kaelvan Posted January 26, 2015 Report Share Posted January 26, 2015 4 Quote “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.†~Paulo Coelho I'm a level 3 moon elf, who's an druid assassin. My InspirationTumblr, which helps me stay the course for art challengeFB, which I guess we could be friend My challengeInstagram Link to comment
Bekah Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 I have realized, that my body image suffers the most, when I have people in my life saying negative things about me at all...not even about my body...but it has the same effect on how I see my body. Is that weird? Quote Druid Assassin Halfling Druid Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns Spoiler Fitbit Facebook Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change. - Jim Rohn Link to comment
RoryAverage Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 not really, negativity has the annoying effect of bleeding over into unrelated areas. 1 Quote Level Zero Elven Assassin Esto vir fortis! Link to comment
tmac Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 I know what you mean. For me, it's like, "If they think THAT's bad, what must they be thinking about my body which-as-we-all-know-is-the-worst-thing-about-me?" I was just reminded of something my sister said at Christmas. Not super related, but on the idea of other people's actions affecting your thoughts. She has some narcissistic personal traits, and so I was steeled for whatever she might say about my weight. In the past, she's told me that she is often rude to me because she's lost so much respect for me because I'm heavy. She also said she worries about my children because CLEARLY I won't be able to keep them healthy if I can't keep myself healthy. Lovely, right? Anyway, so I was ready. We walk into my mother's house, and she's there already. My three kids take off their jackets, all smiley and ready to play with their cousin, and the very first thing she says: "Why are your kids all so skinny? Are you starving them or something?" And then she laughs. Right. Soooo funny. Yeah, how could my children NOT be fat, since I'm so fat, amirite? And like I'm not concerned enough that my lovely, healthy children might assume some of my own body image issues, but, yes, let's make comments like that to ridicule them. The kids heard it, but they told me later that what stuck with them was that she was saying I was a bad mom. They didn't really understand that she was challenging their own bodies. I hope that remains true. Here is the actually funny part, though. The strategy I was using to keep my cool that day was to play "Dysfunctional Family BINGO." I had an index card in my pocket with a list of predicted behaviors. Each one gave me permission to have a glass of wine. If we got as far as five, I was allowed to claim migraine and we'd all go home. With the very first thing she said, she nailed three of them: 1) Comments negatively on anyone's physical appearance, 2) Challenges my parenting skills, and 3) Insulting me while pretending it's just a joke. Two more comments over early dinner and I got to have my migraine by 5pm. 8 Quote Level 2 -- DruidSTR 1 | STA 2 | DEX 3 | CON 4 | WIS 0 | CHA 0 Main Quest: Lose 70 lbs in 2015. 15 down, 55 to go. Challenge 2 (Druid)Challenge 1 (Recruit) Link to comment
Bekah Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 I know what you mean. For me, it's like, "If they think THAT's bad, what must they be thinking about my body which-as-we-all-know-is-the-worst-thing-about-me?" I was just reminded of something my sister said at Christmas. Not super related, but on the idea of other people's actions affecting your thoughts. She has some narcissistic personal traits, and so I was steeled for whatever she might say about my weight. In the past, she's told me that she is often rude to me because she's lost so much respect for me because I'm heavy. She also said she worries about my children because CLEARLY I won't be able to keep them healthy if I can't keep myself healthy. Lovely, right? Anyway, so I was ready. We walk into my mother's house, and she's there already. My three kids take off their jackets, all smiley and ready to play with their cousin, and the very first thing she says: "Why are your kids all so skinny? Are you starving them or something?" And then she laughs. Right. Soooo funny. Yeah, how could my children NOT be fat, since I'm so fat, amirite? And like I'm not concerned enough that my lovely, healthy children might assume some of my own body image issues, but, yes, let's make comments like that to ridicule them. The kids heard it, but they told me later that what stuck with them was that she was saying I was a bad mom. They didn't really understand that she was challenging their own bodies. I hope that remains true. Here is the