HUNGER by Marc Harshman   White peonies border the stones of the old foundation. At the edge of the meadow peacocks fan light             into small rainbows of flame. You listen for the soft step of a bear,             the black paws’ chuff upon the leaf litter. An old road closes its arms around the forgotten, fallow fields. Your brother will return from there in the chiffon silence             of the afterlife, wrap you in a reassurance             unavailable from any altar. And here, where the sun slips into the tangle of forest,             a barred owl is singing for his supper as he always does             with a question much like your own. Who’ll cook for you, who’ll cook for you, who’ll cook for you?    

Hey all! I shook things up today by working out in the campus gym in the morning, right after getting to campus. It's a lot less crowded! This won't work as a long term tactic once I am back in the classroom each morning, but felt good to get that lifting knocked off the list today. Then did a little editorial stuff (I'm still so far behind it's scandalous, but getting better now at least). My student meeting today had to be postponed as student just tested positive for covid  It's really going around! Kid 1 and her gf have it now too, again, eek. This is like the 3rd bout for kid 1 so I'm really hoping no serious long term effects!   Other than that we're all well and happy. I have an appt with my knee surgeon in a couple hours (I think just some X-rays and the normal 12 week checkin), so may use that as a delineator - keep working on tasks I need to get done until it's time to go to that, then after I get back treat myself to an hour or so of doing my own science!

Back to work today after a long weekend, and I am resonating hard with this today...

Heidi feels the lure of of will-o'-the-wisps pulling her from this safe space, pleading with her to leave the Good Path this morning, just as she did yesterday morning. "Feel useful and feel safe, come with us and set your Persistent Fear down, just for a minute." But she knows that no matter how welcoming and cozy these lights are, they are actually malevolent and would only reinforce the fears until the fears bound her and enslaved her. She had fought too hard to be free, and wasn't interested in whatever these souls barred from heaven were peddling. She made her way out the door and onto the path, greeted immediately by the Peace Pole. She was in the right place.

Possibly. I like the mushroom image-energy. but I'm hesitant to put in anything that can't be turned off for my peace -- like glow in the dark stars and butterflies that I had in the previous apartment. They  are beautiful and cheerful and usually great, but sometimes, though not very often, I needed them to just hush.   I made it back to the gym yesterday morning and logged in and did work things and was about to do a forum post whenI got a message that electricity was being shut off in the downtown area (where I live) because a fault had started a fire in a large downtown building and fire crews were shutting the whole thing off "for an extended amount of time" as they addressed the emergency. I started to panic: how would I manage work and personalities and toxic expectations? Wait. No. The universe was giving me a literal hall pass to take the nap I so deeply needed. I told my work team that I was out of power, logged off and took a nap. This is the Way.   The weather is still crummy, the last day of the remnants of the storm. Flash flood warnings are still everywhere, and some schools are still closed.  I didn't want to get out of bed at all this morning, and definitely didn't want to do anything on my list. I got up and made tea, unloading and reloading the dishwasher while the kettle heated. I put on my tennis shoes and went out the door, tea in hand, to take the long route to the gym, the "extra ten minute" walk that has now become part of my routine.  Yesterday morning I took pictures of the street art that I pass on the street one block over --it's a run down street, with abandoned buildings and unattended lots. It's a street that feels more like a ramshackle alleyway, and unhoused people can be found taking shelter in doorways more often than actual customers or business owners. It's name of Luck Avenue seems like a cruel irony. There's a set of garage bays that someone took the time to paint a few years ago, back in the Before Times just before the pandemic.    This morning I made note of the Peace Pole in the front yard of the church across the street from my building (the street's name Church Avenue is about as unimaginative as it gets -- we are lousey with churches in my town, and particulalry along this street; one bell tower or another is tolling out throughout the day, marking time or just calling us to service), as I often do as I rounded the corner of my street heading toward Luck. This morning I stopped to take a picture of the Peace Pole for the West Marches campaign, and noticed the sign at the front of the building: Neighbor is not a geographical term; it is a moral concept. There's a little free library bench in nestled in front of the bank of wildflowers that keeps the yard looking especially cheerful, and then a few feet on, at the corner, is the pole with "may peace prevail on earth" in many different languages. I used to have a peace pole, and I miss it, and having one here made a big differnence in choosing that this was the place I wanted to live. Not a deciding factor, by any means, but one that seemed to be a welcome and a note from the Universe that yes, I'd found the right place.  I walked a full mile this morning, the first time in nearly a week since the weather issues began. It felt good, but it took some determination.  The steam room and sauna were once again a blessing.   At home I put my gym clothes, towel, and spa wrap in the wash and logged in for the morning work before the morning team meeting. This is good. This is the Way. There is a big Enterprise Leadership level meeting happening this afternoon that has me a little nervous. I'm trying to quell the energy; whatever decision will be made has, in fact, already been made, and I'll be informed of the impacts to my job (if there even are any), tomorrow at the earliest. All will be well. The Universe loves me and wants me to be happy.    I have clean clothes and clean dishes. The kitchen is set to rights after several days of low-key neglect. I have a knitting project that is far more my speed than the remaining two essays that I still have yet to read before tomorrow's lunchtime meeting with James.   I am considering not doing Brain PT, and this feels like a significant choice, so I'm sitting with it. It is very expensive as well as time consuming, and I'm not certain I'm in a position to take all this one. We will see what insights I get along the Way.   This week, such as remains: Meeting this afternoon (rescheduled from last week) Haircut this afternoon. Zazen tonight? Might just curl up and knit, honestly. I'm still very worn out. Reading tomorrow morning Meeting with James tomorrow Massage tomorrow afternoon Court Thursday morning Jedi Lunch Thursday afternoon Brain PT Friday Acupuncture Friday Georgia's visit on Saturday and Sunday

