Internet Dating

[Doe]

I was on OKC, it was a bit of nitemare for me. Creepy messages from guys, wives/gfs looking for a third,  folks thinking I wasn't serious about not looking for a serious relationships.  but the tipping point was when I was using the phone app and I couldn't get the GPS setting to turn off and someone came up to me on a bus and was like "The app said you were close, but I didn't know it was that close!..." It happened at bars, finally I just disabled my acct.  It really sucked coz I know there are nice guys in online dating but the jerks just seem to overtake and the nice guys I met were talking marriage a month in. 

 

Though ironically enough I met my current boyfriend last march through a Craig's List. Initally I didn't think we'd ever end up in a serious relationship but he wore me down ( I mean that in a very sweet way). I saw a funny post on Thought catalog that reminds me of our courtship:  

INTJ(me)
You’re single because: You over-analyze social interactions to the point where it seems easier to just avoid them altogether.
You’ll get into a relationship when: A hell-bent ENFP follows you around for a long enough period of time that you eventually just accept that you’re dating.

[Bekah]

I saw a funny post on Thought catalog that reminds me of our courtship: INTJ(me)

You’re single because: You over-analyze social interactions to the point where it seems easier to just avoid them altogether.

You’ll get into a relationship when: A hell-bent ENFP follows you around for a long enough period of time that you eventually just accept that you’re dating.

Hahahahahaha soooo true! I'm an INTJ too And I just had a nightmare online experience (im not even looking to date, just felt like chatting that day) a few days ago, so I'm not doing it anymore.

[Frost of the Gloaming]

My wife and I have the question if eharmony would even match us; which makes us wonder how accurate those compatibility programs really are

[JessOfAllTrades]

 

I was on OKC, it was a bit of nitemare for me. Creepy messages from guys, wives/gfs looking for a third,  folks thinking I wasn't serious about not looking for a serious relationships.  but the tipping point was when I was using the phone app and I couldn't get the GPS setting to turn off and someone came up to me on a bus and was like "The app said you were close, but I didn't know it was that close!..." It happened at bars, finally I just disabled my acct.  It really sucked coz I know there are nice guys in online dating but the jerks just seem to overtake and the nice guys I met were talking marriage a month in. 

 

Though ironically enough I met my current boyfriend last march through a Craig's List. Initally I didn't think we'd ever end up in a serious relationship but he wore me down ( I mean that in a very sweet way). I saw a funny post on Thought catalog that reminds me of our courtship:  

INTJ(me)

You’re single because: You over-analyze social interactions to the point where it seems easier to just avoid them altogether.

You’ll get into a relationship when: A hell-bent ENFP follows you around for a long enough period of time that you eventually just accept that you’re dating.

 

 

As an ENFP - that last part made me giggle. Not quite how it happened with my partner (he's not an INTJ anyway) but still.

[Mark D]

My wife and I met on a sub-site of AOL (called Netg1rl) back in the late 1990's, so I'd have to say internet dating worked for me.  It was pretty much a forum where you could put up personal ads.  Before that I tried newspaper personals, bars, church, friends matchmaking, etc.  I learned a few things that may be helpful.  These work for internet dating or any other type of dating, IMHO.

 

1) Figure yourself out first.  Really, you can't find a person to spend your life with until you figure out the person you're asking that person to spend their life with.  Figure out who you are and be honest about who you are.  We all have faults and the trick is to find someone who can live with yours while you can live with theirs.

 

2) Be honest about what's important to you, whatever that may be.  Religion important?  Say so.  Ladies, insist that your guy be tall?  Say so.  Guys, want a woman who wants to be a stay-at-home mom?  Say so.  You're not doing anyone any favors by shopping where you won't want to buy.

 

3) Related to the above, make an honest list of criteria that are vital, important, nice-to-have and not important.  If someone doesn't have a quality you find vital, say "Thanks, but no thanks" and move on.

 

4) Also related, if someone tells you "Thanks, but no thanks" don't take it personally.  They require some quality you don't have.  You may not agree with them, but respect their choices.

 

5) Understand that the signal-to-noise ratio is likely to be low.  There will be people who haven't done 1-4 above for themselves, and are contacting you because you have a heartbeat.  Stick to what's important to you.

