It feels so much healthier, mentally and physically.    I see what you did there 🤭     Thank you!  It has been wonderful to land on something that feels like it's working.  I feel like my last few have been studies in what doesn't work.   I took my 10 seconds of courage and scheduled myself for a mammogram.  I am honestly more terrified of the procedure than I am of getting cancer*, but the nurse keeps calling me every few months to try to get me to come in.  This is the ultimate act of putting my body first.  I deserve 70 points for this at least.   *To be clear, this is a routine screening because of my age, not that anyone has any reason to suspect I am unwell.   I tried a new healthier breakfast this morning: a variation on overnight oats that had me soaking muesli and a grated apple in my homemade yogurt.  It was kind of boring, but a dash of cinnamon greatly improved it.  I might try grating the apple a bit smaller next time.   Have a hydrangea, I am off to school.

Ha - Primeland, I love it!   It feels good to have visible progress. I've been working on it all summer, but it's not the same as seeing a deck come together, as a random, nonspecific example.   Morning, nerds!  Got my Light and Morning Prayer points yesterday. Ran to the feed store on my lunch break, and holy heck was my mustang expensive at the end. I knew I was spending a lot of money on him, but my bill yesterday was 1/3 of what it's been all year. I don't regret spending it on him, but it is nice to have that going into savings now. Chilly and drizzly yesterday. Not so bad that I couldn't have started on lag bolts, but I decided to do a workout instead. I've been planning to start my Candito block with next challenge, but I wasn't feeling my current lack of plan, and challenges are rather artificial timelines, so rather than slog through 2 weeks for no particular reason before doing what I want, I did my first Candito workout last night. Haven't done heavy deadlifts in 3-4 months, it felt good, in the way that it actually kind of hurts today. Candito is designed for 4 workouts/week, but can work with 3. So I'm going to shoot for 4 (and get those extra points!) but not sweat it if it ends up being 3. Also not sure about getting to the gym 4 days a week, so it's supposed to be an upper/lower split, but I may move things around to take advantage of what I can do at home and what I need the gym for.  Things I would like to buy for home gym: 1.25lb plates weight vest floor mat squat rack bench Can do without the change plates for now, and don't yet have my dad's okay to put more stuff in the basement, so it comes down to the weight vest or floor mat first. Think I will get a floor mat first, and then after my first full Candito challenge I will get the weight vest. After that, we shall see. I've been thinking I wouldn't have room in my apartment for a squat rack, but York has a small one that I think would fit in my bedroom, but I need the build the thing first before I know for sure. So maybe change plates if I need them by then, or maybe I just take a break from buying fitness stuff for a bit. Anyways, got my workout in, had BLTs for dinner, did some piano practice, then read and snuggled with the dog until bedtime. A pretty nice Monday.   Today's Plan: Gym at lunch for Candito Day 2 - upper. Dinner with my sister. Did not get Light or Morning Prayer this morning, and probably not going to fit music in today either, so not a good day for cantrips, but there's always tomorrow.   P.S. - Got a call while typing this up - interview is rescheduled for Thursday morning!!!

Thank you!      I agree that he doesn't quite understand how insecure I've been feeling. I prepped some thoughts but it didn't come out today because I didn't have time for it. But we're going back.   This week we were focusing on his reasons and feelings around children and it was almost hilariously stereotypical man not in touch with his feelings: when asked to describe his feelings, he gave thoughts. Then the therapist pointed out that these were thoughts, and asked him again to describe his feelings. He said "I'm feeling that..." and then described a thought. Finally, she said "Those are still thoughts, not feelings. Can I say what I think you might be feeling?" And she named some feelings, and he agreed.  I didn't get much chance to speak this week (that's fine, it's just what was needed this time) but I did get a chance to reply, and I said, of Mr Harriet's feeling that I had "suddenly" made the decision for us both, that I told him ten years ago it was important to me not to be an elderly mother, that I would want to have my last child by 35 or 36, and that he had mentioned about three years ago that he might seek a third person--a woman--to have an arrangement with if I didn't want to have a child with him, and that he had since then, for various reasons, refused to finish the conversation or to do the emotional work he is just now starting to do, or to help us come to any conclusion on it. I said it had been hanging over me since then and I needed to come to a decision for my own mental wellbeing, and so it wasn't really sudden at all. I also said it was healthy for him to consider his emotions and I was glad he was getting the opportunity to do that.  Again, it doesn't really sound like he desperately wants children. It just sounds like he has some fears and regrets around missing out and growing old without company. He also named relief at the prospect of not having children and of having freedoms instead. And he reiterated how much he values our relationship and told the therapist that I support him a lot and am quite involved with his work: with editing, advice, and other things. It was nice to get that recognition in front of someone else.   Then we had pizza and ice cream, because the therapy is in a hipster oasis of cool restaurants.

She's still around!    Back from an incredible trip to Paris with my amazing fiance. We had such a wonderful time (pics on the old Insta for the nosy amongst us) and did all we wanted to do which was mostly walking around the city having a look at things. We ate wonderful food and saw some excellent things.    Yesterday, D_R had an email from the Home Office to tell him his visa has been decided. But it didn't tell us what this decision is so the wait continues despite our fate having been sealed which really is the worst of both worlds. It would be nice to know what the future holds but I guess it's a matter of time now. Keep your fingers crossed for us. Any day now. 

Monday   I did lift.  Benchpresses; I dialed back to 215 but did a 5x5 straight across.  I was at RPE 10 on the the last set, so that hit right where I wanted it to. 12/13  92%   I stayed on calorie target, very nicely 12/19  63%   I had another physical therapy appointment yesterday.  My therapist reminded me that I won't make progress if I'm not more consistent with the exercises.  Go figure.  So, I'll get on the stick with that.  I got them done yesterday and today.

not convinced I can do leg raises in the office but maybe at chorus

w00t

I need to get my car to the spa - overdue it's yearly scrape Hope you get some spa time for yourself soon 🤞

That's a great idea!

Sort of standard wfh Monday but with added evening anticipation  Morning run, lunch walk, physio and darebee, sensible eating and had some breads after work knowing dinner was unlikely. A mere 4.5hrs this time, but we both had to be up for going into town today so it was more sensible consideration than anything else. Sadly doesn't seem like there'll be any time to meet until next week Friday (darn scheduling) however they have very much agreed to 'fill the f*ck gap' left by married fb (who as anticipated has not been in contact) so that's grand for me. They're in a poly situ with a couple which I think takes up much weekend time, though I'm also busy a lot so it is what it is. Will hopefully look at more forward planning in future though...   Foods: 3 Exercise: 2 Sleeps: 2 Bonus? 0 Total: 7pts Challenge total: 118pts