Anyone Know How to Wake the Dead?

[Ba'sini'on]

I love my family, but they are some of the laziest people I've known. I really want them to get in shape and get better habits, and not waste everyday in front of the t.v., computer, or Nook. I've already resigned myself to the fact that my mom and dad won't be getting out of their rut, but I at least have a chance with my sister.

 

I'm more worried about her anyways, she has gotten a lot bigger compared to what she looked like when she went to college. And since she has Bronchitis, I've already noticed her struggling with breathing. The pants she wears when we go out are way to tight for her, which she tries to hide it with baggy shirts. Everyday she sits at her desk or on her bed on her computer. She sleeps in late, sometimes till 2 p.m.! And when she eats it's loaded with carbs. Her favorite meal is two ramen packets, with three pieces of bread. And I've caught her raiding the fridge late at night. She also doesn't drink water, only soda, or Crystal Light lemonade (which she claims is just sweetened water, I don't think it is when you put half a packet in one quart jar!).

 

She at one time joined me on eating clean but didn't last two days. And she DVR some Yoga and a Power Sculpting program but never does it. I've tried getting her to join me on walks, but she always says it's either to hot or she's to tired.

 

Anyone have any advice?

[Omega v1.1]

I would think that there are fundamentally two big problems with trying to get someone else to exercise or change bad habits.

Firstly, they have to want to do it themselves. No matter how much you tell your sister that she needs to move more, eat better etc, and no matter how many half-arsed attempts she makes to change, unless she actually wants to do it she'll never follow through. Speaking personally, it wasn't until I had real concrete motivation for getting into shape that I had any success with it as before I just didn't care enough about it and its probably the same with your sister. Sure, she might know deep down that she could be living a healthier, less lazy lifestyle, but that takes a lot more hard work than just sticking with what she's currently doing and ,without good motivation, why bother?

Secondly, there are so many obstacles, most imaginary but a few real, to getting into the habits and routines necessary to see any fruits of your hard work and it just takes one slight knock and you can so easily fall back into your old comfortable bad habits. As humans we are innately programmed to see things that confirm our own opinions and biases so all it takes is one small set back for us to confirm to ourselves that we should give up. Chances are that your sister is very sensitive about her gain in size so all it would take is just one hurtful comment from a stranger, or even just the fear of possibly receiving a hurtful comment, for her to decide that she'd be much happier staying indoors in front of the tv. And it's the same with her excuses for not going out walking- deep down she doesn't want to go out so she finds the smallest vaguely plausible excuse not to go, it's too hot, and bam, she has a reason not to do it. It doesn't matter her bad the excuse it, she has one and she's sticking with it.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't bother trying to get her healthy, (I mean everybody who is posting on these boards is testament to the fact that we can overcome obstacles if we're determined enough) just these are two problems that you'll need to work around if you want some chance at success. You need to work out how to motivate her enough so that she actually wants to get fit and then help her get past those obstacles and petty excuses that we all like to use to justify taking the easy path when we should be taking the harder but more rewarding one.

I'd recommend looking over Steve's article on the 15 common mistakes that newbies make but read it looking at your sister rather than yourself. If you can identify any possible bad habits that she may have, then you can work on arguing around them when you next try to give her a pep-talk by preparing for her excuses in advance. If you can second guess all her excuses, you never know, she might give up and realise that the easier path for her would be just to go out and walk with you rather than engaging in an argument that she has no chance of winning!

[Anamal]

I agree with Etchi, the motivation really has to come from within, which sucks if you see someone you care about not being as healthy as you want them to be. In some ways my sister is the same way. She had some health issues in high school and due to inactivity and problems with her diet gained a significant amount of weight. The sad thing is she now believes that she's always been fat, although that's not at all true. For her, I think resolving her diet would help her a lot because in some ways she's already very active.

 

Tim Ferris (author of the 4 Hour Work Week, and later the 4 Hour Body) has an interesting interview with Chris Hardwick on the Nerdist podcast (you should listen to it). He talks about how he was really fit in college, and friends would want him to train them, and he would absolutely kill them the first day at the gym, and they would never come back. He realized that a diet/exercise program that produces 80% of the results, and you actually stick to is far better than a diet program that will get you 100% results if you quit after one day. What I'm saying is, maybe just tackle one very small thing with your sister. Like, walk 10mins four days a week. No, its not a lot, but once she sees that she can do it and it becomes habit, she'll likely do more, and by having that small win, she won't feel overwhelmed. Or maybe substitute 1 packet of Ramen for 2 cups broccoli.