 

6) Be prepared for crazy.  I went on one date with a woman who spent the whole time telling me what she did to cars belonging to guys who dumped her (thankfully we arrived separately and she didn't see my car).  I had another woman who I thought wanted to go pick out china with me before we finished the appetizer.  

[Cutebug]

After my high school sweetheart and I broke up when I was 25, I've pretty much only met people online. 

 

It was mostly OKCupid, with a little Plenty of Fish thrown in there, but I did meet one guy in a MMORPG. It was a SMALL community and I was one of maybe 4 or 5 girls playing the game. Half of those were married. Easy to meet guys there! haha!

 

I introduced my bestie to OKC, and she pretty much hated it. She's picky and very sensitive and she said it was really bad for her self-esteem. 

 

For me, the only drawback was that it was time-consuming. I've met some wonderful people off OKCupid, and though I've met some weirdos, never any super sketchy people. I'm super shy and I don't talk to strangers IRL. I don't know how I would have gotten dates without online dating sites. 

[Polaris]

I've tried it without much success. My problems are mostly that 1) I live in a way too small country 2) I'm incredibly picky. I know what I want, or more correctly, I know when someone won't click with me, so I dismiss over 95% of people who contact me right away. Browsing dating sites is incredibly frustrating because I have a growing suspicion the kind of people who are attractive to me don't use dating sites...

 

But it's like, where else am I gonna meet potential partners? Not at the uni, because I don't want to date another student again (and most of them are too young for me anyway). Not at the dojang or the gym, considering I've been at both long enough to meet practically everyone and nobody triggered my radar. I'm not the type that goes out to bars, so they're not a good option to look for a soulmate. What makes it even more complicated is that I'm attracted to older people - preferably ten years older than me or so - and by that age, it seems all the good ones are taken You'd think I had more options since I swing multiple ways, but evidently not.

 

Where are all the single, attractive, smart, dog-loving, and financially responsible people hiding? Mars?

[SinnahSaint]

Depending on your age, some older folks still use the newspaper clasifieds. There's usually a section for romance.

[Bekah]

I've tried it without much success. My problems are mostly that 1) I live in a way too small country 2) I'm incredibly picky. I know what I want, or more correctly, I know when someone won't click with me, so I dismiss over 95% of people who contact me right away. Browsing dating sites is incredibly frustrating because I have a growing suspicion the kind of people who are attractive to me don't use dating sites...

 

But it's like, where else am I gonna meet potential partners? Not at the uni, because I don't want to date another student again (and most of them are too young for me anyway). Not at the dojang or the gym, considering I've been at both long enough to meet practically everyone and nobody triggered my radar. I'm not the type that goes out to bars, so they're not a good option to look for a soulmate. What makes it even more complicated is that I'm attracted to older people - preferably ten years older than me or so - and by that age, it seems all the good ones are taken You'd think I had more options since I swing multiple ways, but evidently not.

 

Where are all the single, attractive, smart, dog-loving, and financially responsible people hiding? Mars?

Fetlife...lol jk well unless thats your thing

[SinnahSaint]

Fetlife...lol jk well unless thats your thing

Oh please don't encourage people to treat FL as a dating site. I keep telling the newbs to treat it like facebook because it's really annoying to pe propositioned when you just want to share photos and events with friends.

[Bekah]

Oh please don't encourage people to treat FL as a dating site. I keep telling the newbs to treat it like facebook because it's really annoying to pe propositioned when you just want to share photos and events with friends.

lol fair enough, I just know people do bc there are actual classified sections on there for different fetish groups.

[Polaris]

Fetlife...lol jk well unless thats your thing

Yeah no I'm really doubtful about the chance of forming lasting relationships on a site meant for casual-ish fetish encounters. Besides, I'd hardly gather lots of interest my price of admission being "I will [do x stuff] with you if you fit my nitpicky criteria, spend months of time and effort on me, and forsake all others".

 

SinnahSaint, I'm in my mid-20s, so I'm not looking for people in the newspaper ad age range. Or, well, I have seen some ads from people in their 30s and 40s, but tbh the only times I've looked at them is to have a laugh because they're so ridiculous. "38-year-old 186 cm tall, normal-bodied man looking for non-smoking woman" - that's the info you're supposed make a choice on?

[Noname123]

Yeah no I'm really doubtful about the chance of forming lasting relationships on a site meant for casual-ish fetish encounters. Besides, I'd hardly gather lots of interest my price of admission being "I will [do x stuff] with you if you fit my nitpicky criteria, spend months of time and effort on me, and forsake all others".

