Osu

[Teirin]

That's a good day.  Glad there was no drama with church friends *hugs*

[Kishi]

7 minutes ago, Teirin said:

That's a good day.  Glad there was no drama with church friends *hugs*

 

Yeah, me too. To be clear, I don't think there was much potential for drama, so much as there's one who I roomed with who got the cops called on us due to having a decompensatory episode for generalized anxiety. I've had enough time since then to get a better understanding of that and to feel pity over scorn, but.

 

Otherwise, the others just annoy me in the ongoing sense of, "Hey, you're married, you have children, you make lots of money and you seem to be happy, and I'm over here not good enough to be with anyone between my theological and personal quirks and also I'm just barely getting by, and I don't know if I'm happy or if I'm just not sad." It's a personal insecurity, nothing more. No drama.

[ReturnOfTheDad]

3 hours ago, Kishi said:

 Anyway. The deload is done and I'm feeling good. Time to hit it. S&S and Karate on the docket. I'm kind of tempted to hit some heavier TGUs by doing two KBs in one hand, as I've seen done by others, but I don't know how the elbow would take that. Still kind of want to, though.

 

Nice, way to get after it! Curious to hear how the 2 KB thing goes.

[WhiteGhost]

10 hours ago, Kishi said:

Hey, you're married, you have children, you make lots of money and you seem to be happy, and I'm over here not good enough

It is way too easy (and too common) to compare the life that people show to the outside (i.e. the best version of themselves) against the version of ourselves that we hide away (i.e. the worst version of ourselves).  That is not a fair comparison, but we end up doing it anyway, and we never come out better for having done it.  There is a reason why the saying "comparison is the thief of joy" exists

[Urgan]

If they're married and have kids and a job that makes them a lot of money (and consequently has a lot of responsibility and pressure attached to it, given they aren't an idiot celebrity), there is a distinct likelihood that of all those plates they're spinning, they're in danger--or are in the process right now before your eyes--of dropping at least one. Such as, oh picking at random, maybe their own physical and mental health. Shoot, just having someone else to worry about is enough of an issue that you have to compromise something and it's not easily dismissed for those of us who are very deadly serious about our training. You think the reward of companionship is enough to make the tradeoff 100% no problemo right up until the jerk eats your cereal. 

[Kishi]

21 hours ago, ReturnOfTheDad said:

 

Nice, way to get after it! Curious to hear how the 2 KB thing goes.

 

Uh. It didn't. I did try to do it, but it felt like I was doing the lift with a Fat Grip, and man that changes things.

 

13 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

It is way too easy (and too common) to compare the life that people show to the outside (i.e. the best version of themselves) against the version of ourselves that we hide away (i.e. the worst version of ourselves).  That is not a fair comparison, but we end up doing it anyway, and we never come out better for having done it.  There is a reason why the saying "comparison is the thief of joy" exists

 

2 hours ago, Urgan said:

If they're married and have kids and a job that makes them a lot of money (and consequently has a lot of responsibility and pressure attached to it, given they aren't an idiot celebrity), there is a distinct likelihood that of all those plates they're spinning, they're in danger--or are in the process right now before your eyes--of dropping at least one. Such as, oh picking at random, maybe their own physical and mental health. Shoot, just having someone else to worry about is enough of an issue that you have to compromise something and it's not easily dismissed for those of us who are very deadly serious about our training. You think the reward of companionship is enough to make the tradeoff 100% no problemo right up until the jerk eats your cereal. 

 

I know. It's... hard to talk about, because I don't really know why it bothers me. Companionship isn't all it's cracked up to be; I've seen it go bad often enough to respect how much work it is, and I generally don't care all that much. "Yeah bruh, I see you get to have sex and be a father and all, but you can't fight, lift your couch, or get to have a life like I do." And if it bothers me enough to complain, then I should do something to fix it, and if I don't do that, then I shouldn't complain.

 

I dunno. I think if I really dig into it, I have some really toxic programming that I'm struggling with around the idea of relationships as a sign of personal worth. There's a lot to unpack, and I don't even know where to start. But what I can say easily is that seeing them reminds me very much that I'm alone, and it's one of the few times when the solitude feels like an impairment rather than a trait.

 

To y'all's points, I know it's not fair to me, and I know that it's costing them something. I can observe it in terms of my pursuits and their relative ability to perform the same. That being said, it's not a strictly rational thing.

 

*

 

Tuesday in the bag.

