Introverts, Social Misfits and the Terror of Talking to People

[Nubbins McGee]

Nubbins, you are a hero! I always appreciate people who build their own wealth with two hands, but I think the time has changed a bit.

 

I know it seems easier, but it's not. There are even more requirements to work jobs. College degrees inflate, so even the high school graduates don't have a hope for job. The menial jobs require you to have cars, smartphones, no health insurance, etc-- and if someone is sick, the hospital bills are going to bankrupt them in a heartbeat.

 

Maybe it's her time to move on... Maybe it's not. I'm sure there is more than one answer to this. But I think her starting a service business will be a good beginning for a lot of things.

Last thing I'll hold myself out as is a hero, and I'll be the first person to tell you  that I did a lot of things the hard way (unnecessarily) and made a lot of bad decisions.  I only used myself as an example of being willing to accept the consequences of trading comfort for independence.  

[Phytomancer]

Last thing I'll hold myself out as is a hero, and I'll be the first person to tell you  that I did a lot of things the hard way (unnecessarily) and made a lot of bad decisions.  I only used myself as an example of being willing to accept the consequences of trading comfort for independence.  

 

Ha! I always chose the easier path. The path of mediocrity is like a walk in the beach. Getting you nowhere, but it's so comfortable.

 

I say you're a hero because not many people embrace the consequence of things they do proudly. (Also that you made it out alive and thriving.) I agree with you on that. There are prices to pay for everything in life. Nothing is free-- except maybe parental love. If you're into that stuff.

[Artinum]

I love my mother and I will never be able to repay all the effort and sacrifice she made while I was growing up. It wasn't easy being a single mother of two, and when one of those two is autistic...

 

I moved out at 21 - not that it was particularly abrupt. I simply went to university and stayed in the area when I finished my degree. I knew my life back "home" would be miserable - there are no good things to say about Luton. I had a possible future if I stayed away. And so I did. My mother was probably terrified about how I'd cope, and I did struggle a fair amount for a while. I spent several months technically homeless. I was unemployed for a while. I racked up credit card debts and had to take out an overdraft with my bank purely to pay my rent. My autism didn't really help - I had no idea how to claim unemployment benefits, for example, and it wasn't until I found my first long term relationship that someone actually got me signed on.

 

I never told my mother about these things. I didn't want her to worry about me. She was proud of her son finding his independence. And somehow, eventually, it all worked out. I have achieved more and live better than my mother has her entire life. She is still proud, even if she doesn't understand all the technical stuff I do in my job.

 

As for dad - he walked out when I was about three. Fuck him.

[StoneMonkey]

Last thing I'll hold myself out as is a hero, and I'll be the first person to tell you  that I did a lot of things the hard way (unnecessarily) and made a lot of bad decisions.  I only used myself as an example of being willing to accept the consequences of trading comfort for independence.  

 

This statement resonates completely with me. Long story coming up, so sit tight if you want to read a grand tale of a guy fucking up repeatedly and managing to come out of it in one piece.

 

My life as a whole is a whole bundle of mistakes and "going the hard way". And I realized (only last year, mind you) that all of that was my fault and my fault alone.

 

I was very interested in science (mainly physics and chemistry) from a young age, I told everybody that I'd be a scientist with my own lab.

However, I was lazy, undisciplined, spoiled and sluggish. I was a terrible student and I spent more time playing video games and going to whatever sport I was into (which changed all the time) instead of revising.

Eventually, through my lack of work in mathematics, I was told by all of my teachers to give up with physics as my maths wasn't good enough.

They were right. I could barely understand algebra! It's all well and good being able to quote, say, fundamental particles and their respective charges, but without the mathematical basis, how the hell was I supposed to use my "knowledge"? Being able to name something is very different from actually understanding it.

