Rhovaniel

A quick update before I disappear for a week or so. It is 6am, and in 3 hours I'm meeting a bunch of strangers in a car park to spend the next 5 days with 😅. There is an element of insanity to my adventures it seems! To be fair, I do know one guy, Dave, from the May canoe trip, and I met his friend Derek yesterday when we met up for food. I cannot wait. My legs are... well, I think I have avoided major injury from my walk on Saturday, but my knee had sharp pain through it from about a quarter of the way into what turned into just shy of 35 miles. Ideally, I'd be taking it easy for a few days 😅. I think it'll be okay though. The walk itself was as beautiful as ever, plenty of forest paths and many hills. To be honest, the uphills were fine. It was going downhill that was agony. I can only liken it to getting stabbed with a thin dagger over and over again. Thankfully it dulled in intensity when on the flat. I would share photos but well... I only took 2. And they were both of a cat I saw sunning himself on a bench! 🤣 I am bad at taking photos in general, tbf. I am drawn into the moment, and I forget about taking a picture. Anyway, see you all when I'm back! May you all have a wonderful and successful week ahead!

It does seem like the sort of thing that would slip his mind. Practical, that one. It's not betrayal if its for your own good Wait, now I feel like that something a betrayer would say. Ouch. hmm. Must think on this with a cuppa.

Thanks Sal. So far, the excitement is overuling the stress and I cannot wait! This was sooo good to RP. My character is now very torn in combat - stay close to her rescued lover and potentially draw fire from the enemies, or keep him at a distance and risk not being able to rush to him.... Yay!! I'm gonna start book 3 soon - I ended up reading The Old Ways by Robert Macfarlane as a palette cleanser instead. It's okay. It happens. And my workouts on Saturday and Tuesday were really good in contrast. I felt like I am getting some conditioning back and that is encouraging. Yeah, he's definitely a good person, well suited to his profession. He's always encouraging me too, saying he can see I've got better and the like. Anytime Seriously though, thanks to everyone for making this a safe space where I can share and get it out. Thank you! I am excited, and can't wait to report back

oh my goodness! Apparently I wasn't following this challenge! RECTIFIED NOW Hope Cid continues to heal

This makes me very sad. OCRs are becoming very scarce here, too. Glad to see you back though! With cute doggos!

Hey Sal! Sounds like a crazy busy period for you. You're doing amazingly with it though! I hear you on the laundry. I can't remember the last time I wasn't behind on laundry.

I'm with Nightingale on this one. I'd suspend you too. Only I'd send you to bed with a hot chocolate or herbal tea of your choice as well

Self-sabotage might be at play here, however unconsciously. Same as when I find myself post-binge, wondering why the hell I am the way I am. It ain't easy, but I am starting to suspect that until I start to think of myself as a healthy person with a healthy relationship to and attitude towards food, it will always be a battle. Therefore, perhaps thinking of yourself as a punctual person who can schedule their procrastination tendencies might help? I get so many tangent thoughts in a day, much like your orphaned negatives, that threaten to derail me. I find a quick note to self and moving on helps with mine.

Hey Sovalis! It has been far too long, but I am catching up, slowly! Your BuJo is perfect, and I am definitely taking inspiration and notes. Do you still have a diary entry space for daily entries? I really want to pick the habit back up, as well as actually using a bujo for organising things like my challenges, life projects, etc. But I only want to use one, maximum two books to do so!

