Welcome to my internal dialogue!

I knew you would understand. 

W1D1:  one DrP.  I also had a Coke Zero and a DrP Zero while out and about in the early afternoon, but those have no calories so I'm not counting them against my goals.  For lunch I made a plate of stacked cheese enchiladas, and throughout the afternoon I snacked on some potato chips and a bit of cheddar cheese.  For dinner I made a big batch of oven-roasted chicken thighs with potatoes and a side of steamed fresh green beans.  The extra snacking ran my day up to 2411 kcal, but I'm perfectly content with that.  It's red on the grid, but it's green in whatever's left of my heart.   For unclear reasons (I'm not all that interested in exploring it right now) I seem to do okay most of the time, but going to church is really tanking my disposition.  Last week I was genuinely looking forward to it, then when I got there I hated it.  This week I was pretty averse to it before I even left the house, but I made myself go.  It only got worse once I was there.  I actually left early and went to buy groceries.  That cleared my mind up a little bit (it still sucks shopping without Amber), and once I was back home I was able to get on with the day.  I did a bunch of cleaning and laundry and the like (with only a little bit of crying on the toilet).  In the afternoon I took Butch to the home centers to buy lumber for his bed, so that project will be kicking off this week.  While cooking dinner I checked in with Boomer just to make sure he's back on track for the week ahead since his Fall Break is ending.  In the evening I gave Brick a haircut since he was home from college for Sunday dinner.  Pretty successful day for a single dad:  I'd probably be happy about it if it didn't hurt so freaking much.  I don't even need Amber here to do anything, I've got it all handled--I just want her back.   Hope y'all don't mind a broken record.  I think I'll be echoing that to my grave.   Tomorrow is going to be a struggle, but I'm determined to get my workout done despite all the other stuff that will be clogging up my day.

I am definitely burned out. I'm not sure there's enough coffee to help at this point. Maybe make it an Irish Coffee...... or just some Irish Cream on the rocks with a double espresso chaser. I haven't looked anything up - but that D&D monster sounds like a wight.  It's been a hot minute since played. I seem to recall they can temporarily lower stats if you fail a savings through.

Hey all - I have to keep it ultra simple this time around (feel free to peruse previous threads linked in my sig since I've been kind of out of it the last few months if you're new here). 1) Try to check in here a couple of times a week 2) Try to get to bed before midnight - ideally by 11. 3) Try to get OUT of bed by 8:15a and get in a quick walk before logging into work (except those days I've somehow been bullied into an 8 or 8:30 am meeting - the cretins) 4) Get to the polls - monitor M-W to see if things calm down a bit and go in Friday if I can, Saturday if I can't. I do NOT want to wait until "Election Day" 5) Make it through the election without any physical fights and keep the online BS to a minimum - actually just had a small flame war until the "other" person realized he wasn't replying on a "Public" post but a mutual friend's post. He did a 180 and tried to claim he's not actually "like that and doesn't like to argue on the internet". Yeah, I called his BS there too. I did admit I lobbed the first "political" jab - at Musk, not at any poster - but that's no excuse to attack a person. And really, Musk is literally doing campaign events - but yeah. Whatever. For my mental health and ability to sleep, need to not get baited.

I still have yet to decide my 3rd task. I think I might put my laundry away because I was going to do that yesterday and didn't.    I'm feeling giddy that I might have found my dress but reality is that I don't think I would fit the highest size right now. I emailed the company to ask the measurements needed to fit it.   On another note, I decided to reach out to a girl whom I was pretty close to in elementary school but we drifted apart come highschool. It's been nice catching up. I don't expect much out of reconnecting but I'm glad to know she's doing well! And she said she always pictured me with lots of puppies ❤️ and I don't know why but that made me smile so much. I think because it means maybe she thought of me from time to time.    Anyways the night is still young so I might choose a mobility video to follow and hopefully get closer to my 30 minutes active time I'm aiming for.    Dog tax  

