Tomu-san Posted March 17, 2016 Report Share Posted March 17, 2016 I know brevity is the soul of wit, but damn! 2 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Ojara Posted March 17, 2016 Report Share Posted March 17, 2016 Q: Why didn't anyone laugh at the gardener's jokes? A: Because they were too corny! 1 Quote The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. - Lao Tzu C25K program: ~17% Completed Battle Log: My Final Fantasy of getting in shape Character Sheet: Ojara Link to comment
Mike_d85 Posted March 18, 2016 Report Share Posted March 18, 2016 Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducked. 2 Quote My Battle Log I'm on Strava for my running now. Check out Kick! too. You unlock gear with your progress on Strava. Link to comment
Ojara Posted March 18, 2016 Report Share Posted March 18, 2016 I almost got arrested today.Why? For having those guns!!! (FOR ALL MY WARRIOR'S OUT THERE!) 2 Quote The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. - Lao Tzu C25K program: ~17% Completed Battle Log: My Final Fantasy of getting in shape Character Sheet: Ojara Link to comment
Mike_d85 Posted March 18, 2016 Report Share Posted March 18, 2016 More of a bit than a joke: You ever get ambushed by racism? I don't mean attacked by a racist, that'd be awful, but had some weird racist stuff happen just out of the blue? It's crazy because sometimes you learn racist stuff and you didn't even know it was racist. I was talking to one guy and he goes "Yeah, the cops know the black guys aren't in pickup trucks." and I'm not thinking "wow, what a racist bastard" I'm thinking "Is that a thing?" I've seen black guys in pickup trucks before, I'm sure of it. How can there be no black guys in pickup trucks? F*ck me, I can't think of a single time I've seen a black guy in a pickup truck. Is the stereotype real or is this like when someone tells you "Don't think about a pink elephant" and you think of a pink elephant. Did he just make me racist? How do I look into this weird bullsh*t anyway? I can't google "black guys in a pickup truck" that'll put me on a list somewhere. What's the reasoning behind this? Who sat down and thought "You know what. Black guys don't drive pickup trucks." Who is this? Is it the guy with the three racist buddies in the truck bed you see in every lynching scene in the movies? It's not like the Chevy dealership puts "no coloreds" on the sticker sheet. Is there some secret conspiracy to keep black people out of pickup trucks? What do they do? Can you just say, "Yes, sir the Silverado is lovely, but the Impala is generally more to your people's liking..."? Maybe that's the root of the bad credit stereotype. Guys are trying to buy pickup trucks and the dealership is just like "Oh.... sorry. Credit denied. Maybe if you go for the Malibu..." By the time I was done I'd convinced myself. Pickup trucks are the vehicle of all racism in the United States. Quote My Battle Log I'm on Strava for my running now. Check out Kick! too. You unlock gear with your progress on Strava. Link to comment
Mike_d85 Posted March 18, 2016 Report Share Posted March 18, 2016 Q: Why didn't anyone laugh at the gardener's jokes? A: Because they were too corny! Oh, I forgot to get a permit! For what? Putting on this gun show! 1 Quote My Battle Log I'm on Strava for my running now. Check out Kick! too. You unlock gear with your progress on Strava. Link to comment
Guzzi Posted March 24, 2016 Report Share Posted March 24, 2016 Some people are like slinkies. They serve absolutely no purpose whatsoever, but it always makes you smile when you see tumble arse over tit down the stairs. 3 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
insanity Posted March 28, 2016 Report Share Posted March 28, 2016 On 3/18/2016 at 2:29 PM, Mike_d85 said: More of a bit than a joke: You ever get ambushed by racism? I don't mean attacked by a racist, that'd be awful, but had some weird racist stuff happen just out of the blue? It's crazy because sometimes you learn racist stuff and you didn't even know it was racist. I was talking to one guy and he goes "Yeah, the cops know the black guys aren't in pickup trucks." and I'm not thinking "wow, what a racist bastard" I'm thinking "Is that a thing?" I've seen black guys in pickup trucks before, I'm sure of it. How can there be no black guys in pickup trucks? F*ck me, I can't think of a single time I've seen a black guy in a pickup truck. Is the stereotype real or is this like when someone tells you "Don't think about a pink elephant" and you think of a pink elephant. Did he just make me racist? How do I look into this weird bullsh*t anyway? I can't google "black guys in a pickup truck" that'll put me on a list somewhere. What's the reasoning behind this? Who sat down and thought "You know what. Black guys don't drive pickup trucks." Who is this? Is it the guy with the three racist buddies in the truck bed you see in every lynching scene in the movies? It's not like the Chevy dealership puts "no coloreds" on the sticker sheet. Is there some secret conspiracy to keep black people out of pickup trucks? What do they do? Can you just say, "Yes, sir the Silverado is lovely, but the Impala is generally more to your people's liking..."? Maybe that's the root of the bad credit stereotype. Guys are trying to buy pickup trucks and the dealership is just like "Oh.... sorry. Credit denied. Maybe if you go for the Malibu..." By the time I was done I'd convinced myself. Pickup trucks are the vehicle of all racism in the United States. Come down here... you'll see black cowboys driving pickups with confederate flags and gun racks... Quote "Insanity - you make my world a better place man, you really do! That shit is awesome! :D" - Guzzi- My first challenge My battle Log: Insanity: Warrior Monk Honorary Ranger dubbed by DarK_RaideR, 1000 Pound club (875 of 1000) Link to comment
Mike_d85 Posted March 29, 2016 Report Share Posted March 29, 2016 20 hours ago, insanity said: Come down here... you'll see black cowboys driving pickups with confederate flags and gun racks... I'm from South Carolina and you just described home. I find it hilarious because it's the most ridiculous stereotype I've ever heard (I moved to Boston last April). Quote My Battle Log I'm on Strava for my running now. Check out Kick! too. You unlock gear with your progress on Strava. Link to comment
