hm, just here to say hello. Another homorromantic here (for a weird reason I don't know if I am homosexual, demisexual, gray or what, but at least I'm sure that in the past I've only fallen in love with other women).

Welcome! Grab a seat. Join the conversation. 

[ColoQ]

I guess i missed your point then - because my rants are specifically tied to being a part of and active within the queer scene, and your post came off as kinda minimalising. 

 I kind of disagree with the idea of "scene"  that encompasses the entire LGBTQ spectrum currently exists. 

 

By way of example, Bisexual folk are not really welcome in the gay-bar scene. This has led to me being "in the closet" when out at bear events.

 

And recently on the savage love podcast, Dan Savage added in an interesting perspective on this matter.. "A lesbian couple with a kid has more in common with the straight couple next door raising a kid then they do with the Leather Dykes across town throwing sex parties in the dungeon in their basement." 

 

I think what I see is that as marriage equality and general acceptance become bigger zeitgeists the commonality of being in the closet or banding together for safety reasons is eroding the over-arching "scene" that existed at one point.

[Twilight]

 And recently on the savage love podcast, Dan Savage added in an interesting perspective on this matter.. "A lesbian couple with a kid has more in common with the straight couple next door raising a kid then they do with the Leather Dykes across town throwing sex parties in the dungeon in their basement." 

 

lol I've got kids and am very active in the local kink scene. I can has both?

[ColoQ]

lol I've got kids and am very active in the local kink scene. I can has both?

I applaud your juggling ability!

[Twilight]

And we're poly. You should see our calendars.

[BeautifulBeast]

And we're poly. You should see our calendars.

I actually lol'd at this. As a fellow parent/poly/kinkster I hear ya on this one. Although we suck at juggling so more often than not we just whine about wanting a more active social life lol!

[ColoQ]

I actually lol'd at this. As a fellow parent/poly/kinkster I hear ya on this one. Although we suck at juggling so more often than not we just whine about wanting a more active social life lol!

I laughed as well. I'm poly kinkster too. No kids though (   )  That is tough enough... and then add on that I'm also on the board of a non profit. 

[Anathema]

Ha, this made me smile. Poly & kinky and on the board of a nonprofit as well! Plus I try to volunteer at our local dungeon as much as possible, though that doesn't happen as much as I like because, well, see above. A while ago I had a longish (2+ years) relationship with a couple (I'm also married and have a serious secondary partner as well). While the break up with them was really, really hard (long sad story filled with poly drama), I'm coming to realize how much time it freed up, given that I would have separate dates with her, dates with him, and threesome dates, so it was basically 3 times as much a commitment, something I hadn't really considered as I'd never dated a couple before. Not complaining about all the awesome sex and BDSM but man was that time-consuming! I have a lot more time for workouts now! :-p

[Bekah]

Hm, just here to say hello. Another homorromantic here (for a weird reason I don't know if I am homosexual, demisexual, gray or what, but at least I'm sure that in the past I've only fallen in love with other women).

hi Welcome!

[Bekah]

I just dont fit in anywhere and never have, my sexuality is just one aspect of that. It sounds like it really sucks to have that be "the thing" to differentiate you from the crowd in a negative way...I have so many of those, that it is almost irrelevant most of the time.

hugs (or smiles if you dont like hugs) for everyone

[Candace Koller]

This may be a dumb question, but I see the Q coming up a lot in what I used to just see as LGBT. I was always taught that calling someone queer is derogatory and that gay is prefered. Is that incorrect? I don't want to unintentionally offend or insult anyone.

[starsapart]

Yay, I am so glad this thread exists!  I was just wondering if such a thing might be found somewhere on the forums, and BAM, there is it!

 

Bisexual here, married to a woman (and thus suffering from typical bi-invisibility as I have to come out over and over about not being a lesbian despite the apparent evidence to the contrary), and although my sexuality usually doesn't enter into working out, there have been some really awkward locker room moments where my wife and I were asked if we were sisters by well-meaning (and mostly naked) women, who immediately got supremely awkward when we answered with the truth.  Sigh, I never do know how to navigate that situation......

 

In any case, pinging this space, and glad to see you all!  Smiles and virtual hugs for all!

[starsapart]

This may be a dumb question, but I see the Q coming up a lot in what I used to just see as LGBT. I was always taught that calling someone queer is derogatory and that gay is prefered. Is that incorrect? I don't want to unintentionally offend or insult anyone.