 

Like I said to @ReturnOfTheDad, I didn't really get the two bells up for TGUs. Grip just didn't feel right, and I didn't really generate the tension like I needed to, especially since I was distracted by having got home late and trying to get dinner in the IP while also doing my training. So, didn't manage it well, and didn't even complete the S&S, but those nights happen sometimes, and it's better to have got some reps rather than no reps.

 

Karate was good! Ran into Manong beforehand and he mentioned pretty much out of nowhere that he wants me to get into teaching Kali. He's apparently got some more people wanting to do some kind of beginning training, and he thinks it's too much for him to manage, and he thinks I'm good enough to do it. He also wants to pay me to do it.

 

My gast is well and truly flabbered, but I said yes before I could begin to doubt myself. What will follow now is the development of a curriculum and also a formal certification in the system to teach. It's very much a Wild Wild West kind of situation, because Manong learned from an old man who was himself a WWII vet and none of this was written down and it's not like the dude was a guro or attached to any of the established systems anyway. But I'm going to get to be a part of that. Exciting times.

 

Karate afterward was good as well. We had 5 people on the mats; as such, class was pretty easy. I was able to really dig in and help the new students out, and I apparently teach well or else they just have a lot of talent. Either way, good teaching night.

 

Also, ReturnOfTheDad was right when he said that the bounce in the feet eventually transitions to a bounce of the hips. It's about developing an instinctive sense of center, rather than the drift that I have going now. But even the couple rounds that I bounced helped a lot. I rocked and got rocked. It was great.

 

Anyway, the plan was judo tonight, but that's been tabled on account of dirty gis. So it's an easy chore night tonight instead.

[ReturnOfTheDad]

That’s exciting news about teaching, congratulations!!!

[Teirin]

Congrats on the possibly paid teaching role!  That is exciting.

 

The mechanics of holding multiple bells sound awkward, plus additional drop-it-on-your-face potential.   

[Urgan]

15 hours ago, Kishi said:

I know. It's... hard to talk about, because I don't really know why it bothers me. Companionship isn't all it's cracked up to be; I've seen it go bad often enough to respect how much work it is, and I generally don't care all that much. "Yeah bruh, I see you get to have sex and be a father and all, but you can't fight, lift your couch, or get to have a life like I do." And if it bothers me enough to complain, then I should do something to fix it, and if I don't do that, then I shouldn't complain.

 

I dunno. I think if I really dig into it, I have some really toxic programming that I'm struggling with around the idea of relationships as a sign of personal worth. There's a lot to unpack, and I don't even know where to start. But what I can say easily is that seeing them reminds me very much that I'm alone, and it's one of the few times when the solitude feels like an impairment rather than a trait.

 

To y'all's points, I know it's not fair to me, and I know that it's costing them something. I can observe it in terms of my pursuits and their relative ability to perform the same. That being said, it's not a strictly rational thing.

 

Feel like I'm talking to myself from not that long ago--nothing you could have told me would have "stuck" and resolved those feelings of inadequacy because never had a Friend of the Opposite Sex = Worthless. Tons and tons of friends who happen to be opposite sex, but nobody who wanted to date me who I also wanted to date, you know? The kind of people who approached me made me feel worse about myself. It's not logical and it never will be completely resolved with reason. Plz try to reflect on the fact that you HAVE been given opportunities to settle and you did not because you have standards. "I'm not good enough" and "nobody wants me" are two mean lies you can tell yourself all day, but it won't make 'em truer because the TRUTH is nobody has come into view yet that wants you as much as you want them. And that's really hard sometimes, you shouldn't feel bad for having those feelings. Obviously there's a fine line between wanting for yourself and being jealous/covetous and I'll be the last person to tell you THAT line is easy to stay on the right side of. And I can't recommend jumping into a relationship with those feelings about yourself completely unresolved, because right this very minute you are Good Enough. 

 

tl;dr all the empathies. 

 

15 hours ago, Kishi said:

Karate was good! Ran into Manong beforehand and he mentioned pretty much out of nowhere that he wants me to get into teaching Kali. He's apparently got some more people wanting to do some kind of beginning training, and he thinks it's too much for him to manage, and he thinks I'm good enough to do it. He also wants to pay me to do it.

 

...

 

Karate afterward was good as well. We had 5 people on the mats; as such, class was pretty easy. I was able to really dig in and help the new students out, and I apparently teach well or else they just have a lot of talent. Either way, good teaching night.

