Your week was a lot and I don't have the words or experience to really say anything about it, but I'm glad to get to the end and see that it ended with hope.

Sounds good to me!

Things were horrific this past week. With his depression: I need to rise.  With eating, I'm doing good.  With sleep, it's a mixed bag: I don't wake up 7 times a night anymore (more like 1-2) but I end up having a hard time falling back to sleep because of how hot it is.  Also last night the internet went out which means I couldn't fall asleep to youtube which is desperately needed. (I can't fall asleep in silence - my mind starts racing and I end up being awake all night.)   The awfulness is all work-related.  I guess I can go in chronological order.  I can't go into big details due to HIPAA compliance/confidentiality but I can talk a little about the 'content' for certain context.   1- One of my residents at my 1st nursing home is having trouble moving, talking, breathing.  Nurses think this will be the end for her.  So probably had my last session with her because she'll be dead next week. 2- One of my residents at my 2nd nursing home is the exact same thing above.  Had a long talk with the hospice care nurse that takes care of her and she'll probably be dead next week as well. 3- One of my residents who is dying of cancer- tumors everywhere- was having a deep talk about how she doesn't want to be on chemo anymore and just wants to go home.  She wasn't saying out loud, 'I just want to go home and enjoy the last little bit of life and die at home' but that's basically what she was skirting around.  She asked a lot of questions about my sister and her cancer treatment and chemo and it really just was...bothering me.  So this woman is getting picked up by her daughter to go home and basically die on Friday.   Ok, three people dead in a week and I feel horribly depressed about my sister's health.     Oh we're only up to Tuesday at noon.   4- I go into my other job Tuesday night at DudeBros and I have a client who has suicidal ideation and is severely depressed.  Talking about how lonely and empty life is.  How he just wishes someone cared and he feels extremely defeated.  I work on him with that.   5- Then I have another client who is having trouble being motivated.  He starts telling me about his wife, that she's this smoking hot Latina woman who goes to the gym all the time and is fit and always wants to have sex with him and he just can't be bothered.  And I was just....so....angry.... with him. I was seething with jealousy.  He has what I wish I had in a partner - meanwhile I'm desperate to get anything from my current g/f and I was so resentful and angry. Like, dude, you don't realize how motherfucking LUCKY you are and you can't even go to the gym once this week?   6- I'm at nursing home#2 again on Wednesday and I end up talking to one of the doctors who doesn't know what I do (it's on my name badge, bro.  Therapist. Check it.).  After explaining how things work, he rushes over to this caselog binder and tells me he is having trouble with two people on this floor - residents that I have never met before.  This means I can't see my originally planned people.  I end up putting out these fires and after I meet with the second one (each takes like 45+ minutes), the guy who was in the room takes me aside and explains that the client I just talked to has been having delusions, doesn't remember him being her fiance, talked about vampires and the grim reaper, said that she couldn't walk when she could, thought she was being transferred to a different bed when there was no talk of that, etc.  I gather info.  I talk to the dr and explain the situation.  I go to write down my note in that caselog binder and what do I see?   Someone's signature.  Someone else on my 'team' who signed off on the two residents I've just been working with.  In other words, while I was IN SESSION with one of them, the Nurse Practitioner looked at the binder, signed off on it, and then walked away.  She didn't even know what was happening.  She couldn't have even TALKED to the client, because, you know, I WAS TALKING to the client that whole time.  So she basically signed off and said she did something when she fucking didn't.  This is how and why bullshit happens in hospitals.  Here I am doing my job, collecting info from a family member, doing an assessment, talking to the doctor and I bring up how based on her alcohol consumption prior to being checked in, she might be having Delerium Tremens (hallucinations due to detoxing from alcohol).  The dr is all asking me, 'So should we be starting on Ativan?'   BRO. I'm the THERAPIST.  I do behavioral health, I. AM. NOT. THE. MED. PERSON.  But the goddamn med person apparently just lied and said she saw these clients so I hunt this woman down, find her contact info from my supervisor, text her, call her, and finish up my notes.  I basically mentioned that more information was in the binder (you know, the one you signed off on and didn't read?)   While I'm doing that, I see some more of my normal residency clientele when in the middle of everything, a pipeline bursts on the 3rd floor.  Water starts flooding through the ceiling in the dining room and pouring all over the tv and quickly starts to spread on the floor everywhere else. Nurses are frantic, paging for help.  I grab some wheelchairs and start evacuating the area to get people to their rooms but they're all old and most have some starting form of dementia so they're all wailing and freaking out.  