Mark D Posted January 29, 2017 Report Share Posted January 29, 2017 On 1/27/2017 at 9:30 AM, Tomu-san said: The Mexican magician said, "On the count of three, I will make myself disappear! Uno! Dos!" *POOF* And he vanished without a tres. Did you hear about the two Mexican gardeners who specialized in watering plants? Jose and Hose B. 3 Quote My character: https://www.nerdfitness.com/character/58572/ Current Challenge:http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/83683-mark-d-walks-up-to-a-barbell/ Previous Challenges: 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 7, 2017 Report Share Posted February 7, 2017 A neutron walks into a bar and asks "How much for a beer?" The bartender looks at him with a warm smile and says "For you, there's no charge." 4 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? 3 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Mark D Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 What's another word for Thesaurus? 5 Quote My character: https://www.nerdfitness.com/character/58572/ Current Challenge:http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/83683-mark-d-walks-up-to-a-barbell/ Previous Challenges: 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 Why is abbreviation such a long word? Why do you park in the driveway, but drive on the parkway? Why are a fat chance and a slim chance the same thing? 4 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Mark D Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 Can an employee be gruntled? What sadist decided to call it a lisp? 4 Quote My character: https://www.nerdfitness.com/character/58572/ Current Challenge:http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/83683-mark-d-walks-up-to-a-barbell/ Previous Challenges: 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 Grammar is important. Capitalisation is the difference between "helping your Uncle Jack off a horse" and "helping your uncle jack off a horse" 5 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Mark D Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 Commas are important too, they're the difference between "Let's eat, Grandma!" and "Let's eat Grandma!" 5 Quote My character: https://www.nerdfitness.com/character/58572/ Current Challenge:http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/83683-mark-d-walks-up-to-a-barbell/ Previous Challenges: 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Link to comment
Artinum Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 3 hours ago, Mark D said: Can an employee be gruntled? Yes! Gruntled is actually a word, even though Firefox's spellchecker thinks otherwise. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gruntle Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted February 9, 2017 Report Share Posted February 9, 2017 Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left 5 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Mark D Posted February 9, 2017 Report Share Posted February 9, 2017 What do you call explosive cow vomit? Cud missiles. 3 Quote My character: https://www.nerdfitness.com/character/58572/ Current Challenge:http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/83683-mark-d-walks-up-to-a-barbell/ Previous Challenges: 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted February 13, 2017 Report Share Posted February 13, 2017 Given a pizza with a radius of z and a height of a, the volume of the pizza can be expressed as pi*z*z*a. 5 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
CheshireCrab Posted February 13, 2017 Report Share Posted February 13, 2017 Remember to always pay your exorcist. Or you might get repossessed. 3 Quote Challenge Logs: Current Challenge | Fitocracy Profile | Photo Journal Crab Stats: Level 27 Ranger | Level 35 Fitocract | Level 100 Awesome Link to comment
Mark D Posted February 13, 2017 Report Share Posted February 13, 2017 A hypnotist is doing a show before a full theater. He takes out his pocket watch and begins swinging it back-and-forth, telling them "You are getting sleepy. You are totally receptive to what I tell you to do. You will now do whatever I tell you immediately." At this point the watch chain slips thru his fingers and falls to the floor, breaking the watch. The hypnotist blurts "Crap!". They had to tear down the theater. 5 Quote My character: https://www.nerdfitness.com/character/58572/ Current Challenge:http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/83683-mark-d-walks-up-to-a-barbell/ Previous Challenges: 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Link to comment
wildross Posted February 13, 2017 Report Share Posted February 13, 2017 A truly filthy joke. Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk 1 Quote Warriors don't count reps and sets. They count tons. My psychologist weighs 45 pounds, has an iron soul and sits on the end of a bar Tally Sheet for 2019 Encouragement for older members: Chronologically Blessed Group; Encouragement for newbie lifters: When we were weaker Link to comment
Jittersthe.Clown Posted February 13, 2017 Report Share Posted February 13, 2017 On 2/9/2017 at 8:25 AM, Tomu-san said: Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left And if there's only one left, someone is going to have to share 3 Quote Level 2 Warforged Druid STR: 2, DEX: 1, STA: 3, CON: 3, WIS: 2, CHA: 3 "If these people tell this story to their children as they sleep; then maybe someday they'll see a hero is just a man who knows he is free." Good night and joy be to you all ~Jitters The. Clown Current Challange: New Challenges Ahead! Battle Log: Clowning around daily Past Challenges: Leveling Up PvP Jump Rope Boss Continue? System Failure Systems Online Calling Rush Confirm Reset Select World Select Difficulty, Select Character, Repairs, Press Start, First Timer, Jump Rope PVP Challenge Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 15, 2017 Report Share Posted February 15, 2017 Movie plots explained badly The Shining: a family's first Airbnb experience goes very wrong The Lord of the Rings: group spends 9 hours returning jewellery Titanic: everyone tries the Ice Bucket Challenge Beauty and the Beast: Stockholm syndrome works The Chronicles of Narmia: kid comes out of the closet 3 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 15, 2017 Report Share Posted February 15, 2017 A man goes to see his pastor... "What can I do for you my son?" asked the pastor. "I'm very worried about my hearing, could you pray for me?" replied the man. The pastor put his hands on the man's ears, closed his eyes and began to pray. When he was done he smiled and asked the man "How is your hearing now?" "I don't know," said the man "It's not until next Tuesday" 4 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Mark D Posted February 17, 2017 Report Share Posted February 17, 2017 A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He announces "I'm going to put this alligator on the bar, drop my pants, place my genitals in the alligator's mouth, and he will close his mouth on them. Then when he opens his mouth you'll see that I'm unharmed. In return, I ask that you all buy me a beer." He then proceeds to lower his pants, place his genitals in the 'gator's mouth, and the gator closes his mouth. After a few minutes he taps the 'gator on the head with a beer bottle, the gator opens his mouth and the man removes his genitals unharmed. He then says "Would anyone else like to give it a try? Anyone?" Finally a woman at the end of the bar says "I'll do it, but please don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle." 3 Quote My character: https://www.nerdfitness.com/character/58572/ Current Challenge:http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/83683-mark-d-walks-up-to-a-barbell/ Previous Challenges: 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted February 21, 2017 Report Share Posted February 21, 2017 I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey. But I turned myself around. 4 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 28, 2017 Report Share Posted February 28, 2017 What's transparent and smells like worms? A birds fart. 2 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 28, 2017 Report Share Posted February 28, 2017 Husband - Hey honey, do you fancy going for a walk? Wife - That would be lovely! Husband - Great, can you get me some beer and cigarettes on the way back? 1 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 28, 2017 Report Share Posted February 28, 2017 Never assume that every disheveled, unkempt man you see is homeless. It's could be that he lives in a house with a wife and three daughters. And only one bathroom. 3 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Guzzi Posted March 1, 2017 Report Share Posted March 1, 2017 If someone asks you to spell "part" backwards don't do it, it's a trap! 4 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Guzzi Posted March 1, 2017 Report Share Posted March 1, 2017 Ah, synonym rolls! Just like grammar used to make. 5 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
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