 

Blah blah blah all I hear is you get paid to be in the dojo. You've been putting in the work showing new people the ropes, 'bout time you were formally recognized for it. Good job~

[Kishi]

14 hours ago, ReturnOfTheDad said:

That’s exciting news about teaching, congratulations!!!

 

12 hours ago, Teirin said:

Congrats on the possibly paid teaching role!  That is exciting.

 

44 minutes ago, Urgan said:

Blah blah blah all I hear is you get paid to be in the dojo. You've been putting in the work showing new people the ropes, 'bout time you were formally recognized for it. Good job~

 

Aaah, thanks guys! I'm still kind of stunned about it. Stunned but stoked.

 

12 hours ago, Teirin said:

The mechanics of holding multiple bells sound awkward, plus additional drop-it-on-your-face potential.

 

Right. So I tried with the 32 and the 8 together and I was like, "Man, after all this time under heavy weight, wouldn't it be the funniest thing if it was the measly little 8 that killed me?  ... But for real, tho."

 

1 hour ago, Urgan said:

Feel like I'm talking to myself from not that long ago--nothing you could have told me would have "stuck" and resolved those feelings of inadequacy because never had a Friend of the Opposite Sex = Worthless. Tons and tons of friends who happen to be opposite sex, but nobody who wanted to date me who I also wanted to date, you know? The kind of people who approached me made me feel worse about myself. It's not logical and it never will be completely resolved with reason. Plz try to reflect on the fact that you HAVE been given opportunities to settle and you did not because you have standards. "I'm not good enough" and "nobody wants me" are two mean lies you can tell yourself all day, but it won't make 'em truer because the TRUTH is nobody has come into view yet that wants you as much as you want them. And that's really hard sometimes, you shouldn't feel bad for having those feelings. Obviously there's a fine line between wanting for yourself and being jealous/covetous and I'll be the last person to tell you THAT line is easy to stay on the right side of. And I can't recommend jumping into a relationship with those feelings about yourself completely unresolved, because right this very minute you are Good Enough. 

 

tl;dr all the empathies. 

 

FREAKING YES. Thank you for getting that.

 

I actually had a hard time sitting down to explain where I was coming from because I would start to say those lies - "I'm not good enough" "nobody wants me" - and then I'd pause and reflect and be like, "Wait a sec, in the first place, that's not even true, and in the second place, Urgan will beat me with a barbell if I say that. Because it's not true." Hence my comment that I have some toxic programming going on under the surface. It's better than it used to be, but the debug is an ongoing process.

 

It's funny you mention the line between want and jealousy. A girl I mentioned earlier recently entered into a relationship with someone else, and I'm happy for her and it makes my life simpler and it's a win all around, and there's still this tiny section of me that's like "... dammit."

 

But yeah, you're right. Jumping into a relationship with the idea that it'll fix me is one of the worst ideas I can think of. That's where a lot of ish going wrong comes from, I've noticed.

 

*

 

Wednesday down. No real training beyond a little shadowboxing and some judo footwork. I focused on cleaning my gis and not getting into pointless fights on social media. I was a good boy.

 

Today would normally be a double-feature of Upper Body training and Karate, but we're throwing a wrench in that. I've elected to take Friday off to go fishing with my dad, and since they've got the guest room up, I've decided to go out tonight so I can sleep in a little tomorrow. And as the folks have invited me to dinner and I won't get out until 17:00 or so, there won't be time for me to train and then go to eat.

 

Unless I left work early, of course, which TBF is a sore temptation.

[Kishi]

Whew. Life is interesting.

 

So I normally don't talk that much about work - not for any particular reason, but as a rule I just don't care that much. But work has lately got to the point where I got to care about it, and I got to set some things down about it, so.

 

About a year ago, our upper management started talking about a big re-org that they wanted to do for us. At that time, the situation was on its way to becoming somewhat dire. We were losing people, because the work is bitter in a way that's difficult to describe, and even though we were supposedly getting more money in the budget, we weren't getting enough money to hire more people. The higher-ups were going to change our titles, but they were also going to offer substantial raises to us, like 6% or so for even the bottom-tier workers like me. Somehow. We the rank-and-file were skeptical, of course, because the math didn't check out, but upper management was really insistent that we should be excited about this and we had multiple agency-wide meetings talking about how this was going to be a thing.

 

A few months into this, we were notified that our pay grades had been adjusted so that we had a lower cap for potential earnings. It was hidden in the fine print, but even the ones who got it were apathetic because "who cares, I got mine."