It was at that moment I said, 'fuck it' and was done for the day.   7- Now at DudeBros job on Wednesday evening and I talk to one of my clients who has been doing a lot of thinking and realizes the depths of the C-PTSD that he has.  For the first 30 minutes of the session, he can't, he just can't even look up and make eye contact with me.  I can tell the guy is in a lot of emotional pain right now.  He talks about how he wasn't sure if he should even come in and was really nervous about even being here.  Once he explains everything and after a few follow-up questions, I tell him that I'm proud of him.  That he was brave to stick with this because no growth can happen without some pain.  I commend him for working on this. I explain that emotional mastery is not something that switches on and off - it's a skill that has to be worked on over time.  Just like as a personal trainer wouldn't make you run 10 miles and bench 500 pounds on the first day of meeting, you can't expect to handle this flood of emotions and complexities and be able to keep your head up without a lot of struggle; but that it gets easier in time.  I mentioned that the first session we had, I originally stated that most people will have a session every 2 weeks.  When they are doing well, they might drop down to once a month. And if someone is in crisis, they may need to upgrade to every single week.  I asked him if he was ready to upgrade and he said 'yes'.  So I'll be seeing him every week while we work through this together.   8- And at long last, the nail in the coffin this week.  Working with the teenager.  He had talked prior about how he can't feel sadness anymore.  Hasn't cried in 3 years.  I've been exploring that with him and I started to challenge him on this.  I asked what he feels when thinking about when he tried to commit suicide years ago.  I go into detail and tell him the things he previously told me...   ...he laughed.  He actually laughed. He didn't lift his eyes up but he laughed and covered his face, said he was stupid.  I challenged further: that isn't a normal reaction to recalling a dark part of someone's life.  More laughter.  He says he doesn't know.  He doesn't get it.  He's angry all the time, but never sad.  I bring up if he would feel this way if someone he cared about was sharing something emotionally intense or depressing.  I created a scenario with someone he looks up to and brought up suicide.  Laughing again.  I bring up the friends who have killed themselves.  Laughing again.  The bullying and being beaten. Laughing more.   I just...this kid.  This poor poor kid.  He has had to stuff down all the hurt, pain, and sadness, and all he's left with is laughing at it and feeling angry all the time 'for some reason' (according to him).  It cut deep, knowing that this kid is in so much unbelievable pain and the only outlet is to mask it and belittle it by laughing at it and by channeling it into constant underlying rage and that he doesn't even know he's subconsciously done this.  Even writing about this makes me tear up because I was beaten up as a kid.  Made to feel like I was bad and wrong.  Treated awfully.  Shamed daily and sent to the principal's office to be an example to terrify all the other kids into behaving.  I was the unwilling sacrificial lamb.  And this kid's pain, I used to want to die.  I remember when I was his age and I would stand at the top of the stairs and imagine how I could jump down them at the right angle to snap my own neck. He talks about spacing out and 'not really being there' and I would have out of body experiences as well.  I would space out and see my own lifeless body in a crumpled heap at the bottom of those stairs, looking back at myself with empty dead eyes.  I'm tearing up.  I just, I know when this kid says, 'no one is there to save you', he truly believes it and for a long time, I believed it in my life while I was growing up.  I felt that when I was hiding under the principal's office bench, crying silently and being covered in cobwebs- just hiding so I wouldn't have to be punished anymore.  He may have it harder than me in certain respects with some other stuff I'm not sharing, regarding his family; but the pain... I know that pain.  I feel that pain. I was in that pain.     --- So that's been my week. Tuesday I got home at about 7:30pm and took a shower without any lights on. I just stayed there and tried to breathe.  I had shut down that day.  And then last night I knew I had to get all this off my chest.   I'll end this with something I recorded of me talking after a therapy session was over with someone.  I've had a similar conversation with other clients.  Sometimes only part of this.  Sometimes the whole thing. This was over a week ago but I decided to listen to it this morning and it helped me put this current week in perspective.   ------- Me: "A lot of it usually is tied to how I look. I know I'm not a looker.  I'm a fat guy, I'm shorter.  But what I do have is over the years is, I've cultivated a positive voice that counteracts the negative voice.  So whenever I have a negative voice that is like, 'you're shaped like a gross pear, you're fat you're stupid', whatever it is, that negative self-talk; I have another voice in my head that combats that, that says, 'no fuck you, that's not what's going on and here's why, a, b, c, d, e, f, g', and I after a while I'm like, 'You know what, I spoke out of turn, I'm having a pity party for myself and feeling bad about myself and that's not the actual reality'.   