Introverts, Social Misfits and the Terror of Talking to People

[Sam Ashen]

Before I forget, I decided to be wild and crazy and made a dating profile on Cupidmatch (is that the name...right?). The idea of talking to girls is already making me really nervous.

 

Omg. What if I weird out all them with my awkwardness? What if they question my past? Or I turn them away when they find out that I still live with my parents? Omg .....well I know one of my goals this challenge; get over my fear of talking to girls, who I might have a chance with.

 

Hey.  Props to you for getting out there!  It is probably exactly what I should do.  It takes a good bit of energy and a Potion of Heroism to do it.

 

The conclusion I should have arrived at many years ago is the internet is the way to go.  Had I done that, I would be happily divorced with three kids by now.  Hmm.  I am looking for a picture.  Let's see if I can find it.....

 

 

Socially awkward?  Why is that a deal-killer?

 

Live with Parents?  Hmm.  Older you are, the more of an issue, I suppose.  There is a time when it is the most economical choice and makes sense.  I was nearly 27.  People wondered if I was ever going to leave the house.  One day I came home.  "Hi Mom!  Hi Dad!  I'm moving to California!"  I thought it was more of an issue with my generation.  I crashed and burned one lady that way.  She suggested I do not reveal that kind of information.  This is when I need one of those lines chambered and ready to fire:  Seriously?  You are seriously going to judge me based on who I was 15 years ago?  I am doing very well now, thank you very much!  I make over 400 sp a week and am worth about 1600 gp.  I own two houses.  And I did not say a thing when you mentioned how old your first child was and I did the math on how old you were when you had him.

 

I think it's a lot less stressful when you think of someone as just a person you're chatting with, versus tacking on all the worry, self-doubt, and hyper-analysis that goes along with "prospective date" chatting.

 

I think this goes back to the internet.  More volume.  More people to meet.

 

Just be yourself and let the conversation take you where it will.  Don't stress out trying to carry the date (it's a two-way street) and try to unwind and enjoy yourself.

 

This sounds like good advice.  More later.

 

People say that an introvert needs to be in a relationship with an extrovert because they "complete" each other. **tries not to puke** An Introvert/Introvert relationship is my idea of an ideal relationship.

 

I remember meeting one extrovert.  "Talk to me."

"About? ....  Hang on.  Let me figure out what to eat.  Then I will talk to you."

 

That can work out okay - all you need is to hook up with another introvert. Then the two of you can spend long periods alone without bothering each other.

 

Then the two of you can spend long periods of time reading books or playing computer games or whatever it is you do by yourself and not worry about being disturbed.

 

I'm Alex and I have terrible people skills as well.

 

You are not alone.  Look around you.  Find somebody with good people skills and tell me how long it take you.  Go to the gym.  Everybody's got their ear buds.  Go to the restaurant.  People are on their phones instead of talking to each other.  Look at that pic a few pages back.  Everybody is on the train reading their newspaper.  I can't believe it took me this long to get it.

 

Almost nobody has any people skills.  The difference is you realize it and are trying to do something about it!  

[Bekah]

Sam...I like you a little more with every post  

and divorced and kids are both overrated Had I waited till I was 27 to leave home...wait nevermind, my mom is a nutjob, that would have been worse. LOL! 

I am totally a lay it all out there kind of person, and that is NOT typical dating behavior...but the guys that don't get scared away by that, will be the ones that I want to go on dates with in the first place, in my estimation. Narrows the pool of sharks down to the good fish quite quickly  

[Machete]

[Sam Ashen]

I was actually out with my gym buddy today, but this discussion makes me think of it.  So here it is:  How to impress your lady on a dinner date:

 

Hmm.  I wonder what is on the menu.  Awesome!  They brought chips!

 

 

 

"I'm not really that hungry.  I'll just have something light like a salad."

 

Well I am.  Insane Burrito for me, please!

 

 

"Wow!  Clean plate club for you!  Here.  Have some of these wings."

 

 

Chomp!  Chomp!  Gulp!

 

 

Dessert?  Yes, please!  Deep Fried Ice Cream!

"Ewww!"

 

 

Look!  She even brought us two spoons!  Would you like one?

"No, thanks.  Um.  Enjoy."

Suit yourself, then

 

 

Nom!

 

 

Nom!

 

 

All done!

 

 

BURP!

 

 

Excuse me!

 

 

Uh, I think I'll pass on those chips.

 

 

 

So, yeah.  Meeting girls really does not mix well with deadlift day.

 

On another subject, I thought for sure I would break 2000 calories on MFP for a meal like that.  I have to research different sites.  I ate 6 hours ago and still feel stuffed silly.

[kaelvan]

I've never been shy on a date when it comes to food.

 

Could that be an issue on a date? Never had anyone look at me like a monster after that. Maybe I'd change that.

 

 

Oh well.

