Too fat

[Adrianne]

I'm sorry if I put this up here but I just need to get it of my chest. I have just heard that all overweight people are unattractive and that humans are bult that way to think so and that there is nothing for me to do but to get skinny or no one will love me.

 

I have heard this before. So many times. And usually I can shake it of and just go about my day and focus on the fact that yes, I am overweight, but I still fo crossfit twice a week and I go running at least three times a week. It doesn't go fast and I'm not the best but I love it and I do it.

 

But today when I heard it something snapped in me. Today I feel...violated. I feel like I have no value what so ever being "not skinny" or "not normal". I feel like there is no point in me to keep trying to change things because it is already decided for me - I'm a lazy bum that doesn't take herself and her healt seriously enough to actually do something about it. I'm fat and I'm worthless.

 

I think about being fat constantly, I try to eat healthier all the time and I try to get around to doing things to keep me active. I try and I try and I try. And still...."you would look so much prettier if you lost some weight, you would probably be alot more happy if you were a little smaller, haven't you had enough *any food at all* now?".

 

I'm sorry for posting this here, maybe I'm out in the deep and and should just shut up and go back home but I can't. I just...can't. Is this how we treat eachother? Is this how we show eachother compassion?

 

So...what you are saying is that I'm not good enough because I'm fat? Oh....ok.....I'll just go hide then.

[SomeGuyFromScotland]

There's a verse in a song that's very close to my heart, that goes like this:

 

"If I listened to everything they said to me I wouldn't be here
If I took the time to bleed from all the tiny little arrows shot my way I wouldn't be here
The ones who don't do anything are the always the ones who try to put you down
You could spend your entire life in the nowhere land of self doubt
When you start to doubt yourself the real world will eat you alive"

 

Every time I hear what you heard, or felt what you're feeling right now, that's my "go to" thought. You know what I think is absolutely awesome? You TRY.

 

You're trying to eat healthier. You're trying to exercise more. You're probably doing better than you think you are, because we're always the last ones to see our own progress, especially when we've come from an "I can't" mindset. Not only CAN you, but you ARE. Who cares if you're not the best at running? Does it make you happy? Then it's all good. It matters not a single damn what anyone else says or thinks about you.

 

Keep going. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

 

Shine.

 

[DarK_RaideR]

I'll keep this short

 

Don't let anyone grind you down, you hear?

[Eleanorsbee]

wow ....thats a strong and upsetting post.

 

It is, unfortunately how some people treat each other and you are unfortunately on the wrong end of the hate stick at the wrong part of time.

 

These people directing the abuse (without them knowing it probably), a few decades ago would have been the ones making African Americans sit at the back of the bus, or beating up homosexuals .... without batting an eyelid to it.

 

I could offer you advise, liketo  put it into perspective, how many people do you see everyday and how many comments do you get like this, in an attempt to show you its just a horrible minority.

 

but ultimately, its not going to help, what you feel is hurt and it is unfair and its not nice ........ and pretty much everyone on this forum, understands that and can empathize or at least sympathize with you.

 

you are in the right place here though ... you have our support, and understanding

[Adrianne]

Thank you. All of you. I figured I would get some response but I honestly didn't think I would get this. Thank you. It warms my heart and brings tears to my eyes reading you comments and maybe that is what I need right now - to cry. Just to let the hurt out and be done with it.

[Eleanorsbee]

I think you are right.

 

I became a dad ~ 4years ago ... and the one thing I have discovered is that grownups are EXACTLY the same as children when it comes to emotions but with the advantage of social skills to hide it and experience to convince ourselves on how to behave and deal with the emotions.

 

and a lot of the time, when my kid is upset at something, when she is hurting, she doesnt want you to make it better she doesnt want hiding from the pain or to cover it up. She wants to know that its normal to feel that way, that its ok to be angry with me or upset at me or frightened.

