Lets be honest...

[Ajent912]

Ahoy! Hello? Greetings? Whichever, I say unto you: Thanks! Thanks for being a part of something as awesome as this because, as it is designed I think,  you being here gives me strength.

 

Sappy, over.

 

My name is Manda. Yes, yes, Amanda as my parents so named me, but Barry Manilow for all his accomplishments has cursed me and so I've taken it upon myself to remove the stellar first "A" from my name and curse anyone who presumes to add a "Y" to the end of it. Mwahahaha. Evil laughter ensues. 

 

Unlike other posts I have read, I'm not a lurker... this is my first day and I'm posting before I lose the confidence to do so. I'm currently/recently 28 years of age and dwell in the land of Massachusetts near the city of Lowell. While I generally have very sarcastic and pessimistic view of this place that I live, I've come to recognize its culture and nerdy ways and hope that by reaching out to communities such as this and maybe even IRL peeps, I might be more comfortable outside of my hometown and comfort zone. 

 

A little bit more about moi: I've been married to my husband for over six years. Its now, unlike at the time of our "dating", not so taboo to say that we met online. I guess I used to be ashamed of it, given that I'm not the prettiest/skinniest/healthiest being out there and by somehow admitting it, I was alluding to the fact that maybe the computer screen is the only reason I "have somebody". That aside, we've been through ups and down like any other couple, I think... but lately, my health and overall demeanor has deteriorated and its put a serious strain on our relationship: I'm unhappy and blame him. He's miserable and blames me. Etc.... I hope that joining NF and this community can help me regain some confidence in myself and therefore make my relationship with my husband stronger.  He's low on mana.

 

I'm currently a junior studying for my BA in American History, specifically early colonial up until the American Revolution. Its most definitely my passion and what classifies me as a "nerd" as I've never been much of a gamer. (Although, super stoked about Dragon Age 3!!) Also, living in New England allows one to relive history daily. I went to college after high school but quickly found that a full-time job and no homework was more appealing. At least, for a period of time. I hope to eventually get my MA in History and work at a museum. If there were degrees in period clothing, I'd be in heaven, truly. I admit that its difficult for me to find clothing of a geeky nature that fits, but when I do, I love dressing in costume. Its almost as if I can step out of my life and become someone else i.e. take on a whole new life. Its enticing to be free in this manner. Ren-faires are a perfect example of this. So totes love them, yo. 

 

I have some medical issues but I think the ones I need to conquer the most are my extreme anxiety and depression. Oh of course I've been diagnosed by someone with a doctorate but I've never done much about it as my family aren't ones to accept these sort of things as actual conditions. In the recent years, it has gotten so much worse. I won't say that I've contemplated ending my life (sorry for the harsh, realism there... but I'm going for complete honesty here...) but I've been so miserable that I'd rather sleep away the days and be alone than suffer interactions. As you can imagine, this does not bode well for school, family or work. All of which I have and need to adequately involve in my life as much as possible. 

 

I'm sure there's more.... but really, I have goals. Ones that I want to share and get feedback from the community: I want to get in balance mentally. I think that by changing my body this might be a realistic goal.

I want to learn to have better communication skills both textually and in person.

Finally, I want to look better, feel better and be able to wear better clothing other than hoodies and jeans.

 

Thank you to anyone who read all the way through this. Holy tarter sauce! You're a trooper. Writing this has proven cathartic. 

 

Ciao for now.

 

Manda

[starsapart]

Welcome, Manda!  I hope you'll find what you seek here - this site is a lot of things to a lot of people, and hopefully the support and awesome people will help you start making positive and impactful changes in your life!

 

I absolutely feel you on how difficult it is sometimes to make those positive changes while struggling with depression.

 

I love ren faires and period clothing displays are always my favorite part of history museums.  I think that being passionate about anything at all is all that's required to find a home here (all right, the fact that you also like Dragon Age does help~).

 

What are your plans to begin putting these goals into action?  There are a lot of resources here, but everyone's journey is different.

 

In any case, iof you ever feel lost or unsure about something around here, feel free to PM me!  I would be glad to help you out.

[Minna]

Welcome, Manda! I too am from New England (Vermont) and my main quest also centers on depression. There are lots of us here on the same journey! And we're all tackling it in different ways.

I'm also a big-time Rennie and LOVE historical clothing. I've already taken my little daughter to all the living-history museums in the area and she always wants to go in costume.

Message me anytime if you just want to reach out or rant. I've been there.

Glad you're here!

Minna