 

Some months ago, the head of our department got canned out of nowhere. Nobody's really sure why, although this will be relevant again.

 

So, about a month ago, we finally got the details about the reorg. And essentially, it's even worse than what we expected. Instead of the 6% raises we were sold,

• they gave us a 2.5% raise,
• they added extra steps for progression to higher positions in the agency, and
• they made those higher positions worth less. (ie, to go from my position to the next position would have been worth a 10% raise; to get to that same place now, I'd have to move through two more positions, and the overall increase has been dropped to 5% with an outsized jump in responsibilities).

As you can imagine, the rank-and-file were pissed about this. Especially when it was indicated that 1) there's no money for extra hires to make the work easier, and 2) somehow, despite the fact that we can't get enough money to make the job worth it, our supervisors are able to write letters to the administration about what good boys and girls they are and magically materialize raises of 10% or on a consistent basis.

 

Anyway, Thursday we had some people come down from DHHS to see how things were going, and apparently they had a different idea of how things were going, as the supervisors had told them something different than what we were actually experiencing down here. Apparently, as DHHS saw it, we were never bound for the raises we were told, which makes it look like the head of our department was fired as a scapegoating measure. Because it doesn't make sense otherwise. He was running his mouth about this for this long without anyone to check him, and he wasn't the only one. Assuming everyone's good faith, the only way that makes sense is if they actually believed what they were telling us.

 

So, yeah, everyone's up in arms about this, or they were. I skipped the meeting, because I didn't think it would be useful to go, but people came back and they were just bunched up in gangs like they were getting ready to fight someone. And this was something I observed throughout the rest of the day. There were rumors of a soft strike, people just electing to not show up or to show up and just not work in protest.

 

As for me, well, I have to admit, my desire to work in this place is sitting at a low point. If I can find an analyst/examiner/case management job somewhere else, you can bet I'll probably be going there.

 

In any event, though, I got out of work, went home, got dinner with the folks, and then went fishing on Friday. You know. For the Revolution.

 

I did my upper body work on Friday, but that was a bad training day. I didn't get a lot of sleep the night before, and I'd been experimenting with dipping in and out of keto, and I think that came back and bit me pretty hard.

 

Incline Push Ups: 1x9

Integrated Mobility: DONE

 

Push Ups: 4x12 (failed in 4th set)

Integrated Mobility: DONE

 

High Rows: 4x12

Integrated Mobility: DONE

• Hey, at least my show muscles are doing good.

Scap Push Ups: 1x9

Integrated Mobility: DONE

 

Protracted Plank: Couldn't hold it even once

Integrated Mobility: DONE

 

Kneeling Push Ups: 2x6,7

 

So, uh, yeah. Note to self. Body likes carbs. Get me some.

 

Saturday I sent to Kali. We had a lot of bodies out there - another Krav person, and a younger girl who is also doing Karate or at least did it on Tuesday. Manong broke up training about an hour in because he'd brought some Filipino food for fun - blood and organs and spices and rice. IT WAS AMAZING. I ate as much as a single plate would let me hold, and then went back to cutting dudes.

 

I hit up Simple afterward, and that was enough.

 

Today, I will hit up the Lower Body, Core, and Handstand works. And just putz about doing chores and getting ish ready for another long week.

[ReturnOfTheDad]

So sorry to hear things are going so rough at work. Our company is going through something similar and is about mid-way through the process you are describing, so i feel your pain. I’ve gone through similar re-orgs before and have found a lot of applicable wisdom in negotiating these situatuons that came up in the Art of War, this chapter in particular: https://suntzusaid.com/book/6 

 

I also talked to a mentor of mine and while he has been at his current job for 30 years, he told me there is nothing wrong with ‘checking the back page’ (back in the day that’s where the want ads were). I’m a bit torn myself as I know options for compensation and advancement are limited with my current re-org, but also as noted in the link above, there are ways to navigate these changes. A coach of mine once told me change creates space, and space creates opportunity. A lot of higher up people I have known got to be that way by successfully navigating and percevering specifically through times of transition like this. Management like this burns bridges with the majority of their people leading to lots of turnover, in turn making those willing to stay EXTREMELY valuable. Depending on the company, those managers that wreak havoc during these transitions often don’t survive it (as you noted with that one manager). That kind of drama is too unstable and ultimately bad for business.

