TheGreyJedi-Ranger

Wow, I am so tired today. I'm doing my best to power through the last little bits of my work for the week (internet went out yesterday) and then I may just take a lil nippity nap before Baby Jedi comes home from my parents' house. Like jeeze. Big tired. I did take a look at my reading record for the year and I may actually have to do a part 2 of my Bullet Journal reading log! That never happens! But even with all the fanfiction I'm reading (and rereading) this year, I'm getting a lot of reading of new books done. I'm actually at 50 books for the year! My original goal was 55, but I added a book for every book I ended up not finishing. I also added enough books to get me to having read 900 books total. Now I don't log rereads, that's just a personal preference of mine. Mostly because I do so much rereading that if I log a reread then I end up only doing those and I want to expand my horizons. Which I've definitely been doing this year! I'm really proud of myself for working on figuring myself out. It's not been an easy year, but it's July 1 and I'm really proud of what I've achieved so far. Which is a miracle in itself. I've also noticed that the supplement I've been taking - berberine - has been doing a lot to keep me from constantly getting hungry. Which really makes me wonder if there's something funky with my blood sugar or with how my body reacts to food in general. Either way, i'll just keep taking the berberine and see how it goes.

It's definitely been a time but hopefully I can get some stuff taken care of soon. I direly need a break. BUT I have Monday AND Tuesday off for the holiday and i'ma use that time to catch up on my life and play with my precious baby jedi

I love this! Your week sounds like it's been pretty solid ❤️

That sounds both satisfying and exhausting!

It is, but hopefully we'll be moved in with my mom sooner rather than later which would help some of it. I'm currently making a list of all the random adulting crap I'm behind on to try to get my hands around it.

Look into things like prune juice as well! that can really help. I believe in you ❤️ It's such a hard thing and you have NO SHORTAGE of courage.

It really was! I needed to have it to hold on to from the way this week has gone. It's so frustrating. I don't know - I'm going to hold off on pushing for that so far. My first appointment with this doc was really good, and I'm willing to hold off and see if he's just brusque on messages or what. ~ Okay so it's been a messy time. First off, I went to a surgeon yesterday and are moving forward with potentially seeking gallbladder removal for me. That was excellent. Less excellent is the fact that Mr. Right got pulled over twice for the same thing over the course of three days. (details in spoiler) Also, my grandmother is on her narcissistic bullshit again wheren she refuses to listen to the words out of my mouth (AKA - "I'm not mad at you, I wasn't mad at you") and throw a pity party and be passive agressive. When I tried to talk to her she fussed at me, threw said pity party, and kept talking over me. And ignored every word I spoke unless it pertained to her. Recently it's been feeling very "one step forward and five steps back" every time something good happens we get screwed over several times. I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted.

I was specifying Maas TOG is my sister's fav, I'm a sucker for ACOTAR.

It was an incredible nap - I woke up a new person. ~ Today was a very restful day. I spent the entire day playing with Baby Jedi in a way I hadn't since I started working again and it just brought me such joy. My mom is taking her tonight because I have an early and far away appointment with a surgeon to talk about removing my godforsaken gallbladder. Overall goals are going decently though I could really do a lot better about meditating. But journalling is going great, and I'm remembering to move most of the time. And water is getting consumed.

Congrats congrats congrats!!!! Food aversions are the WORST but in my experience you get the taste for the things back later (my primary food aversion was coffee and also goldfish crackers, two of my very favorite things). Yes drink all the water. I bought a giant water bottle and covered it in stickers for joy and let me tell you - so many times that I felt like crap it was because I was thirsty (or needed food). I'm really glad you're not dealing with the level of bs that I did as far as morning sickness. I had to be on anti-nausea meds and literally nothing interested me food wise. I'm so so grateful that you're not dealing with that. PLEASE reach out if you have any questions or any stress or anything. I'd love to be able to be a support for you and I just did this a few months ago!

Okay but the first teaser for the House of Flame and Shadow dropped >_>

wowww what a week. I've definitely been getting sicker, but I'm mostly trying to do some mild bits of self care to keep it from getting too terribly bad. Yesterday I got basically nothing done aside from baking three cakes (two were for a bake sale at church) and I was sooooo exhausted. Then baby Jedi didn't let me sleep so I'm exhausted today. Though I'm getting work done early in the AM and that's nice. However, I will absolutely be taking a nap today. Even just a little one will make things a lot easier. I've been reading a book called Boundaries by Henry Young and hooo boy I should have waited on that book. It's very much calling me out. Necessary but not something I have a lot of energy to handle right now. But I'll have to do it sooner rather than later because I don't want baby Jedi to inherit my boundaries issues. Even though I'm not 100% sure what they are exactly, I know they're not something I want someone else to deal with. Particularly not my sweetheart. Goals are going okay, I need to actually sit down and journal because I've got some thoughts and feelings that I need to sort through. And definitely looking forward to that nap!