Me too! I am thankful that such moments do not snowball anymore. I mean, I don't know. I have done plenty of stupid things. I have no doubt that I shall continue to do them, too. Different stupid things, it must be said. But still. SO, I have slacked way off on tracking, and being present and pretty much all of it. I'm sorry. I am deep in the Excited Kid Mode, where I am packing for the canoe trip in apprehension and excitement. I keep rethinking the packing list, wondering if I packed enough layers, if I need more waaterproofing, more this, will it fit, will I be cold... and this a trip I have already done!! Argh. Also, the day before I fly I have the 50km walk, and I need a fair bit of the same kit, like my headtorch, first aid kit, etc. so there's the stress of remembering to swap that into my bag. I will probably get home around 8 or 9pm, then need to repack the other bits of gear and everything before getting up early to get to the airport by 7.30. My body does not know if it's more stressed or excited right now. However, aside from one binge blip in which share size chocolate disappeared, I have been doing - modestly with food. Not prepped much, but that is okay. I have avoided takeout, aside from the weekend (planned). I wish it did not take up so much space in my thoughts, that I have to fight so many bad habits, but here we are. It is of my own doing, and I shall undo it. I am, however, looking forward to a week where I do not think about it too much. Maybe I need my own version of Nightingale to keep me in line?

You know, that actually really does help. Framing is everything. Thank you. Honestly, most days now, it's fine. It's about adapting to situations and avoiding known issues. It does limit my wardrobe more than I'd like, which is a pain. It's just the odd blip that gets me. And honestly, in hindsight I'm thankful of that. There was a time not so long ago where every day was an awful lot worse than yesterday. Hugs gratefully accepted. Thank you. I think I just needed to let it out. I took a walk and got a decent night of sleep. It helped a lot. Thank you, EG. The good thing about rough days though, is that it makes you aware of the good ones. Yeah, it's very rare and tbf, I think sheer luck accounted for much of it! And, thank you. I hope so, too. Today has been better. A decent sleep helped, with no nightmares. I feel more like me and more able to just chalk it up as a rough day. Work was fine, and in fact so damn quiet that my boss let me go an hour early. Which was nice. No crossfit tonight, but I'll get in a walk and mull over some things. I am gearing up to do something either very brave or very stupid and I - it's something that I need the mental space to process. So, the extra hour helps. Anyway, thank you guys for being here. I massively appreciate the support.