 

Not sure I’m much help here as I haven’t decided what I’m going to do in my situation, but the info I shared above has been helping me navigate things pretty well and has helped put me in more favorable positions during the re-org changes.

 

Hope things get better for you and awesome that you are keeping things going on the training side!

[Teirin]

Workplace politics are nasty man.  Sorry you have to deal with this. 

[Kishi]

8 hours ago, ReturnOfTheDad said:

So sorry to hear things are going so rough at work. Our company is going through something similar and is about mid-way through the process you are describing, so i feel your pain. I’ve gone through similar re-orgs before and have found a lot of applicable wisdom in negotiating these situatuons that came up in the Art of War, this chapter in particular: https://suntzusaid.com/book/6 

 

I also talked to a mentor of mine and while he has been at his current job for 30 years, he told me there is nothing wrong with ‘checking the back page’ (back in the day that’s where the want ads were). I’m a bit torn myself as I know options for compensation and advancement are limited with my current re-org, but also as noted in the link above, there are ways to navigate these changes. A coach of mine once told me change creates space, and space creates opportunity. A lot of higher up people I have known got to be that way by successfully navigating and percevering specifically through times of transition like this. Management like this burns bridges with the majority of their people leading to lots of turnover, in turn making those willing to stay EXTREMELY valuable. Depending on the company, those managers that wreak havoc during these transitions often don’t survive it (as you noted with that one manager). That kind of drama is too unstable and ultimately bad for business.

 

Not sure I’m much help here as I haven’t decided what I’m going to do in my situation, but the info I shared above has been helping me navigate things pretty well and has helped put me in more favorable positions during the re-org changes.

 

Hope things get better for you and awesome that you are keeping things going on the training side!

 

Ah, yes. I remember this chapter.

 

I'm not really sure where the opportunities lie here. I work for a government agency; things aren't so fluid as they are in the corporate world and pretty much whatever favors I wanted to curry for calling later would come back to my work. Unfortunately, enough is broken in this agency right now that none of us can really distinguish ourselves. Without going into exhaustive detail, my ability to do my job depends on other people being present and being able to make decisions who are routinely not around. Obviously there are things I could do better, but even doing those things better it's all I can do to hold the line, because we can't get any new people in to take cases and slow down our loads for a while.

 

Besides, I've been loyal to jobs before and the only perk I got was a pat on the head before getting screwed. I'm just done with the song and dance, you know? If I can find a place to lever, sure I'll do it, but if the only thing I have is to be the Unit's Best Boy until all this blows over, then forget it. Loyalty isn't a virtue when it perpetuates brokenness, and there's a lot broken here.

 

2 hours ago, Teirin said:

Workplace politics are nasty man.  Sorry you have to deal with this. 

 

It makes my heart heavy, but at the same time, it's kind of exciting, you know? I feel like I should bring some popcorn with me tomorrow just to see what'll happen.

[Urgan]

If your work can be described as "soul-crushing," then it will take a lifetime to climb above that on the org chart. And the people responsible for that atmosphere are career ass-coverers, so. You might say I have some experience with this, if you recall, lol. They'd fire the programming manager yearly, at least, rather than fire the right dodo. Sometimes more than yearly. Those jokers have been through over a dozen managers.

 

You know a dead-end when you see one, time to set up a Google job alert and make finding a new full-time job your part-time job.

[Kishi]

2 hours ago, Urgan said:

If your work can be described as "soul-crushing," then it will take a lifetime to climb above that on the org chart. And the people responsible for that atmosphere are career ass-coverers, so. You might say I have some experience with this, if you recall, lol. They'd fire the programming manager yearly, at least, rather than fire the right dodo. Sometimes more than yearly. Those jokers have been through over a dozen managers.

 

You know a dead-end when you see one, time to set up a Google job alert and make finding a new full-time job your part-time job.

 

You are probably right. It sucks, but. If those above think so little of us down below as to treat us like this, then there's no reason to stay.

 

*

 

Sunday was a good day.

 

Opened up with a strong performance at the gym:

 

Assisted Squats: 1x21

Integrated Mobility: DONE

 

Half Squats: 1x15

Integrated Mobility: DONE

 

Full Squats: 1x9

Integrated Mobility: DONE

 

Elevated Deck Squats: 4x8

Integrated Mobility: DONE

• Down to four mats now.

Hollow Body Tuck Hold: 1x9s

Integrated Mobility: DONE

 

Hollow Body Tuck Rock: 4x24

Integrated Mobility: DONE

• Boy, am I glad that I took deload when I did. This was a challenge, but not insurmountable as would have started to feel back before regular deloading became A Thing.

