Miss ShyAnn looking kind of derpy   Today has been the best chair day EVER! Not only did I get my new chair to establish my "third place" in the apartment, but my new office chair arrived at work today!   Ordered a specifically big and tall chair with a listed 500lbs capacity. I'm under 400, just really wanted one that would hold up. Wasn't able to get it assembled before needing to leave work today, so pictures will have to wait.   Timing got a bit off with the delivery today. Was bringing Maggie over to hang out for a bit and we were waiting to pick up food from Olive Garden when I got a call asking if they could deliver the chair early.  Quickly drove Maggie over to my place and then circled back for the food. Chair was placed by the time I got back, so no extra time to tidy and save myself the shame of my mess.   Chair and more cat pictures    The chair is as delightfully big as I remember it, but also takes up more floor space than I realized. I'm going to need to work out a better setup for things.   I also really need to get an ac for the living room. Typing this from in bed again because I needed to escape the heat and my bedroom is the only room with cooling.    Maggie did what Maggie always seems to do when she comes over. She started cleaning things while I was getting the food. I feel really conflicted about this. Maggie is the only person I don't totally shudder at the idea of seeing my mess. She's seen it before. I've seen her mess. We lived together for a few years with both of us fighting depression. We know mess.   But, I don't bring her over to clean and when she just starts doing it, I feel shame and inadequacy. Should have gotten things better before she came. Should just keep things in a better state. I need a  mother to pick up after me.   On the other hand, I know that isn't where she's coming from with it. Generally speaking, she is thankful for the help I give her (even with how much I've stepped back) and feels bad that she can't do things for me. She see cleaning as something she CAN do, and wants to do for me.   And I'm trying to be ok with that. But, it's hard.

You showed some great willpower and self discipline! huge win

Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes.  It was a good few days of work and celebration.    

I didn't do a heck of a lot today. It kind of felt like a nothing day but not in a super restful way. But it wasn't terrible either.   Mr.R and I were talking a bit about having kids. Originally we decided yes we would have kids but overtime we kind of were on the fence / leaning towards no. I feel recently he started reconsidering and he has said this a few times/hinted at it. Now bless this man... he is terrible at committing to saying "yes" to things because that makes things real. Obviously the elephant in the room is both our weights...but more so my weight since I would need to carry the child and birth it. My BMI is 47 and I am looking at a weight that would make me a BMI of 29.  I know the issues about BMI and how it isn't a great means of measurement because it doesn't take muscle into consideration but it gives you an idea of the severity. Anyone who has followed me for any amount of time knows I have been wanting to lose weight for my health, my joints, longevity, energy levels, wedding/vanity reasons. Obviously I am not great at sticking to changes that will help me lose weight... I could say this talk would be added motivation for me to lose weight but realistically I don't think it will be a huge motivator for me at this current moment. I am still working through some things.    But because of this talk, I am thinking of ways to make it stick. I think it would be nice to track mood/energy levels and non-scale victories because I feel it is easy to not notice the overall changes if you don't make a conscious effort. Another is just to come up with "staple" repeat meals that I can just cook if there isn't something we specifically want and have them be more geared towards losing weight or maintaining it. Additionally I am thinking of who I want to be as "levelled up" Rookie... She is someone whose default is to make balanced meals where we eat proper portions for our bodies and we eat to nourish our bodies. This is especially important if we have a family with littles. I want them to not have to think about food the way I think about food. I want to lead by example. Family meals. I want to involve littles in cooking decisions and making food (might be easier said then done but the sentiment is nice). I want activity to just be normal. Family walks. Outings that are active adventures. Even if I don't end up with kids I want this for "levelled up" Rookie.    Things I am thinking of trying... - meal plan 1-3 meals weekly  - come up with 3-4 easy staple meals that are geared towards weight loss to fill in to meal plan - journal non-scale victories, mood and energy levels - keeping hydrated (2-3L a day) - eventually aiming for 10k steps or 60 mins of movement a day - while losing weight count calories by the week - while maintaining weight count calories randomly to make sure I am on track - listen to hunger cues and start to eat more intuitively (ie. if I feel extra hungry then try having more fiber, healthy fats and protein)    Feel free to share advice, wisdom, ideas, etc.    OH BTW @TrashcanCarla I met a character called Trashcan Carla in Fallout 4! I immediately thought of you lol    

Yay!  Enjoy Birbapalooza!

