How many people here are parents or spouses? How many are single?

[Leego]

I've noticed that a lot of members here in the Nerd Fitness Rebellion community either have children, are married, or both. Then again, it seems like most of us are somewhere roughly between the age range of 28-50. I'm just curious. Not entirely for the right reasons. Partially because of personal "worries", but I do enjoy hearing some people's stories.

 

I'll be blunt: I'm in college, and single. But I still have a lot to work on about myself and a lot more to do. I don't plan on staying in the area that I'm going to college in, and neither does anyone else. Me not planning to stick around in my current state, let alone the US, everyone being super busy, superficial, and also planning on leaving, and me not caring for a shallow relationship that will end badly with drama (or worse: a great relationship that leads to attachment and settling down too early), nor meaningless hook-ups with other students that will lead to me getting a reputation I don't want, all pretty much means that I'm going to be single until my mid 20s, at best.

 

And that wouldn't be so bad, if I had a good friend to hang out with, or if it didn't seem like everyone around me is having the time of their lives with their companions, and if I could travel and do more of the things I want to do. I can't get attached to people in college, but I wouldn't even think twice about it, if I traveled. Also, helping those in need makes me feel good, and helps me forget about my own anxieties, so I've been thinking about volunteering abroad some summer, or joining the Peace Corps after college, so I can continue to grow, learn, meet different types of people, and see how they react to me, all while helping others and building a good reputation and resume.

 

So who here have kids that they love? Who has a special someone that they love? Who here is single and (not) loving it? Do you have any plans or goals or dreams that include your family or companion, are about them, or would mean having to put off having them?

[JPrev]

When I graduated college, I still had two relationships to go until I found my better half.  I may still be too young to give advice (25), but I'd suggest you keep your mind open and go with your heart when you feel it tug.  Meeting this girl changed my outlook on so many things.  Almost instantly I started naturally seeing a life together and settling down.  Pretty scary at first, given how I felt all of that was still "supposed" to be a long ways off, but every step forward with her has been more exciting than the last.

 

So when that special someone comes along, I wouldn't be too worried about putting them off while you pursue your dreams.  If they're the right one, you won't be able to find your dreams without them.  Now you may not necessarily realize that overnight like in a Disney movie, but ultimately you'll find any plans without that person are hollow.

[Leego]

I don't know. After my experiences and what I've been told, it's like I'm being taught not to go with instinct or heart, to not trust anyone, and I'm a bit skeptical about the idea that dating someone can change my outlook on things. It already sounds like a Disney movie.

 

Still, I wish you two the best. How did you two meet?

[Jammer]

Hi Warnamon

 

I became married when I was 26, enjoyed 12 good years during which we had 3 children, had 5 pretty awful years, she moved out, I met someone new two weeks later, divorce became final, married again, now enjoying some good years with occasional disruptions from my ex.  Kids, well, love, joy, sorrow, pain, the best makes up for the worst.

 

I know one peace corps couple who met while they were in during the late 1970s, together for maybe 10 years after returning to the states, never married, now have gone separate ways.

 

Relationships are a skill that takes experience to develop.  Short-term relationships, even "shallow" ones, build that skill.  As long as you're not deliberately misleading your date about your long-term intentions, what's wrong with enjoying each others' company?  Some of my biggest romantic regrets are failing to experiment with and cultivate relationships in my late teens and early twenties. 

[Leego]

Well, the closest thing I can think of to a happy, fun, temporary, short-term relationship with someone would be having a really good friend that I can trust will not manipulate me nor use me, but with benefits. That's the only short-term relationship I can think of where I get to enjoy someone's company, and keep my pride.

 

Besides, whoever I end up with later in life will most likely have had TONS of "friends with benefits".

[Storm00]

I am 25 and got married when I was 19. We are still together and more and more in love every day. We don't have kids. Which is great for us because I think it is good to spend that married time before settling down and having kids. We are planning to move to NYC in January. Just to try it out and go on a big adventure. When i think about my spouse, I think of him as my companion and the person I want to experience new things with. Marrying young doesn't necessarily mean settling down.

[Sloth the Enduring]

Relationships are a skill that takes experience to develop. Short-term relationships, even "shallow" ones, build that skill. As long as you're not deliberately misleading your date about your long-term intentions, what's wrong with enjoying each others' company? Some of my biggest romantic regrets are failing to experiment with and cultivate relationships in my late teens and early twenties.

Jammer said this much better than I would have. I joke that people should marry young and get that first marriage out of the way early. The kernel of truth is that you will screw up your first few relationships and it takes a while to figure out what you actually need in a relationship.

Do you have regular friends that you hang out with and do stuff with?

[Eleanorsbee]

 I was single until 21 .... I didnt get married until I was 38 had a kid about the same time and am now 41.

 

marriage and kids ... they are like anything else, if you rush it you will only get it wrong and have to do it again ... which reminds me, I rushed in to buying a rucksack ... and its just not right for me ... now I need to spend more money on one that does suit my needs ... gah !

[Leego]

Do you have regular friends that you hang out with and do stuff with?

 

No, not really. I have a few friends out in the country that are slightly older than me by about 1/2-5 years. They are good guys, but two are off living their own lives with a job, girlfriend, and truck. One other still lives at home, but has been making plans to share an apartment with a cousin of his, and possibly getting a job.

 

In college, I used to be good friends with this guy (Let's call him Dave) and girl (Let's call her Abby).

