Single & Dating while staying fit and pursuing your goals

[Yllek]

I'm single and trying to have a social life at the same time that I'm trying to become a healthier version of me.  My problem is that when I'm in trainning mode I try to stay away from alcohol, go to the gym 5-6 times a week and I try to be in bed at a decent time. That being said, I try to avoid going out at night to avoid temptations so I can get up early in the morning for a workout.  This makes me become a somewhat of a hermit.   It's hard for me to have a balance between my social life and my fitness life. I'm still not strong enough where I can say no to alcohol and certain food items without feeling like I have to explain myself to my friends and/or date or feeling left out.  I have tried to do diferent things with my friends that do not revolve around food or alcohol, but it's harder than I thought. Plus when I get asked out on a first date it's usually drinks and dinner.

I should also add that I'm a very involved momma of a 9 YO boy.  He goes with his dad's every other weekend and that's when I hang out with my friends or go out on dates, run 5k's, go scuba diving, etc. Needless to say I stay busy.  Should I be dropping something? (really don't want to)

 

So how do you guys handle this? How do you mantain a balance? How do you make time to do what you want and put yourself outhere at the same time?

[Raev]

You could always try flirting with a guy at them gym and have a gym date.

[Oramac]

You could always try flirting with a guy at them gym and have a gym date.

 

This could work, though it might be tougher than you think.  Guys tend to be oblivious to flirting unless it's painfully obvious (sometimes literally).  

 

I'll be honest though, I'm probably the wrong guy to ask advice from on this one.   My dating experience has been, shall we say, unusual.  

[Chris-Tien Jinn]

For what it's worth, I think doing those things and living your active life should never be something you have to give up.  Ideally, you should date people LIKE you and keep up the lifestyle you value.

 

At one university where I worked, we actually had mixers organized by the campus rec sports clubs where we could mingle and do casual fun stuff like climb or hike or bowl, etc.  Anything like that in your world?

[sheltiechick]

I've run into this problem too - although I don't have the kid to factor in.  I'm a stickler for NOT giving up my gym time to go on a date - so we go out late, after I've hit the gym.  This does make for me feeling really awkward because I'm showering at the gym and then doing my hair and makeup in the locker room (LOL doing my makeup at the gym, oookay.) but whatever!  I also make sleep a priority, so... I go home sorta early.  This typically means we meet at 7 and the date is over around 9.  Honestly that's kind of plenty of time for just meeting somebody.  I mean, after you've been seeing each other a while, you'll probably want more time, but in that whole "getting to know you" stage, I haven't found it to be super short or anything.  Since you workout in the morning, you can get started a little earlier, but you'll probably want to be leaving earlier too, and I just don't see a whole lot wrong with that.  Especially if you say stuff like "I need to go home and get my son to bed" (assuming they already know you have a son before you've gone out) or "I need to head home so I can get in bed or I'll be in no shape for my morning workout!"  You're not making excuses or bailing, that's just how it is.  I don't see a huge issue with it.

 

As far as the food goes, I never head out somewhere if I haven't looked over the menu first and figured out what I can eat, so it helps a little to be prepared and not have to puzzle over the menu in front of somebody I just met (especially if I'd much rather be talking with him rather than staring at the menu.)  I don't typically drink alcohol when I'm out and about, and especially since most of my dates are post-gym, I'm throwing back water like a fish trying to rehydrate, so that helps.  I especially don't like to do alcohol after I've worked out, since alcohol when dehydrated is bad news for me, so that's what's up in that corner.  But as to how to do it without feeling like you have to explain yourself - that one I can't help you with.  I guess you just have to get there yourself.  I never feel like I have to explain my eating or drinking habits to anybody or make an excuse for why I'm not drinking... I'm just not.  And I don't need to because I'm super fun without alcohol, so it doesn't matter!  Hopefully one day you'll get there, but in the meantime, maybe suggest an activity instead of a drink and eat date?  It doesn't always lend itself to chatting and getting to know each other but it's often more fun.

 

I agree as well about dating somebody who likes and respects the things you do like going to the gym and, you know, taking care of your son.  Sometimes you have to make some sacrifices but I don't feel like you should have to quit running 5Ks on the weekends so you can have a date.  I mean, you probably won't find somebody who likes doing EVERYTHING you do, but yeah, in an ideal world you'll find somebody who will do those things with you.  One of my "dates" was indoor rock climbing.

But oh God yes a gym date would make everything so much easier.  And then we'd both be all gross and sweaty afterward so I probably wouldn't feel like I'd have to put all my makeup back on.  This needs to be a thing.  I definitely don't want to go up to guys in the gym and start hitting on them though, because I don't really want anybody to come up to me at the gym and start hitting on me either.  He can hit on me AFTER the gym.  Like on the steps outside.  That's totally cool.