 

Being a prideful git (I don't know, I didn't have much to be proud of), I continued on with the maths I was nowhere near skilled enough to handle. I got stressed and, as I was at a pretty competitive school, I lost focus completely. I started skipping lessons and spending my time in the empty lecture theater eating candy and reading Shakespeare, I got worse at maths and, after the psychologist I was put in touch with told me I had depression, I came up with excuse after excuse to explain my own lack of character.

 

After I completely fucked up my exams, I was told by everybody to give up pursuing physics that I obviously wasn't smart enough to do and just do something less academic. I was still physically fit, right? I ought to go into manual work! Best a failure like me could hope for, really.

But no, I didn't listen. Looking back, I'm damn glad I didn't, even if the motivation was kinda dumb.

When I told my parents I wanted to redo my year and carry on with Physics, they looked.. unhappy. You know what stings? When you've disappointed your parents so much that, even though they want to support you, they can't bring themselves to in case you fuck up again.

However, my amazing older sister, who was my complete opposite (extremely intelligent and dedicated but terrible at sport), yelled at me. She didn't go over the top, she just told me to stop making excuses.

 

So yeah, I stopped. I thought back to all the stupid excuses I made (especially the ones about depression, those make me cringe to this day) and I worked. I experimented with study techniques, I went all the way back to fucking arithmetic and I drilled knowledge repeatedly, I stayed up studying and I built up the persistence to get past what I found difficult

 

I'm now expecting to enter a university physics course at a Top 10 university this year. I'm certain that my old maths teachers wouldn't believe me if I told them.

[Bekah]

Yeah, I figured my life was eventually going to end up like Megamind, except without the happy ending. But including the soundtrack.

 

Supposedly all monks have a 'Lawful' alignment. I make an attempt to stay 'Neutral', or as 'Lawful' as possible, but lately I figured f- it. I'm the Mad Monk after all.

 

Maybe I could just be a catcher in the rye.

 

 

Sounds fun.

 

Are you still pursuing your tattoo artist aspirations? Remember there's a difference between 'tattooist' and 'tattoo artist', and though artists tend to be very protective of their craft, there are some who actually learned on their own (with a lot of help from pain-loving no-fucks-given friends who appreciate free ink).

I think I'd be either Chaotic Neutral or Chaotic Good, depending on the day, I'm bipolar like that

[Bekah]

Kay...you know I love you right, but I have to agree with Nubs to a degree. I am JUST NOW in my late 30's realizing some of the shit that he said...and not knowing those things and making those choices at 21...caused me a LOT of pain, heartache, abuse, feeling like I was totally worthless and I have NO clue how to function on my own with 2 teenagers, so I am trying to learn now, stuck in a marriage to someone I hate who treats me like shit because I tried to make it on my own and failed because I have no experience at a job, and no understanding of how the world works and wasnt able to figure it out quickly enough that my kids didnt suffer, and for right now, with no money and no job, this alternative is better than a homeless shelter with my kids. If I didn't have them, I'd be at a shelter no doubt, or on someone's couch or anywhere but here. Don't make choices in your life that get you here. Know that you DO have a choice in your life NOW and you dont NEED anyone else to take care of you, autism or not. I have it too, and am legally blind, and everyone told me from birth, and still do as of last week that I am incapable of being independent, and THAT is harder to overcome than any disability. Yeah, you may need support services and help and things like that, but those are abailable from agencies that wont take advantage of you or treat you like shit bc you let them. YOU are worth more than that. You cant let them make your choices for you without killing a part of yourself, trust me.

I know that this is hard and you dont know where to start, but I can help you, and I'm fairly sure anyone here would if you asked them. You can do it I promise you that you can! Don't wait until you are so entrenched in a life full of choices you let be made for you, that getting out is almost insurmountable.

[Rurik Harrgath]

I think I'd be either Chaotic Neutral or Chaotic Good, depending on the day, I'm bipolar like that

 

Embrace the Chaos!  Accept Murphy's Law!  (I've often thought my middle name ought to be Murphy...)

