LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[K-Prime]

I've done my hair purple a bunch, and used to rock a close shaved faux-hawk with purple highlights that I loved dearly. Now that I'm back in school and out of the workforce I feel like it might be my last chance to get crazy. Blue HAS always been tempting...

[shaeon]

I've done my hair purple a bunch, and used to rock a close shaved faux-hawk with purple highlights that I loved dearly. Now that I'm back in school and out of the workforce I feel like it might be my last chance to get crazy. Blue HAS always been tempting...

I never dyed my hair when I was younger. I had a string of retail jobs that didn't tolerate crazy hair colors, and then I got office jobs. But now I've been at this same office job for a few years, where we dress casual every day and like I said before, there's a lot of wiggle room in the code regarding appearance, as long as I can tone it down. It's kind of nice to be this far along and suddenly realize that now I can be the blue-haired freak I didn't get to be when I was younger.

[Hit]

 

 

Or maybe I just have a thing for redheads.

 

how you doing haha

[Aerinity]

how you doing haha

 

Hrrrrmmmm.

[Bekah]

I have observed that a LOT of bisexual women dye their hair red. I hadn't thought to consider it a secret code, but when a woman has red hair, I tend to be a little more confident approaching her. 

Or maybe I just have a thing for redheads.

hah! My hair was very red when I was younger, it has gone more dirty blonde over the years but there is still some red in it naturally, so it should look pretty natural

and I definitely have a thing for redheads

[shaeon]

how you doing haha

How YOU doing?

[Hit]

 

 

and I definitely have a thing for redheads

 

suddenly feeling super popular.

 

 

 

How YOU doing?

 

about this well 

 

[SevenofSeven]

I have embraced the grey. Have been going grey since my 20's, nice salt and pepper now with a dark patch at the back to remind me of the glory days.

[Candace Koller]

I would love to have gray hair because then I wouldn't need to bleach it anymore to dye it weird colors.

 

On a less lighthearted note...

I have a bit of a question. I had planned to get the undercut I mentioned yesterday but we are in a current financial bind and can't pay to get it done. The clippers I borrowed didn't have a guard with my preferred length. I ended up having a complete meltdown to my husband and going on and on about how I feel like I can never be me and people will judge me if I don't look feminine. He was very supportive for which I am thankful.

My question is, despite seeing that this obviously has a pretty significant effect on me I still can't manage to think of myself as a legitimate case, if that makes any sense. I feel like I have no right to complain about how things are and like I can't legitimately put a label of gender identity confusion on myself. Is that normal?

[Bekah]

I would love to have gray hair because then I wouldn't need to bleach it anymore to dye it weird colors.

 

On a less lighthearted note...

I have a bit of a question. I had planned to get the undercut I mentioned yesterday but we are in a current financial bind and the clippers I borrowed didn't have a guard with my preferred length. I ended up having a complete meltdown to my husband and going on and on about how I feel like I can never be me and people will judge me if I don't look feminine. He was very supportive for which I am thankful.

My question is, despite seeing that this obviously has a pretty significant effect on me I still can't manage to think of myself as a legitimate case, if that makes any sense. I feel like I have no right to complain about how things are and like I can't legitimately put a label of gender identity confusion on myself. Is that normal?

dunno...but *hugs*

[Frost of the Gloaming]

Dark purple will fade down to cotton candy pink (at least it did on me) with a couple of cool shades in between; fond memories of rocking out a cotton candy colored Mohawk for a few weeks

[shaeon]

I have embraced the grey. Have been going grey since my 20's, nice salt and pepper now with a dark patch at the back to remind me of the glory days.

 

I have decided that as my hair grays to just let it happen. I have a few friends who have had gray hair since their 20s (in hair that was black, so it really stood out), and I don't blame them for dying. I kind of accept that there is such a thing as gray coming in unattractively, and I might dye in that case. But I have dark brown hair and I really don't want to go blond like a lot of women (including my mom) do in reaction to gray. 

 

 

I would love to have gray hair because then I wouldn't need to bleach it anymore to dye it weird colors.

 

On a less lighthearted note...