[Yllek]

For what it's worth, I think doing those things and living your active life should never be something you have to give up.  Ideally, you should date people LIKE you and keep up the lifestyle you value.

 

At one university where I worked, we actually had mixers organized by the campus rec sports clubs where we could mingle and do casual fun stuff like climb or hike or bowl, etc.  Anything like that in your world?

I've been trying that website meetup for a few months and have done some cool stuff but haven't met any potential dates yet.  But I have met a bunch of cool people that do like to stay active so that is definetely broadening my world.

 

I've run into this problem too - although I don't have the kid to factor in.  I'm a stickler for NOT giving up my gym time to go on a date - so we go out late, after I've hit the gym.  This does make for me feeling really awkward because I'm showering at the gym and then doing my hair and makeup in the locker room (LOL doing my makeup at the gym, oookay.) but whatever!  I also make sleep a priority, so... I go home sorta early.  This typically means we meet at 7 and the date is over around 9.  Honestly that's kind of plenty of time for just meeting somebody.  I mean, after you've been seeing each other a while, you'll probably want more time, but in that whole "getting to know you" stage, I haven't found it to be super short or anything.  Since you workout in the morning, you can get started a little earlier, but you'll probably want to be leaving earlier too, and I just don't see a whole lot wrong with that.  Especially if you say stuff like "I need to go home and get my son to bed" (assuming they already know you have a son before you've gone out) or "I need to head home so I can get in bed or I'll be in no shape for my morning workout!"  You're not making excuses or bailing, that's just how it is.  I don't see a huge issue with it.

 

As far as the food goes, I never head out somewhere if I haven't looked over the menu first and figured out what I can eat, so it helps a little to be prepared and not have to puzzle over the menu in front of somebody I just met (especially if I'd much rather be talking with him rather than staring at the menu.)  I don't typically drink alcohol when I'm out and about, and especially since most of my dates are post-gym, I'm throwing back water like a fish trying to rehydrate, so that helps.  I especially don't like to do alcohol after I've worked out, since alcohol when dehydrated is bad news for me, so that's what's up in that corner.  But as to how to do it without feeling like you have to explain yourself - that one I can't help you with.  I guess you just have to get there yourself.  I never feel like I have to explain my eating or drinking habits to anybody or make an excuse for why I'm not drinking... I'm just not.  And I don't need to because I'm super fun without alcohol, so it doesn't matter!  Hopefully one day you'll get there, but in the meantime, maybe suggest an activity instead of a drink and eat date?  It doesn't always lend itself to chatting and getting to know each other but it's often more fun.

 

I agree as well about dating somebody who likes and respects the things you do like going to the gym and, you know, taking care of your son.  Sometimes you have to make some sacrifices but I don't feel like you should have to quit running 5Ks on the weekends so you can have a date.  I mean, you probably won't find somebody who likes doing EVERYTHING you do, but yeah, in an ideal world you'll find somebody who will do those things with you.  One of my "dates" was indoor rock climbing.

But oh God yes a gym date would make everything so much easier.  And then we'd both be all gross and sweaty afterward so I probably wouldn't feel like I'd have to put all my makeup back on.  This needs to be a thing.  I definitely don't want to go up to guys in the gym and start hitting on them though, because I don't really want anybody to come up to me at the gym and start hitting on me either.  He can hit on me AFTER the gym.  Like on the steps outside.  That's totally cool.

LOL at "And then we'd both be all gross and sweaty afterward" that would be so perfect.

I usually don't care about the food thing....but it gets old after a few comments about how I "need to live a little".  Like I'm not living because I choose to eat healthier and not get drunk.  I know is ignorance or their own insecurities but sometimes it bothers me.

And yes, I would like to have someone that would be active with me and maybe even introduce me to new things. I just want someone like you said that respects my lifestyle and doesn't mind becoming part of it sometimes.  It just a lot harder than I thought. The last guy I dated didn't work out so eventually my gym time and extracurrical activities were too much for him to handle. keyword: dated.

Thanks for your advice.

[Reverberance]

[Completely unrelated to dating]

 

For what it's worth, when I gave up beverages two years ago all my friends and family were like "Are you human?" There was even a time when they were like "YOU HAVE TO DRINK IT!!!"

Well, I still get a few weird stares when I say "I don't drink beverages," but people have accepted the fact now.

