Introverts, Social Misfits and the Terror of Talking to People

[Machete]

 

 

Not really a big fan of Teh Hulse, he seems a bit too much of a bro for me. His stuff I think is technically sound, I'm just not vibing with his personality.

 

Anyway, I've heard of this guy. He was in Neil Strauss' book about the PUA community, The Game. Yes, I've read that stuff. I've made plans to implement it. It's pretty much a skill, and like with any skill you need to put in a lot of practice and to be able to jump into it sucking for a long time. The main idea was to gain enough experience and proficiency in social interaction that you start to enjoy it. I liked the idea, I just wasn't willing to put in the work. I liked to read, lift, and train, and I would have been spreading myself too thin.

[Sam Ashen]

Most of the video you are listening to his guest speaker.

[Machete]

Summary: social acumen is a skill that can be trained. Not being a natural is not a valid excuse to stop improving if you really want to. (See: Artinum)

[Jakkals]

. I liked the idea, I just wasn't willing to put in the work. 

 

My problem exactly.

 

i am reading "The Charisma Myth" at present. Great book, lots of advice but I manage around 2 pages at a time before I have to put it down. 

 

I would love to be able to be sociable, but there are so much work involved that I am not sure if the effort to do it is worthwhile. 

 

But I will keep on plugging away working at at, and maybe one day before my 100th birthday I will enjoy it.

 

Until then there are so many books to read and movies to watch and hobbies to be done.

[Machete]

How I see it, every social encounter is a workout. (You have to do it most days.) Some turn out bad, some are actually enjoyable (even if those are few and far in-between). And even when you eventually become proficient at it you will never be able to avoid bad workouts. They're just part of the game.

[Artinum]

Summary: social acumen is a skill that can be trained. Not being a natural is not a valid excuse to stop improving if you really want to. (See: Artinum)

 

:-)

 

These days I can socialise effectively, but I find it can be tiring - especially in large groups, where I tend to switch off. But when I have to be social, I can be.

 

Social skills can indeed be improved. My jokes, however, have never stopped being dreadful.

[Sam Ashen]

My jokes, however, have never stopped being dreadful.

 

Me too!    What is funny is how people will suffer through 93 dreadful jokes to hear one that is actually pretty funny.

[Machete]

"... That was a joke."

 

Me: "Jokes! Why didn't you say so? I like jokes."

[alienjenn]

it's commonly heard around my house "that was a joke, you laugh now"

[Rurik Harrgath]

Am I the only one who doesn't find 80%+ of jokes people tell all that funny really?

I mean, I know I'm a bit strange and offbeat sometimes, but I just find that most commonly laughed at jokes really aren't all that funny.  It's either gross-out humor or pervy, and I enjoy both from time to time and in moderation, but... well, maybe my demanding standards for wit are unreasonable then.

[kaelvan]

I feel like I need a sign when people like me; make my life easier.

[Bekah]

Am I the only one who doesn't find 80%+ of jokes people tell all that funny really?

I mean, I know I'm a bit strange and offbeat sometimes, but I just find that most commonly laughed at jokes really aren't all that funny.  It's either gross-out humor or pervy, and I enjoy both from time to time and in moderation, but... well, maybe my demanding standards for wit are unreasonable then.

lol you are just a grown up.

I was just going to post asking everyone's opinions about sex and sexual taboos and shit...guess I'll wait

I don't always get people's jokes, so I dont actually know!

[Bekah]

I feel like I need a sign when people like me; make my life easier

They should have like traffic light buttons, like the "like" buttons, that you someone can use to let you know that.

[kaelvan]

They should have like traffic light buttons, like the "like" buttons, that you someone can use to let you know that.

And when I think they are hinting to something, I'm too nervous to ask.

[Phytomancer]

Am I the only one who doesn't find 80%+ of jokes people tell all that funny really?

I mean, I know I'm a bit strange and offbeat sometimes, but I just find that most commonly laughed at jokes really aren't all that funny.  It's either gross-out humor or pervy, and I enjoy both from time to time and in moderation, but... well, maybe my demanding standards for wit are unreasonable then.

 

I don't know. I am easily taken by clever puns.

The problem is I laugh very strangely: exactly three puff of air out my throat. Huh-huh-huh. Almost every time. People end up thinking I fake it. 

 

But yeah, I don't enjoy jokes that make hate or derogatory toward people. That's just wrong.

[Phytomancer]

And when I think they are hinting to something, I'm too nervous to ask.

 

Me too. I just want people to be like the Sims. When engaged in social interaction, there is a green bar above their heads moving toward a hundred, and if it's a romantic interest then there is a pink heart on top. Life would be so much easier.

[kaelvan]

Puns have grown on me

[Bekah]

Me too. I just want people to be like the Sims. When engaged in social interaction, there is a green bar above their heads moving toward a hundred, and if it's a romantic interest then there is a pink heart on top. Life would be so much easier.

YES!!!

[Machete]

Am I the only one who doesn't find 80%+ of jokes people tell all that funny really?

I mean, I know I'm a bit strange and offbeat sometimes, but I just find that most commonly laughed at jokes really aren't all that funny.  It's either gross-out humor or pervy, and I enjoy both from time to time and in moderation, but... well, maybe my demanding standards for wit are

unreasonable then.

 

I think everything is funny. I'd personally prefer explaining why something is not funny over having to explain why I think something is funny (when it's apparently not).