 

But I think the smart thing for me to do for first date is trivia night at a bar/pub. No movies for you. Mahaha

[Phytomancer]

I've never been shy about food on a date too. And honestly, I think women who enjoy food are extremely attractive.

[Rurik Harrgath]

I always looked at a dinner date as an excuse to eat steak and drink beer.  If I found good conversation and company across the table, all that was really is icing on the cake, so to speak!

[Artinum]

"Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford."

I tire of London very easily. I hate the crowds, the noise, the smell, the fact that every five feet seems to have someone standing there smoking, the deadly traffic congestion and the ludicrously expensive prices for everything. Went there recently for a three day training course. Was very happy to come home.

[Silo]

This is definitely one drawback when in an introvert/introvert relationship It reminds me of what my one extrovert friend does. The text-based messages would usually read something like this:

Friend: "Hey u wanna come and have a few drinks with me?"

Me: "Heya =) I can't...I'm so lazy and I've almost beaten my high-score in Rocksmith"

Friend: "Too bad...I'm already outside your gate "

Ah, extrovert persistence. Annoyingly helpful at times. Reminds me a bit of how I met one of my best friends from college. The second week of classes, this girl shows up at my dorm room door holding a basketball.

Her: Hey, wanna shoot hoops?

Me (could die happily never having "shot hoops"): No.

Next day. Knock knock!

Her: Wanna play basketball?

Me: No.

Next day. Knock knock!

Her, spinning basketball on finger: Wanna go--

Me: I will go take a walk if you promise to never again ask me to play basketball.

And thus, a friendship was born.

[Machete]

Sociopaths are generally extroverts. One reason for this is the inheritance of a nervous system that is relatively insensitive to low levels of stimulation. Individuals with this physiotype tend to be extroverted. They also have lower than average levels of adrenaline and seek experiences to heighten this. Extroverts and sociopaths are less affected by threats of pain or punishment, and they have greater tolerance of actual pain or punishment. Both sociopaths and extroverts will approach a situation that most people will avoid. These factors were confirmed by the HumRRO study conclusion that fighters were extroverted, spontaneous and relatively free from anxiety.

[kaelvan]

I must be the odd of here since I'm actually an ambivert or I like to think of it as that messed up love child of extrovert and introvert. I just recently found that out.

[Bekah]

I can be extroverted when I am forced or nervous, but my core desired state is introversion.

[Rurik Harrgath]

Aye, I'm similarly capable of bursts of extroversion.  But that's like dumping cold water onto the sleeping dead.  It's effective... to a point.

[hblyne]

It's a spectrum and most people slip and slide along it at different times in their lives or even at different hours of the day. I love the word ambivert, first came across it a few months ago

[Machete]

Artist Perfectly Illustrates How Different The World Looks With Social Anxiety

 

[Sam Ashen]

^^I will try this next time I meet somebody!  

[Rurik Harrgath]

 

Oh my god, this is sooo accurate.  Except for me it's my couch and tv/computer combo!

[Bekah]

 

Oh my god, this is sooo accurate.  Except for me it's my couch and tv/computer combo!

I think I would feel this way, based on the 3 separate months of my entire life that I have lived alone.

[kaelvan]

 

*crying* My life summed up here. And especially now that bill collectors are after me. Why can't everyone not want to call me?

[Rurik Harrgath]

In my experience the ringing of my phone is nearly always indicative of bad news.  Someone died, incident at work, utilities company misapplied my payment, etc.  Pick one. 

 

Otherwise (thankfully) my phone rarely rings!

[Bekah]

If you dont answer enough times, most people stop calling!

Unless its my family, they call, hang up, repeat until I answer! Although its usually bad news too if they bother.

[hblyne]

My parents call me fairly often and I don't mind talking to them. Pretty much any other time my phone rings it's someone trying to sell me something. I just don't answer and if they ring more than twice I block the number lol. I use reverse lookup A LOT!

[Sam Ashen]

Just found this.  

[Bekah]

Just found this.  

bah. Entirely unhelpful for me I don't want to meet a typical woman and I also am not a man...so tips on how to meet a typical woman as a man approached from the perspective of male/female dynamics, are useless. However, it sounds like a fantastic idea for all you boys looking to meet girls 

[Silo]

Oh lord. I cannot ever finish an Elliott Hulse video because he takes so frigging long to get to the point. I almost see him as a caricature of how I, as an introvert, see the average extrovert as far as conversations go. Even when I try to watch his shortest videos I get about 45 seconds in before clicking the See More button in the hope that he has posted bullet points. Blah blah blah.

That's one of my big complaints about demonstration videos. So many guys stand there explaining and explaining instead of doing. There's this one squat video by an Allen (Alan?) Something that I love because it's about 20 minutes of explanation but all done as a voice over while the video just shows him squatting over and over again. It's so much more helpful than the long explanations and then two squats and end of video.