I have a bit of a question. I had planned to get the undercut I mentioned yesterday but we are in a current financial bind and can't pay to get it done. The clippers I borrowed didn't have a guard with my preferred length. I ended up having a complete meltdown to my husband and going on and on about how I feel like I can never be me and people will judge me if I don't look feminine. He was very supportive for which I am thankful.

My question is, despite seeing that this obviously has a pretty significant effect on me I still can't manage to think of myself as a legitimate case, if that makes any sense. I feel like I have no right to complain about how things are and like I can't legitimately put a label of gender identity confusion on myself. Is that normal?

 

I can't answer if it's normal, since I'm pretty solidly cis-female. But I think you have a right to feel your feels. If something distresses you, you have a right to talk about it and complain about it and try to work through it. 

By the way, if it helps your hair issues - I get my hair cut at cheapo places like Supercuts, because other than the new undercut, my hair is just long without layering or anything special, and all it needs trimming from time to time. It's not like it's hard to do, and it is simply not worth it to me to pay $40 (at the very least!) for a haircut. I had the undercut done there too, and the stylist did a good job. Even if you want to trim it yourself (it is certainly on my mind to trim my own because clearly, it will need a lot of maintenance), you could maybe go somewhere cheap for the initial cut?

[Artinum]

I have embraced the grey. Have been going grey since my 20's, nice salt and pepper now with a dark patch at the back to remind me of the glory days.

 

I too have a sprinkling of grey hairs in amongst the brown. They started appearing in my 20s and haven't really spread much in the last decade. I've no intention of trying to hide them, but then my hair is usually trimmed quite short anyway and that makes it less noticeable.

[Candace Koller]

I can't answer if it's normal, since I'm pretty solidly cis-female. But I think you have a right to feel your feels. If something distresses you, you have a right to talk about it and complain about it and try to work through it. 

By the way, if it helps your hair issues - I get my hair cut at cheapo places like Supercuts, because other than the new undercut, my hair is just long without layering or anything special, and all it needs trimming from time to time. It's not like it's hard to do, and it is simply not worth it to me to pay $40 (at the very least!) for a haircut. I had the undercut done there too, and the stylist did a good job. Even if you want to trim it yourself (it is certainly on my mind to trim my own because clearly, it will need a lot of maintenance), you could maybe go somewhere cheap for the initial cut?

 

Feeling my feels is something I need work on. I try to think them away.

That is a good point about the cheaper places to get a cut. For years I have done my own hair just because I couldn't justify spending $40-60 or higher at the salons but maybe something this simple could be done more cheaply at a place like you mentioned.

Seems like at the point of meltdown my mind was in a bit of a chaotic "let's throw up barriers to everything right now" and "this isn't a real problem" then all of a sudden "omg this is a huge problem" type of moment. I think I was so focused on my husband accepting me and thinking that would make everything better that I never realized how much the changes in appearance would mean to me.

[fleaball]

I would love to have gray hair because then I wouldn't need to bleach it anymore to dye it weird colors.

 

On a less lighthearted note...

I have a bit of a question. I had planned to get the undercut I mentioned yesterday but we are in a current financial bind and can't pay to get it done. The clippers I borrowed didn't have a guard with my preferred length. I ended up having a complete meltdown to my husband and going on and on about how I feel like I can never be me and people will judge me if I don't look feminine. He was very supportive for which I am thankful.

My question is, despite seeing that this obviously has a pretty significant effect on me I still can't manage to think of myself as a legitimate case, if that makes any sense. I feel like I have no right to complain about how things are and like I can't legitimately put a label of gender identity confusion on myself. Is that normal?

I can't speak to gender identity issues, but I think in a general sense when something's wrong we tend to compare ourselves to others or think there's some kind of standard we have to meet to fall into that category. Like if everyone you know with depression has hurt themselves but you haven't, can your depression really be that bad or are you overreacting? If you're sick or in pain right now but this is what your friend with a chronic illness lives with every day, how dare you feel bad about it? So maybe that's where you're coming from? Maybe subconsciously you're telling yourself your case isn't quite as bad as other people's so you can't possibly fit in? 