WAIT. YOU ARE ALSO READING MAAS. THIS IS WHY NF IS MY PEOPLE ❤️ y e s s s. Do you have a favorite series?

She loves baths too, it's adorable ❤️ Eh... the whole thing is some bullshit. And so is what your friend went through. I'm hoping that my vitamins make something of a difference, frankly. Right now I don't have the spoons to do too much with my health

A FELLOW MAAS FAN ❤️ HELLO ❤️ God that book killed me

Today's doctor visit was fairly encouraging. I'm getting referred to a surgeon to get my galbladder out. I'm going to start harassing my old doctor's office about sending records, this is absolutely absurd. I've sent in two forms and literally nothing has gone through (you have to wait over a month between forms because it apparently takes at least 30 business days or some other bullshittery). So I have a 7 month old baby and never actually got a postpartum checkup. Also, I'm sick. Which is absolutely delightful >_>

Heard back from my doctor about my bloodwork and change in meds and hooo boy was his reply a bit tone deaf. I'd told him that I'd had a lot of recurring issues over the past several years that seemed to be a cause of weight gain rather than an effect. He ran a bunch of labs and the results were... pretty useless. I reached back out because of the issues I've been having and my therapist's recommendations that I swap antidepressants. I also noted that I've been having pretty severe hair loss issues as well as wondering what the problem was. He basically told me the hair loss was probably diet/nutrition related, my triglicerides were high so I needed to cut down on carbs, and I needed to make sure I got a diet high in folate and vitamin D. Oh, and that he prefers to prescribe Lexapro instead of Celexa anyway b/c it's newer. But yeah I haven't replied yet. At this point I'm about to just take the L and focus on doing my best with lifestyle. I just started taking a multivitamin and a vitamin D supplement, as well as a supplement called Berberine that helps with regulating blood sugar and helping with insulin resistance (apparently it behaves similarly to Metformin except it's a plant based thingie). I'm just going to run with those and see what's up. I can't really do much else as I do my bloody best with what I have. I'm so damn tired of being gaslit by doctors who want the easy answers. "Oh yeah, you should just cut carbs." Oh really? Well what am I supposed to do about the fact that when I don't eat enough carbs my body has a freak out? That I'm weak and exhausted and hangry? That all my body craves is carbs and sugar, no matter what my diet looks like? That I did a fully restricted keto for a good 3-4 months and while I did lose 10-15lbs, I was hungry and angry and exhausted all the time. Not to mention I hated every single minute. I just want to not be living in a fucked up meat suit, ya dig? Maybe half of it is my fault. If that. Some of it is, yes. But some of it is because I've had undiagnosed and unhelped issues both mental and physical for over a decade at this point. Ugh. Hopefully I can figure things out soon.

I love this! What an awesome project!

Congrats and welcome back! Following!

That's all I can ask of myself too ❤️ I appreciate you ❤️ I'm managing okay most days thanks to the coping strategies I'm working on with my therapist. I'll do my best ❤️ Thank you ❤️ Happy to have you! ~ I really love this site. The support has been incredible and direly needed. Thank you guys so much for checking in and caring about me during a time when I feel super isolated. Yesterday was a lot of fun, we split time after church between my parents' and my in-laws' houses. At my in-laws' house we took Baby Jedi swimming and she had a ball ❤️ Today was therapy and tomorrow is my appointment with a gastroenterologist for my gallbladder issues.

Thanks ❤️ Life really do be like that sometimes, all I can do is my best

Hi hi!! I've missed you

Happy Birthday!

I actually bought what's called Chewelry - it's basically a teething type thing on a necklace for grown ups/older kiddos. I am wearing a necklace that's got a little chew toy on the end and it's already been an incredible help! Yeah it's.. not ideal. I've been using Balance - I claimed my free year. It was doing me a lot of good at first, but the learn to meditate path got too long too fast for me. So I'm doing the dailies and singles right now

Happy Early Birthday! I'm sorry things are so hard right now. I understand to a point, anxiety and depression are the actual worst. Always available if you need to vent, my family has done the night shift life before too. And tell the Mrs. she can also reach out as I've been the wife of a nightshifter before and know the struggle. Here to cheer you on ❤️