I could try the alarm, but part of the issue is irregular eating times, including meals. I have at least avoided takeout this week, which is something of a positive Yeah, it's a very cool game so far. I have no idea how it compares to Strahd as written, but it's so much fun. One of our party might be a werewolf come the next full moon too, so there's that to deal with. I will get back to Rivers soon, I just need something to sink my teeth into more for now. We have a blast. Wednesdays is just as crazy sometimes Book Seven? Jeez, glad I got the set! Doing something with the photos might work. I must admit, I hadn't thought much beyond 'food journal is easier than calorie counting so I might actually do it' ----------------------------- Wednesday was good. College was from home, and gave me a decent amount of downtime. Then I had my second D&D game of the week (3 out of 5 of us also being in the Monday game) and that was - well, in what may be a First for us, we somehow managed to get the absolute best outcome for our task. We were trying to infiltrate this fortress on a cliffside to get to someone who had information about why we, as individuals, were captured and marked for prisoner exchange at the beginning of the campaign (it's homebrew) and where our companions went (one character was swept off a ship and her father, the captain, is missing) and my street urchin monk is missing the little gang she ran with (not related, but she's as loyal to them as family and doesn't know yet why they were separated). The warlock isn't missing anyone, but the local populaces (world map is a collection of Islands, largely controlled by pirates) think she's a sea witch, hence her capture. She also takes her relationship with her patron very seriously. As in, they are together, boyfriend and girlfriend and it's actually really sweet and really fun). We found, thanks to the warlock's probing, a little cave at the base of the cliff, and during her watch, my monk felt a draught which led to the discovery of a secret passageway... which led all the way up to a panic room with a bunch of goodies (once we got past a riddle statue and got some loot in the form of a collapsible boat). Raided the panic room for it's potions of healing, stone giant strength, jewels and some food... then found the exit, entered a study and stole all the ledgers and paperwork.. and then found our target asleep in his bed. My monk made sure he stayed asleep, the cleric/barbarian ensured he didn't stay that way permanently, and we bundled him right back to the waiting ship. The DM told us afterwards that any other entry point was covered by half a dozen guards, AND we avoided triggering the two traps in the room. Today was - less so. I had to get a refill on my meds that help with controlling my panic attacks, which, when explaining to a new doctor always leaves a lingering - I don't know what to call it, but it calls to mind things I'd rather stay quiet. Thought I was fine until CrossFit. Bulgarian split squats to start and let me tell you. Nothing humbles you and takes away your confidence faster than losing balance with an bar on your back and one foot on a bench. I managed to stay upright only because as I overbalanced I managed to hook my foot around the rack and pull myself back. Confidence thus shaken, I pushed on a little, with mixed results. Got a couple reps, failed or bailed a couple reps, rinse and repeat. The thing is, I rarely - if ever - notice at the time that I am in danger of going from 'this is tough/not going well/I'm stressed/frustrated/whatever it is' to 'I have reached the pre-panic stage and need to take a minute, and probably meds.' This, in hindsight, is why panic attacks come out of nowhere, because I am not aware/listening to the triggers ( @sarakingdom I suspect this is why I hate when Peter is unobservant in Rivers ). Thankfully, I did not have a panic attack. At least, not a full one. The weird 'I feel like my throat is closing and I am out of sorts but also able to function and appear relatively normal' is a bit of a no man's land and I don't know how to categorize it. But we had overhead squats and burpees over the box AMRAP after the split squats. What. A. Day. I could not - believe me I tried - make myself jump on that bloody box. I bent my knees, all ready... and bottled. Every damn time. So I had to do step overs. I struggle with box jumps on a normal day, tbh. And overhead squats are also hard for me, because balance is not a strength of mine. So, this was probably a workout I could have done with skipping, and I almost never, ever say that. I knew I was slow, and struggling to catch my breath right from the off, but ya know, it's a sweaty workout. I don't think anyone but one guy noticed. And he happens to be a paramedic He did come over to ask if I was alright and was I asthmatic because he could hear my breathing wasn't right? Oops. I am grateful he came over to check on me though. I already feel like there's more of a camaraderie here than with my old box. Came home, took my meds and calmed down enough to heat some dinner (tesco ready meal) and gulp a protein shake. I feel better, just - a little down. I hate that this happens still. That, no matter how much healing I think I've done, no matter how healthy and normal and functioning I am now, I still have these reminders of the broken parts. Stuff like a hard workout should not be a trigger. It ISN'T a trigger. There's no accompanying flashback, no shaking or trembling or getting stupidly cold, there's no nightmares (I will legitimately be pissed off if I get a nightmare tonight). Just me, and the weird reaction I get to stress. It's like loud noises. I've been getting better, starting to feel like I can conquer it. And then I jump out my skin and my entire body wants to curl into a ball because someone drops a barbell behind me. It's stupid and unneccessary and I bloody hate it. Yes, I am aware I am probably being unreasonable. I just - I don't think I've ever fully come to terms with the fact that there is no cure for PTSD. You can get better to the point of 'hey, look at me doing all these normal things and enjoying life without panic and nightmares and making plans to end things.... and then something minor reminds you that you are never truly free of it. It's a scar that can only fade, not disappear. And it fucking sucks. Apologies for the language. Sorry. I think I just needed to let that out.

I play online all the time too. Can confirm. The dice have an allure. Few can resist. It's worse because my group DO meet up, roughly once a year. And the temptation to buy shiny new click clack math rocks, for the vague possibility of using them at some point.... Is why I have several sets of dice. I blame Jarric, for the secret santa gift he got me one year. I still use those dice! Can you ask his Pharmacy to do a dosset box for him? Some places won't, citing any number of excuses but mostly because they take time on the dispenser's part and a lot more diligence on the Pharmacists' part, but it would avoid this issue. Each daily slot (morning, noon, evening, whenever, is filled with only the meds needed at that time. It also means it's easy to see if he's taken them that day/time or not. Him being hospitalized as a result of a medication mix-up is a strong reason, so it is 100% worth mentioning that to them. They should also have a large print of the medication, what it does and when to take it, on the side.

Maybe mumble something about cholesterol and the health benefits of almonds?

Simple is good. Following!