That positive voice is something that has to be fostered in you as well.  So for instance, I might have negative thoughts about myself, but my a, b, c, d stuff is like, 'look, you went through and you were treated like shit as a kid, you were beaten up by multiple bullies, you had a teacher that treated you like shit and shamed you every single day to the principle's office, going to detention all the time even if you never did anything wrong.  you had a woman who you were gonna get married to you who got cancer and died, your mom died, you never knew your dad, your sister is going through cancer treatment and she's gonna die soon', like 'everybody you know and love is going', like all these other horrible things, the internships I've been through. I've heard about how, I can't go into fully detail because of HIPAA, but people in prison who saw someone who was slit with a shiv in the stomach and their intestines were pouring out and saw somebody crawling on the floor trying to get to the medical emergency, just saw their guts trailing behind them and die, somebody saw their best friend get blasted in face with a shotgun, like little bits of skull landed on their shirt.  I did outreach working with the homeless and I talked to people who were recently robbed and thought they were gonna die on the street that nigh.  A girl who was completely, like, both of her arms covered in bedbug bites and sores; who couldn't go back home because she was gonna go back to her ex and he was going to rape her again.  So many people on the streets crying and slowly dying - all of that stuff, like I had to cut my teeth on that.  I had to hear horror story after horror story.  Somebody who their kid was hit by a truck and the word used, and it haunts  me to this day, he said his child was 'liquefied' and i was like Jesus Christ, you know what i mean? All these horror stories.  and I think about all that negativity and I think about how the world is just like a cold, and dark, cruel, and horrible place, and it, I can get wrapped up in my head with this shared trauma.  Like every time you work with somebody you are taking on their pain as well and process it as well.  All the shit I had to go through and all the shit they had to go through.  It made me have a negative outlook, but, with existential therapy, which i didn't even know what it was; what I realized is all that pain, all the sorrow, all the knowing your family and friends are going to die at some point, the horrible realities that are going on, you have to realize that pain can be turned into power. That negativity can be turned into power. And just like with the job and re-framing, there can be re-framing with what suffering is.    Suffering and pain is part of human life, part of the human condition. What we have to do is find purpose and value and meaning through it.  All the horrible shit I just said, I found purpose through that because I know that I have this dark cloud behind me at any point and when someone else starts talking about any of this stuff and talking about their trauma, their horror stories, I get it, and I connect with that person.  Because I may not have gone through any of those specific examples I mentioned but I know what it feels like to be hurt, to feel accused, to feel like you're an imposter, to feel like you're living a lie, to be completely ostracized and alone, to be so angry and you just can't do anything about it and you just shake with anger, just want to burn down the world.  All those types of feelings.  We all have different experiences, but those experiences can be distilled into the emotions.  And all those emotions, all those negative emotions, I'm able to connect with other people with, because of the things I've had to go with, the pain I had to go through.  And if I'm going to be hurting, it mine as well be for a cause.   For example, if right now you said you wanted to eat cake for breakfast, right now go, 'I love cake and I'm gonna have it every day' and also, there's an alternative version of you that says, 'Every day I'm gonna go to the gym or start jogging, do a couch to 5k program.'  20 years from now, the cake version is gonna have heart conditions, diabetes, trouble walking up a flight of stairs, winded doing basic every day activities, they are gonna go to the grave early. That's the pain and suffering they are going to face. The alternative version, the couch to 5k version, they are going to deal with every morning having to get up and not be able to hit snooze on the alarm clock and feel deprived of extra sleep.  They are gonna go jogging and their knees are going to hurt, their feet are going to hurt.  When you get doms, the delayed onset muscle soreness and the next day you're like, 'Oh my god, I can't even sit down from doing squats'.  They are gonna feel that kinda shit.  They're gonna feel the aches and pains.  But after 20 years, who's in a better position?  Both have endured pain and suffering, right?  But, one of them is early grave. The other can actually hold their kids, can jog up the stairway two at a time, can do the triathlon, better heart health, better lung capacity, gonna live longer.    So in both of those cases, there is suffering so we mine as well make a choice that makes purpose and value into the suffering.  