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Time to gear up and do battle.   Battlesong:  

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Hot cloud berry jam over ice cream. Domherren. The coast by the Baltic Sea.

I'm glad the paycheck thing worked out as it should. I hope your good financial fortune holds!

Miss ShyAnn looking kind of derpy   Today has been the best chair day EVER! Not only did I get my new chair to establish my "third place" in the apartment, but my new office chair arrived at work today!   Ordered a specifically big and tall chair with a listed 500lbs capacity. I'm under 400, just really wanted one that would hold up. Wasn't able to get it assembled before needing to leave work today, so pictures will have to wait.   Timing got a bit off with the delivery today. Was bringing Maggie over to hang out for a bit and we were waiting to pick up food from Olive Garden when I got a call asking if they could deliver the chair early.  Quickly drove Maggie over to my place and then circled back for the food. Chair was placed by the time I got back, so no extra time to tidy and save myself the shame of my mess.   Chair and more cat pictures    The chair is as delightfully big as I remember it, but also takes up more floor space than I realized. I'm going to need to work out a better setup for things.   I also really need to get an ac for the living room. Typing this from in bed again because I needed to escape the heat and my bedroom is the only room with cooling.    Maggie did what Maggie always seems to do when she comes over. She started cleaning things while I was getting the food. I feel really conflicted about this. Maggie is the only person I don't totally shudder at the idea of seeing my mess. She's seen it before. I've seen her mess. We lived together for a few years with both of us fighting depression. We know mess.   But, I don't bring her over to clean and when she just starts doing it, I feel shame and inadequacy. Should have gotten things better before she came. Should just keep things in a better state. I need a  mother to pick up after me.   On the other hand, I know that isn't where she's coming from with it. Generally speaking, she is thankful for the help I give her (even with how much I've stepped back) and feels bad that she can't do things for me. She see cleaning as something she CAN do, and wants to do for me.   And I'm trying to be ok with that. But, it's hard.

You showed some great willpower and self discipline! huge win

Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes.  It was a good few days of work and celebration.    

I didn't do a heck of a lot today. It kind of felt like a nothing day but not in a super restful way. But it wasn't terrible either.   Mr.R and I were talking a bit about having kids. Originally we decided yes we would have kids but overtime we kind of were on the fence / leaning towards no. I feel recently he started reconsidering and he has said this a few times/hinted at it. Now bless this man... he is terrible at committing to saying "yes" to things because that makes things real. Obviously the elephant in the room is both our weights...but more so my weight since I would need to carry the child and birth it. My BMI is 47 and I am looking at a weight that would make me a BMI of 29.  I know the issues about BMI and how it isn't a great means of measurement because it doesn't take muscle into consideration but it gives you an idea of the severity. Anyone who has followed me for any amount of time knows I have been wanting to lose weight for my health, my joints, longevity, energy levels, wedding/vanity reasons. Obviously I am not great at sticking to changes that will help me lose weight... I could say this talk would be added motivation for me to lose weight but realistically I don't think it will be a huge motivator for me at this current moment. I am still working through some things.    But because of this talk, I am thinking of ways to make it stick. I think it would be nice to track mood/energy levels and non-scale victories because I feel it is easy to not notice the overall changes if you don't make a conscious effort. Another is just to come up with "staple" repeat meals that I can just cook if there isn't something we specifically want and have them be more geared towards losing weight or maintaining it. Additionally I am thinking of who I want to be as "levelled up" Rookie... She is someone whose default is to make balanced meals where we eat proper portions for our bodies and we eat to nourish our bodies. This is especially important if we have a family with littles. I want them to not have to think about food the way I think about food. I want to lead by example. Family meals. I want to involve littles in cooking decisions and making food (might be easier said then done but the sentiment is nice). I want activity to just be normal. Family walks. Outings that are active adventures. Even if I don't end up with kids I want this for "levelled up" Rookie.    Things I am thinking of trying... - meal plan 1-3 meals weekly  - come up with 3-4 easy staple meals that are geared towards weight loss to fill in to meal plan - journal non-scale victories, mood and energy levels - keeping hydrated (2-3L a day) - eventually aiming for 10k steps or 60 mins of movement a day - while losing weight count calories by the week - while maintaining weight count calories randomly to make sure I am on track - listen to hunger cues and start to eat more intuitively (ie. if I feel extra hungry then try having more fiber, healthy fats and protein)    Feel free to share advice, wisdom, ideas, etc.    OH BTW @TrashcanCarla I met a character called Trashcan Carla in Fallout 4! I immediately thought of you lol   Edit to add ... I put some time into thinking what staple meals might look like + bonus pics