Russian Twists: 1x30

Integrated Mobility: DONE

 

Twisting Side Planks: 1x9

Integrated Mobility: DONE

 

Side Arches: 4x4

Integrated Mobility: DONE

 

Tuck Ups: 1x9

Integrated Mobility: DONE

 

Straddle Tuck Ups: 4x12

Integrated Mobility: DONE

• Burn snuck up on these. In the first set I was worried it was too easy. By the last set, I was Done.

I wanted to do some cardio after, but I had an appointment to get my hair cut so I elected to go home and wash up. At the barber, the receptionist girl recognized me from the grocery store where she also works. She has lots of tattoos and a wonderful smile, and the few times I've spoken to her she seemed really heartfelt. I will probably ask her out at some point; can't wait to see what the rejection looks like.

 

Anyway, the rest of the day was spent binging Food Wars, getting my writing organized, and finally, finally engaging in a deep cleaning of a section of the apartment, which did a lot more for my mental health than I thought it would. I also hit up my handstand work whilst also working on laundry.

 

So, yeah. On the whole, I feel pretty good. The next thing I need to do is get that resume up to date; that'll probably happen on Wednesday, as that'll be my next early night, so to speak.

 

Otherwise, tonight will be a quiet night, mostly just gaming and getting some more batch cooking done.

[ReturnOfTheDad]

+1 in having issues with ‘career ass-coverers’....

 

Sounds like a reasonable outlook @Kishi, can’t say things are much better in the corporate world, but your gov experience gives you a lot of street cred. I know in my industry it’s a definite plus.

 

Should be an interesting show at your office at least!  

[Urgan]

46 minutes ago, Kishi said:

You are probably right. It sucks, but. If those above think so little of us down below as to treat us like this, then there's no reason to stay.

 

It does precisely one thing for you, and that's allow you to pay the bills today. Oh and it also gives you leverage for many titles with "analyst" in them. It does that, too. 

 

10 hours ago, Kishi said:

It makes my heart heavy, but at the same time, it's kind of exciting, you know? I feel like I should bring some popcorn with me tomorrow just to see what'll happen.

 

Just think of it as practice for when you turn in your notice, which is to say beginning to dissociate yourself from the work that isn't rewarding you back. You have not yet begun to not give a farkle for the chaos raging all around you....

 

 

[Machete]

On 7/8/2018 at 10:23 PM, Kishi said:

OTOH, though, you're doing some of StrongAsHec's programs and he varies it up whilst approaching with a SFG background. How would you say that's been?

 

The Kettlebell Workout Snacks seems to be more geared for the general population. The Atos complexes for some reason never get easy, even when I use a 16. I'm either super de-trained or there's some magic in the combination it uses. I haven't tried his Double KB Manifesto, but his BJJ Strength Training is pretty much 6 months of boring, 3-a-week punch the clock workouts with the Double Clean & Press. I'm excited to get back on it.

 

On 7/11/2018 at 9:46 AM, Urgan said:

You think the reward of companionship is enough to make the tradeoff 100% no problemo right up until the jerk eats your cereal. 

 

This is how civil wars start. I say nothing, but then...

 

 

On 7/11/2018 at 5:26 PM, Kishi said:

And if it bothers me enough to complain, then I should do something to fix it, and if I don't do that, then I shouldn't complain.

 

This is what I always told myself. It seemed to rationalize it, but did nothing for that internal, irrational longing.

 

On 7/11/2018 at 5:26 PM, Kishi said:

Karate was good! Ran into Manong beforehand and he mentioned pretty much out of nowhere that he wants me to get into teaching Kali. He's apparently got some more people wanting to do some kind of beginning training, and he thinks it's too much for him to manage, and he thinks I'm good enough to do it. He also wants to pay me to do it.

 

 

On 7/12/2018 at 9:16 AM, Urgan said:

Obviously there's a fine line between wanting for yourself and being jealous/covetous and I'll be the last person to tell you THAT line is easy to stay on the right side of. 

 

 

I have never looked at it that way.

 

12 hours ago, Kishi said:

Besides, I've been loyal to jobs before and the only perk I got was a pat on the head before getting screwed. I'm just done with the song and dance, you know? If I can find a place to lever, sure I'll do it, but if the only thing I have is to be the Unit's Best Boy until all this blows over, then forget it. Loyalty isn't a virtue when it perpetuates brokenness, and there's a lot broken here.