[Phytomancer]

I know that this is hard and you dont know where to start, but I can help you, and I'm fairly sure anyone here would if you asked them. You can do it I promise you that you can! Don't wait until you are so entrenched in a life full of choices you let be made for you, that getting out is almost insurmountable.

 

This is why I love the board. People share and support each other. Bekah, I hope all works out for you too.

 

 

Embrace the Chaos!  Accept Murphy's Law!  (I've often thought my middle name ought to be Murphy...)

I am neutral evil. Because Lil' Finger.

 

[kaelvan]

You guys know I love you, right? *hug*

 

I definitely need to work more on taking power away from my parents over my life, especially when they use what left of my depression and my crappy past against me.

 

I'm Chaotic Neutral.

[Rurik Harrgath]

I tried to find a good Chaotic Neutral poster of Daario or Tormund, and failed, so here's my compromise...

 

[Machete]

I think I'd be either Chaotic Neutral or Chaotic Good, depending on the day, I'm bipolar like that

 

Most days I fancy myself a True Neutral, but I believe that's the least stable position one can maintain. One day you might just say "fuck your couch, I'm not picking up this shit" and boom, you just passed the threshold of Chaotic. I think my discipline is waning, that's the only reason the chaos is winning.

 

This is why I love the board. People share and support each other. Bekah, I hope all works out for you too.

 

 

I am neutral evil. Because Lil' Finger.

 

We both know, however, that we were probably both raised to be Lawful instead of running around acting like a farang / gweilo.

 

I tried to find a good Chaotic Neutral poster of Daario or Tormund, and failed, so here's my compromise...

 

 

[Phytomancer]

We both know, however, that we were probably both raised to be Lawful instead of running around acting like a farang / gweilo.

 

 

Not all farang are chaotic... look at the Germans.

 

Also, Thailand has a say: "True Thais do what they want..."

 

But I'm part Chinese, so I have no idea which ones to believe in. Hence neutral.

[Sam Ashen]

Lawful Good:  Takes FOREVER to pay off.  That's why nice people finish last.

[VailedPhoenix]

a little late, but oh well. I remember when I was a kid (6 or 7), I helped out a lot in the special education class. why? because I wanted to, the teachers needed the help, and I was the kids' age. I remember telling my mom I wanted to be the person who discovered a cure for downs syndrome. got a bit older and realized that I'm not great at math, which tends to be very useful with sciencey things. I've also wanted to be a teacher, a published writer (with a main focus in travel journalism), or to be able to form a living out of my crafts.

 

I've lived with my parents (again) for the past 2 years, which in itself is very stressful. moving back home at 24 is not fun, no matter who you are or the circumstances. finding any kind of work has been difficult. following my parents' rules for living in their house has also been difficult, but since they've let me live here rent free (in exchange for doing their dishes, cleaning the kitchen, and occasionally cooking dinner), and have allowed me to eat their food, I've bit my tongue on some things and have done what they ask/expect. I've got a couple of tattoos, both of which were done before moving back in, and both they don't exactly approve of (there's nothing inappropriate about either of them, they just don't approve of ink in general). I want more, a lot more. will I be getting them while I live here? most likely not, out of respect for their opinions and beliefs. there are times when my parents make me angry enough to want to break things. its taken a lot of newly learned patience to live with them.

 

all of that said, I recently was hired at a craft supply store, in which I'll be able to teach crochet classes at will. which will also be opening doors up for me to be able to make my own things on the side and sell them. I still want to be a teacher, also, but seeing as I don't have a degree of any kind, I'm aiming for a paraprofessional teaching position. I'm on really good terms with the principal of one of the area elementary schools, but I need to learn mandarin (not to be fluent, but to be able to communicate somewhat) before they'd hire me. my new job provides the funds to get ahold of the resources needed for that.

 

things do tend to work themselves out in the end, sometimes there's just things we need to learn along the way, which makes it seem like forever before the good happens.