Mike_d85 Posted March 29, 2016 Report Share Posted March 29, 2016 Two goats were eating lunch in the junk yard. One goat came across a large reel of movie film left over from an old movie theatre. As the first goat ate the film, the second goat watched with much interest as it had never seen movie film before. When the first goat had finished eating all the film. The second asked "So, how did you like it?" to which the first goat replied "Not bad... but I liked the book better!" 4 Quote My Battle Log I'm on Strava for my running now. Check out Kick! too. You unlock gear with your progress on Strava. Link to comment
Guzzi Posted April 4, 2016 Report Share Posted April 4, 2016 Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change colour? He had a reptile dysfunction. 5 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Artinum Posted April 4, 2016 Report Share Posted April 4, 2016 A sheep walks into a baaa... 5 Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
Tanktimus the Encourager Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 6 hours ago, Artinum said: A sheep walks into a baaa... In South Boston they wouldn't get the joke. 4 Quote Current Challenge "By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 A dyslexic man walks into a bra... 3 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Mike_d85 Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 5 hours ago, Tomu-san said: A dyslexic man walks into a bra... The bartender says we have a "tab room to." The man just started shaking his head. 1 Quote My Battle Log I'm on Strava for my running now. Check out Kick! too. You unlock gear with your progress on Strava. Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. So he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop, and it takes forever. Then he goes to get her some flowers, but there's a long flower line at that shop. He waits for ages, but finally gets the flowers. Next he goes to rent a limo, but again, there's a long limo line at the rental office, but the boy is patient and finally rents the limo. The day of the prom arrives, and the boy puts on his tux, grabs the flowers and goes and picks up his girlfriend in the limo. They head to the prom and later the two are dancing happily and the girl is having a great time. When the music is over, the girl asks him to get her some punch. So he goes over to the punch table and there's no punch line. 7 1 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
wildross Posted April 6, 2016 Report Share Posted April 6, 2016 I'm from South Carolina and you just described home. I find it hilarious because it's the most ridiculous stereotype I've ever heard (I moved to Boston last April). I've seem duallies with ghetto rims and sound systems in the bed, dropped suspension Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk Quote Warriors don't count reps and sets. They count tons. My psychologist weighs 45 pounds, has an iron soul and sits on the end of a bar Tally Sheet for 2019 Encouragement for older members: Chronologically Blessed Group; Encouragement for newbie lifters: When we were weaker Link to comment
Luds Posted April 6, 2016 Report Share Posted April 6, 2016 23 hours ago, Tomu-san said: A dyslexic man walks into a bra... ... right after he sold his soul to Santa 2 Quote Remember that sensory deprivation causes hallucinations Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted April 6, 2016 Report Share Posted April 6, 2016 Two fish were in a tank. One was driving while the other worked the gun. 3 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Luds Posted April 6, 2016 Report Share Posted April 6, 2016 ..then two Wales walked into the same bar. One said: "Weeeeeeeuuu Ohhheeeeeeeuuuyyyyyyy uOOOOHHiiiYYYoou" The other: "You're drunk, Frank." 1 Quote Remember that sensory deprivation causes hallucinations Link to comment
Jittersthe.Clown Posted April 6, 2016 Report Share Posted April 6, 2016 I once read that drinking is bad for your health, so I quit ...reading. 3 Quote Level 2 Warforged Druid STR: 2, DEX: 1, STA: 3, CON: 3, WIS: 2, CHA: 3 "If these people tell this story to their children as they sleep; then maybe someday they'll see a hero is just a man who knows he is free." Good night and joy be to you all ~Jitters The. Clown Current Challange: New Challenges Ahead! Battle Log: Clowning around daily Past Challenges: Leveling Up PvP Jump Rope Boss Continue? System Failure Systems Online Calling Rush Confirm Reset Select World Select Difficulty, Select Character, Repairs, Press Start, First Timer, Jump Rope PVP Challenge Link to comment
Trewest Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 According to science, alcohol IS a solution 3 Quote "What doesn't kill me better start running", level 7 Furyan Assassin My Journey From Fat to Fit: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13|CURRENT A proud member of the Champion House; Targaryen (Assassin's mini), Hufflepuff bravery is forgetting to be afraid because the thing is so important that the risk doesn't even matter (Assassin's mini) , Hellfire Club represent! (Assassin's mini) Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 The doctor said to me, "I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is, your tests came back saying you only have one week to live." I said, "Crap! If that's the bad news, what's the worse news?" The doctor said, "Well, I forgot to call you last week..." 2 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Bob the Bardbarian Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 Guy sitting in a doctor's office. Doctor walks in: Doc: "I've got good news, and I've got bad news." Guy: "Screw it! Just give me the good news." Doc: "Okay, we're gonna name a disease after you." 1 Quote Level 4 | Character Sheet | Current Challenge | | Past Challenges | #1 | #2 | #3 | #4 | Educate - Entertain - Inspire Link to comment
Bob the Bardbarian Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 Nurse frantically runs into a doctor's office: Nurse: "Doctor! The man you gave a clean bill of health to, just dropped dead right outside our building!" Doctor: "Shit... Alright, turn him around. Make it look like he's walking in." 2 Quote Level 4 | Character Sheet | Current Challenge | | Past Challenges | #1 | #2 | #3 | #4 | Educate - Entertain - Inspire Link to comment
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