So all the suffering I've gone through, that essentially has translated into, 'I'm going to be the best goddamn therapist i can possibly be'.  I'm not gonna be one of those therapists that are like half-assing and say, 'Oh hey, that sucks, alright anyway, paycheck in half an hour.'  Even the fact we're staying later and talking about this stuff.  I genuinely care about the people I work with and it's because this is what all the pain and suffering is for.  Because I know that I can turn that pain into working with people to try and bring out the best in them because I want the best for them because I care about the people I work with and the same thing can go for getting back on the horse with working out again.  I don't want to. Everything hurts.  I get winded after 5 minutes but tough shit, if I'm going to suffer I mine as well get something out of it.    I personally also went through a toxic enmeshed relationship and that was 12 years, and it wasn't exactly the same as you but there's defiantly similarities. as you were talking I was like 'yup, yup I get that'.  I was with somebody, I was 18, in high school so we were dating in high school and ended around 30 so 18-30.  And pretty much everything else was similar, and turned into daily arguments, fighting all the time, feeling I wasn't good enough and wasn't worth it, that I was a failure that somehow fucked up and because that was my first and only relationship I thought that this was normal; like you're supposed to be in love and care about the person and eventually they hate you and you don't do anything with them, I guess?  You don't have a frame of reference.  I have first-hand experience what being in a toxic relationship for a very prolonged period of time can do.  Um, I even had a situation where I ran into her like a year and a half later, and I shit you not, and this is how powerful PTSD is, how powerful trauma is, and the autonomic nervous system: she walked by maybe 10 feet. I saw her within a split second and within half a second I had bolted 5 feet to the other side of the room, and I was pressed up flat against the wall, essentially hiding behind someone who was a lot taller and bigger than me.  And my heart was racing, pupils dilated, breathing heavy, and she walked by and I was like, 'Wait wait, how the fuck did I get here?' and that's because of the fight of flight response and I know, I know very well being in a situation where you are made to feel like you are worthless and you don't matter and you're a failure, and wrong wrong wrong all the time can wreak absolute havoc on who you are as a person and it can completely shit all over your self-esteem and it can make you feel that you're less than nothing and there's no point in ever investing in yourself because you're a failure, just in general a failure.  You know what I mean?    And I'm telling you right now, you're NOT a failure, but YOU have to see that. [name] can see it.  I can see it.  But you have to be able to see it.  But I just wanted to put that out there, that like, I get where you are coming from, I understand. I know what it feels like to be made to feel like you don't matter, like in a loving relationship.  That's the one place where you're supposed to be feel safe and secure and be your best self.  Like whenever I thought about relationships that's what I thought was - there is the power couple dynamic.  I'm doing great and I'm pushing myself to be better. She sees me as being great and she thinks, 'I gotta step up my a-game'. And I see her doing great and I think, 'I need to step up my a-game'.  And we both keep going back and forth, keep building each other up and that's what it should be like. I was in a relationship that was all the way down in rock bottom and knowing that I just don't matter. Do I even deserve to be happy or to be with somebody who cares about me physically like I matter?   So like, you know, session's over but I just wanted to let you know that I get it, and the depression, and whole concept of imposter syndrome, and feeling like 'this is just how it's supposed to be, everyone else is like that, I don't want to be like this', but a lot of that comes from self-sabotage and negative self-outlook and that needs to, little by little, be chipped away to realize there is a better version of yourself that's deep inside.  It's not you being an imposter, it's not you faking it. It's not thinking you don't matter: you do matter.  And you need to be able to value yourself enough to realize that, putting in the time, putting in the effort, means that you are putting this into bettering yourself.  You are already solid you just need to believe that and build upon that and I think that, week to week, I think that's what we should do: we should challenge that narrative.   You're a smart person, you know you shouldn't go gambling, you know you should working out, you know you should eat right, call about the sleep apnea machine.  You know all those things and every week me going, 'well do that. do that'  that's not gonna get us anywhere and I think that changing the narrative and just like re-framing the job, re-framing you, re-framing how you see yourself because once that happens you'll realize, 'you know what? This is for my self-help.  This is for my mental health, physical health.  I deserve to go to the gym and do this'.  