 

and the same goes for grown ups sometimes all we need is to know that its ok to feel pain and anger, its normal and you are not alone, there are people that hear and feel your pain, Its not fair, but its ok to be upset.

[northman88]

"you would look so much prettier if you lost some weight, you would probably be alot more happy if you were a little smaller, haven't you had enough *any food at all* now?".

 

I'm sorry someone said this to you - not only are they a jerk, they're also wrong. Whoever it was, they don't seem like a very nice person (and I doubt they're a fitness model themselves).

 

All I'll say is: stick to your routine, enjoy your runs, and screw them!

[Oramac]

I heard a quote once that I love: "No matter how slow you go, you're still lapping everyone on the couch".  

 

As was said before, you are doing.  Let me repeat that.  YOU ARE DOING.  Keep doing.  Keep getting out there and running, especially if you enjoy it.  Keep going to crossfit.  Keep at it!  

 

And remember, the people who tear you down only do it because they see you doing something they know they should be doing, but aren't.  By being a badass and getting out there, YOU are making THEM feel insecure! So keep being a badass! 

[dustoff]

 

 

 

Couldn't of put it any better. Keep doing what you are doing and ignore the twits. 

[CaptainMurasa]

Man, that reminds me of the time I posted on /r/amiugly just two weeks ago.

 

And all of them told me I was fat and ugly. Yup, I knew it. I wanted to get rid of the belly, I knew that already. They did however told me all the other things I should be changing; my rather geeky wardrobe (I'm NOT parting with my Zelda and TF2 graphic tees! I do need more clothes to go out on.), my skin (another caveat I need to change), my hair (hey, it did motivate me to actually start growing my hair out again).

 

I told them I would be a) changing my diet to Paleo and weightlifting. I love to lift. It's challenging and fun. It's like me playing Super Mario again to get to the next stage, even if it frustrates me, but I get the joy from completing that next level. And it's all my effort. All of it.

 

And then they told me about weightlifting:

 

"You're going to get bigger!"

"You lose more fat by running all day! Even if you hate it just run!"

"You should be lifting for endurance, not for strength!"

"Have fun being big and bulky as you lift more!"

 

And then I told them "Ok. I can have my bacon and eat it too. :)"

 

Peasants. All of them. I'll be laughing in your face when I come back with a post with my spectacular leaner abs from just lifting heavy. I looked at myself in the mirror today, and I noticed that I'm actually a little skinnier than I was two weeks ago! It's not a lot, but noticeable!

 

So what's my point from all of this? You're here and you want to change. You're doing and not sitting there thinking "wow, I should do that too". You got this and you got us to look for if you need one of those one-ups too! Keep doing what you're doing.

[northman88]

*looks into r/amiugly*

 

*is sad now*

 

DEFINITELY don't take fitness advice from that sub lol.

[Jakkals]

Been fat, thought about it all day.

 

I am much thinner now. Still worried about the flab on my stomach.

 

Some days I feel thin, feel good. I am still surprised by my thin shadow some days.

 

But some days I still feel fat, and useless.

 

It is difficult to explain to my brain that fat me doesn't exist anymore.

 

Self-compassion is one of the most difficult skills to master, and intensely personal and private.

 

Good luck.

[CaptainMurasa]

*looks into r/amiugly*

 

*is sad now*

 

DEFINITELY don't take fitness advice from that sub lol.

Ditto.

 

I'm taking their advice on other things though, like my hair and skin. I'm a little too proud to get rid of my Zelda shirts.

[azotus]

Whenever I tend to fall into negative self talk, like "I'm lazy, I'm not good enough", I like to think how I would judge someone else. I wouldn't criticize and demean a friend, or even a stranger the way I can berate myself. Haters are gonna hate, don't make the mistake of joining them.

[Adrianne]

I heard a quote once that I love: "No matter how slow you go, you're still lapping everyone on the couch".  