[Artinum]

Lawful Good:  Takes FOREVER to pay off.  That's why nice people finish last.

 

But if you're looking for a payoff, you aren't really Lawful Good. You should be doing that stuff because you want to, dammit.

 

(Which is why Pascal's Wager is ultimately a great way to get in the bad books of any and every god that exists. Believing in a god "just in case"? You think they can't see through that? Oh Mr Pascal, you should have stuck with the mathematics...)

[Rurik Harrgath]

But if you're looking for a payoff, you aren't really Lawful Good. You should be doing that stuff because you want to, dammit.

 

(Which is why Pascal's Wager is ultimately a great way to get in the bad books of any and every god that exists. Believing in a god "just in case"? You think they can't see through that? Oh Mr Pascal, you should have stuck with the mathematics...)

 

They would only see through that if they're of the omnipotent variety!  Otherwise you're safe... in theory.

 

Lawful Good just sounds like an awful amount of work and, like mentioned above, zero payoff in this lifetime.  You're only around here for 80 or so years if you're lucky; might as well have some fun for yourself while you're hanging onto your rope. 

[Phytomancer]

They would only see through that if they're of the omnipotent variety!  Otherwise you're safe... in theory.

 

Lawful Good just sounds like an awful amount of work and, like mentioned above, zero payoff in this lifetime.  You're only around here for 80 or so years if you're lucky; might as well have some fun for yourself while you're hanging onto your rope. 

 

Lawful goodies do have a payoff. Order within itself is satisfactory for them. Goodness is giddy-worth. While they are doing those things abide and nice they are happy.

 

I am to say... I am one of those evil scientist who sometimes tend to group humans like a taxonomy.

[Bekah]

Lawful Good sounds EXTRA boring. If rules dont make sense following them is stupid

[Sam Ashen]

Lawful Good sounds EXTRA boring. If rules dont make sense following them is stupid

 

It is called Lawful Anal for a reason.  Or Anal Good.

[kaelvan]

I'm neutral like Switzerland (which I say they be neutral chaos too...them and their bombs hidden everywhere to blow up their infrastructure if invaded)

[Rurik Harrgath]

I've never played D&D (although I've always kind of wanted to) but I've always been fascinated by the alignment system.  I've probably taken hundreds of different tests and looked at an equal amount of memes, but I've never had the fortune to discuss the topic at length until now (other than on a creative writing paper I did in university), and it's been excellent!

 

Here's a commentary I just found on the subject that's rather relevant to the fine folks of Nerd Fitness..

 

[kaelvan]

Poor vegetables. They get such a bad rep

[Phytomancer]

I've never played D&D (although I've always kind of wanted to) but I've always been fascinated by the alignment system.  I've probably taken hundreds of different tests and looked at an equal amount of memes, but I've never had the fortune to discuss the topic at length until now (other than on a creative writing paper I did in university), and it's been excellent!

 

Here's a commentary I just found on the subject that's rather relevant to the fine folks of Nerd Fitness..

 

Then I know why I'm evil.

 

Baked brussel sprouts? Delicious.

Anchovi? I have a more watery version. Put it in a salad.

Durian? Oh, King of the fruits. Why not?

 

To be fair, I like all food in the list.

[Sam Ashen]

But if you're looking for a payoff, you aren't really Lawful Good. You should be doing that stuff because you want to, dammit.

 

Okay.  Lawful Good.  There is one born every minute.  Okay?  Feel better?

 

You can struggle with the idea that you are sacrificing the immediate payoff in order to do the right thing.  You can also know it gets better later.  You have an honest face and you win trust naturally.

 

Chaotic Good.  You can trust me to do the right thing - after exhausting all other possibilities.

[Silo]

I love brussels sprouts.

 

I'm glad that one of you finally mentioned D&D because I was totally lost as to what you all were talking about and I hadn't had a chance to google lawful good, etc.