 

Given that it is affecting you this way and you've talked about gender issues before here, is there any harm in giving yourself that label right now and trying to work through it as if it's "legitimate" even if you don't quite feel like it? It's not as though there's a finite number of people who can use it and you're taking someone else's spot if you're wrong and realize it's something else along the way. 

 

 

 

Apologies if I'm totally off base here. If I offended anyone it's not done on purpose.

[Bekah]

Hey all you alphabet soupers!

Is anyone planning on going to Camp Nerd Fitness 2015??? I just booked my spot and want to know if I'm going to be the lonely letter among us.

[Candace Koller]

I can't speak to gender identity issues, but I think in a general sense when something's wrong we tend to compare ourselves to others or think there's some kind of standard we have to meet to fall into that category. Like if everyone you know with depression has hurt themselves but you haven't, can your depression really be that bad or are you overreacting? If you're sick or in pain right now but this is what your friend with a chronic illness lives with every day, how dare you feel bad about it? So maybe that's where you're coming from? Maybe subconsciously you're telling yourself your case isn't quite as bad as other people's so you can't possibly fit in? 

 

Given that it is affecting you this way and you've talked about gender issues before here, is there any harm in giving yourself that label right now and trying to work through it as if it's "legitimate" even if you don't quite feel like it? It's not as though there's a finite number of people who can use it and you're taking someone else's spot if you're wrong and realize it's something else along the way. 

 

 

 

Apologies if I'm totally off base here. If I offended anyone it's not done on purpose.

 

No, you're not off base at all and honestly I think you might be absolutely right. That wasn't something I had considered. I also wonder if part of it may be not wanting to admit that it bothers me to myself. Hmm...I must think on this.

[Bekah]

No, you're not off base at all and honestly I think you might be absolutely right. That wasn't something I had considered. I also wonder if part of it may be not wanting to admit that it bothers me to myself. Hmm...I must think on this.

Yay! for figuring shit out

[K-Prime]

Hey all you alphabet soupers!

Is anyone planning on going to Camp Nerd Fitness 2015??? I just booked my spot and want to know if I'm going to be the lonely letter among us.

Jealous! I really wanted to but I'm going back to school full time at the beginning of September and can't miss that many days. Boo-urns!

[Twilight]

Worrying about being "______ enough" is really common. There's no checklist, no Quiltbag Auditors to verify that you meet all of the criteria to be able to claim a certain label or category for yourself. Everyone's journey is different.

[Bekah]

Jealous! I really wanted to but I'm going back to school full time at the beginning of September and can't miss that many days. Boo-urns!

 

awww damn I wish you could get an "I'm going to DIE if I don't go to Camp" medical exception1 LOL! 

Worrying about being "______ enough" is really common. There's no checklist, no Quiltbag Auditors to verify that you meet all of the criteria to be able to claim a certain label or category for yourself. Everyone's journey is different.

yes, Twilight is an amazingly smart cookie  

[fleaball]

Worrying about being "______ enough" is really common. There's no checklist, no Quiltbag Auditors to verify that you meet all of the criteria to be able to claim a certain label or category for yourself. Everyone's journey is different.

This is what I wanted to say but in far fewer words. Teach me your ways.

[kaelvan]

 

I work in a hospital, and manage the kitchen (as well as housekeeping and work in the accounting department) so at some point in the day I see everyone that works there, as well as a majority of guests and some patients...so...yea, no, don't think I could pull that off LOL

 

I have 17 tats...one of my rules is don't get any that can't be covered if they need to be...though they have seen the ones on my legs when I wear dresses, but for the most part no one says anything if one peeks out...

 

This is a few of them...

 

I love your tats. I always wanted one (of raven).

[kaelvan]

I have observed that a LOT of bisexual women dye their hair red. I hadn't thought to consider it a secret code, but when a woman has red hair, I tend to be a little more confident approaching her. 

Or maybe I just have a thing for redheads.

Omg I didn't realize that. Maybe it's somewhat true.

Fun fact not true red head

[Twilight]

This is what I wanted to say but in far fewer words. Teach me your ways.

 

I'm lazy.