 

SinnahSaint, I'm in my mid-20s, so I'm not looking for people in the newspaper ad age range. Or, well, I have seen some ads from people in their 30s and 40s, but tbh the only times I've looked at them is to have a laugh because they're so ridiculous. "38-year-old 186 cm tall, normal-bodied man looking for non-smoking woman" - that's the info you're supposed make a choice on?

 

Do they have something like meetup.com in your neck of the woods? 

[Hit]

 

 

Somehow though he still gets a lot of dates despite being overly aggressive and really pushy.

 

A - Always

B - Be

C - Closing

 

I started using tinder about 2 weeks ago. Had some good dates, had some good sex, had some bad dates and some terrible sex. There's no secret to it, you just have to push yourself to convert matches to dates and then actually follow through. Always be closing. I usually have about 20-30 matches lined up, not all of them actually engage in conversation though. I also post moments to get more people to bite and give us a conversation start point. 

 

Im female, pansexual, and not super picky so I guess my experience is going to be different from the average straight guy. But it still takes two to tango, and while you don't have to be "aggressive" you definitely have to be assertive and go after what you want. 

 

 

 

Oh please don't encourage people to treat FL as a dating site. I keep telling the newbs to treat it like facebook because it's really annoying to pe propositioned when you just want to share photos and events with friends.

 

Preach!

[Mark D]

"some terrible sex"

 

I know what those words mean individually, but together they have no meaning (provided, of course that what happens is consensual).  I always figured that when sex is good, it's REALLY good, and when it's bad, it's still pretty good.

[Cutebug]

"some terrible sex"

 

I know what those words mean individually, but together they have no meaning (provided, of course that what happens is consensual).  I always figured that when sex is good, it's REALLY good, and when it's bad, it's still pretty good.

 

Maybe "terrible", relative to the good stuff? I've had some "ok" sex. Like, it was nice while it lasted kind of thing. I think it's more likely that women can experience "terrible" sex than men, because of the whole orgasm thing. (though I am sure there are lots of men out there who could tell stories...) 

[SinnahSaint]

"some terrible sex"

 

I know what those words mean individually, but together they have no meaning (provided, of course that what happens is consensual).  I always figured that when sex is good, it's REALLY good, and when it's bad, it's still pretty good.

Imagine she starts making dolphin noises, knees you in the balls by accident, then kisses your elbow and says,  "That was great, should I call you a cab or are you taking the bus?"

 

Some people just don't match.

[Frost of the Gloaming]

Like if you have Arkoudaphobia and start dating a furry, that wouldn't work

[Polaris]

"some terrible sex"

 

I know what those words mean individually, but together they have no meaning (provided, of course that what happens is consensual).  I always figured that when sex is good, it's REALLY good, and when it's bad, it's still pretty good.

This is one of those rare instances where I feel perfectly fine saying you're a guy, you wouldn't understand.

[Frost of the Gloaming]

Hey hey hey, not all guys...... but yea for the most part you are right

[Machete]

[Mark D]

This is one of those rare instances where I feel perfectly fine saying you're a guy, you wouldn't understand.

 

I first heard my statement above, that when sex is bad it's still pretty good, attributed to Mae West....

[insanity]

Explains why I never have to cuddle... :-D

[Machete]

Explains why I never have to cuddle... :-D

 

Me neither.

 

Because I never get laid.

[Hit]

 

 

I know what those words mean individually, but together they have no meaning (provided, of course that what happens is consensual).  I always figured that when sex is good, it's REALLY good, and when it's bad, it's still pretty good.

 

 

This is one of those rare instances where I feel perfectly fine saying you're a guy, you wouldn't understand.

 

I chuckled, but it's not really a gender thing imo. What ruins sex for me is when the other person just isn't putting in any effort - they aren't reciprocating, they aren't getting involved, they feel passive rather than active in the process. at that point you realise they're not really into it for whatever reason and you bail out.

 

[side note: maybe some men are just more likely to plough through and still cum rather than stopping when it becomes obvious their partner isn't keen? that could be why they dont think horrible sex happens. just speculating.]

 

the flip side of that is the person is only focusing on themself, and is using you like a masturbation aide. this is particularly common with internet hook ups, and ive had some pretty rough experiences trying to get some people to stop when they cross my limits.