 

As was said before, you are doing.  Let me repeat that.  YOU ARE DOING.  Keep doing.  Keep getting out there and running, especially if you enjoy it.  Keep going to crossfit.  Keep at it!  

 

And remember, the people who tear you down only do it because they see you doing something they know they should be doing, but aren't.  By being a badass and getting out there, YOU are making THEM feel insecure! So keep being a badass! 

 

Me? A badass...? *mind=blown* I'm sorry but I have never thought about it like this before! Thank you! What I'm about to say might sound very petty and smallminded but deep down, in the darkest corner of the person I aim to be, there is someone rubbing their hands together and grinning like an idiot while thinking "Oh they will see! I will show them that I can do it. And when I finish that triathlon they will be in awe. And I will absolutely rub their face in it!" Myeah...I know....I'm a little of a bad person at times.

 

 

I'm sorry someone said this to you - not only are they a jerk, they're also wrong. Whoever it was, they don't seem like a very nice person (and I doubt they're a fitness model themselves).

 

All I'll say is: stick to your routine, enjoy your runs, and screw them!

 

Thank you. The thing is that the guys is actually really into martial arts....and he is fit, that is no lie! Still...kinda tore me down. But you know what? I went home and did push-ups until I couldn't do another single one! And I did my pilates-routine and today my tummy burns in that fantastic way! I can do this! RAWR!!!

 

 

Man, that reminds me of the time I posted on /r/amiugly just two weeks ago.

 

And all of them told me I was fat and ugly. Yup, I knew it. I wanted to get rid of the belly, I knew that already. They did however told me all the other things I should be changing; my rather geeky wardrobe (I'm NOT parting with my Zelda and TF2 graphic tees! I do need more clothes to go out on.), my skin (another caveat I need to change), my hair (hey, it did motivate me to actually start growing my hair out again).

 

I told them I would be a) changing my diet to Paleo and weightlifting. I love to lift. It's challenging and fun. It's like me playing Super Mario again to get to the next stage, even if it frustrates me, but I get the joy from completing that next level. And it's all my effort. All of it.

 

And then they told me about weightlifting:

 

"You're going to get bigger!"

"You lose more fat by running all day! Even if you hate it just run!"

"You should be lifting for endurance, not for strength!"

"Have fun being big and bulky as you lift more!"

 

And then I told them "Ok. I can have my bacon and eat it too. :)"

 

Peasants. All of them. I'll be laughing in your face when I come back with a post with my spectacular leaner abs from just lifting heavy. I looked at myself in the mirror today, and I noticed that I'm actually a little skinnier than I was two weeks ago! It's not a lot, but noticeable!

 

So what's my point from all of this? You're here and you want to change. You're doing and not sitting there thinking "wow, I should do that too". You got this and you got us to look for if you need one of those one-ups too! Keep doing what you're doing.

 

Wow....some people really are not so very nice are they? But I say do what makes you happy! Lift the CRAP out of them haters. And I totally understand what you mean, if I say I love lifting I also get the slurs - like girls with muscels aren't pritty, that cardio burns more fat and so on and so on. I just smile and nod because I KNOW that as long as I find something that I love doing I will keep doing it! And if I keep doing it I will get results! And...erhm...hello? I am a viking-chick so of course I want muscels! Got to be able to swing that axe right?!  So let's keep lifting! We got this! *virtual high-five*

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------------

 

Honestly - THANK YOU ALL!

All this made my day yesterday and it makes my day today a whole lot better! I did go home and cry a bit in the arms of my man and it was very freeing. After we had talked a bit I went out for an hour walk and after that, as I wrote above, I did push-ups until I couldn't do another one and finished my pilates-routine. I am very happy with myself over that from yesterday and I'm very proud about not letting a comment like that get me down in the long run. It is ok to be sad and it is ok to feel negative emotions. As long as they don't consume us. And like HELL I will let something like that get me down!

[Eskcanta]

You are so not a bad person from anything I've read.