Brekky- 2 loaded coffees, 2 eggs, banana Lunch- Deli meat sandwich, dried fruit, chocolate milk Snack- Loaded coffee, 2 low cal yogurts, 1 whippet Supper- Soup and sandwiches Snack- Hot chocolate    Afternoon   Made a deli meat sandwich and chocolate milk for lunch. So good! I'm so happy I'm not having slim fast anymore.    Then my kid went on the treadmill for 12 mins. I love that he's showing an interest in fitness. He asks me if certain food is healthy. Tomorrow they are off school so I'll be working out in front of them.    Then I paced for a while to reach 15k steps.   ----------   I think I'm done pacing during the day. It's just so boring now. I'll still pace in the mornings, then dog walk and my treadmill, but that'll be it. To keep me occupied in my down time, I have a Christian book and a devotional book I'll read. I'm going to start reading the Bible again too.    I'm also getting back into true crime, I love watching them again.   ----------   Made tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for supper. It was good.   Made the kids a fruit bowl for a snack then put them to bed. I watched my show and enjoyed a hot chocolate.     Hubs might not be home tomorrow, I miss him so much.

Saturday Report Deadlifts went well. My rubber flooring which was a reward from a previous challenge was finally delivered. It's a big step up from what I was using, and additional blocks will definitely be going on the reward list for future challenges. Class was fine. My professor tends to just ramble on, but there's lots of good stuff in there if you can follow the thread. Got lots of fence work done, interior line cleared and up. Also worked my horse, read a chapter of The Hobbit, and went pumpkin shopping.   Sunday Report Was chalice bearer today and then we had our annual meeting. I nipped out pretty quick after it wrapped up to go look at a horse. He was...fine. They haven't been doing much with him, I wasn't super impressed until they told me he hadn't been ridden in 5 weeks, and then I thought he really didn't do bad for sitting that long. His feet need a trim, but they weren't terribly long yet. His ground manners are terrible. but I can fix that, and he settled in pretty quick once I was in the saddle. So I remained very noncommittal, but I am thinking about making an offer on him. I don't usually do a lot of bartering for things, but they couldn't even be bothered to knock the mud off him before saddling him for me, so I don't mind lowballing them. Trying to make arrangements to go see a few more next weekend, if none of them are the one, I'll probably call this guy back up and make an offer.   Zero Week went pretty well, didn't do any barndominium work but got lots of fencing done, think I might make it a regular practice to take a break from the apartment for Zero Week and catch up on other farm chores that are suffering from my attention being on construction. I got Shape Water every day, only did the full Morning Prayer liturgy once, Light was hit or miss. Had plans to cook dinner tonight, but horse shopping meant I got home too late. I did not get my alarm clock moved, but I suspect I'll be up and at them early this week with the new job to get to, even without changing the set up.   Since the site might be down for maintenance tomorrow, going to go ahead and post the outline for Week One, although tomorrow is my first day in the new job, so I'm leaving myself the option of noping out of anything if I'm too fried by the end of the day.   Ordination - Just class work here for this week Strength - gym workout on Mon/Tues and home workouts on Thurs/Sat Barndominium - electric company is supposed to come stake the line this week, need to follow up with them tomorrow, if weather is nice I'll put the bottom rail for the deck up, otherwise I'll start clearing stuff inside to make room for interior walls.   Monday - workout at lunch, oiling my truck after work Tuesday - workout at lunch, dinner with my sister Wednesday - noon Eucharist, probably helping my neighbor, otherwise class reading and apartment work Thursday - class reading at lunch, workout in the evening, have the house to myself so just enjoying the quiet Friday - class reading at lunch, maybe Forbidden Lands in the evening Saturday - workout in the morning, then class, then hopefully horse shopping Sunday - church, then a free afternoon. Barn work, horse work, chill

I shall bedazzle them with my gem-encrusted mace!

17 - Journal   Another continuation, this time of 2 -Spiders from 2023 (read it here, contains some cussin'). This one references the Spiders one a couple of times, but it isn't strictly necessary to read it for this to make sense. This one also has some cussin', but not as much.