actually funny part, though. The strategy I was using to keep my cool that day was to play "Dysfunctional Family BINGO." I had an index card in my pocket with a list of predicted behaviors. Each one gave me permission to have a glass of wine. If we got as far as five, I was allowed to claim migraine and we'd all go home. With the very first thing she said, she nailed three of them: 1) Comments negatively on anyone's physical appearance, 2) Challenges my parenting skills, and 3) Insulting me while pretending it's just a joke. Two more comments over early dinner and I got to have my migraine by 5pm. OMG that is fucking brilliant!!! I just get drunk within the first hour, then I make it through the evening. My brother actually texted me and said "I thought your name was Little Debbie" with an icon of a slice of cake earlier today. So even being away from them does no good. and I am so sorry that you can relate to ANY of this at all If it helps any, I think your body is beautiful, even in your bulky running outfit, and are clearly smarter than the lot of them...to play Dysfunctional Family Bingo Quote Druid Assassin Halfling Druid Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns Spoiler Fitbit Facebook Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change. - Jim Rohn Link to comment
tmac Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 I used to do the whole just-get-drunk thing, but then I would just stay there and get drunker and more depressed. I like that this new strategy actually gives me a guilt-free out. And your brother is a shit. Also, yes, it does help. You're a lovely, kind person. And I kind of believe you. 2 Quote Level 2 -- DruidSTR 1 | STA 2 | DEX 3 | CON 4 | WIS 0 | CHA 0 Main Quest: Lose 70 lbs in 2015. 15 down, 55 to go. Challenge 2 (Druid)Challenge 1 (Recruit) Link to comment
redtomato501 Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 Dude... Dysfunctional Family Bingo... LOVE that idea! Especially as I'm hoping there were family members you did want to see, so you could balance that with not being a punching bag all night long/getting drunk for bad reasons. Kudos for finding humor where there had been none, and giving yourself permission to say "enough is enough", and for then actually following through on that permission. 3 Quote Current Challenge #39 - 15.02.23 | Challenges: #38, #29 | Fitocracy: redtomato501 Link to comment
tmac Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 Redtomato, yes, there were plenty of "friendlies" there so I could mostly enjoy the day. And it really was amazing how well it worked. When she'd say something horrible, my husband and I would just look at each other and mouth, "Bingo!" And then with the last one, we sneakily high-fived before I announced my migraine. I was still super glad to leave, but it certainly gave me more control over the day. 4 Quote Level 2 -- DruidSTR 1 | STA 2 | DEX 3 | CON 4 | WIS 0 | CHA 0 Main Quest: Lose 70 lbs in 2015. 15 down, 55 to go. Challenge 2 (Druid)Challenge 1 (Recruit) Link to comment
Sylvaa Posted January 28, 2015 Report Share Posted January 28, 2015 I know what you mean. For me, it's like, "If they think THAT's bad, what must they be thinking about my body which-as-we-all-know-is-the-worst-thing-about-me?" I was just reminded of something my sister said at Christmas. Not super related, but on the idea of other people's actions affecting your thoughts. She has some narcissistic personal traits, and so I was steeled for whatever she might say about my weight. In the past, she's told me that she is often rude to me because she's lost so much respect for me because I'm heavy. She also said she worries about my children because CLEARLY I won't be able to keep them healthy if I can't keep myself healthy. Lovely, right? Anyway, so I was ready. We walk into my mother's house, and she's there already. My three kids take off their jackets, all smiley and ready to play with their cousin, and the very first thing she says: "Why are your kids all so skinny? Are you starving them or something?" And then she laughs. Right. Soooo funny. Yeah, how could my children NOT be fat, since I'm so fat, amirite? And like I'm not concerned enough that my lovely, healthy children might assume some of my own body image issues, but, yes, let's make comments like that to ridicule them. The kids heard it, but they told me later that what stuck with them was that she was saying I was a bad mom. They didn't really understand that she was challenging their own bodies. I hope that remains true. So glad you were able to stay positive despite that! This hurts me inside even more that she said something like this in front of children. As a mom too (and a mother of two pre-teen girls!) I am super sensitive to the kind of role model I am trying to be for them and it makes me really angry when people say things without thinking about who might hear them and how it might come across. 1 Quote Sylvaa's BattleLog Sylvaa's Tracking Spreadsheet Link to comment