 

I offer this as inspiration (not fully safe for work, has a little profanity).  I have a lot of issues with past abuse and was bullied heavily, I've sometimes felt better listening to this.

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFhgupR565Q

[OtakuBosatsu]

Good to know you're not lettin it keep you down. As that Taylor Swift song goes:

"'cause the players gonna play play play play play and the

haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate

Baby I just wanna shake shake shake shake shake

Shake it off

Shake it off"

[Mark D]

People are like crabs in a basket. Some, like you, will try to get out of the basket. Some will stay in the basket. And some will stay in the basket and grab on to the ones trying to escape, to keep THEM in the basket too.

Screw em, sideways with a chainsaw. I mean that sincerely.

You're taking steps. You're making changes. You're doing what you can, when you can. If anyone give s you grief you're response should be terse, profane, and anatomically improbable.

[Mark D]

Oh, in addition to what I wrote above, there's nothing wrong with looking forward to rubbing someone's nose in your success.

 

You have a choice in how you react to naysayers.  You can let them get you down, or you can let them inspire you.

 

Develop an attitude of "People who say something can't be done are annoying to those of us who are doing it."  

[Leego]

But you know what? I went home and did push-ups until I couldn't do another single one! And I did my pilates-routine and today my tummy burns in that fantastic way! I can do this! RAWR!!!

 

I can honestly say that at 280 lbs, and having been lifting weight for probably 2 weeks now with steady growth, I still can't do more than one push-up, so that impresses me.

[Mark D]

I can honestly say that at 280 lbs, and having been lifting weight for probably 2 weeks now with steady growth, I still can't do more than one push-up, so that impresses me.

 

At 230 and six weeks into Stronglifts, I still can't do ONE proper push-up, so I'm impressed by both of you.

[MAGICFATSO]

Adrianne, I read your initial post only. You need to open your mind sister. Men are atracted to all sort of shapes and sizes, it's whats inside that matters! I know you must have heard this many many times, but it is true! If someone loves you, he will love you for who you are. And believe me, you do not want to be with someone that only likes you because you are skinny.

 

Now, regarding to "being fit" in order to "fit in"... Forget about it.

If you wanna be fit, you should do it because it's fun, you release endoprhins, you will have a better and healthier ilfe and... did I mention that it's fun? Don't be so hard on yourself! You need to be your own ally, not your enemy! Life is hard enough as it is to have to keep up fighting against one self.

 

Get to know yourself,

get to love yourself!

 

Excersicing regularly, and eating healthy is a tangible way of loving oneself.

 

PS: I am madly in love with an overweight gal, she has been my girlfriend for over 2 years now (I am not overweight myself).

She is funny and corky, she makes up funny words and noises, she can cook and knows the arts of manufacturing love.

[Leego]

I too like curvy and plump women!

[Mark D]

*looks into r/amiugly*

 

*is sad now*

 

DEFINITELY don't take fitness advice from that sub lol.

 

Why is r/amiugly even a thing?  

 

I mean that seriously.  Why do people care if strangers on the Internet think they're ugly or not?  If you're doing something seriously wrong with fashion/style/haircut/whatever REAL people you know in meatspace should let you know about it.  

 

Maybe I'm just too old for this stuff.

[Machete]

Opinions. They're like assholes; everyone has them, they stink because they're usually full of shit, and they're surprisingly much more flexible than we imagined them to be.

 

 

 

People will always find something wrong with everything. And you can either accept yourself for how you were built and learn to be oblivious to other people's opinions, or to take control of body and conform to the societal mold. Neither choice is wrong (but the better choice would probably be the one that will give you more net happiness). I'm saying find what's important to you and go all-in. I think the only "wrong" choice would be being satisfied with just trying. Your landlord doesn't care if you tried, you either paid the rent or you didn't. The ocean doesn't care if you tried, you either swim to shore or you drown.

 

Take an honest self-appraisal, find what's important to you, and