[Laghail]

26 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Told my father last night that Wednesday's therapy appointment was rescheduled for today at 3. At 3:15 he knocks on my door and I'm caught off guard so I say "I'm in therapy, go away." Now he's butthurt because I said "go away." Which in turn makes me upset because ptsd and not liking when people are mad at me etc. I didn't apologize and I'm not going to because I'm a petty bitch but uggggggh fucking really? 

 

Big hugs. Setting boundaries is a tough skillset. Sometimes I'll apologize for being tactless when I'm enforcing a boundary, but I'd only do that with someone who I'd trust to not take advantage of the apology and dive into shit that I've said is off-limits. 

 

26 minutes ago, fleaball said:

I still have to post screenshots of my library checkouts like I said I would do two weeks ago but I'm lazy. I also still have to reply to posts here and catch up with people but I'm too pissed off at my father's existence to do so. 

 

This is why god invented escapism - 10/10 you should bury yourself in a book for a hot minute. 

[fleaball]

I killed a big ol' spider that was crawling on my wall. Then a few minutes later, on the other side of the room, I feel like I need to brush something off my arm. 
 

yep. Another big ol' spider. Crawling on my arm. So if anyone needs me I'm just going to light myself on fucking fire because I'm going insane now thinking they're all over me. Jury's out on whether I'll actually be able to fall asleep tonight. ☠️

[fleaball]

As promised, all the books I currently have checked out. There was no easy way on phone, iPad, or laptop to get them all into a reasonable number of screenshots, so the ridiculous number of screenshots is under a cut because they're annoyingly huge. 
 

Spoiler

 

[Whisper]

I like the 10% happier book. It feels like a nice, reasonable goal. Not promising to turn everything around, but who wouldn't like to be just 10% happier?

 

Also, you don't owe your father an apology.  "I'm in therapy, go away" is a perfectly reasonable thing to say. 

[Severine]

On 9/24/2024 at 1:19 PM, fleaball said:

Doing two things a day is happening but true to form I'm not satisfied with just meeting the goal, I'm mad that it hasn't snowballed into totally clearing out my to do list and turning my entire life around.

 

I literally laughed/groaned out loud at how profoundly relatable this is. Like, I can set reasonable, attainable goals, but then there are also SECRET LUDICROUS UNDERLYING GOALS that seem to exist and have power over me without me (consciously?) wanting them to. and like...why, brain, why?

 

Your dad is a TikTok video on the definition of the word "manchild" just waiting to happen. 

[Bean Sidhe]

 

It has been a bit. I am not quite ready to do my own challenge, but I wanted to at least say Hi to my friends.
 

So hows things?

[Whisper]

1 hour ago, Bean Sidhe said:

 

It has been a bit. I am not quite ready to do my own challenge, but I wanted to at least say Hi to my friends.
 

So hows things?

 

 

Really good to see you Bean

[Bean Sidhe]

On 10/2/2024 at 8:38 AM, Whisper said:

 

 

Really good to see you Bean

Thanks Whisper. I am glad someone remembered me. I really did miss you all. I need to hunt down your thread now.

[fleaball]

lawl so I started on these replies like two weeks ago and just never came back to it. and now it's all been eaten by the site. wommmmmp.

 

On 9/22/2024 at 6:38 AM, Severine said:

Just wanted to say props for helping medical science. Boston is a great place to contribute to cool medical research. And yeah, eye roll at your dad's lack of comprehension of basic empathy. From everything I know of him, it terrifies me retroactively that he was a cop.

ngl I think I should donate my father's body to science once he finally kicks the bucket. there's got to be something in there for them to find.  also it's funny bc like every call and email and visit for this laser study they're all tripping over themselves saying "thanks for participating we really appreciate it" and I'm just like "it's seriously no big deal this is kinda cool?" what a nerd. but whatever. science is cool so long as I'm not the one who has to do it.