 

Besides, as an awkward individual I would be a hypocrite if I expected any degree of wit from another person.

 

Me at my wittiest:

Girl I was grappling with: "I like your gi."

Me: "Thanks. I like your [butt]... gi." #smooth

 

 

I feel like I need a sign when people like me; make my life easier.

 

It definitely would. But I think I would obsess over the people who didn't like me, trying to figure out why. I think I'd rather not know. Haha

 

lol you are just a grown up.

I was just going to post asking everyone's opinions about sex and sexual taboos and shit...guess I'll wait

I don't always get people's jokes, so I dont actually know!

 

It's always a good idea to ask where the lines are drawn before tackling taboo subjects, apparently. I have a very different concept of what is considered as "taboo" (I think because I don't have as much emotional much investment in societal concepts) and that gets me labeled as a most inappropriate person. It's gotten me in trouble many times before, actually. Haha

 

Me too. I just want people to be like the Sims. When engaged in social interaction, there is a green bar above their heads moving toward a hundred, and if it's a romantic interest then there is a pink heart on top. Life would be so much easier.

 

It kind of is. We just have to pay attention to

.

 

Real-life interpersonal relationships is like how it is in The Sims 2. You have a short-term and a long-term relationship bar with other people. Interacting with them influences these bars, depending on the interaction, whether they see it as positive or negative. Small green plus symbols or red minus symbols appear on top of a person's head in any social interaction in the game to indicate how another person feels about your character. The problem with me is that I am autistic and I cannot see those plus or minus signs that appear on top of a person's head. Nor can I verify my relationship status and bars with other people. I have to jump into social interactions blind and just hope for the best.

 

"She totally wants me."

 

My problem with this would be that people would be able to see right through me. Normally, a person enters the room I am in; more likely than not I don't like this person. I keep my mouth shut, I avoid engaging until one of us has to leave. Conflict averted. In The Sims universe, the moment that same person enters the room everyone sees all the red minus signs above my head; a confrontation and a subsequent negative interaction that I would rather not deal with will likely ensue, and none of it is really my fault. I just don't like the person.

 

Also when you think about it, we are a lot less fazed by rejection and a lot more persistent with people when playing The Sims. I remember my character was an asshole with zero on the 'outgoing' and 'nice' traits. I rarely got along with anyone, and would mostly 'attack' my neighbors. But in order to advance in jobs you had to have a certain number of 'family friends'. (Also, Bella Goth is pretty damn hot, and I my character wanted some of that.) So in The Sims I would call until the target [potential friend] eventually agreed to come over, I would engage in several low-risk interaction options (i.e. "talk", and sometimes "joke" but that usually fails) in a row for hours to the detriment of hunger, energy, bladder, hygiene, and comfort (like in real life) in order to eventually establish a high enough relationship score in order to attempt something higher risk like "hug" or "romantic kiss". And it depends, sometimes the characters get along well and you can perform "whoopie" fairly early. But sometimes you just don't get along and hugs are mostly refused. That doesn't stop you though. You keep persisting with low-risk options until the bar is high enough that the high-risk one is eventually reciprocated. I don't think a lot of us do this in real life. This is what Owen/Tyler, that PUA from the previous post, was talking about--approach everyone and shrug off rejection in order to be eventually successful.

[Jakkals]

About jokes: I have a little book about after dinner speaking, and the author says he always keep his jokes written on cards. After a while the audience learn when he takes out his cards he is going to tell a joke and they should laugh.

 

George Burns said he always smoked a cigar on stage. When he was finished telling a joke, he took a puff on the cigar and the audience knew they should laugh.

[Nubbins McGee]

True story: I once started a public speaking engagement by saying "I was planning on starting this with a joke, but I'm an engineer so I don't have a sense of humor."

Which is, of course, a joke!

[kaelvan]

What is taboo and what isn't? I never know if what I'm saying is crossing lines or not

[Bekah]

What is taboo and what isn't? I never know if what I'm saying is crossing lines or not

me either, so I stopped caring unless someone points it out.

[Bekah]

It's always a good idea to ask where the lines are drawn before tackling taboo subjects, apparently. I have a very different concept of what is considered as "taboo" (I think because I don't have as much emotional much investment in societal concepts) and that gets me labeled as a most inappropriate person. It's gotten me in trouble many times before, actually. Haha

.

yup. How to ask, is a subject all to its own. I am not very concerned with Taboo either, but after that whole pedo thing on another thread that went insane bc people cant [typically] think logically about a subject like that and the comparison point was equally as volatile (but entirely valid!) I am hesitant to approach such things, however....being that there is a dedicated safe space for us social misfits (labeled as such) I may insert this topic there and everyone who doesnt like it can suck it Besides, nothing gets a thread interesting faster than a discussion about sexual taboos

and I really want to change the thread name to "The Island of [social] Misfit Toys" but I dont know if the intended demographic would get it.

[Hit]

 

 

True story: I once started a public speaking engagement by saying "I was planning on starting this with a joke, but I'm an engineer so I don't have a sense of humor."

 

My favourite version of this is from king of the hill. It's like the only episode i've seen, but i never forget it. The little fat kid breaks up with his girlfriend, and then decides he wants to get her back. He prepares a speech that starts with "i wrote you a speech, but im gonna throw it away...". Makes me laugh just thinking about it.