Guzzi Posted December 12, 2014 Report Share Posted December 12, 2014 Bawhahahaha! Priceless!!!! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
SevenofSeven Posted December 14, 2014 Report Share Posted December 14, 2014 How does NASA organise a party?They planet.Yeah I know, but it was hilarious when my seven year old told me. 1 Quote Wait! What............? Link to comment
Guzzi Posted December 14, 2014 Report Share Posted December 14, 2014 What do you call a guy with a shovel on his head?Doug [emoji38][emoji38][emoji38]Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 1 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Fearkiller Posted December 14, 2014 Report Share Posted December 14, 2014 What do you call a guy with a shovel on his head?Doug [emoji38][emoji38][emoji38]Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk*smirk* Quote "There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged | STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.1 | 15.2 | Milythaels' HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good. It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator "I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories "Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." - Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. "Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky "Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings "I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit "If you do strange things, strange things will happen!" "That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker Link to comment
Grazer Posted December 14, 2014 Report Share Posted December 14, 2014 You're momma's so fat her patronus is a cake. Shamelessly stolen from: 1 Quote "We forge our bodies in the fire of our will" - Han, Enter The Dragon Link to comment
Artinum Posted December 14, 2014 Report Share Posted December 14, 2014 What do you call a guy with a shovel on his head?Doug. What do you call a guy with a trowel on his head? Douglas. What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff. What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack. 2 Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
StarGazer Posted December 15, 2014 Report Share Posted December 15, 2014 What do you call a guy with a trowel on his head?Douglas.What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?Cliff.What do you call a man with a car on his head?Jack.What do you call a guy with a shovel on his head?Doug [emoji38][emoji38][emoji38]Sent from my iPhone using TapatalkI was told all of these jokes in real life on Friday. And laughed. Because bad jokes make me laugh. Quote Link to comment
Guzzi Posted December 15, 2014 Report Share Posted December 15, 2014 What do you call a man wearing paper tissue trousers?Russell What do yo call a woman with a sheep on her head!Bar-baa-raSent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Artinum Posted December 15, 2014 Report Share Posted December 15, 2014 What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen. Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
Guzzi Posted December 15, 2014 Report Share Posted December 15, 2014 What do you call a man with a dumbell on his head?Jim Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Guzzi Posted December 15, 2014 Report Share Posted December 15, 2014 Wow, that's weird! A double post AN HOUR after the original post.... Spooky! Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
insanity Posted December 15, 2014 Report Share Posted December 15, 2014 What do you call a man with an elephant on his head? Flat... 1 Quote "Insanity - you make my world a better place man, you really do! That shit is awesome! :D" - Guzzi- My first challenge My battle Log: Insanity: Warrior Monk Honorary Ranger dubbed by DarK_RaideR, 1000 Pound club (875 of 1000) Link to comment
Guzzi Posted December 15, 2014 Report Share Posted December 15, 2014 Bahahahaha! Way funnier than it should have been. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
cracked_belle Posted December 16, 2014 Report Share Posted December 16, 2014 What do you call a guy with a trowel on his head? Douglas. What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff. What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack. damn, Arty. you're a little too good have having a collection of Bad Jokes primed and ready for usage. I swear you have, like, a Bag of Holding for all these..... Quote there is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or Why or Who you are. you want one and I want one, but there isn't one. it comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. and yet you are all that you have, so you must be Enough. there is no other way. ― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia Link to comment
Artinum Posted December 16, 2014 Report Share Posted December 16, 2014 I do indeed. It's my bizarre, leaky brain. Names and faces, nope. Birthdays, well, they're some point this year... but puns and bad jokes? They stick. Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted December 17, 2014 Report Share Posted December 17, 2014 What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen.What do you call a Japanese woman with one leg shorter than the other? Irene. Sorry, just had to... 2 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Artinum Posted December 17, 2014 Report Share Posted December 17, 2014 What do you call a woman with no ears? Anything you like. She won't answer you. Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
insanity Posted December 17, 2014 Report Share Posted December 17, 2014 The wife's back on the warpath again.She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night. (Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it).After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday.But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Screw it, soldier on!"The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex. 5 Quote "Insanity - you make my world a better place man, you really do! That shit is awesome! :D" - Guzzi- My first challenge My battle Log: Insanity: Warrior Monk Honorary Ranger dubbed by DarK_RaideR, 1000 Pound club (875 of 1000) Link to comment
Artinum Posted December 17, 2014 Report Share Posted December 17, 2014 And I thought Bernard Manning was dead! 2 Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
Koushiro Posted December 19, 2014 Report Share Posted December 19, 2014 I totally understand how batteries feel as I'm rarely included in anything either Quote Link to comment
Barfly Posted December 19, 2014 Report Share Posted December 19, 2014 And I thought Bernard Manning was dead!Or Henny Youngman, in the US(Google him, kids) 1 Quote The past is only smoke in a dream. Lvl 6 Ranger Berzerker STR 9 DEX 4 STA 9 CON 8 WIS 2 CHA 8 Barfly ain't even tryin'... Link to comment
Maj. Bloodnok Posted December 19, 2014 Report Share Posted December 19, 2014 Or Henny Youngman, in the US(Google him, kids)Take my wife! Please! Quote "If you get into trouble, you can always eat something, blow something up, or throw penguins." - Jim Henson Link to comment
Guzzi Posted December 20, 2014 Report Share Posted December 20, 2014 (Google him, kids)Had to Sent from my stoopid phone which hates me I swear. Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Guzzi Posted December 20, 2014 Report Share Posted December 20, 2014 A mathematician was getting scolded by his wife for going out with some friends and coming home drunk at 3am. You're late!!! You said you would be home by 11:45 at the latest. No, I'm exactly on time. I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12Sent from my stoopid phone which hates me I swear. 1 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Guzzi Posted December 20, 2014 Report Share Posted December 20, 2014 Shamelessly stolen from: Bahahahaha! I loved the What does the Force and duct tape have in common?They both have a dark side and a light side, and they hold the universe together...Sent from my stoopid phone which hates me I swear. Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
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