 

Sometimes it feels like I stay too long with jobs I hate because I don't think I'm good enough for other jobs/other companies would never want me, and that I should be thankful someone pitied me enough to throw me a bone. Because unemployment sucks, and I suck. Which also sounds like a shitty relationship. If someone better happened to make an offer, I'd have no qualms about letting go (once I've secured a good hold). I've only stopped casually looking for jobs now, because although I'm still having to tighten-up the budget and juggle stuff, I don't feel that soul-crushing grind that I've had to endure for years. I've actually been wooed by other employers, but I've turned them down, no matter how uncomfortable I am with saying "no."

 

I know you'll come out of this fine though. You know how to grind.

 

 

[Kishi]

22 hours ago, ReturnOfTheDad said:

+1 in having issues with ‘career ass-coverers’....

 

Sounds like a reasonable outlook @Kishi, can’t say things are much better in the corporate world, but your gov experience gives you a lot of street cred. I know in my industry it’s a definite plus.

 

Should be an interesting show at your office at least!  

 

Well, so far it's been nothing but a long low simmer. I am disappoint. However, a coworker baked cake. That's nice.

 

22 hours ago, Urgan said:

It does precisely one thing for you, and that's allow you to pay the bills today. Oh and it also gives you leverage for many titles with "analyst" in them. It does that, too. 

 

Oh yeah, and this is a way better place to negotiate from than the places I've been, and certainly where I was prior to this job. I'm not about to #RageQuit on this thing no matter how angry I might sound. I'm just... impatient with the game.

 

22 hours ago, Urgan said:

Just think of it as practice for when you turn in your notice, which is to say beginning to dissociate yourself from the work that isn't rewarding you back. You have not yet begun to not give a farkle for the chaos raging all around you....

 

Behold, my fallow farkle field!

 

19 hours ago, Machete said:

The Kettlebell Workout Snacks seems to be more geared for the general population. The Atos complexes for some reason never get easy, even when I use a 16. I'm either super de-trained or there's some magic in the combination it uses. I haven't tried his Double KB Manifesto, but his BJJ Strength Training is pretty much 6 months of boring, 3-a-week punch the clock workouts with the Double Clean & Press. I'm excited to get back on it.

 

Knowing you, I'd err on the side of Magical Combo Pretty Kettlebell. BJJ Strength Training sounds awesome, though; punch the clock and get strong!

 

19 hours ago, Machete said:

This is what I always told myself. It seemed to rationalize it, but did nothing for that internal, irrational longing.

 

Yeah, man. That's where I am too.

 

19 hours ago, Machete said:

Sometimes it feels like I stay too long with jobs I hate because I don't think I'm good enough for other jobs/other companies would never want me, and that I should be thankful someone pitied me enough to throw me a bone. Because unemployment sucks, and I suck. Which also sounds like a shitty relationship. If someone better happened to make an offer, I'd have no qualms about letting go (once I've secured a good hold). I've only stopped casually looking for jobs now, because although I'm still having to tighten-up the budget and juggle stuff, I don't feel that soul-crushing grind that I've had to endure for years. I've actually been wooed by other employers, but I've turned them down, no matter how uncomfortable I am with saying "no."

 

Nah, man, I get it. I know exactly what you mean, and for a good part of my life that's where I was. The break happened when I worked for Panera and my dad had his heart attack. At that point, I'd been training managers in the culture of the place, and I'd been over the rollout of the ordering kiosks in the restaurants. I thought I'd distinguished myself well to the point of deserving a promotion or at the very least some kind of substantial compensation, only to get burned; when I left that to go drive for Uber, I got burned again, and when I left that to go work for Walmart, I got burned again. And that's on top of a bunch of shitty sales jobs where I got burned constantly. Call me entitled if you want, but I can't help thinking I rate better than that. Or practical, as I can't afford to think otherwise.

 

*

 

Monday wound up being quiet. No fireworks, no drama, nothing. One of the coworkers baked cake, though; I had a couple bites and declared myself "Good." Because I'd had breakfast and coffee in me. If I'd been fasting and decided to do that, man, it would have gone different knowing me. But as it was, I was satisfied with a very little, and then went back to my meals and such as planned with no difficulty at all.

