Guzzi Posted February 15, 2014 Report Share Posted February 15, 2014 A linguistics professor was teaching a class "In English," he said "A double negative forms a positive. In other languages, like Russian for example, a double negative remains a negative. But there is no language, not a single one, where a double positive can express a negative."A voice from the back of the class replies "Yeah, right." 4 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
AlterStephen Posted February 15, 2014 Report Share Posted February 15, 2014 Why do seagulls live by the sea? Because if they lived by the bay they'd be bagels. 2 Quote "First they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you. Then you win." —Mahatma Ghandi Link to comment
Artinum Posted February 15, 2014 Report Share Posted February 15, 2014 A linguistics professor was teaching a class "In English," he said "A double negative forms a positive. In other languages, like Russian for example, a double negative remains a negative. But there is no language, not a single one, where a double positive can express a negative."A voice from the back of the class replies "Yeah, right." This is probably the linguistics professor I remember holding up a bag of sugar to his class. "Sugar is the only word in the English language that starts with an S but is pronounced with a Sh sound." Doubtful student raises a hand. "Are you sure?" 3 Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 15, 2014 Report Share Posted February 15, 2014 A teacher asks a particularly rude, lazy, objectionable pupil "Are you ignorant, or just apathetic?"Pupil says "I don't know, and I don't care!"Bawhahahahaha! Man! I am on fire today!! 2 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted February 16, 2014 Report Share Posted February 16, 2014 What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros? Elephino. 2 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 16, 2014 Report Share Posted February 16, 2014 A group of archeologists were presenting their latest discovery, a mural with the following symbols: a woman, a donkey, an eye, a fish, and a star. It had been found on an ancient site in Israel. The scholars were discussing the possible meaning: "Based on the images, and the order they are in, I think we can deduce that these people were highly cultured. They valued women, domestic animals, they were highly superstitious, they practiced fishing, and also studied astronomy."From the back of the room an old professor raises himself up and says: "Gentleman, beings as this was found in Israel, and their language is read from right to left, may I propose another interpretation?"The archeologists all eagerly agree. "I believe this represents an example of this peoples humour. It reads "Holy Mackerel! Look at the a** on that lady!" 3 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Artinum Posted February 16, 2014 Report Share Posted February 16, 2014 What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros? Elephino. 1 Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 17, 2014 Report Share Posted February 17, 2014 Some bloke started talking to me down the pub last night. "My mate came off his motorbike today," he said. "He has slight brain damage, two broken arms, and is completely blind in one eye.""Blimey," I said. "No wonder he came off it then." 1 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Bearded_Dragon Posted February 17, 2014 Report Share Posted February 17, 2014 I've got plenty more good (awful) jokes about chemistry. I'll keep you updated, periodically.Oh dear.... I'll get my coat If you've got any about potassium, it would be great if you could tell them, K? 1 Quote Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 17, 2014 Report Share Posted February 17, 2014 If you've got any about potassium, it would be great if you could tell them, K?Au! That ones pure gold!! 2 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
maenumania Posted February 17, 2014 Report Share Posted February 17, 2014 Let's see if I can translate it right:Two bunnies jump around in the forest and find a rifle, one of them looks into the barrel, the other plays at the trigger, then suddenly BOOM!Then the second bunny said: stop looking that stupid, I was frightened too! Quote Level 1 - assassinSTR: 3, DEX: 2, STA: 2, CON: 2, WIS: 3, CHA: 3Current Challenge: maenumania learns the secrets of spidermanBattle Log: We are the hero of our story!--------------------------------------------------------------------Challenge Archive: #1 - Let's kill those rats and spider!--------------------------------------------------------------------Where other men blindly follow the truth, remember nothing is true. Where other men are limited, by morality or law, remember everything is permitted. We work in the dark to serve the light. We are the Assassins. Link to comment
Jittersthe.Clown Posted February 17, 2014 Report Share Posted February 17, 2014 When is it time to go to the Dentist? Tooth-hurty. 2 Quote Level 2 Warforged Druid STR: 2, DEX: 1, STA: 3, CON: 3, WIS: 2, CHA: 3 "If these people tell this story to their children as they sleep; then maybe someday they'll see a hero is just a man who knows he is free." Good night and joy be to you all ~Jitters The. Clown Current Challange: New Challenges Ahead! Battle Log: Clowning around daily Past Challenges: Leveling Up PvP Jump Rope Boss Continue? System Failure Systems Online Calling Rush Confirm Reset Select World Select Difficulty, Select Character, Repairs, Press Start, First Timer, Jump Rope PVP Challenge Link to comment
sea.bee Posted February 17, 2014 Report Share Posted February 17, 2014 A teacher is explaining financial markets to his class, "so when Japan had a tsunami and the floods slowed down their economy, the Nikkei index was a lot less liquid than normal because there was less trading going on". Student raises hand "actually sir, if anything, the Nikkei was more liquid than ever" 1 Quote Level 1-2ish Assassin Str: 2.2 Dex: 1.9 Sta: -0.49 Con:1.3 Wis: 2.8 Cha: 1.7 http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/43281-a-single-step/ Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted February 18, 2014 Report Share Posted February 18, 2014 Au! That ones pure gold!! I know a couple about iron, but I only tell them for a Fe. Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Barfly Posted February 18, 2014 Report Share Posted February 18, 2014 How ironic. Quote The past is only smoke in a dream. Lvl 6 Ranger Berzerker STR 9 DEX 4 STA 9 CON 8 WIS 2 CHA 8 Barfly ain't even tryin'... Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted February 18, 2014 Report Share Posted February 18, 2014 Haven't told them in a while, so they're a little rusty. 3 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 18, 2014 Report Share Posted February 18, 2014 Bawhahahaha! Genius Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 18, 2014 Report Share Posted February 18, 2014 Does anyone else find it a bit odd that I know so many chemistry jokes, despite the fact that I left school at age 16, without EVER studying chemistry? Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Bearded_Dragon Posted February 18, 2014 Report Share Posted February 18, 2014 Does anyone else find it a bit odd that I know so many chemistry jokes, despite the fact that I left school at age 16, without EVER studying chemistry? I dunno, I know a hell of a lot of lawyer jokes and I've studied very little law... 2 Quote Link to comment
Barfly Posted February 18, 2014 Report Share Posted February 18, 2014 I like penguin jokes, and I'm only part penguin on my mother's side. 3 Quote The past is only smoke in a dream. Lvl 6 Ranger Berzerker STR 9 DEX 4 STA 9 CON 8 WIS 2 CHA 8 Barfly ain't even tryin'... Link to comment
Bearded_Dragon Posted February 18, 2014 Report Share Posted February 18, 2014 I like penguin jokes, and I'm only part penguin on my mother's side. You can tell from your avatar...I didn't want to ask though. Have got in trouble with that in the past. That was an awkward black tie event! 3 Quote Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 18, 2014 Report Share Posted February 18, 2014 I was going to try and make a joke about him being flippant! (Bit of a stretch that one) 2 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Barfly Posted February 19, 2014 Report Share Posted February 19, 2014 So, a priest, a rabbi, and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says "what is this, some kind of joke?" 1 Quote The past is only smoke in a dream. Lvl 6 Ranger Berzerker STR 9 DEX 4 STA 9 CON 8 WIS 2 CHA 8 Barfly ain't even tryin'... Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 19, 2014 Report Share Posted February 19, 2014 A fish swims into a concrete wall and says "Dam" 1 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 19, 2014 Report Share Posted February 19, 2014 Sorry guys, this is awful but I have to do it. I just can't help it...What did the wall say back?"You dumb bass" 2 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.