tmac Posted January 28, 2015 Report Share Posted January 28, 2015 Sylvaa, that's exactly right. That's one of the things that confuses me so much about her attitude. Ok, so when she was a young blonde hottie, yeah, I could see her not understanding how hurtful such things can be, and how body image issues can really haunt you. But now, she's the single mother of a young daughter who is starting to gain weight, and herself nearing 50 with her own weight battles. Is she that thoughtless? Is she making these kinds of comments to her daughter? I just don't know what's going on in her head. 2 Quote Level 2 -- DruidSTR 1 | STA 2 | DEX 3 | CON 4 | WIS 0 | CHA 0 Main Quest: Lose 70 lbs in 2015. 15 down, 55 to go. Challenge 2 (Druid)Challenge 1 (Recruit) Link to comment
Quarkle Posted January 28, 2015 Report Share Posted January 28, 2015 Sylvaa, that's exactly right. That's one of the things that confuses me so much about her attitude. Ok, so when she was a young blonde hottie, yeah, I could see her not understanding how hurtful such things can be, and how body image issues can really haunt you. But now, she's the single mother of a young daughter who is starting to gain weight, and herself nearing 50 with her own weight battles. Is she that thoughtless? Is she making these kinds of comments to her daughter? I just don't know what's going on in her head. There might be some self-loathing going on there. I've sometimes seen that people who are extremely frustrated with their weight often say the most hurtful things about weight. Like they are in denial and want to distance themselves. On a related note, if there is one reason I'm glad I've been bullied because of my appearance, its that I've grown up to be someone who never ever judges or treats someone differently based on the way they look, not even subconsciously. And as I can see neither do most people in this thread 2 Quote Level 1 Respawned Rebel Current Challenge 1: Quarkle has to clean up (19th March - 15th April 2018) "Trouble? I call it sport" Link to comment
Bekah Posted January 28, 2015 Report Share Posted January 28, 2015 There might be some self-loathing going on there. I've sometimes seen that people who are extremely frustrated with their weight often say the most hurtful things about weight. Like they are in denial and want to distance themselves. On a related note, if there is one reason I'm glad I've been bullied because of my appearance, its that I've grown up to be someone who never ever judges or treats someone differently based on the way they look, not even subconsciously. And as I can see neither do most people in this thread I was thinking that too (about your sister) she may be unhappy with her own body and projecting that to you, and I am fairly certain she does the same with her daughter My mom always has with my sister (she has been overweight most of her life) and with me once I gained weight (even worse than my sister, but there is a lot of fucked up history there that this isnt the place for) and so it may not have ANYTHING to do with you, and everything to do with her. Maybe ask her to come to the gym with you? Do something positive with her related to health or exercise, to show her how wrong her perception is? (I haven't tried this approach, just something I thought of) This is honestly the best reason why I am okay with my weight gain at all and part of why it was such a difficult process for me. When I was one of those young blonde hot girls (till my late 20's but it was fueled by anorexic behaviors and overexercising and drugs and NOT healthy) and I was VERY judgemental of overweight/obese people (not always outwardly, but in my mind I was very negative about it) and then when I got put on the meds and gained weight even while attempting to follow weight watchers and other diets and just couldn't get my head on right and do what it took, and I was honestly giving it my best shot all the time and when I was on the receiving end, for the first time, of that judgement....I realized that all those years I was judging fat people as lazy or unmotivated or whatever, I was dead wrong probably in 99% of the cases, and that made me change how I looked at people and their struggles (all of them, not just weight ones) and it has made me a MUCH better person. So I will always be grateful for having gained this weight, bc it gave me a perspective I would never have had or understood otherwise, but I am ready for it to go. 3 Quote Druid Assassin Halfling Druid Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns Spoiler Fitbit Facebook Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change. - Jim Rohn Link to comment