 

Abby was a good friend, and a very sweet girl, but I was never interested in her romantically like that. She's actually engaged to someone (for how long, I don't even know), but she hung out with Dave so much on campus, some people thought THEY were a couple. I don't really know what that was about. After Dave changed and started hanging out with others, and Abby became close friends with this girl named Maria, we all kind of lost touch.

 

Dave was a cool guy. Very friendly, kind of nerdy. I actually met him and befriended him through his brother, Well, and another friend, Luigi. We had a lot of fun together, but Luigi stopped going to the school, and Well said he was taking a semester off, and never came back.

 

Then Dave asked me to room with him, but I got mixed up in things and accidentally forgot about meeting with the dorm masters (as I call them) to confirm our rooming together, so we missed the opportunity. I can understand if he was sore over that. Then I tried hanging out with Dave, Abby, her friend Maria, and my roommate Nique, but I sort of felt like a fifth wheel, since Nique and Abby were talking to each other, and Dave and Maria were talking to each other, and I was just following behind them trying to listen in.

 

I don't think it helped that right before going to have lunch with them, I got a bit too excited and let it slip to Dave and Abby that I thought Maria was, "so cute". He gave me this sort of weird look and then changed the topic, and as soon as he gave that look, I IMMEDIATELY got this weird vibe from him that I never got from him before. I think he got jealous.

 

And then after that, he just changed. I saw him more with Maria than Abby, and then I started seeing him hang out with a totally different crowd, and then I saw him having lunch with this other girl, and the last time we said hey to each other and asked how our semesters were going, he said his semester was "going great...better than great, actually". I myself was having a rough semester. After that, we stopped saying hey to each other, I haven't seen Abby around, and I last saw Maria talking to this Navy officer student I know named A.J., who I think is a great guy that I respect, but fuck that..

 

After that, I kind of just threw my hands up in disgust at the idea of friendships in college. I would talk to Maria since I still do think she's cute, and now I just don't really care if it bothers Dave or not, but I have this strange fear that she's dating or "getting it on" with this other guy that I know, who I highly respect, and that best case, she will be taken, and worst case, they will have had their fling, went their separate ways, and she will either not be interested, or worst yet, she won't take me seriously or want to be with me because she's still infatuated with her "first love".

 

I mean, if I see her again, I AM tempted to talk to her. She did seem sweet, a little shy, though, and she IS friends with Abby (whom I don't have bad blood with), and she's a nursing student, so if I'm going to be taking my First-Aid/CPR/AED course this semester, I may see her around, but I'm really paranoid that she will (still) have a thing for Dave or A.J., and I end up heart-broken best case, in jail for fighting worst case.

 

Over the summer, I've pretty much made up my mind (or at least have been trying to) that I just don't want to put myself through the stress of trying to date in college, and that I just want to focus on making myself respected, respectable, and getting the hell out ASAP.

 

All other "friends" I had were more like acquaintances, mostly ones I know from groups I tried out, or class group projects. I still have a few guy friends in my STEM group that I talk to, though.

[Leego]

I am 25 and got married when I was 19. We are still together and more and more in love every day. We don't have kids. Which is great for us because I think it is good to spend that married time before settling down and having kids. We are planning to move to NYC in January. Just to try it out and go on a big adventure. When i think about my spouse, I think of him as my companion and the person I want to experience new things with. Marrying young doesn't necessarily mean settling down.

 

Huuuuh, you sound like a very lucky woman. That actually sounds kind of similar to how I see my ideal partner. A sort of companion. As a matter as fact, I don't even like to use the titles "girlfriend" or "lover", but companion sums it up quite nice.

 

To me, a companion is a best friend that you feel very passionate about, who will stick by you regardless of what happens, and will not intentionally do anything that they know would hurt you.

 

But maybe I'm young and naive.

[Storm00]

Huuuuh, you sound like a very lucky woman. That actually sounds kind of similar to how I see my ideal partner. A sort of companion. As a matter as fact, I don't even like to use the titles "girlfriend" or "lover", but companion sums it up quite nice.

To me, a companion is a best friend that you feel very passionate about, who will stick by you regardless of what happens, and will not intentionally do anything that they know would hurt you.

But maybe I'm young and naive.

Companion is the best kind of relationship. You are never too young or naive to fall in love.

[TheOtherScott]

Married parent here.  I've been married a bit over 4 years and my daughter is 2.

 

I don't pretend to have any grand wisdom on what makes a relationship work, but I guess we've made it work because we've given each other permission to change over time.  I have no idea if that's a good idea, and for all I know, this permission is what lead friends of ours to end their marriages.  But I think we try to bring out the best in each other, and that's gone a long way through some difficult times.

[Raze]

I am 25 and got married when I was 19. We are still together and more and more in love every day. We don't have kids. Which is great for us because I think it is good to spend that married time before settling down and having kids. We are planning to move to NYC in January. Just to try it out and go on a big adventure. When i think about my spouse, I think of him as my companion and the person I want to experience new things with. Marrying young doesn't necessarily mean settling down.

 

I am in almost the exact same boat as you, well the next one over. I also got married at the age of 19 and now am 27 and still married, but no kids yet. I got the wife to agree to get a house bought first.

[Storm00]

Well we went to Europe. I'm finishing up my masters and we are planning on moving to NYC.

[Princess Pineapple]

Married at 23, baby at 24, divorced at 29.

Met husband two, six weeks after leaving husband one, very casual relationship, I didn't want commitment, he didn't want baggage, been together 13 years now with another child. Moral of the story is not to search for it because it will happen when you aren't looking.