Not 'I knooow I'm doing a million things already and this is thing a million and 1 that i have to do and i suck and I'm just tired and can't.'  Complete tonal shift.   Thoughts, questions, concerns, and we'll just wrap it up after that.   Other: ....It feels good.  It feels good to realize that someone understands and you know, it's good to have hope...there's hope...there's hope now. Like I said, I thought I was dying.   Me: You are not a lost cause. Nobody is a lost cause, it's about trying to find the proper motivation to go from the pre-contemplative stage to the contemplative stage to think, 'you know, this is a good idea. I'm thinking about doing this' and turn it into the action stage.  And the 'I don't know' you say, the 'I don't know why I went ____.  I don't know why I _____'.     I think all those 'I don't knows' are all in this past session.  It's about valuing yourself and the emotional drain that is going on.  So let's move forward and work on that a little bit at a time. but in the meantime, try and come up with a list of positive traits that you have or wish you had, and we can challenge those and see, because where I was going before with the negative self-talk with a, b, c, d, list is about: I know I'm intelligent.  Why do I know I'm intelligent? Because I got a master's degree and I graduated with honors and have a good GPA. I have proof of that.  So when my negative self goes 'naaaa'  I think 'fuck you, I'm actually doing great'.  When I think negative, like being a fat, weak piece of shit, I think, 'no I beat Spartan Races'.  You ever heard of those? Those obstacle courses. I've beaten multiple of those. And I was on an online forum where I talked to people and I voiced how I felt like I was really insecure, I was telling them that I don't think I can do this.  I'm almost 300 pounds and I've been doing burpees and trying to train for this kinda thing but I feel so overwhelmed.  I failed the first one.  The second one that I did was at Fenway Park and it was in mid-novemberish.  I had people... and I have to keep myself in check because this hit me really hard.  Uhm... I had people from all these places, literally take trains, planes or drive and all meet me there. I had 8 people meet me there and they ran the race with me.  Because they believed in me. Because I was always there for them and they were there for me and together we were able to beat it. And then I beat another one. And I beat another one. So whenever I think of, like, 'you're not making a difference' or whatever self-talk is.  Like 'this person relapsed' or 'this person is doing horrible' and you do the imposter syndrome and think, 'you literally were able to motivate a community of people and have 8 people go out of their way, take time from their lives, travel half-way across the country to support you because they believed in you and you need to believe in you.'    So when I think I'm not physically capable, I have proof of that.  Not intelligent? I have proof of that.  If I hit a roadblock with something creative, I think about the fact that I wrote a horror novel a couple years ago, like full-fledged start-to-finish over the course of like 2 months or so.  I played all this horror music on my laptop, like all this Lovecraftian horror music and I wrote a novel.  And I painted multiple pictures and I paint little miniatures, those figures, the warhammer stuff we talked about. So like, 'fuck you, I have proof of this, proof of being smart, I have  proof of physically strong, proof of being mentally strong, proof of being able to motivate and work with people and be outgoing even though I'm pretty much a huge introvert.'    I have enough proof that whenever I do have the imposter syndrome, whenever I do have that dark cloud rolling in, whenever I do feel the depression coming in, because I've dealt with depression too.  Remember we were talking and I mentioned that I was on Lexapro for a little bit and felt kinda wonky. You know that stuff too.  So whenever I have that negative self-talk I go, 'fuck you, proof proof proof proof'.  We need to build that for you because that's the weapon against the darkness. That's the re-framing.  When you have the negative thoughts, that's when you are able to replace them with the positive. So that's what we'll do moving forward.  We need to start building a better narrative of who you are. A more realistic narrative of who you are.  Because if you've gone a quarter of your life making you think you were worthless and didn't fucking matter, you have to challenge that and can prove that wrong.  That's the only way to move forward.  All those, 'I don't know why I did this' moments, that's why: I really feel like it's self-sabotage based on how we have been treated.   ------ Like I said, this was after the session was over and I didn't have another client and I had this urge - I needed to say this.  At the end of the session, he thanked me.  He's been able to separate his negative traits from his positive traits and not assume he is the worst person because of the few negatives, and has been able to focus on being the person he wants to be.  And I've had these kids of 'speeches' a couple times.  I got a text a few hours later from one client thanking me and calling it 'inspirational'.  The takeaway is there's hope now.   There's always hope.  As difficult as this week has been, as emotionally draining as I've felt, I just needed to take my own advice and reflect on this.  