 

I think your best bet is to slowly (verrrry slowly) implement 1 change at a time that moves her towards a healthier life style. Slow progress is better than no progress.

[katpower]

Get her a Wii, and some good jumping/dancing around games? Accidental exercise is better than none at all... And once those endorphins start flowing, maybe she'll get inspired to seek them out.

[Ba'sini'on]

*sigh* I kind of knew that. Part of my problem is when I leave for the Marines, she is most likely going to take care of the livestock. She is already lazy when it comes to feeding the dogs, and it's more physical labor to ensure the horses, goats, and llamas are taken care of. I'm just worried that she'll try to cut corners. That's why I was hoping to encourage her to get active.

 

The only thing that will get her out of the room is if her computer...had an accident   Anyone know how to send a super virus?

 

katpower: I have asked her everyday if she wanted to go on walks with me, no such luck. And she doesn't play video games.

 

I'll keep trying though!

[Guest Dirty Deads]

Send her here. We'll try to keep her on track while you're away. It is sometimes hard to take advice or anything of the sort from a  family member without feeling judged. Here, she can be whomever she wants and fight the battle her way with backup just a login away.

[Ba'sini'on]

I asked, although she is a big PC and foreign tv/movie Nerd she says NF isn't for her.

[Teros]

i had the same issue with my g/f and it felt like I was hitting my head against a brick wall(for years). Everyone is different but what made the switch happen was a huge arguement I got into with her.  I asked why we havn't done anything and she brought up another excuse and I called her out on her b.s.  I told her that all she has is excuses for why she can't give a s**t about her life.  Last week it was ____. The week before it was _____.  Every other time it's _____. And I'm f**king sick of all these weak stupid excuses so she can go f**k herself.  If she doesn't care about herself, then why I should care about her; so she can grow old, alone, and die in a hospital like her overweight father.

 

 

Yes, it's extreme but the next day she signed up to a gym; goes 2-3 times a week and couldn't be happier.  And there are other facets that have improved too.  Mabe my case was a rarity or something; but the burden needs to be on THEM.  They need to want to fix their life.  They need to care about themselves; or else they are going to lose anything they care about.

 

 

Even if it's 40 pounds or something- it still is an overall matter of life and death.  The more overweight and the longer it stays, the sooner medical problems start coming up; and the shorter the life expectancy. 

 

I wouldn't say 'guilt' her into it; but it's kind of like when you have a good idea and it gets ignored....but then a week later a person has the EXACT SAME IDEA and they thought of it, so they do it.   -Inception-

 

 

"I ask you every day if you want to go on walks with me and you always shoot me down.  I love you, I care about you, and I want to make sure you're as healthy as possible because I don't want to lose you."

[Anamal]

Here are just a few brainstorming ideas to try:

 

- Monetary challenge: Either every time she works out she gets X amount of cash, or if she doesn't drop weight she has to pay you. Money can also be substituted for other rewards like clothes, activities, but ideally not food.

- Family weight loss challenge: who can lose a greater % of their body fat by end of summer.

- Walk 3x a week for the next month (at least 10mins each time) and she gets a reward.

- I know those "success stories" are really motivational for me, especially when their before picture is very similar to mine, or they're a similar age/person to me.

- You could follow terosx and guilt trip her, although to me, this might be more crushing and result in a "you're right I'll always be fat" backlash so be careful there.

- Have you tried just honestly asking her why she treats her body the way she does? It could be more underlying and emotional that leads to this kind of apathy.

- Put her in a situation/environment where she can see fit people and be inspired on her own. Yes, I realize this requires getting her out of the house, but this is another thing that has worked for me. Especially if whatever event you go to is fun, and you look around at the fit people and go "wow, I'd like to lean out to get to be better at X activity"

- If she is really hesitant to exercise in public (something that a lot of women fear due to the potential to being watched/seen) find her a easy gradually increasing up program she can do at home, and then do it with her. That might even get your parents involved.

- You could just annoy her and tell her the only way you'll stop doing these annoying things are if she does some working out, or an easy diet change (of course you might get punched).