 

I believe that that term is generally considered "reclaimed" and worn as a badge of pride by many who don't want to fit themselves into a narrower category.  Of course, this may still vary from person to person! =)

[ColoQ]

This may be a dumb question, but I see the Q coming up a lot in what I used to just see as LGBT. I was always taught that calling someone queer is derogatory and that gay is prefered. Is that incorrect? I don't want to unintentionally offend or insult anyone.

 

We took it back. 

I'm honestly a bit more uncomfortable with it than maybe I seem, I still remember being called a queer as a kid. But it is a good catch-all that allows us in "the community" to cover all the different gradients in the LGBTQ Spectrum. Queer covers, all the flavors of trans, asexual, pansexual, Straight-but-transvestite, questioning but unsure and on and on.  And honestly - that LGBTQ needs to not get bigger.   at the rate of adding more characters to the acronym it could eventually be  LGBTQQAPHMYPITANEEDSFETA.

 

Yay, I am so glad this thread exists!  I was just wondering if such a thing might be found somewhere on the forums, and BAM, there is it!

 

Bisexual here, married to a woman (and thus suffering from typical bi-invisibility as I have to come out over and over about not being a lesbian despite the apparent evidence to the contrary), and although my sexuality usually doesn't enter into working out, there have been some really awkward locker room moments where my wife and I were asked if we were sisters by well-meaning (and mostly naked) women, who immediately got supremely awkward when we answered with the truth.  Sigh, I never do know how to navigate that situation......

 

In any case, pinging this space, and glad to see you all!  Smiles and virtual hugs for all!

Welcome! Married bi guy here in a MF coupling. So you have support on the invisibility side. 

Honestly this thread is one of the things that convinced me it was an awesome community to stick around. 

[ColoQ]

Double-Post Dance...

[Anathema]

This may be a dumb question, but I see the Q coming up a lot in what I used to just see as LGBT. I was always taught that calling someone queer is derogatory and that gay is prefered. Is that incorrect? I don't want to unintentionally offend or insult anyone.

 

Yeah, it's probably person by person and region by region (and intent of user of course), but for myself I tend to use it because it feels the most accurate. As a "bi" person who's also attracted to trans folks both MTF and FTM, plus is pretty darn kinky, I feel like my "queerness" kind of isn't captured by one word ("bi" obviously, by its nature, implying a gender binary). So I think if it's yelled out a car window at you by rednecks, it means one thing, if used by a person re: themselves or friends whom they know self-identify such, another. My 2 cents.

[Candace Koller]

Good to know. I think I'd feel more comfortable not using it just incase it offends someone especially if it's by a person to person basis.

 

My sexuality is incredibly confusing to label and I don't even bother trying. I don't want to feel like I need to fit into a category or potentially change who I am for people to consider me in that category. I just am who and what I am and I find this mindset is migrating toward my political stances as well which are just as confusing to label.

 

I'm a woman who is physically attracted to other women and not men but married to a man I absolutely love. I don't even know where I would begin categorizing that if I tried.

[Thrillho]

These days, that's practically 'normal'. I know a couple families like that.

[Candace Koller]

Growing up in an ultra conservative Christian environment it definitely wasn't normal to everyone around me. As a Christian myself I can't believe how most of them treated me and other people with different sexualities and still claim to be following Christ's example. It's a shame how people turn God into a weapon instead of loving everyone like should be done.

[ColoQ]

 It's a shame how people turn God into a weapon instead of loving everyone like should be done.

Amen, sister!  

(says the Athiest who respects your religious beliefs). 

[Villikissa]

The Q can also stand for "Questioning", as in people who are questioning their sexuality but haven't yet really settled on an identity. Some longer versions of the acronym have two Qs, to include both "Queer" and "Questioning".

 

The queer label is also useful for people who are somewhere in that spectrum, but don't fit neatly into one specific category. Example: if you are someone who's primarily attracted to the same sex, but not exclusively, you will sometimes find people telling you that you're clearly not gay if you have some attraction to the opposite sex, even if it's only once in a while, while other people tell you that you're not properly bi either, because you have a strong preference for one gender, so you can sometimes end up caught in the middle... And there are other similar ways that sexuality can be more complex than a short list of categories covers.

[Artinum]

I'm a woman who is physically attracted to other women and not men but married to a man I absolutely love. I don't even know where I would begin categorizing that if I tried.

 

I think that category is called "Candace".

 

It was hard not to read that as pure snark... my wife loves to use the phrase "special snowflake" with maximum derision. 

 

Deservedly so. It's damned irritating. Besides, if we're ALL special, doesn't that mean none of us are?

(Hmm. That sounds "Incredibly" familiar, somehow...)