Gotcha. Yeah that makes it harder to decide if the quantity is enough to count

@Ranger Hal @Sovalis @Everstorm  @Sea-to-sky @Mad Hatter @Rookie @Jarric @Salinger   Calling all artists! If you didn't vote, too bad, you're still being conscripted to the art club. If you weren't in the slug club and I am not yet aware that you are an artist and I didn't call you by name, you're still conscripted. Present yourself to the club at your earliest convenience.    Okay, it looks like the closest fit (excluding dinosaurs--sorry Sov!) for our next art club theme is figures with a focus on arms/hands and the clothing and accessories that go on them.  So we could each try to draw at least a few figures and make sure arms or hands are the focal point in each. We could focus on the anatomy of the hand and arm, or clothing with a special emphasis on how sleeves, bracers, gloves, gauntlets and similar items fit, fold, stretch, and drape. Or we could place items in the hands (including weapons) so we can practice the hand grasping things convincingly.    Does that sound okay? And if we find any handy tutorials on arm anatomy, or clothing or accessory design and fabric rendering, we can share with each other.

Ah, awesome that there are some hilly places near you. Yeah I'd go for a hilly walk each weekend. I wouldn't set a minimum at first--I'd just see where I'm at the first couple of times, then gradually push it longer and or add a backpack as the months progress, provided your recovery is adequate. You don't have to start immediately, but eventually I'd also do strength for the legs 2-3 times per week, not on consecutive days. Kettlebells are fine. You can do swings, or just hold them for squats and lunges or step ups if you have something to step up on to.  It's not about the minutes*, it's about the sets and reps. Pick a few exercises for the areas you want to strengthen. Pick a weight or difficulty level that you can do for anywhere from 5 to 30 reps. Do enough reps to get close to failure. Go ahead and start with one set for each exercise. You might alternate exercises so you're doing two different workouts. For example, maybe workout A focuses on quads and core, while Workout B focuses on posterior chain and back. Match the difficulty or weight to the reps so that it's not too easy or too hard. After a week or two, if you're recovering easily, add sets.  To summarise: exercise choice is based on what muscles you want to work number of exercises is whatever hits all your desired muscle groups and creates a workout that's not too long to recover from if you have more exercises than fit in one workout, you make two workouts and alternate them  reps are roughly 5-30 for strength and muscle weight/difficulty is matched to reps: meaning you make each set difficult enough that you could NOT have done loads more reps even if you wanted to sets are based on recovery capacity frequency is 2-3 times per week   *Well, it's about sets and reps for strength and muscle size (which translates to more strength). You could also do timed kettlebell work for endurance rather than strength/muscle. But I cannot tell you about endurance training as I know little about it. If only kettlebellgirl were here. In any case, I think walking and hiking will take care of the endurance, so I think the strength/muscle workouts would really add something uniquely useful. But I might be biased.    Then I'd track daily steps and establish a baseline. I probably wouldn't increase it *at the same time* as adding strength and hikes. But you could increase it later, if your recovery is adequate.    So yeah, month one I would: establish daily steps baseline without changing it, establish one hike each weekend with no set time or distance, start 2-3 strength sessions per week with minimal sets. If you don't think your recovery is good enough to start strength and hiking at the same time, you could just start hiking and add the strength in month 2. 

I don't disagree that veggies as part of a main dish count as veggies. I guess my hesitation was more of a question as to whether the veggies I put in this soup, split between 4-5 meals, was enough to meet the intention of eating more veggies. In this case, I think total quantity of veggies per meal is sort of borderline, but I'm willing to count it. If the dish had just one onion split across several meals, I think that wouldn't meet the intention I was trying to set.   I can share what (sort of) works for me. I really like that it takes most of the decision making out of prepping lunch. I take a bagel with cream cheese or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, an apple, and a little container with either cheez-its or homemade trail mix (cashews, dried cranberries, and chocolate chips).   This worked pretty well until I started going to the climbing gym after work. My guess is that it was enough calories to last until the end of the work day (or if it wasn't, I was okay with being a bit hungry because I was going home soon to have dinner), but now I need a bit more in the afternoon/early evening to have energy to get in a workout before dinner.

Hey Sov!! You look mega cool in the photo and I can't wait to see your maze 😃

Hey @Harriet   It's not majorly flat near me. I can quite easily get to hills in a short time !   Defo not short of hills!!!!   Bananas is a good one. I hate nuts tho apart from peanut butter 🫠     How would you start month 1?   One 2 hour minimum walk with hill per week?   3 other 30 minute minimum walks during the week?   3 sessions of 20 mins with a kettle bell??     Xx

Hello gorgeous!!!!! Love you too.   Thank you so much x