 

Normal DM was down with the sickness, so it was Blades In The Dark for us. We finally failed a Score - we tried to get our hands on some extra turf, but it turned out that the property belonged to a Daemon. Who was actually really nice and totally reasonable; she was willing to charge us rent, but the rent would have been our souls. Which actually may or may not have been a good deal; it's really hard to say in setting. It spooked our supernatural specialist something fierce, and we couldn't find a way to unanimity on the matter, so it looks like we're going to have to take the alternative, which is a drug den being run by a rival gang. Awesome.

 

Fried up some grassfed beef and got down to bed at a semi-reasonable time.

 

Kettlebells and Karate on the docket for tonight.

[Urgan]

41 minutes ago, Kishi said:

Oh yeah, and this is a way better place to negotiate from than the places I've been, and certainly where I was prior to this job. I'm not about to #RageQuit on this thing no matter how angry I might sound. I'm just... impatient with the game.

 

Trust me I get that feel. It is worth the wait and you will find something if you keep a look-out. It's easy to get frustrated with both the current job and the lack of new job. 

 

42 minutes ago, Kishi said:

Kettlebells and Karate

 

#kishisnewinstagramhandle

[Kishi]

23 hours ago, Urgan said:

Trust me I get that feel. It is worth the wait and you will find something if you keep a look-out. It's easy to get frustrated with both the current job and the lack of new job. 

 

Yup! I'm confident. I'm actually experiencing the problem of not knowing how or where to look for jobs with my present skillset, as opposed to service sector and retail jobs, and what a happy problem this is.

 

23 hours ago, Urgan said:

#kishisnewinstagramhandle

 

Bah. I couldn't compete with the fitness models, or @Machete. I'll just hide in the background and get strong.

 

*

 

Tuesday was a well-oiled machine. Did my kettlebells and realized that I'd been leaving some tension on the table, so to speak, by not tensing my quads on the swing. Doing so really added snap to the hips, which made the swings easier and harder at the same time.

 

Karate afterward was just K-sensei and I. Waifu's down after their dog bit her, and K-sensei for his part was tired. So, we focused a lot on skillful movement and boy howdy do I have a long way to go. It's frustrating when you tell your body to do something and you know you can do it and then the body doesn't do it and you're like why tho?

 

One thing I have not mentioned is that there's a Con coming up next week, and I'll be cosplaying as a Night Vale Community Radio intern. I shall hopefully get 1+ photos of myself being killed by various characters, as this is the joke of NVCR internship. Fortunately, the costume isn't terribly involved, and the major piece of it that I need arrived yesterday, so that was fun to find.

 

Anyway. Judo tonight. Feet/ankles are feeling good and a part of me really wants to sprint tonight, but I don't really know how or if that would affect the macros to any kind of significant degree. Still want to, though.

[Urgan]

7 minutes ago, Kishi said:

Yup! I'm confident. I'm actually experiencing the problem of not knowing how or where to look for jobs with my present skillset, as opposed to service sector and retail jobs, and what a happy problem this is.

 

I look via Google, Monster, and CareerBuilder, myself. It sounds dumb, but literally typing in the skill/title + your city, state will result in Google chasing down job postings in your area for you. You can filter by lots of things, such as the date posted, full time vs part time, etc. And then you can set an alert that emails you every time someone posts a new job. Or you know, whatever time frame but daily is amazing. It's MAGICAL how much this reduces the headache of having to randomly enter keywords into the search engine and hope you are quick enough to jump on it before they've already closed the job to new candidates. 

 

Given you aren't sure what you're looking for, just give some terms a try and look at what comes back. It'll give you literally what you wanted, obviously, but it'll also throw in edge case kind of postings occasionally as well. 

[Kishi]

2 minutes ago, Urgan said:

I look via Google, Monster, and CareerBuilder, myself. It sounds dumb, but literally typing in the skill/title + your city, state will result in Google chasing down job postings in your area for you. You can filter by lots of things, such as the date posted, full time vs part time, etc. And then you can set an alert that emails you every time someone posts a new job. Or you know, whatever time frame but daily is amazing. It's MAGICAL how much this reduces the headache of having to randomly enter keywords into the search engine and hope you are quick enough to jump on it before they've already closed the job to new candidates.

 

What sorcery is this. You're saying I can do all of that just through the search engine itself w/ my Google account?

[Teirin]

On 7/17/2018 at 11:01 AM, Kishi said:

Call me entitled if you want, but I can't help thinking I rate better than that. Or practical, as I can't afford to think otherwise.

 

You absolutely deserve better than this.