 

On 9/22/2024 at 6:38 AM, Severine said:

It's funny how certain days (anniversaries etc.) can sometimes have an impact even when we don't think they should based on our feelings, or really don't want them to, or whatever. But then other years they don't even register. It's something I don't understand, and I find the unpredictability annoying. Also this is me being 0% shocked that your mother had opinions (I am sure terrible/irritating ones) about an aspect of your physical appearance. 

she was less annoying about my birthmark than she was about my boobs tbh. the most obnoxious thing is that she loved to take credit for the fact that I've never been bothered by my birthmarks. because of course she did.  whenever it came up (not often, but often enough) she'd go on about how she was so pleased with herself for it because she never made a big deal of it which is clearly why I also don't make a big deal of it and like... I'm sure there's some truth to that because of how kids learn and whatever but ma'am you did not plant these feelings in my head for me, I got here myself. chill. but otoh there were plenty of times over the years where she reminded me that I could cover the one on my face with makeup if I wanted to. bitch I'm too lazy to do makeup of any kind, you think I'm going to put in the effort to cover this raised purple shit on my face every single day??? I would be less pissed about it, maybe, if I didn't remember her talking to the dermatologist who did the study when I was in 7th grade and them discussing covering it with makeup and possible other treatments... right in front of me. >> 

 

side note because now I'm curious and you're the only one I can ask: how noticeable is the one on my face irl?

 

wait no, I know it's attention grabbing because I've had assholes comment on it before. meh. 

 

anyway. yeah her birthday was a weird thing. the extra fun part was that while he was zapping me somehow the conversation turned to going to casinos? so it's me and the main doctor, plus another doctor and the study coordinator, and this guy's just going on about gambling and how he doesn't get the attraction and blah blah and the other two are chiming in and I'm like, "it's friday the 13th, it's my mother's birthday, and we're discussing how gambling is stupid. this is fine."

 

On 9/24/2024 at 4:49 PM, Laghail said:

Big hugs. Setting boundaries is a tough skillset. Sometimes I'll apologize for being tactless when I'm enforcing a boundary, but I'd only do that with someone who I'd trust to not take advantage of the apology and dive into shit that I've said is off-limits. 

❤️

 

On 9/24/2024 at 4:49 PM, Laghail said:

This is why god invented escapism - 10/10 you should bury yourself in a book for a hot minute. 

should have gone for a book. video games are usually my go-to because they require less thought lol

 

On 9/26/2024 at 9:41 AM, Whisper said:

I like the 10% happier book. It feels like a nice, reasonable goal. Not promising to turn everything around, but who wouldn't like to be just 10% happier?

ngl I haven't gotten around to reading that one yet. probably should. >>

 

On 9/26/2024 at 9:41 AM, Whisper said:

Also, you don't owe your father an apology.  "I'm in therapy, go away" is a perfectly reasonable thing to say. 

my therapist said the same thing when I told her the following week. after staring at me for a minute trying to comprehend why he was offended. I'd also told my brother the story and I think he hurt himself rolling his eyes so hard. it's annoying that I know my father was in the wrong and I still felt guilty over it. ugh. stupid mental health issues,

 

On 9/26/2024 at 9:26 PM, Severine said:

I literally laughed/groaned out loud at how profoundly relatable this is. Like, I can set reasonable, attainable goals, but then there are also SECRET LUDICROUS UNDERLYING GOALS that seem to exist and have power over me without me (consciously?) wanting them to. and like...why, brain, why?

this comes up in therapy and nutrition appointments so fucking often man. I think if they were in-person instead of virtual someone would have already grabbed me by the shoulders and shaken me while yelling about how I make no sense.

 

On 10/2/2024 at 7:46 AM, Bean Sidhe said:

 

It has been a bit. I am not quite ready to do my own challenge, but I wanted to at least say Hi to my friends.
 

So hows things?

beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan ❤️ 

[fleaball]

barf. okay clearly dropped the ball on this one. anxiety has been going absolutely fucking bonkers for no apparent reason. I mean sure there's more than enough happening in the world to be anxious about but idk. it's just really strong rn. I'm wondering if it's the anxiety resurgence I was worried would happen when I stopped the birth control. it's been a couple months but my body still seems to be adjusting to the change so idk. maybe. either way. I got so fucking anxious and stressed out over nothing and then it spilled over into tracking food being triggery and attempting anything on my to do list left me paralyzed and reading was hard because my brain was going two hundred miles an hour and... yeah. challenge failed. again. 

 

I was going to put up a new thread but it's almost 2:30am and I don't want to deal with words anymore. I got my flu shot 12 hours ago and I feel like shit. can't go to bed yet though bc boobcat is sleeping at the end of it and I don't want to break the law and move him while he's comfy.

[fleaball]