Roofers are very invested in the concept of their roof not being the problem. And the idea that the vents are leaking and it's somehow the vent that is magically emitting moisture, without requiring a faulty install of roofing tiles and sealant around the vent to cause the leak? Adorable!

It is sunny here (yes, i know. I was surprised too) so went out for a cup of tea and a cautious poddle whilst the weather is good. Clouds where being very photographic and the light was so pretty. Made me wish i had brought the camera with me. Must set it up and have a play with it. Snapped some on my phone but it is not great at photos (which i have left on my phone, so will retrieve later)   My local has started doing pumpkin spice and other autumn flavours drinks. I am addicted to cinnamon hot in chocolate so ordered one. slight misunderstanding meant it  Came to the table with a humungous mound of whipped cream and a flake and honey comb (a type of burnt toffee we have here) and caramel sauce on top. Looked amazing but i got it switched for one without the 300 unexpected calories on top. (Bonus points for asking for what i ordered and not just lumping it in a food joint).  may order one with all the frills as a treat at some point, but trying to be careful at the moment as i still am not getting my usual level of exercise due to ankle. Aiming for maintenance calorie wise.    Experiments in going on one of my usual walks have resulted in my concluding that as long as i don't go too fast or make my stride length too long and take plenty of rest breaks, i can definitely get a decent walk in if the terrain is flat (tarmac preferred). So progress.  saw a churm of goldfinches on my walk. Rescued a caterpiller. Petted many cool succulents growing in the hedge. Watched corvids ride the updraft from the cliff edge. All the usual things i love about taking a book to the cliffs.  trying to get as much in as possible before the winter weather closes in.   Going out tomorrow so hopefully the good weather sticks. 

The roofers say it’s not the roof, but they’re systematically inspecting the house to determine the source of the leak  They’ve done roof, windows, and now they’re doing vents.   I hope they figure it out. They seem really determined.

Ursina shifted on her feet and said “Oh bother”    She could think of several things that require courage… She takes a deep breath “Bears are brave.”   Then she starts preparing…she starts by pulling out her magical fruit and swipes her finger across it. She grimaces as she orders a ticket to her 25th reunion. Her old frenemy and underlings will be there, but so will several other bears she hasn’t seen since they were cubs. She’d really like to go, but the dramaaaaaa. Ursina unwittingly growls and bears her teeth. She’ll summon the courage to actually go in two weeks, but for now, she has her ticket.   ”I need tea.” She removes her hat and shoves it down deep in the bag and then sits with her empty teacup, hoping that the next brave moment doesn’t come with so many feelings. She focuses on the faces of her friends and hopes they have the courage to show up too. 

Yeah, we are sadly on the wrong side of the “haz mountains” line ☹️ no mountains for us