IslandGirl_Becks Posted January 28, 2015 Report Share Posted January 28, 2015 Love reading everyone's stories and how much positive energy is coming out of what could be negative space! Y'all are awesome!! My click-trail from Starbucks log-on page led me to this gif, I think it belongs here. "Beautiful" body image is subjective 3 Quote We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. -Aristotle Arian, arian, zehetzen da burnia. -Basque proverb Frisian Shieldmaiden level 12 (STR:16) (DEX:16) (STA:23) (CON:22) (WIS:17) (CHA:15) Challenges: 11/12.14 - 1/2.15 - 2/3.15 - 15.4/5 - 15.6/7 - 15.7/9 - 16.1 - 16.3 - 16.4 - 16.5 - 16.10 - 16.11 - 16.12 - 17.1 - 17.2 2017 Goals: Maintain BW BS, 100kg DL - Muscle Up - 1/2 Marathon Condition - Abs Link to comment
kaelvan Posted January 28, 2015 Report Share Posted January 28, 2015 Love reading everyone's stories and how much positive energy is coming out of what could be negative space! Y'all are awesome!! My click-trail from Starbucks log-on page led me to this gif, I think it belongs here. "Beautiful" body image is subjective I love this. You can tell from 1910-1940, it was changing because less and less women were wearing corsets. And yes I have bit of obsession with vintage undergarment (don't judge). But Dysfunctional Family Bingo, I will need to keep that for one of those lovely holidays with the extended family (even if not a mom) But my mom would love it since she's always being insulted by my grandparents and so "perfect" aunt and uncle. Quote “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.†~Paulo Coelho I'm a level 3 moon elf, who's an druid assassin. My InspirationTumblr, which helps me stay the course for art challengeFB, which I guess we could be friend My challengeInstagram Link to comment
SpecialSundae Posted January 28, 2015 Report Share Posted January 28, 2015 I love this. You can tell from 1910-1940, it was changing because less and less women were wearing corsets. And yes I have bit of obsession with vintage undergarment (don't judge). Lingerie 1850-1950 would totally be my specialist subject on Mastermind! 1 Quote Link to comment
tmac Posted January 28, 2015 Report Share Posted January 28, 2015 You guys are the best. Good insights. I know she's unhappy in a number of ways, and I try to remember that. But it sure is hard when she's lobbing "fat and ugly" grenades at me. I appreciate the reminder. I'm at the point with her where I'll visit with her when she's at my parents' house (she lives in another state so it's really only once or twice a year anyway), but I won't be making any trips to visit her and won't be inviting her over here. It's like a custody situation. Supervised visitation only. Anyway, enough about THAT! I swam laps today and the guy in the next lane spent a little time trying to get my attention. Ego boost. 3 Quote Level 2 -- DruidSTR 1 | STA 2 | DEX 3 | CON 4 | WIS 0 | CHA 0 Main Quest: Lose 70 lbs in 2015. 15 down, 55 to go. Challenge 2 (Druid)Challenge 1 (Recruit) Link to comment
Bekah Posted January 29, 2015 Report Share Posted January 29, 2015 I loved this: "Is it possible to love and accept my body while wanting to shed some pounds?" (my personal response is in the comments on the video if you are interested in it) Quote Druid Assassin Halfling Druid Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns Spoiler Fitbit Facebook Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change. - Jim Rohn Link to comment
alienjenn Posted January 29, 2015 Report Share Posted January 29, 2015 Heh. ... there's a reason I live in Virginia and my family lives in IndianaLast time I saw my dad he was getting on me about how unhealthy I eat (I had been paleo over a year at that point) and how fat I am (at that point I had ALREADY LOST A HUNDRED FREAKING POUNDS) and when I pointed out to him "you know I've already lost a hundred pounds and I'm a mountain climber and I bike ultra distances and I've hiked hundreds of miles right? "His response "yeah well you could stand to lose about a hundred more" My oldest son almost killed him. .... we left ands that's the last I've seen him. ... I've not even talked to him since. ... It's not worth the heartache to pursue that relationship I'm worth way more than that 9 Quote Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting "doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom facebook battle log level 50 WOOT Backstory CNF2014 current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time) Spoiler * This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda * There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. * level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom * I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ... - I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move Link to comment