As explained by our Rebel Leader in one of his articles, sometimes you just have to say NO. You might get a few strange looks at the beginning, but they'll get used to it. And you won't feel awkward or left out.

[Jittersthe.Clown]

I would agree that getting to the point of not feeling like you have to explain yourself is something you have to do, but I know it's harder for some and no so for others.  That said, anyone who makes you feel ashamed of making yourself better is just not worth it in my humble opinion.  

 

There are two outcomes when you date someone; you either break up or you get married.  It's really something that if you keep that in your mind, you make decisions about your relationships a little better.  It doesn't mean that you can't go out and have fun, but you can reduce the amount of stress on the relationship if you're honest with what you want.  As to where to meet someone, I would continue to go do things you enjoy and keep an eye out for the guy who is stealing glances and a bit nervous when you look his way.  After it's over, go up to him and start a conversation and see where that goes.  

Good luck out there!

[Yllek]

I would agree that getting to the point of not feeling like you have to explain yourself is something you have to do, but I know it's harder for some and no so for others.  That said, anyone who makes you feel ashamed of making yourself better is just not worth it in my humble opinion.  

 

There are two outcomes when you date someone; you either break up or you get married.  It's really something that if you keep that in your mind, you make decisions about your relationships a little better.  It doesn't mean that you can't go out and have fun, but you can reduce the amount of stress on the relationship if you're honest with what you want.  As to where to meet someone, I would continue to go do things you enjoy and keep an eye out for the guy who is stealing glances and a bit nervous when you look his way.  After it's over, go up to him and start a conversation and see where that goes.  

Good luck out there!

You are so right. It is that simple. Your message really resonated with me. With My friends, I do have to deal with them and are the ones that I feel like I have to explain myself and/or put up with their comments. Just because even though they don't follow the same "healthy" lifestyle I aspire they are still great friends. I'm hoping that eventually they just get use to it. With dates, I think I like that cut and dry thing. If me working out a lot, eating healthy and not drinking from time to time it's a problem then it's time to move on. And I think at the end it will be totally worth it.

Thanks a lot!

And in regards to start a conversation, I will have to work on that since I can be totally awkward if I find someone remotely attractive.

[Jittersthe.Clown]

Awkward can be a great way to meet someone.  Some of the most fun I've had meeting people started off really awkward.  Good luck out there.  You got this.  

[Chris56Ryan]

Hmm after a long pause to think on this I've come up with being totally useless to you. I've been single now for a while and have not had a date since mainly due to lack of trying, hopefully. I'm not overly confident in myself in that aspect and in my extremely limited free time I tend to focus on my fitness or friends and family. But I also know I do just spend a bit too much time by myself. I have great plans for trying to find women who want to try something a little different for a date along the lines of getting out and about during the day. So if I ever manage to get someone to go for it I'll let you know.

 

As for the need to explain yourself I've actually made this part of my challenge that I'm just going to do what I really want and not eat or drink what I dont want to eat or drink and people can like it or lump it. I will get a lot of complaining from the lads I'm sure but I need this.

[Yllek]

Hmm after a long pause to think on this I've come up with being totally useless to you. I've been single now for a while and have not had a date since mainly due to lack of trying, hopefully. I'm not overly confident in myself in that aspect and in my extremely limited free time I tend to focus on my fitness or friends and family. But I also know I do just spend a bit too much time by myself. I have great plans for trying to find women who want to try something a little different for a date along the lines of getting out and about during the day. So if I ever manage to get someone to go for it I'll let you know.

 

As for the need to explain yourself I've actually made this part of my challenge that I'm just going to do what I really want and not eat or drink what I dont want to eat or drink and people can like it or lump it. I will get a lot of complaining from the lads I'm sure but I need this.

I can totally relate to your first paragraph.

[Hit]

 

 

Should I be dropping something? (really don't want to)

no? buy a vibrator and go scuba diving.

[BeautifulBeast]

Try being married, a mom of two that is pretty much the one responsible for the children 100% of the time and trying to get a good lifting workout in as well as training for a half. And then my husband asks me why I "don't go out and meet people". And "so and so really likes you, set up a date with them." Ooooookay. I'll squeeze a date in between scrubbing toilets, making a 7th snack for the kids and toddler screams of "I NEED WIPED!" My free time is my me time. I workout twice a day at this point, study and am a full time slave to two little demons.... ain't nobody got time for that dating nonsense! Lol!

That said- join a running group or find ways to be social at the gym. As a very active personal trainer married to a very inactive IT man, not having the desire to be fit and healthy in common is difficult. Very much so. We health nuts tend to be crazy about things and devote large chunks of time to doing active things and eating green things. muggles just can't understand.