 

I hope some of these are helpful! I'm just sort of throwing out whatever I can think of. I would say the biggest thing is to start small and be super supportive. My sister is working to lose weight now and resolve some health issues, so whenever she mentions that she's gone running or does laps in the pool I make sure to tell her that I'm proud and she's doing awesome. I also encourage the idea that whatever gets you moving is the best plan for you. My sister loves swing dance (and I have no musical coordination) but it makes her happy, it gets her moving, and its her life/body. Also, when she comes to visit me, I make a point to eat a really solid diet and hope that she can sort of learn from example.

[Teros]

I second the 'fun' part.  I hated walking but I love using a shovelglove/sledgehammer.  If it's fun enough to do a little bit; that might be the push to continue with the activity once some results show/feel.  And I didn't mean to guilt her into a 'always be fat' kind of way.  I just mean to explain that you want her to be with you as long as possible- which means better health.

[Ba'sini'on]

^

When I read what you said to you gf I thought, "Woah! That was harsh, I like it!" That's my personality, if pushing, hinting, or encouraging doesn't work I will do tough love. As it is my dad has been asking me to take her on my workouts. And I keep telling him, "I'm her little sister, everything that comes out of my mouth just goes over her head. Your the dad, why haven't you told her your scared for her health?" My dad doesn't like to rock boats, and my mom won't do anything until it smacks her in the face.

 

AwkwardActive- LOL my nana offered her $100 for every 5 lb. she lost! Heck I lost 15lb. and she still said I'm overweight *grumble grumble* Anyways, that doesn't seem to be motivating my sis to do anything.

 

I asked her once if she wanted to lose weight, and she said she did but later on when it gets warmer. You know it's summer right now? What are you waiting for Cranky Princess?!

 

She wouldn't want to workout with others the way she is now. But she had success when she was staying at my nana's house. But even I wouldn't want to inflict that emotional roller coaster on her!

 

I like the idea of annoying her, I'm good at it and her punches are weak, hehehe!

 

terosx-.....she does LOVE to smash things.....

[Guest Dirty Deads]

Looks like you may have to initiate a diet change first. Maybe she won't exercise, but maybe she'll commit to eating a little better. Something to build on.

[Ba'sini'on]

^

Good idea! I'll try that.

 

Wish me luck, my mom is going on a walk with me tomorrow morning, and I'm going to ask my sis in the afternoon. I might go for the hard truth with her, "Sis, your overweight." I won't say it like that but you get my drift.

[MissMormie]

To me all your attempts read like constant pestering about something she knows isn't good for her. Reiterating this constantly would have the opposite effect on me. I'd not exercise out if spite. Or because someobe just mentioning that i need to exercise can break down whatever self esteem i might have at that time. In both cases asking to go for a walk daily would be counterproductive. Maybe it's the same for your sister?

I'd have a serious, private convo with her once explaining how you feel and letting her know that whenever she's wants to change things you'll be there for her. Other than that it is her choice.

[Cruella T'Kill]

Maybe approach it from another angle.  Instead of focusing on losing weight or getting slim, make it all about being healthy.  The phrase "losing weight" makes a person focus on the fact that they are fat in the first place; it's kind of like looking back and having to undo the bad stuff you've done to yourself.    "Getting healthy" makes me think more of the future.  Being healthy means living longer and enjoying a better quality of life.  

 

It seems like a small and silly thing, but it's surprising how using different words can re-shape the meaning of something.

[Anamal]

Maybe approach it from another angle.  Instead of focusing on losing weight or getting slim, make it all about being healthy.  The phrase "losing weight" makes a person focus on the fact that they are fat in the first place; it's kind of like looking back and having to undo the bad stuff you've done to yourself.    "Getting healthy" makes me think more of the future.  Being healthy means living longer and enjoying a better quality of life.  

 

It seems like a small and silly thing, but it's surprising how using different words can re-shape the meaning of something.

I actually think this is a really good idea! You're right, since I've started eating better I'm definitely healthier, and I'm probably also thinner, but at the same time my weight hasn't changed that much. Plus, say your sister never gets down to the idea 20-25% body fat, but she's walking more, eating better and generally happier. You can definitely be healthier without being thinner. Even if she's still a little (or maybe a good amount) over weight, she'll be healthier and live longer as a result. And then the weight is something she can tackle on her own, and being happier and more active will likely in some ways take care of the weight issue on its own, even if it takes a long time.