Hit Posted January 29, 2015 Report Share Posted January 29, 2015 Im in the same camp as your son, fuck that noise I'm glad you're staying positive and moved away from that shitty-ness. 4 Quote It's the moose on the inside that counts. Link to comment
Bekah Posted January 29, 2015 Report Share Posted January 29, 2015 Im in the same camp as your son, fuck that noise I'm glad you're staying positive and moved away from that shitty-ness. seconded. and yes you ARE worth more than that 1 Quote Druid Assassin Halfling Druid Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns Spoiler Fitbit Facebook Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change. - Jim Rohn Link to comment
alienjenn Posted January 29, 2015 Report Share Posted January 29, 2015 Im in the same camp as your son, fuck that noise I'm glad you're staying positive and moved away from that shitty-ness.Oh I moved away fifteen years ago. ... but I decided when I go home to visit I go home for my mom (my only family member who supports me) and the rest of them we have one afternoon of the week I'm there and we have a pot luck at the park. ... they have the right to come visit me then and then only. ... I no longer go out of my way to visit them. ...I haven't even told my dad I'm going to visit in March. ... and IF he finds out we're going and asks to join the pot luck he will know in no uncertain terms that he isn't welcome. ... I can't be around that kind of judgemental negativityseconded. and yes you ARE worth more than that I heart you to dollI found some rainbow rick rack at the fabric store.... I'm so excited! Quote Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting "doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom facebook battle log level 50 WOOT Backstory CNF2014 current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time) Spoiler * This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda * There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. * level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom * I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ... - I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move Link to comment
Bekah Posted January 29, 2015 Report Share Posted January 29, 2015 Oh I moved away fifteen years ago. ... but I decided when I go home to visit I go home for my mom (my only family member who supports me) and the rest of them we have one afternoon of the week I'm there and we have a pot luck at the park. ... they have the right to come visit me then and then only. ... I no longer go out of my way to visit them. ...I haven't even told my dad I'm going to visit in March. ... and IF he finds out we're going and asks to join the pot luck he will know in no uncertain terms that he isn't welcome. ... I can't be around that kind of judgemental negativityI heart you to dollI found some rainbow rick rack at the fabric store.... I'm so excited!This entire post is insanely full of awesome...not just the rick rack part...but DUDE!!! :D (I wish they had a giant heart eye face like the FB one!) 1 Quote Druid Assassin Halfling Druid Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns Spoiler Fitbit Facebook Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change. - Jim Rohn Link to comment
kaelvan Posted January 29, 2015 Report Share Posted January 29, 2015 This entire post is insanely full of awesome...not just the rick rack part...but DUDE!!! :D (I wish they had a giant heart eye face like the FB one!) You mean this? I feel bad for that smile face looks like it's "eyes" are about to explode 1 Quote “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.†~Paulo Coelho I'm a level 3 moon elf, who's an druid assassin. My InspirationTumblr, which helps me stay the course for art challengeFB, which I guess we could be friend My challengeInstagram Link to comment
Bekah Posted January 29, 2015 Report Share Posted January 29, 2015 You mean this? I feel bad for that smile face looks like it's "eyes" are about to explodeoh my lord no! LOLThis one (and how do i make it smaller?!?! sheesh!!!) Quote Druid Assassin Halfling Druid Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns Spoiler Fitbit Facebook Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change. - Jim Rohn Link to comment
Bekah Posted January 29, 2015 Report Share Posted January 29, 2015 Y'all let me know if I am posting too much stuff, k? I am totally obsessed at the moment with yoga and body image stuff...so am finding goodness EVERYWHERE! LOL! http://ybicoalition.com/living-authentically-meet-saeeda-hafiz/ Quote Druid Assassin Halfling Druid Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns Spoiler Fitbit Facebook Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change. - Jim Rohn Link to comment
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