The garden is my happy place.     We have discussed putting water out for the various wildlife (more than the birdbath already in play) if the drought continues, but the weather seems to be headed back to our usual wet summers, so it may not be needed.   Just popping in for some quick updates while we travel.  I am working hard at keeping hydrated, but not really tracking so not sure if I am achieving.   If my interstate tour of women's restrooms is any indication, I am doing okay 😆    Staying in during the heat of the day is not a thing that happens on vacation.   However, it has been very much cooler in our vacation spot than it has been at home, so with hydration, shade, and water sports, it has been enjoyable and not miserable.  It's supposed to be quite hot tomorrow (94°F/34°C), but we plan to hang out at the resort and take advantage of the indoor waterpark, so the heat won't affect us much.   My big art project is on pause this week, but I did some quick sketches for Art Club while the family was resting after a big morning out playing Top Golf and shopping.  I finished Play Dead and am now reading Mage Assassins.   That's me!

He's looking for a reliable vehicle which is good on gas and can be made to look interesting with minor modifications. He wanted a smaller vehicle, but those are not really available. $5000-6000 is apparently about the sweet spot for beater cars that are still in reasonable shape and will last a while. He likes the Forester because it is incredibly sturdy and, being non-flashy, is generally driven by sensible people and thus is cheap to insure. It's also great in the snow, carries a ton of stuff, and can be used for camping. Very versatile.   He has zero plans to finance the car. He has the cash for it, plus he's got a Kei van that he's been fixing up and is planning to sell. The difference between the purchase and sale price should cover the cost of the new car.   Alas, I did not go swimming. I went to the celebrations with my son and his girlfriend, and she does not know how to swim at all. I didn't really want to swim all by myself on a day when things are super crowded.   It was not amazing. After the crash, the officer that was dealing with my son asked him to fill out an incident report type thing regarding the aggression he had experienced. Today the police dropped by to let my son know that charges (they did not specify) are being laid against the driver of the other car. We suspect that the other driver was under the influence of something, driving without a license, or driving without insurance. Any of these would explain why he was apparently sobbing in his car afterward - a car that he said he'd only purchased a few days earlier.   We have our share of assholes too, but this was definitely out of the ordinary. Most of the local crime and violence is drug-related or domestic.   Luckily for him he's got a friend who's good with cars who can come along to check them out. The new car thing can swing both ways though - it's brand new mechanically, but its long-term reliability is unknown. Could be great, could be a lemon. He researches not just the model, but the specific year to see if it had maintenance problems (so he eliminated one Forester he was interested in, because after about ten years a lot of them need a $1000ish repair, and it was about ten years old. Another two years newer did not have that issue.).   He's got very few features he really wants. For instance, he learned that one of the features he was interested in, having your phone pair with your car via Bluetooth, is available via a third-party device that costs about $250. The difference between a car that has that and doesn't is more like $1000-2000. So he started looking for cars without it instead. The only real no-gos seems to be a manual transmission and a sketchy seller.   ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Although I didn't go swimming, Canada Day was a good day. It was lovely and warm, and there were lots of people out. We got to juggle (poorly) and play with the giant Connect Four. I ran into the Friends of the local library, who remembered me, so we had a chat. I also ran into the lady who used to run the agricultural college library in town before it closed, so I talked with her a bit and showed her my now grown-up son. And I learned that a local place that used to only do gymnastics, cheer, and parkour for kids is now doing gymnastics classes for adults, and they have been successful enough that they are planning to expand to parkour for adults as well! Must investigate further.   Yesterday was popcorn and a graphic novel. Finished the second volume of Glitch, an odd little series about a town where the residents sometimes see glitches, like a hand or static, reminiscent of an 8- or 16-bit video game. Rather unusual (non-human) people have been arriving in town, caught up in the glitches in their own worlds, and residents are starting to go missing. A group of schoolchildren have formed a club to study the glitches, the history of the town, and the mysterious hill in the middle of town that seems tied to both. This series is an incredibly fast read because there is not a whole lot of text compared to the usual graphic, and I think perhaps fewer panels than usual too. Each of the first two volumes took only an hour to read.   It's pouring rain tonight, so I'm very tempted to settle down with a book again after I get some work done.   (Oh, and I only just realized that I missed not one challenge, but TWO. I feel like I lost a month of time somewhere.)

I forgot to mention a win I had on Tuesday. Well it starts with disappointment; I had a lousy lunch that was not at all nice to eat, so I was really hungry by the time I got home. But instead of snacking, I just had a little extra for dinner to fill the space.   Wednesday was terrible. I mean I did OK goals wise, but it was just a horrible day at work. Didn't manage to carve out any time for exercise (I didn't even get a chance to make a cup of tea!), but I did make an effort to only use the stairs instead of the lifts. For sugar I had a muffin I bought days ago and forgot about, so that's 26g, which is more than Mon or Tues but not outrageous. It was my turn to wash the dishes, Husband offered to do them for me since I was so tired, but I didn't take him up on it and just did 'em, so I'm calling that a choring win.   Weekend can't come quickly enough!

Me too!!!! ❤️    Work is smoothening out, which is nice. I might not have a job in January, of course (there are two cut points in the year: July 1 and January 1), but that's so six months from now.  In the interim, I am pleased and proud of the relationships I'm building at work, and pleased and proud of the work I do. Really, that sounds so small but it's huge for me.   I put the application in last week forthe Library internship and it is now in the hands of the universe.  There's a similar internship at a different university (also remote) that is more hours and a bit more tied to a traditional schedule, so I'll put my hat in the ring for that as well, and then if I get considered for the second one, I'll have a talk with them about alternating weekends to accommodate Vivian's visitation schedule.     I had my first appointement with the new reunification counselor today, and I think it went very well.  I'm looking forward to moving forward and to repairing my relationship with Vivian. Stay tuned, friends.   Tonight is supposed to be dance class, but I just don't have it in me, especially after the appointment this morning, which got unexpectedly emotional. Apparently I trust this counselor, and that's a nice surprise.  Nic wants his Settlers of Catan game back, so I'm going to go drop it off at the pinball museum (becuase apparently that's how mature people operate 🤦‍♀️). After that, I'm probably heading back home to pack up whatever for the dogsitting gig through Sunday. I need less and less each time I do this, which is probably my minimalism and Wise Mind coming out, but I also notice that the few things I do need, I really need, like tea and a kettle and my blood pressure medication.   The meeting with Philosopher James went very well this afternoon, and I'm glad. We are making good headway on the reading list, and this all makes me feel much more solid for the compressed schedule, or, as I'm beginning to think of it, The Schedule.  He had some time constraints today, so we didn't have time to talk about The Schedule today, but I feel pretty certain that we will be talking about it next week. Committee Chair Neal and I meet on the 15th (ish, I'd have to look up the specific date), and I know James wants to naikl down some calendar considerations before that meeting happens.    Overall, I'm feeling very centered and optimistic, which is refreshing. I'm still physically tired, but I'm feeling up to the things on my plate (but also feeling good about saying no to dancing tonight, because being in balance with myself means honoring my rest needs, too).  All will be well. ❤️ 

Woohoo for more sleep! Being rested is always step zero in my mind, but also, it seems like you'e been more physically active lately with the projects and the aikido. I tend to find a greater reservoir of energy after I up my activity baseline, and I'm wondering if this is part of it as well. I mean, I'm all for spending an evening lunging on the couch or in a comfy chair and knitting and woolgathering, so don't take this as judgemental.